Behind the Tears (Behind the Lives)

by Hansen, Marita A.

  “Do you want Tyler to have Corey?”

  Sledge looked up. “No!”

  “That was a loud no.”

  “Well, I don’t.”

  “Then don’t let Corey push you away or around. He’s too upset to see sense now, but come back tomorrow, maybe he’ll have calmed down by then. And have a think ’bout what you wanna say to him, how you want things to proceed. Fight for your friendship, make him see what he’s pushing away.”

  “I’m not good with words.”

  “You’ll think of something, cos I can see how much you care. As his mother, that makes me feel good that he has someone who loves him as much as you do. Whether it’s platonic or not, it’s still love. Make Corey see that.”

  Sledge wiped his face and nodded, then looked to his left as Naf hurried towards them, the clomp of his boots loud.

  “Is Corey alright?” Naf asked as he came to a stop in front of them.

  “Yes, he’s awake,” Sledge answered.

  Naf blew out a breath, his face relieved for a few seconds before going dark. “Aroha’s awake and you’re not gonna believe what she said.”

  Sledge got to his feet. “What?”

  “She wouldn’t stop crying and babbling on about your stepdad trying to kill Juliet and wanting to rape Ash.”

  Sledge’s hand shook as he pulled out his phone and rang Juliet. He’d had no idea how much danger she’d been in, just assumed it had been all about Ash.

  His sister picked up on the third ring. “Sledge?”

  “Did Chaz hurt you?” he asked.

  “No, I got away.”

  “Have the pigs mentioned anything ’bout Ash?”

  “No, but they have Chaz’s licence plate.”

  “Ring me as soon as you hear anymore.”

  “Will do.”

  “And Juliet...”

  “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry for what happened between Corey and you.”

  “Really?” she said, the sob in her voice making him feel like a complete and utter bastard for treating her so badly.

  “Yeah, and I’ll make it up to you. I love you, sis.”

  “I love you too, Tyson.”

  He smiled sadly, not having heard her use his birth name in years. He said bye, then hung up, his gaze moving to Naf’s concerned face.

  “What’s happening, Sledge?” Naf asked.

  “What Aroha said is true.”

  “Eh?”

  “My stepfather raped Ash when my bro wuz fifteen.”

  “You’re shitting me?”

  “I wish I were.”

  29

  Ash

  Ash’s eyelids refused to open, and he didn’t want them to either. His body felt like it was in a cocoon: warm and safe, a place he wished he could stay forever. No, someone was holding him in a tight embrace, protecting him. He thought of Tiana as lips pressed into his hair, then his forehead. He snuggled in closer, wanting the comfort, the love he felt from her. Soft kisses landed on his eyelids, along with murmurs that he was beautiful, the voice not belonging to Tiana. Panic rose through him, then was instantly snuffed out as a wave of dizziness swept through his mind, robbing him of his fears as well as consciousness.

  Something clanged, jolting him awake. He opened his eyes, finding himself lying on a bed alone, with only darkness embracing him. His shoulders ached as well as his arms, which were stuck underneath him, pressing into his back. He rolled onto his side to free them, but found them tied together, the rope itching his wrists. Confused, he looked down his body, his eyes adjusting enough to see he was clad in a T-shirt and underwear. He pulled his legs up, dumbfounded when he realised they were tied too, and... What the fuck? He wriggled about, wondering whether he was imagining things, because there was a fucking chain around his waist.

  More clanging noises filled the house, sounding like pots and pans being jostled about. Ash’s gaze moved to a thin strip of light coming from the doorway, drawing a line across the floor like one of Beth’s ribbons left lying about. He stared at it for a while, trying to work out how he’d gotten here. He couldn’t remember past Aroha answering Tiana’s door. Though, he didn’t understand why she’d been there, because his ex... No, he meant his woman... didn’t associate with that creepy bird.

  When everything went quiet again, he rolled his legs over the side of the bed then pushed to his feet. A wave of dizziness swept through him, making him fall back onto the mattress. He lay still for a moment, feeling like he had no bones in his body, only aching muscles.

  The door pushed open, instantly capturing his attention, along with the smell of fish and chips, something he hated because it reminded him of...

