Behind the Tears (Behind the Lives)

by Hansen, Marita A.

“Then kiss me on the lips.”

  “But they’re split.”

  “Kiss me softly.”

  Sledge fidgeted about. “I’m not in the mood.”

  Corey let go of Sledge’s hand. “Well, get in the mood, cos I need proof you aren’t bullshitting me.”

  “Fuck, you’re pushy. Didja do the same to Juliet?”

  “No, so kiss me.”

  Sledge breathed in, then leaned over and kissed Corey. Corey’s hand whipped out and grabbed his neck, holding him tight when he tried to pull back. Giving in, he slowly relaxed into the kiss, though he was afraid he was hurting Corey, because his mate was moaning. After one too many moans, he took a hold of Corey’s hand and pried it off his neck.

  Corey looked upset. “Why’d ja stop? Didn’t you like it?”

  “You were moaning. I thought I wuz hurting you.”

  Corey shook his head. “You really are clueless.”

  “What’s that s’posed to mean?”

  “I liked it, stupid, plus I wuz rubbing my cock while we kissed.”

  Sledge’s eyes shot down to Corey’s crotch, and the noticeable mound beneath the bedcover. “Fuck! You dirty li’l pervert.”

  Corey smiled. “What didja expect, you’re hot?”

  “You need glasses.”

  “Nah, you need glasses. So, didja like the kiss?”

  “Not sure, I wuz more worried ’bout hurting you.”

  Corey’s eyes dropped to Sledge’s crotch, then moved back up to his face. “You didn’t like it?” he said, looking upset.

  “I didn’t say that, but I liked it more at Tyler’s,” Sledge added, hoping that would satisfy Corey. “And it’s not exactly good kissing you when you’ve got a split lip.”

  Corey’s face lit up. “I knew you liked it at Tyler’s.”

  “Yeah, I just didn’t wanna admit it.”

  “So, can we do it again?”

  “Another time.”

  “Then wank me off instead.”

  “No! I told you I wouldn’t do that.”

  Corey smiled. “It wuz worth a try.”

  Sledge shook his head. “You’re gonna cause me a shitload of trouble, aren’t cha?”

  Corey’s smile widened. “Most-fuckin’-definitely.”

  32

  Ash

  Ash came to, his head yelling at him for waking up. He went to touch it, but found his arms tied to the top of the bed, the pull on his shoulders aching.

  A hand brushed his cheek, followed by his stepfather’s relieved voice. “You scared the shit outta me, don’t ever fuckin’ do that again.”

  Ash closed his eyes and shook his head, the hopelessness of the situation making him tremble.

  “Everything will work out, love,” Chaz said.

  “Don’t call me love. You used to call my mum that.” The thought of his mother made him tremble more, the nightmare he’d lived with for the past ten years too much to handle. He’d thought he was stronger than this, but tied to a bed, defenceless, unable to even put an end to his life, made him feel like a scared kid again. Fuck, he was weak, which was probably why Chaz had gone after him, because Dante would never have fallen for Chaz’s lies.

  Chaz tucked a blanket around Ash’s body. “Take it easy, you’re in shock. You’ve got a nasty bruise on your forehead, it’s just lucky you didn’t cut yourself on the mirror.”

  “If I wuz lucky I’d be dead.”

  “Don’t say shit like that.”

  “Why not?” Ash remembered what Aroha had said, along with the fact that she’d helped Chaz. “The world would be better off without me.”

  “No, it wouldn’t.”

  “If I wuzn’t born my mother would still be alive. You killed her cos of me.” Ash went to move his legs, but realised they were tied up too. A sob broke out, the sound too unreal to be coming from him. “Just kill me, please just kill me.”

  “Christ, Ash, stop being stupid, there’s no way I’m gonna kill you.”

  Ash opened his eyes and looked up at Chaz’s upset expression. “Please.”

  “No.”

  Chaz placed a hand on Ash’s stomach, making him wish it was a knife slicing through his flesh. He wasn’t afraid of death, hadn’t been for a long time. Instead, he was afraid of living, although Angelo and Tiana had made that worth it. But if he got snuffed out today, they would go on without him like they had for the past year. Maybe it was good that Tiana had left him, because, even though they were working things out, she wouldn’t hurt so much if he died.

