Damaged (Bound & Tied Book 1)

by Lucy Rinaldi

  “Bye, Sam” I ended the call before she could say anything else. I lie down on my bed and close my eyes; my mind fills with thoughts of him there crying over me, grieving for me. It tears at my heart. How could she do this? Why would any mother want to hurt their own child like that? Am I really that much of a bad person? I grab the pillow next to me and pull it against my chest, just holding it tightly and wishing it was Blake, and falling into a dreamless sleep.

  ~ ~ ~

  Chapter Twenty Two.

  “Come on, sis,” My brothers driven us into London in his Gray PT Cruiser, such a strange car for such a rich man to have. My brother doesn’t like to brag about his wealth, he doesn’t like making those less fortunate feel bad. He really is the nicest man on this earth! To be honest, I don’t like bragging either, I never tell anyone about my money, although it’s not my money it’s my fathers... Roberto’s. God, that’s gonna take some getting used to, the fact he’s not even my father! I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever find the courage to look for him. “Buckingham Palace” My brother winks at me; I’m really excited, I’ve always wanted to see Buckingham Palace. My brother is really spoiling me, after Saturday’s trip to the Royal Air Show, and now this today. I don’t know how to repay him. He grabs my hand and pulls me toward the Silent Guards that stand either side of the gates. They dress so weird, tall black hats with fur on the top, red jackets with big white buttons, a white belt and gold buttons on the cuffs, black pants and big black shiny boots. Gun in hand, a gun that they hold to the side with the butt of it resting on the floor, their faces remaining expressionless. They remind me of statues. We stand in front of them, pulling faces and laughing, because no matter what we do they don’t even blink. Even though I swear I saw the one on the left smile slightly as we ran around them shouting “Your hats on fire!” God, this is such fun, I haven’t laughed so hard in a very long time. I’m really enjoying myself. I know my brother’s trying to make me happy, to help me forget everything, for now, and it’s working because it’s just me and my brother acting our ages... Well, no we’re acting like silly teenagers, but it feels so good to let go of things.

  “It’s so big” I stand in front of the gates, just staring in awe of the place. “Is the Queen in there?”

  “No. You see, she’s only home when the Royal Standard is flying high from the flag pole, when it’s not flying, she’s not there” He points at a flag pole just left of the palace, which has a union jack flying high. I just nod because I have absolutely no clue what he’s talking about. I don’t hear much of what else he’s trying to explain, I’m too lost in wonder at how beautiful this place is. Everything is so different from what I’m used to.

  “Come on, let’s go get lunch”

  “How very big brother of you” I smile at him. I love him so much, my big brother always there when I need him, never pushing me to tell him anything, but always ready to listen if I need to talk. He really means the world to me.

  ~ ~ ~

  We sit opposite each other, eating pasta salad in a small restaurant about a mile from the Palace. “So, are you going to tell me more about this Blake of yours?” He looks at me as he puts a forkful of pasta in his mouth.

  “There’s not much to tell, bro. I thought he was the one, he turned out not to be. So I left and came to see you” I suddenly feel depressed; my brother eyes me in wonder.

  “He means a lot to you, doesn’t he?” I nod because he means so much more than just a lot to me, he means everything.

  “He does. I don’t know Robbie; I think I made a huge mistake leaving him”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “I thought he got back with his ex. Someone told me that he had. And, I know I shouldn’t have listened, because when I called Sam I found out it was all lies, and he’s been home the whole time I’ve been here; just sitting in our room crying, thinking I’m dead”

  “Why would he think that?”

  “Because... I never told anyone I was leaving, I just left” His eyes widen as he looks at me.

  “Mercedes,”

  “I know. Okay?”

  He takes my hand. “Call him” I shake my head, and turn to look out of the window. My brother doesn’t say anything else about it; he knows this conversation is now dead. “I’m glad you came, it’s been wonderful seeing you. I love you so much, my darling, beautiful little sister” I giggle like a little girl. He always makes me smile.

  “I love you so much, too. You mean everything to me, Robbie. You always have and you always will. No matter what happens in this life you will always be my number one big brother”

  “I know, my darling” He takes my hand across the table and winks. It’s like he knows what I’m trying to say to him, just like he always does. We smile at each other, right now there’s no place I’d rather be than here in England with my big brother. I push the thoughts of Blake to the back of my mind, I’ve had a wonderful day and I don’t want thoughts of him to spoil that...