  Chaz!

  Recognising his stepfather, Ash let out a startled shout, then quickly rolled over to the other side of the bed, using it as a barrier between him and his nightmare.

  “You can’t be real,” Ash said, staring in disbelief.

  “Oh, I’m definitely real,” his stepfather replied, switching on the light. Dressed in jeans and a black jumper, Chaz was holding a plate of food and a bottle of beer. He placed them on the cabinet under the window, then headed around the bed to Ash.

  Ash hopped backwards, his tied legs making it difficult to move. “Stay away from me!”

  Chaz stopped and held out a hand. “Don’t be afraid, I’m not gonna hurt you.”

  “Liar!” Anger rose through Ash, quelling his fears. He lurched at Chaz, wanting to head-butt him, but instead got shoved onto the mattress. He tried to get up, but his body flailed about uselessly as Chaz held onto his shoulders.

  “Don’t fuckin’ touch me!” Ash screamed, trying to get free.

  Chaz let go and backed away, holding his hands up high as though Ash had a gun pointed at him. “Look, no touching, you’re safe.”

  Ash started yelling, “Help!” as loud as he could.

  “No one will here you. We’re near Waipoua Forest,” Chaz said, taking a step forward.

  Ash hollered, “Back off!” as he struggled to his feet, thinking, this couldn’t be real, it couldn’t be happening again...

  With his hands still in the air, Chaz took another step forward. “Calm down, boy, I told ja I’m not gonna hurt you.”

  ...but it was real, and Chaz was going to...

  Ash lunged at Chaz again, but tripped over his tied feet, knocking his stepfather into the standalone wardrobe, its mirror cracking on impact. Chaz grabbed him around the waist and tackled him onto the bed, shouting at Ash to stop. Ash struck out with his head, catching Chaz on the cheek. His stepfather hollered, but still remained on top, the feel of the man’s body causing Ash to buck like a crazed animal desperate to shake off its predator.

  Chaz shoved Ash onto his front, making Ash cry out, his mind now swamped with terror. He was fifteen again, and unable to stop what was coming, his stepfather’s hard cock ready to penetrate him.

  “No!!” Ash screamed.

  Chaz grabbed his hair and yanked it back. “Shut the fuck up!”

  “Get offa me, get offa me!”

  “Not until you stop this crazy shit!”

  Ash started swearing and yelling, throwing everything he had at Chaz as he continued to buck and jerk underneath his stepfather, not caring as his hair got pulled more.

  Chaz placed his mouth next to Ash’s ear, and yelled, “SHUT UP!”

  Wincing, Ash pushed his face into the mattress, the shout hurting more than his hair getting pulled.

  “Thank Christ for that,” Chaz said, breathing heavily. “Man, you’re a strong bugger.”

  “Get offa me,” Ash said, his voice muffled by the mattress.

  “Not until you promise not to attack me again.”

  Ash lifted his head. “I wanna kill you!”

  “Then I guess I ain’t moving until you change your shit attitude.” Chaz pressed his crotch into Ash. “Now promise me!”

  “I won’t attack you, I won’t,” Ash blurted out, the feel of Chaz’s cock making him say anything to get f
ree. “Please get offa me, please, I’m not your fuck toy.”

  Letting go of Ash, Chaz pushed off him, then walked around to the other side of the room. “I never thought of you as one,” he said, looking uncomfortable.

  Ash rolled on his side, too wiped out to attack again whether he wanted to or not, the dizziness from earlier brushing his mind again along with a tightness squeezing his lungs. “You’re a liar. You...” He forced out a yawn, the only way he could release the pressure from his chest when he had breathing problems. “Y-You were ... hard.”

  Chaz pulled a face. “I couldn’t help that, you were fuckin’ wriggling under me, but I’m not making the same mistake twice, cos I don’t wanna rape you.”

  Ash pushed out another breath. “Then why am I like this?” he said, shaking his bound arms.

  “Cos I knew you’d attack me.”

  Ash yawned again, the pressure in his chest finally calming down. “Then why bring me here?”

  “I wanna make things up to you so we can be a family again.”

  “By kidnapping and tying me up?”

  “You wouldn’t have come otherwise.”