  “I can’t live like this,” Ash said. “Either kill me or lemme go.”

  Chaz leaned forward, brushing Ash’s hair to the side, the contact making Ash want to scream and yell at his stepfather, but he couldn’t even flinch, everything too much. He’d always tried to be strong, to show people it wasn’t worth going up against him, but with Chaz he felt like that fifteen-year-old kid who’d woken up in hospital to find out his mother had been killed and he’d been raped. Scared and full of guilt, he’d almost taken his life, wanting to escape what Chaz had done to him and continued to do in his dreams, but now he was reliving it for real, although this time he was wide awake and with no drugs to shield his mind.

  “Please do sumpthin, anything,” Ash begged.

  Chaz reached into his pocket and pulled out a knife, flicking it open. Feeling nothing but relief, Ash closed his eyes. He didn’t care how Chaz killed him, just wanted it to be quick. He felt a tug on his arms, then they were moved in front of him, although his wrists were still tied together. Surprised, he opened his eyes and watched as Chaz used the knife to release his legs from the bed, but like his wrists, they were tied too—nothing different from when he’d launched himself at the wardrobe.

  “There, I’ve done something,” Chaz said. “But this is as far as it goes, cos I’m never giving you up. And if it means I hafta restrain you for the rest of your life, so be it. You’re mine, get used to it.”

  “I’m not your fuckin’ pet!”

  “I didn’t say you were.”

  “Then untie me.”

  Chaz shook his head. “I can’t.” He pointed to the cabinet, “There’s your breakfast, it’s leftovers from dinner,” then left the room, closing the door behind him.

  Ash rolled onto his side, glaring at the plate like it was the root of all evil, the smell of fish and chips making him want to throw up. He got to his feet and swung out with his clasped hands, knocking the plate to the floor, then crawled back onto the bed, waiting for sleep to free him, even if it was only for a short time.

  ***

  Something touched Ash’s forehead, disturbing his sleep, then brushed against his lips, light and gentle. Tiana? He wanted to touch her, to hold her. He opened his mouth to speak, but felt a tongue slip inside, the smell of coffee causing him to open his eyes. He jerked back at the sight of Chaz. “Get away from me!” he yelled into Chaz’s face.

  Looking annoyed, Chaz moved his head away. “It was just a kiss.”

  Ash brought his knees up to kick him, but his stepfather pushed off the bed before contact.

  “I see you still can’t handle male affection,” Chaz said.

  “You had your fuckin’ tongue in my mouth, you dirty bastard!”

  “So the fuck what? I wanted to kiss you, so I kissed you. Just be grateful I didn’t do more.”

  Ash spat at Chaz. “I can fuckin’ taste your disgusting breath!” he shouted, pushing himself off the bed, the need to make Chaz pay for what he did to him overwhelming. “I’m gonna cut your fuckin’ cock off!”

  Chaz grabbed Ash’s crotch and twisted, making Ash’s yell out. He went still, the grip too hard to pull free from without causing damage.

  Chaz moved his face close, his lips brushing Ash’s. “Watch what you say, cos I don’t need your cock, only your boy cunt.”

  “Let go,” Ash said, breathing heavy, the pain in his balls making him wince.

  “Only if you say please.”

  “Please. Fuck, please, please
...”

  “I like you begging, it makes me hard.” Chaz loosened his grip and pulled out the knife from his pocket. Flicking it open, he waved it in front of Ash’s face, then lowered it to Ash’s crotch. “Now, are you gonna be nice to me?”

  Ash nodded, his eyes almost bulging out, his heart racing so fast he could hear it in his ears. The flat part of the blade ran across his underpants making him jolt backwards. The back of his legs knocked into the bed, sending him falling onto the mattress. Chaz leaned over him, running the blade up the inside of Ash’s thighs, the sting causing Ash to pant as it got closer to his balls.

  “No, no, no...” he gasped.

  The blade stopped a lick away from his balls, then Chaz lowered his head and kissed them through Ash’s underpants. “All better now,” he said, straightening.

  Ash stared up at him, his heart still pounding hard, what had happened telling him he was going to get kissed, fucked or whatever else Chaz’s perverted mind wanted, and he had no say.