  ~ ~ ~

  Standing under the boiling water of my brothers overly large shower feels so good as the water cascades over me. I stand with my hands pressed against the wall; my head tipped back, just letting the water fall over me. My minds empty of thoughts, and my body is totally relaxed. I reluctantly turn the shower off and climb out. I wrap a towel around my head, then a larger one around my body. I brush my teeth before getting dressed. I have to bring my clothes into the bathroom with me as my brother only has one bathroom in this apartment, which I find quite odd! But he like minimal or so he told me. Once I’d got dressed I went to my room and blow dried my hair, pulling a comb through it as I went. I then braided it and tied it at the bottom. I looked at the clock, it’s only 7pm, yet I’m so ready for bed, the day’s activities have left me exhausted! I decided a cup of tea is what I need to help me relax, even though Blake always says I shouldn’t drink tea before bed. I remember the first time he told me I shouldn’t drink tea before bed, and how he pinned me against the kitchen counter with the weight of his body, without really pinning me at the same time. The thought that he wanted me back then makes me smile to myself. He told me how badly he wanted me that night, and how he went to bed thinking about me. So much so that he masturbated to the thought of me naked and touching myself. It made me laugh the cheeky shit! I have to admit that English tea is so much tastier than American tea, even the British blend doesn’t taste as good over there. “Robbie, I’m making a cup of tea. Would you like one?!” I call to him as I walk out of my bedroom and into the kitchen. “Robbie?!” God, what’s that man doing? I walk into the living room to find him standing next to the open fire smiling. “I’m calling you. Can you not hear me?”

  “Sadie, my apologies. We have a visitor” He points to the couch opposite him. Oh. My. God! Blake! My face starts to burn and my stomachs gone tight, and doing back flips at the same time. I feel both sick and cold, and I can hardly breathe. I can feel my heart beating in my throat! How the hell did he find me? No one knows my brothers address. He smiles at me, his blue eyes sparkling in the light. His expression one of total relief. He’s wearing a gray suit, with a white shirt, the top two buttons undone, showing the bottom of his neck where it meets the top of his chest, which is still as smooth as silk. His hairs floppy but neat. Makes a change! He sits with his arms spread across the back of the couch, his right ankle resting on his left knee. Fuck! My hearts racing, he looks so damn hot! “Why didn’t you tell me Blake was a Surgeon?”

  “I... I... Um” Words fail me, because I’m just in shock at the fact he came all this way to find me. My mouths gone dry, I’m finding it hard to swallow, not to mention difficult as hell to calm my racing heartbeat.

  “Hello Mercedes” Oh God! There it is that feeling deep inside me whenever he says my name.

  “Hey” My voice is so small I barely heard myself. I want the fucking ground to swallow me up right now! Sam must have sent him here, God I’ll kill her!

  “I’ll leave you guys to talk” I can’t take my eyes
off Blake as he watches me standing there frozen to the spot.

  “Thank you, Robbie. It was very nice seeing you again” Seeing him again? What the fuck, when has he ever seen my brother? Blake gets to his feet and takes Robbie’s hand, shaking it like they’re friends of old. My brother smiles a, you-too smile then walks over to me and kisses my cheek.

  “I’ll be back in a couple of hours; you have the place to yourself. Listen to what he has to say, sis, he might surprise you” He whispers in my ear. Oh, I see my brothers fallen for the Dr. Blake Benedict charm!

  “How could you do this to me?” I ask in whisper.

  “Because I love you, that’s why” He kisses my cheek again. I smile at him and watch him leave.

  Crap! I’m alone with him, the man I left three weeks ago, with no explanation as to why. I fold my arms around myself, trying to find some warmth in my frozen body. My stomach feels like it’s about to fall out my ass as he walks over to where I’m standing. He sits on the arm of the couch, one hand across his waist as the index finger of his left hand skims his lower lip. God those lips, I miss them on my body! “You left me” His voice is low and deep, and god so sexy. I don’t know what to say without sounding pathetic!

  “How did you find me here?”

  “Sam gave me your brothers number. I called him and he met up with me yesterday. He wanted to know what my intentions were. It was only when he was satisfied that he told me his address” Fucking traitors! I can only imagine my brother cross examining Blake! But how could he keep the fact Blake was here from me? “Why did you leave me, Mercedes?”