  “Cos you murdered my mother!”

  “I didn’t murder her, I was defending myself; I had no choice.”

  “She wuz defending me and Dante!”

  Chaz ran a hand over his face. “I know I stuffed up with you, but I couldn’t help it, I needed you. Fuck, it was so bloody hard to keep my hands to myself with you around me every day; I thought I could just have that one night without anyone finding out. How the hell was I s’posed to know your mother would come home a day early?”

  “I wuz a kid!” Ash said, pushing to his feet. “You shouldn’t have touched me.”

  “I fuckin’ know that, but you didn’t look like one.” Chaz raised his hands to his head. “I’m sorry, but I tried, I really did.”

  “I trusted you!”

  “I said sorry, what else can I do?”

  “Lemme go.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  “You said you’d do anything for me.”

  “But I need you.”

  “No you don’t!”

  “Yes I do, you’re mine.”

  “I’m not yours!”

  “Yes you are! And you don’t have a say in this, so shut the fuck up or I’ll make you!”

  “You just said you wouldn’t hurt me, now you’re threatening me. You’re a bull-faced liar!”

  Chaz’s features screwed up as though Ash had caused him pain. “Listen to me, I’m not gonna hurt you. I could’ve killed you by now if I wanted to, but I could never do that to you, cos you mean everything to me. Just thinking about you got me through prison, knowing that when I got out we would be together again.”

  “You’re fucked in the head.”

  “Maybe, but I know if you just gimme a chance we could work things out.”

  “No! I hate you.”

  “Please, just gimme a chance—”

  “I gave you a chance ten years ago and you raped me!”

  “I didn’t mean to.”

  “Yes, you did! This is why you’ve brought me here now, so you can do it again. Well, I ain’t gonna let you. I’ll rip off your dick and shove it down your throat if you put it anywhere near me, you sick fuckin’ paedo!”

  “I’m not a paedo! I want you now, so I can’t be.” Chaz pointed a finger at him. “And I went to prison for you!”

  “You went to prison cos you’re a rapist and a murderer, and I hope they fucked you up bad in there.”

  Chaz took a step around the bed, his expression now vicious. “I wouldn’t mouth off if I was you, boy, cos you’re not exactly in a position to say that shit and get away with it. So, you’re gonna learn to love me or else I’ll make you fuckin’ pay for everything that was done to me in prison.”

  “You hurt me! I didn’t hurt you!”

  “Bullshit! I lost everything cos of you.”

  “I’m the one who lost everything, not you! You killed my mother, my family wuz split up, and I almost committed suicide. So, don’t fling your shit at me!”

  “You tried to kill yourself?” Chaz said, looking shocked.

  Ash’s brows knitted together at the memory of the pact he’d made with Llewellyn Davies, another moment from his past he wished he could rewrite. They both had been hurting so bad, that all they’d wanted to do was to escape the pain that had been inflicted upon them—something he wished he could do now.

  “Oh God, I’m so sorry, Ash,” Chaz said heading for him again.

  “Back off!”

  Chaz stopped at the foot of the bed. “Calm down, I was only gonna hug you.”

  “I don’t want you touching me, let alone near me!”

  “You slept in my arms earlier, and nuthin’ happened—”

  “I what?” Ash said, horrified.

  “I wanted to hold you, and I didn’t touch you below, plus you seemed to like it. You snuggled right into me. It was lovely holding you like that.”

  Ash felt like throwing up, the thought that he’d felt safe in the arms of his mother’s killer and his rapist horrifying him, because he remembered the arms that had held him and the lips that had kissed his hair, his forehead and his eyelids. He wanted to stop thinking, to not allow the image to form in his mind. Although he hadn’t been aware of what he’d been doing, he felt like he’d betrayed his mother. He didn’t think he could hate Chaz even more than he already had, but right at this moment he did. And Chaz would do the same thing to him again in a heartbeat, because all the man cared about was his sick perverted fantasies—not him.

  Ash lowered his head, wishing he could at least unbind his feet so he could propel forward faster, but if he launched himself hard enough he would still reach his target.

  Chaz pointed a finger at Ash. “Don’t even think about attacking me again, cos you’re not only chained to that bed, you’re chained to me: you’d die out here without me.”