  Chaz pointed at the floor with the knife. “Next time you waste food I’m gonna shove it up your arse. So eat everything I give you like a good li’l pet. Now, bark if you agree?”

  “No.”

  “Bark!”

  “Kill me!”

  Chaz shook his head. “You really have balls, just a matter of whether you want them attached or not.” He pointed the knife at Ash. “Now, I’m sure you don’t give a fuck if I kill you, but no man wants a knife cutting him below. So, bark!”

  “You’re sick!”

  Chaz smiled. “Ballsy but dumb. You were never that bright, the type to cut off his balls to spite his cock.” He bent down and speared a chip. “You want me to feed you, pretty baby?”

  Ash gritted his teeth to stop from screaming at Chaz, his need to tear the man apart, to see blood—so strong. But instead he remained lying on the bed, the throb in his balls keeping him from lashing out again, both in words and action.

  Chaz cocked his head. “Not gonna bite back?”

  Ash shook his head.

  “Good boy.” Chaz pointed at the cabinet. “I made you porridge, so you’re gonna eat every last drop, then lick the bowl clean. Understand?”

  Ash nodded.

  “Now, that wasn’t hard, was it?”

  Ash shook his head.

  “I like you better as a pussy than a cunt,” Chaz said smiling, then he bent down and scooped up the fish and chips off the floor, piling it onto the plastic plate.

  Ash watched as Chaz left, his gaze remaining on the door for a while afterwards. When he was sure Chaz wasn’t returning, he pushed up and pulled his underpants forward, giving his balls and cock a look, the pain now only a dull ache. He let go and pushed to his feet, then went to the cabinet. His stomach growled, telling him to eat the porridge and to forget that it could be drugged, that he had no control over his body, whether he was conscious or not. If anything, it would be better if he was drugged, because he didn’t want to remember getting fucked.

  With his tied hands, he picked up a spoonful of porridge, swearing as it spilt, splattering on his shirt and the floor. Trying again, this time slower, he managed to get a spoonful into his mouth, then another one and another, until he’d eaten half of the bowl, the last mouthful having a nasty bitter aftertaste. He spat it out, and wiped his tongue on his arm, trying to get it off. Swearing, he turned around and jumped towards the door, needing to wash away whatever fucking drug Chaz had used. As he opened the door a wave of dizziness slammed into him, taking his legs out from under him, his mind going blank before he hit the floor.

  ***

  A noise woke Ash. He opened his eyes, finding himself back on the bed with the duvet wrapped around him. He wriggled out of it and got to his feet, a sense of déjà vu infusing his wrung out body, the weariness making him wish he’d eaten more of the porridge so he could sleep longer.

  He looked over at the bowl, still on the cabinet, but with a note stuck to the outside, telling him to: Lick it clean or I’ll make you lick my balls.

  Before he could think what he was doing, Ash swung out at it, knocking the plastic bowl to the floor, his rage taking over reason and his sanity. When he realised what he’d done, he yelled out at the top of his lungs, frustration as well as anger enveloping him, filling his stomach and sinking to the bottom faster than the porridge.

  After calming down, his gaze flicked to the door, expecting Chaz to come barging through with a knife, and punishing him for making a mess—for not doing what his Lord and Master had told him. Ash spat on the ground, disgusted with Chaz’s sick mind games.

  When the sadist didn’t enter, Ash hopped over to the curtains, using his head to nudge them apart. For a moment, he considered putting his head though the glass, but instead looked out at a small enclosure surrounded by tall pine trees, the sun bathing everything in its bright rays. What Chaz had said about being near Waipoua Forest returned, the place hours away from his home, and somewhere no one would think to look for him.

  Pulling back, he looked at the porridge on the floor, some of it still remaining in the bowl. Wondering how long he’d slept, he bobbed down and dipped a finger in, finding the porridge neither hot nor cold. He wiped the finger on the side of the mattress, then stood up, momentarily distracted by the glass of water. Ignoring his thirst, he turned away from it and hopped towards the door, wanting to piss on Chaz, because he was fucking busting. He nudged the door open, then entered a lounge which appeared to be in the middle of a renovation—or in bad need of one. It reminded him of his Uncle Luka’s house, where everything was half-finished, with the walls partially lined, the pink insulation showing like candy floss and a mismatch of carpets thrown on the floor without care.