  “I... I thought... She said... Um... I’m sorry,” I look at the floor, I don’t know what to say, or how to explain what happened. I feel like a total idiot!

  “You thought what? That what my mother told you was true? That I would cheat on you with some woman I used to sleep with once in a while?” I nod. I feel like crying, screaming, killing someone! His damn mother would be good right now! “How could you think that of me, Mercy, after everything I said to you? Did you really think I’d throw what we have away for a quick fuck with some crazy bitch I used to know?”

  “I don’t know, Blake. At first I thought it was because of what happened the night before. But she said that it was your ex, and in that moment I realized that I’m exactly what Roberto has always told me I am, and that’s nothing but a plaything for men” I still can’t look him in the eye, I feel sick. I hear him sigh.

  “Mercedes, look at me” I lift my head, but I can’t meet his gaze. I can feel his eyes burning into me, and I just want to run and hide. This is so uncomfortable.

  “I’m sorry; I don’t know why I believed her. She came to the apartment, I was still feeling a bit out of sorts and she fed on my insecurities. She made me feel like shit, Blake. She told me that you had perfection with your ex so why would you want me” I hear him tut to himself. “It hurt so much, Blake. I felt so, I don’t know, I wasn’t thinking I just ran because I felt like I was dying inside. The pain was unbearable, and the only people other than you that can make me feel better are my big brothers. I didn’t want to go all the way to Australia, so I came here”

  “For future reference, never listen to a word my mother says” I nod slightly. The way he said that was so demanding and authoritative it turned me on! “My mother is a master manipulator, and if she sees even a tiny bit of weakness, believe me she will feed from it until there is nothing left. Never ever listen to her, do you hear me?” I nod again while biting my bottom lip. God, I love how authoritative he sounds right now. “I’ve missed you, Mercy. I thought I’d die not knowing where you were, or even if you were alive. I thought something terrible had happened to you. I thought your ex had done something...” I can hear the pain in his voice, and it hurts bad. “I would never cheat on you, you’re my everything, don’t you know that?” He rises to his feet and stands right in front of me, his hands just centimeters in front of mine, and I can feel the heat from his body radiating against mine. All I want to do is reach out and touch him, but I don’t, I just wrap my arms tighter around myself.

  “I missed you, too” I whisper as a tear falls down my cheek. How could I have been so stupid? Why didn’t I just wait for him to come home and tell me himself if he wanted his ex? “Cause your fucking pathetic!” The voice in my head always there to tell me about myself, like I don’t know I’m pathetic already!

  “It’s been hell without you, Mercy. I’ve never felt pain like it in my life. No woman has ever meant anything to me before you” I feel his hand against my cheek and the tear that escapes my eye as I close them against his touch.

  “I’m so sorry” My voice is barely a whisper. I want this pain to stop; I’ve hurt both of us so badly, and I’ve wasted so much time, time I could have spent safe in his arms. I know he’s the only one who can make this pain go away.

  “Do you feel that?” He says as he takes my hand and places it over his heart. “It stopped beating the day you left me, Mercy. You broke my heart” Oh wow, that really hurts to the point I have to catch the sob in my throat.

  I take his hand and place it over my heart, miming what he’s doing to me. “Mine broke too” I can feel his sadness, it shines in his eyes and it’s unbearable to witness. I close my eyes again to shut out his stare, taking my hand away from his heart, I let go of his hand that’s resting over mine and just hang my head. I never expected to see him here, I was just starting to relax and settle here with my brother, pushing Blake to the back of my mind. Yet here he is standing in front of me, and all of my feelings, the ones I’ve tried to block over the past few weeks have come flooding back, drowning me in emotion.

  “Don’t hide away from me, please” He lifts my chin with two fingers, bringing my head up so my eyes meet his. His eyes scan mine like he’s trying to read my thoughts, and the pain etched in his eyes burns deep into me. I can’t bear it, I want it to end. “I didn’t travel six thousand miles for you to hide from me, Mercy”

  “Can you ever forgive me?” Please forgive me, please. I implore him from inside my head. How could I have ever doubted his love for me? He leans forward and kisses me softly on the lips, taking me by surprise, and it’s a sweet, sweet kiss. My eyes close on me as he places his left hand on my face. Breaking our sweet kiss, he rests his forehead against mine; he then takes my face between his hands.