  “Good!” Before Ash could think things through, he launched himself at the wardrobe, ramming his head into the mirror door. He fell backwards, Chaz’s shocked cry cutting off as Ash lost consciousness.

  30

  Dante

  “Everyone’s been looking for you, Son.”

  Dante jolted awake. Disorientated, he sat up, gradually focusing on the tall figure above him. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, wondering whether he was dreaming.

  His father squatted down in front of him, the tattooed lines of his full-faced moko blurred by the night. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you, then I remembered this old tree. You always came here when you thought you were in trouble.”

  “Then I should be living here permanently.” Dante wiped the side of his face, brushing off grit. It had been light when he’d arrived at the beach, the walk taking hours. Although he knew he shouldn’t have returned to Claydon, that it was a stupid thing to do, he couldn’t think of anywhere else to go, because there was no way he was heading to Craven’s like Ash had wanted. No doubt the boss would shelter him, but he’d rather be stripped naked and marched down Queen Street with a tickertape parade than ask for help from that bastard, because there was always strings attached with the boss—nothing was free, and everything cost more than money could buy.

  “Did Juliet call you?” Dante asked, pulling his hoodie over his head. With the night, came a chill air, the sea breeze biting. “She always did like to dob on me.”

  His father sat down next to him. “Sledge rang first. He told me ’bout the murder—”

  “I didn’t kill Len!”

  “Oi! I know that, so don’t jump down my throat.”

  Dante glanced out over the dark expanse of the Manukau Harbour, the water looking like slick oil under the moonlight. “Ash didn’t believe me, but at least he didn’t cut me out.” He sniffed. “I s’pose I should be grateful for that at least.”

  His father let out a long sigh, like he was expelling his demons, which he had plenty of, his past a basket case of
mistakes and misery. “Chaz killed Len,” he finally said.

  “What?!” Dante’s head snapped around.

  “A neighbour saw him enter the property.”

  “Jesus, I should’ve realised it would be that sick fuck.” But then again, he’d been too off his head with all the shit that had gone down to think about Chaz, the possibility of going to jail and what he’d done to Beth overpowering his mind. He breathed out, wondering whether Ash had been told, the thought that Chaz had been near his brother making him feel ill. “Does Ash know?”

  “That’s why I’m here, Son.” His father paused. “Chaz has Ash.”

  Dante heard the words, but they didn’t click together, the pieces shaped too differently to fit. “What do ya mean?”

  “Chaz kidnapped Ash.”

  Dante shook his head, the slow buzz of insanity growling in his mind, rearing to be let out with the wrong answer, because it was just fucking impossible! “Chaz can’t have Ash, cos Juliet dropped him off at Tiana’s.”

  “Juliet went back after you jumped out of the car. Chaz tried to grab her too, but she got away—”

  “She’s wrong!” Dante jumped to his feet, not accepting any of this shit, because it couldn’t be true. Ash wasn’t a kid anymore, which meant that Chaz wouldn’t be interested in him. Then why was he watching their house?

  His father rose slowly, his large shoulders hunching forward. “The police said Ash wuz drugged. They found it in some coffee.”

  Drugged, like the last time. Dante shook his head, not wanting to hear anymore, but his father continued, trying to drum it in that this was real. But Dante already knew it was, because it was like a sick rerun of the year 2000, when he’d walked in on Chaz raping Ash. The shock at seeing Chaz on top of what looked like his brother’s lifeless form had made Dante scream... like now. Dante put his hands over his ears, and fucking screamed, letting everything come out all at once.

  The image of Chaz fucking Ash changed to one of Dante fucking Beth. He’d hurt her like Chaz had hurt Ash, just taken what he’d wanted, not caring until it was too late. He was as bad as Chaz, a sick fucking rapist, forcing himself onto someone. He couldn’t believe he’d screwed her like that, not hearing her screams until it was too late, and he’d come, fucking come while she was in pain. How could he do that after what he’d seen, after knowing how those things ruined people’s lives? He didn’t understand it, hated it, but he always wanted to push inside roughly, to just take what he wanted. It was why most women left him: they were scared—and he was scared too, because he knew what he was capable of doing.