  Chaz got up from the couch. “Feeling better, Tarzan? Cos that was quite some holler.”

  “Fuck up.”

  Chaz shook his head. “You never learn, do ya?”

  Ignoring him, Ash glanced at the next doorway, hoping it was the bathroom. He started jumping towards it, tensing as his stepfather followed.

  “Do ya needa go to the toilet?” Chaz asked.

  “Fuck off,” Ash said, nudging the door open with a shoulder.

  “I’ll help you,” Chaz said.

  “Fuck off!”

  Chaz jolted. “Stop bloody attacking me every time I offer help.”

  “You only help yourself.”

  “Shit, you look exactly like Dante when you’re being a nasty cunt. Maybe if you keep it up I’ll think I took the wrong brother. Do you know what I’d do to Dante if I had him?”

  “Exactly what you’re gonna do to me.”

  “No, I’d fuck him in a second and would make it hurt like buggery.” Chaz smirked, like he’d made a funny joke. “Whereas I’d make sweet love to you.”

  “You’re a sick fuck.”

  “Well, you should know, cos I heard you got real sick after the last time.”

  “You bastard!” Ash jerked back as Chaz pulled out his knife.

  “You weren’t gonna attack me, were you?”

  Yes. Ash shook his head as his eyes followed the knife like watching a tennis match, although the ball was completely in Chaz’s court.

  “Remember what I said about you being nice to me.” Chaz moved the knife lower.

  Ash nodded.

  “You gonna say sorry.”

  Ash’s lip twitched.

  “You’re too proud, aren’t cha?” Chaz ran the knife up Ash’s leg. “But you weren’t earlier after eating the porridge. Didja realise I drugged it so I could clean you? I gave you a sponge bath.”

  “You—” The blade pressed into Ash’s leg, taking his voice away and drawing blood.

  “Again. Be grateful that I didn’t fuck ya, cos I wanted to.” Chaz reached for Ash’s hair, causing him to flinch. “Looks like master needs to train his bad li’l pet.”

  “I’m—”

  “Watch what you say, pet, cos this knife is so close to making you a bitch.”

  “I’m already you
r bitch.”

  Chaz smiled. “Nice answer.” He stepped back and waved the knife. “You better hop along balls of steel before I forget my conscience and take you right here and now, cos my cock is ready to explode.”

  Ash quickly hopped into the bathroom and slammed the door shut with a shoulder, then leaned against it, scared that Chaz was going to come in. When he didn’t, Ash relieved himself then washed his hands, giving the mirror taps with his sore forehead as he cleaned, distracting himself with the pain, because he knew Chaz hadn’t given him a sponge bath—he smelt the same and the porridge mark was still on his shirt, which meant that Chaz had drugged him for another reason, something Ash didn’t want to know about.

  Once clean, he cautiously opened the bathroom door, worried that Chaz was waiting for him. To his relief the lounge was clear, so he quickly headed for the kitchen, hoping to find something, anything that could cut the rope.

  Like the lounge, the kitchen was in a state of disrepair, the bare floorboards and unpainted window ledges giving the place a worn out feel. His gaze latched onto drawers underneath the bench. He hopped over and pulled open the top one, only finding plastic cutlery like the spoon he’d eaten with.

  “Looking for a knife to stab me with?”

  Ash jumped at Chaz’s voice. He turned around, finding Chaz only a few steps away.

  “Well?” Chaz asked.

  “I only wanted to cut the ropes off,” along with your cock.

  “Just cos you’re not too bright doesn’t mean I believe your lies.”

  “Stop insulting me!”

  Chaz took a step back. “Don’t even think about it, Ash. You won’t win.”

  Ash glared at him. “What’s the point in keeping me here?” He nodded at the fridge. “You’re wasting food on me, and you can’t exactly go to the supermarket with your ugly-arse face—”

  “I’m not ugly.”

  “You are to me, you sick pervert.”

  “You really are dumb insulting me,” Chaz said, putting his hand on his pocket, the one holding the knife.

  “It makes no diff; you’ll still rape me, you paedo shit!”

  Chaz’s eyes narrowed. “You should be grateful I’m not a paedo, otherwise I would’ve taken your sweet li’l boy. He’s a gorgeous wee thing.”