  “Mercy” He whispers against my lips. I look up at him as best I can through my lashes without moving. His eyes are closed, his jaw clenched like he’s trying to stop his emotions falling from him. I place my hands on his hips, just because I want to feel him against me somehow.

  “Forgive me” I whisper. He sighs and pulls me into his arms, holding me tightly against him. I feel his light kisses on my head, and I’m trying so hard not to cry.

  “I need you, Mercy. You’re my life, don’t you understand, I’m nothing without you” I wrap my arms tightly around his waist, breathing him in. He smells so good; of that cologne I love so much, the smell of fresh air and the wind through the trees.

  “It’s been hell without you, Blake. All I wanted to do was call you and tell you that I loved you. But I was angry, I thought you cheated on me with your one true love. I didn’t understand why you would tell me you loved me if you really didn’t. I always knew you were too good for me, but I thought I meant something to you. Thinking about you with her, your one true love hurt so badly that I couldn’t breathe. I really thought I’d die”

  He pulls me at arm’s length and looks at me confused. “My one true love? Mercy, Justine was... Well, Justine and I, it was complicated. I wasn’t even with her, she was never my girlfriend, and I most certainly never loved her. But, she thought differently. We had a relationship of sorts for a long time, but I never once told her that I loved her. I was never capable of love, not real love until I met you. When she left I was finally free of her crazy behavior” Oh great, he was happy because he was free of her craziness. God, he hasn’t even seen mine yet! “Only one woman mean
t anything to me back then, only one woman has ever meant anything to me, only one woman I felt love of any kind for until I met you” What woman? I’m confused, but then I don’t want to know anything about his ex’s “I threw myself into my work and my family to take my mind off everything that had happened. Alex met Sam, and she became a good friend to me. Then I met you” He smiles and strokes my face with the back of his hand. “The more I saw you, the stronger my feelings got. Until I couldn’t fight them anymore, and the past just faded from my mind because all I could think about was you. But my feelings scared me, I’d never felt such feelings for anyone in my life before. Sam and Alex helped me through it and made me realize I loved you so much. And that night in my parents cabin when you asked me to kiss you, my life changed forever, because I knew from that moment you were mine. I love you, Mercedes. I am so in love with you... You’re my one true love!” Wow! Now that’s what I call a declaration of love! I look into his beautiful eyes so full of love for me, even after I hurt him so badly, and I’m overcome with the overwhelming feelings of my own love for him.

  I place my hand on his cheek and caress it. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply. I lean up and place my lips against his just close enough so they’re almost touching, and I can feel his breath on my lips. I close my eyes. “Kiss me” I whisper against his mouth. I don’t move I just stay there with my lips so ready to meet his, and it’s agonizing waiting, wanting his touch.

  “Where” He whispers. Oh! He wants to play this game.

  “Everywhere” I whisper. I want him everywhere, all over my body, his lips and his hands, his skin, and his massive cock! Everything he has to give I want it. His lips connect with mine, and the passion, god the sweet passion in that kiss. All the agony and despair of the past three weeks pour out into our ferocious kiss. My hands fist in his hair, his in mine pulling us into each other. He grabs my ass, forcing me even closer into him, it’s like we’re trying to climb into each others bodies! The pressure of his rock hard cock against my stomach sends such tingles to my groin. We’re so hot and heavy, it feels like my body’s on fire! I moan against his mouth. This is what I’ve missed, him, his touch and the way he makes me feel. Fuck, the things he does to me! I pull out of our kiss, both our breathing spiked to tipping point. I smile and take his hand and walk backward toward my room. I don’t want to turn away from him, it’s been so long since we were together like this, and I just want to drink him in, savoring every second of this moment. I want him; I want him so badly, my body aches for his touch. I bite my bottom lip seductively as he closes the bedroom door behind him. He pulls me against him grabbing my hands, holding them behind my back with his left hand making me twinge something spectacular between my legs. His puts his right hand around my throat, squeezing gently. Fuck, this is what I’ve wanted him to do since the day I met him! “Ah!” My eyes roll to the back of my head. Oh dear God this is hot! His tongue skims my bottom lip. “Ah! Blake”