Damaged (Bound & Tied Book 1)

by Lucy Rinaldi

  I found him sitting on the couch. A half empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the coffee table and an empty glass beside it. I walk over to him, but he doesn’t look up at me, his eyes are fixed to the TV screen. Some talk show with the volume switched off. I stand in front of him mentally willing him to look at me. I feel exposed right now, I’m only wearing an old T-shirt and pajama shorts. I’ve never worn anything that shows my legs in front of him before. Even though he of course has seen my legs I’ve just never felt comfortable wearing short clothing in front of him. God, why won’t he look at me? “Blake?” I don’t know why my voice is so quiet. He still won’t look at me, so I kneel down in front of him, placing my hands on his knees. “Are you mad with me? Blake, please talk to me. Why won’t you look at me?” My heart sinks; he hates me I can tell. I look at the ground and put my hands on my thighs. “I love you. I’m sorry I got scared, but I didn’t know what to expect from you. I never expected you to react like that because your brother hugged me. Please don’t be angry with me, Blake” He still won’t look at me. Goddamn stubborn Bastard! “If you’re not gonna talk to then fine, I’ll go. But I just want you to know that you frightened me because you got mad at the fact I hugged your brother, I’m not used to you angry, Blake. Not like that anyway. I was scared of what you’d do next. And I’m scared of how you’ll react if I hug a male friend, what you’d do to them, what you’d do to me. I hate myself for thinking those things about you because I know in my heart you’d never hurt me like that. But, Elijah destroyed me, Blake, inside and out. I spent two years being nothing but a game to him. He terrified me every day that I was with him. I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone without him blowing up. And when you reacted the way you did, I felt like I was right back there with him all over again” I sigh to myself. Still, he looks at the TV. I don’t even know if he’s heard anything I’ve said, he’s probably had too much to drink. “I can see you that don’t want anything to do with me right now and I understand why, so I’ll leave you alone now. But please know that I love you, Blake. I am desperately in love with you to the point, it’s painful when you’re not with me” I can see I’m getting nowhere fast and my voice is failing me. I get to my feet because in all honesty, I don’t know what else to say to him. “I know you probably don’t want to be with me anymore after this, Blake, but I just wanted to say thank you for loving me like you did” God, I feel so sad right now. I ruined us with my stupid fears! I wish more than anything he could understand what it feels like to be me. I am trying so hard to separate him from Elijah, but it’s so hard when I spent so long with such an abusive man.

  I turn to walk away, but he grabs my hand. “I didn’t mean to frighten you” Finally! He looks at me. “I don’t want to lose you, Mercy, you’re everything to me” He kisses my hand and then pulls me toward him. I straddle his lap with my knees either side of his hips, so we’re face to face looking into each others eyes, just looking at each other for a few moments, scanning each other. I put one hand on his shoulder and the other on his beautiful face.

  “Why did you react that way?”

  “Because you’ve been so hurt, so much, and so badly, I don’t want to ever see you hurt like that again. I’d do anything and I mean anything to protect you from any pain like that”

  “I know that, but Alex is not going to hurt me, Blake. You must know that?”

  “I know. I just see red when someone touches you. You’re my girl; I don’t want another man’s hands on you, not even my brothers”

  “But Blake, don’t you see how wrong that is? Is this why you never take me to meet your friends, in case I’m a whore in front of them and they get the wrong idea?” That’s what this is really about he thinks I’m nothing but a dirty whore who will sleep with his friends and family. I lift myself up to get off him, but he pulls me back down by my hips and holds me there.

  “Mercy, how could you think that? I would never think that of you, you’re not a whore. Mercy, I don’t take you to meet my friends because it never accrued for me to do so. I’m sorry,” I look at him for a second. I know he says it didn’t accrue to him to take me to meet his friends, but I know that’s not the case. After the way he reacted with Alex I have a feeling he hasn’t taken me to meet them in case they do something that will make him snap.

  “What if I was with a guy friend and he hugs me, or kisses my cheek. What you will do then, Blake? Punch them? Beat them?”

  “I’d kill them!”

  “Blake! What the fuck?” His eyes widen and I can feel his body tense as his breathing becomes more erratic. I can’t believe he just said that! Jesus, what the hell is wrong with this man? “Blake, please don’t be angry”

  “Mercy, I don’t want you to be scared of me. I can’t bear the way you look at me with such frightened eyes. It cuts me so deeply. I don’t want to be like this with anyone, especially not with you, but I’m so scared someone will hurt you and I won’t be there to stop it from happening” He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer, resting his head against my chest. “I’d die if anything happened to you. When you left me and I didn’t know where you were or even if you were alive, I went out of my mind searching for you. When I couldn’t find you I just sat in our room, I didn’t come out I just lay there on the bed. I wanted you back, the grief was unbearable. All I could think about was the fact somebody had hurt you, and there was nothing I could do about it. Then when you called and Sam said you were okay and where you were and why you left, I knew it wasn’t over between us. I had to go to you and beg you to come home. I was so happy, so damn happy when we got here. But when you hugged him something inside me snapped. I was scared. Not just in case he hurt you, but in case he felt something more for you” Oh my god, now I get it, he thinks I’m like her, like the girl who’s apparently not his ex but some crazy bitch! “I know what you’re thinking, Mercy, but I don’t think you’re like her. I don’t think for one second you’d cheat on me. It’s not you, it’s them. If they like you more they’ll hurt you” How did he know what I was thinking?

  I pull him closer against me, it’s sweet that he worries about me, but we can’t go on like this. “Blake, you have to stop this. I can’t live this way, no one’s going to hurt me, but if they try I know in my heart you’ll be there to stop them”

  He looks up at me scanning me. “But” I put my index finger against his lips, silencing him.

  “Ssshh. Please, just hold me” I put my head on his shoulder and kiss his neck. “I love you, Blake. I would never do anything to hurt you, not intentionally” He strokes my back calmly.“You left him idiot that was hurting him intentionally” Oh, shut up! The voice in my head is always there to spoil everything!

  “I know, baby, and I’m so sorry. I will try not to be so protective”

  I look up at him with a mock shocked expression on my face. “I like that you’re protective of me, it makes me feel loved. I just don’t like your overreaction to things, that’s all” I smile at him sweetly.

  “Okay, I’ll try and separate the two”

  “Thank you,” I lean down and kiss him, grinding myself against him, making him moan against my mouth. He strokes my thigh, making me tingle down below. How does everything we do turn into this?

  “I love this” He says as I look at him while biting my lip.

  “Huh?”

  “Your legs free from pants” I swot his chest, making him laugh. “What? It’s different; I’ve never seen you in anything that shows your legs before”

  “Well, Dr. maybe you’ll see more of me without pants” I wink and kiss him before he can say anything else. I’m so hot for him right now. I deepen our kiss. My tongue invades his sweet mouth, I hadn’t even realized my hips were moving, grinding into him, getting myself off against him. The zipper of his jeans along with the pressure of his cock rub against me perfectly, making me wet. It feels so good. His lips skim my jaw as he breaks our kiss. He follows the line of my neck with his mouth, my body’s tingling everywhere, hot and col
d making me moan out softly.

  “Let me take you to bed” Eh, I don’t think so! Has he forgotten we're at war?!

  “No. I want to fuck you, right here, right now”

  “Fuck Me?” He says while cocking his eyebrow in amusement. I smile at him and get to my feet, pulling him by the hand as I go. Face to face we stand there, both our body’s heaving in anticipation. Grabbing the hem of his shirt I rip it hastily over his head, throwing it to the floor. I want my hands all over him, feeling him. I run both my hands over his chest, god his gorgeous silken chest. I’m lost in wonder just touching him, hearing him gasp as my hands trail down his stomach, tracing the lines of his abdominal muscles. Leaning down I kiss him from his chest right up to his neck, soft sensual kisses. He tips his head back as I reach his throat. I feel his moans vibrate from his throat against my lips, making me smile. God, this is hot, me teasing him, making him want me. I’ve never done this before; to anyone and meant it, I’ll just go by instinct. My hands find his zipper, pulling at it, yanking his pants down with ease. I drop to my knees as he steps out of his jeans, kicking them to one side. The sight of him staring down at me in nothing but his tight boxer briefs is just breathtaking, and one massive turn-on. I lean into him and kiss his cock through his boxers, I can feel how hard he is and it makes me so wet. Slowly I slide my hands up his thick thighs until I reach the waistband of his boxers, hooking my fingers slowly into them, pulling them down as quickly as I can, freeing his cock. I smile to myself, then take him in my hand, rubbing him up and down slowly, and it’s so hot listening to him gasp and feeling him tense, all his muscles thicken against my touch. This is the biggest turn-on, him like this completely at my mercy, lost in what I’m doing to him. I take him in my mouth slowly sucking him gently, in and out, then licking the length of him with the tip of my tongue making him gasp and moan. I don’t suck hard I just tease him, my tongue flicking at his shaft. He pushes my head further onto him making me choke. I put my hands on his thighs, pulling him out of my mouth, I don’t want him to come like this, I want all of his sweet come inside of me. I get to my feet and push him down onto the couch so he’s in a sitting position. I watch him watching me drinking in the sight of him. I start moving my body slow and sexy, winding my hips as I dance for him by the light of the TV screen. I lift my shirt over my head, dropping it to the floor, his eyes scan me greedily. I touch my aching breasts for him, my hips still moving and it’s so erotic. But I want him inside me right now. I just want to feel close to him, so close we become one. I slide my shorts down my legs, without bending my knees. I step out of them and walk over to my man, straddling him once again. My knees either side of his thighs once more. I hold my hips over him I don’t want to touch him yet; I clutch his hands in mine and hold them either side of his head. My mouth finds his, kissing him forcefully, his moans echo through my body like thunder. “Mercy” He whispers.

  I smile against his mouth. “What do you want, Dr.? Tell me” His hands tighten on mine. “Ah!” I push my chest into his; I want him so desperately it hurts!

  “Fuck me” He whispers as his eyes close on him. Holy fuck! The way he just said that turned my legs to Jell-O! I feel his cock pressing against my opening and my arousal is burning!

  “As you wish” I lower myself onto him slowly, his cock stretching me as I take him inch by inch, until I’ve taken all of him deep, deep inside. God, he feels so good. “Ah! Fuck, you’re so big”

  “And you feel so fucking tight around me; we fit perfectly. We were made for each other. Mercy, move!”

  “Beg, Dr. Beg” I whisper against his neck, repeating the things he’s said to me before. But I can feel his desperation in the way he’s clutching my hands, that and my own desperate need for him is taking over me, my body is racked with need!

  “Please, baby, move. Fuck! Please”

  “Good boy,” I move my body up and down, hard, fast, and then back and forth feeling the sweet friction of his pubic bone against my clitoris as I ride his cock. He grabs my ass in his hands, spreading my cheeks, tipping his hips as he thrusts into me powerfully. And it’s so hard and so perfect. “Fuck! Faster, Blake. Faster... Please!”

  “Fuck, baby!” God, he makes me so hot! I let go of his hands, because I don’t know what to do with myself, I’m so high I can’t breathe. My back arches, my head falls back involuntarily as I grab hold of his forearms steadying myself, while his hands grab my hips forcefully pulling me harder onto him. My body’s writhing, agonizing, wanting, screaming inside my head, all these feelings washing over me.

  “Fuck! Mercy. Fuck, baby, I need to come” His hands snake around my waist and up my back, grabbing my shoulders, pulling me down hard onto him, holding me still.

  “Come for me, Dr.” I whisper. “Come for me” He bucks into me again and again and I’m so high I need my release now!

  “Mercy, fuck! Come with me, baby” Holy fuck, I feel it wash over me, the tightening in every part of my body. I wrap my arms around his neck, I’m practically sobbing as it burns so bad within me.

  “Ah...! Blake! Yes. Yes, I’m coming!” And I’m gone I come so hard my eyes roll to the back of my head, as my clit pounds and throbs with the aftershocks of my spectacular orgasm. My body convulses against his as he comes just as hard into me with my name on his lips. He bites my shoulder, holding me against him with his cock still buried deep inside me.

  “So, that’s what it feels like to be fucked by you, huh?” He says breathlessly, looking into my eyes. I nod and smile a dirty smile. I’ve fucked him before and each time he asks me the same question. I’m beginning to think he’s got as much of a memory problem as I have.

  “Did it feel good, Dr.?”

  “It felt... Words fail me, Mercy. Who taught you to move like that?”

  “The way a woman moves her body during sex comes naturally. The way she moves her body against the man she loves comes from what he teaches her”

  “Me?”

  “Yes, you. I just copied what you do to me, the way you tease me, the way you fuck me. I wanted you to feel the way I feel when you take me. I’ve never done that to anybody before” He smiles like a goofy teenager and he looks so cute, that I giggle at him.

  “You fucked me spectacularly”

  “I do believe it’s now 2-1, Dr.”

  “You’re going to kill me, aren’t you?” I can’t help the laugh that escapes me, he sounds like a child.

  “It’s a possibility, Dr. But I could think of worse ways to die”

  “It’s the only way I want to die, buried deep inside of you. Or old and gray in your arms in our bed” I don’t want to think about him dying, it haunts my dreams as it is without him telling me ways he wants to die, so I change tact.

  “I guarantee you’ll lose this war”

  “Don’t bet on it little lady”

  ~ ~ ~

  Where am I? It’s dark outside and I’m standing next to a double bed, in some cheap hotel room, wearing nothing but an obscenely short black tight fitting skirt and my bra. I’m so scared of the seven men standing in front of me. Big men. I can’t tell their ages but none of them look any younger than their mid-forties, and all dressed in suits, like businessmen. My body hurts as they take turns in sharing me like I’m a toy. They talk amongst themselves, they want me together. Three of them walk toward me, I know what they want from me, but I’m scared. Their hands and mouths are all over me, pouring at me. I’m being held down by my arms and legs and one of them is inside me and it hurts so badly, he’s so brutal and uncaring. He laughs as I scream in pain. I cry, begging them to let me go... “No...! Please, let go of me! It hurts. Please... Stop! Please...!”

  “Mercy. Mercy, wake up! It’s okay, baby, wake up,” I hear his voice calling me, pulling me back toward him. My beautiful, sweet prince.

  “Hmm” I open my eyes to him staring down at me. My arms are pressed down into the mattress as if by some invisible force, and my chests heaving with unleashed sobs.

  “Baby, are you ok
ay? You were having a nightmare. A really bad one by the sound of it”

  “I. I’m. I’m sorry” I stammer like a fool while letting out a sob, the panic still deep within me. I know I’ve been crying in my sleep, I can feel the tears falling down around my temples.

  “Ssshh. Don’t be sorry, baby. Come here, it’s okay” He pulls me into his arms as I sit on my right hip, my head against his chest, his back against the headboard and his hand stroking my back up and down calming me. “Baby, these nightmares, they sound brutal. What happened to you to make you so scared that you cry out in your sleep like this? I know this is why you force yourself to stay awake”

  “I’m so sorry, Blake. I’m sorry; I keep you awake all the time. I’m gonna cause you to have an accident at work through lack of sleep, I know I am”

  “Hey, hey. Ssshh, no you’re not I’m fine. But hell, baby, we need to sort these dreams out, you’ve slept an hour that’s all. Baby, I’m gonna give you something later to help you sleep” What the fuck?! No, he is not! I don’t want sleeping pills or sedation; I don’t want to be locked in my nightmares. But I don’t want to argue with him either. “Will you tell me about your nightmare?”

  “You already know. I’ve told you about the seven of them. In my dreams I can’t escape them, or the memories of what they did to me. I have to relive it over and over again, trapped with no way out” He strokes my back again with his fingertips, kissing my head and telling me it will be okay, but it won’t, I know it won’t. I’m stuck with these horrors in my head for all eternity with no way of ever escaping them.