Every Tongue Got to Confess

by Zora Neale Hurston

  “Massa, it musta been a bear. I goin’ ketch ’im.”

  So next night ole Massa missed another hog. “John, I missed another hawg.”

  “Massa, I sho goin’ git dat bear.” So dat night when John went out tuh git him a pig an’ there was a panter after him uh pig. John said, “Whut you doin’ down there after Massa’s pigs?” So de panter took after John.

  John run round and round de crib, and de door were open and John run under de crib, and de panter thought he went in, so he darted in after. John shut de do’ on ’im.

  John run tuh de house, called his master up. He ast, “Whut is it, John?”

  “I caught dat thing been stealin’ yo’ hogs.”

  “Whut wuz it, John?”

  “It was a panter.”

  “Whut you do with ’im?”

  “I put ’im in de barn.”

  “O, gwan, John, you ain’t caught no panter.”

  “I be damn if I didn’t caught ’im.”

  His wife said tuh ’im, “Git up and go an’ see. John wouldn’t cuss befo’ me dat way ef it wuzn’t something.” So he went and looked. Sho nuff, dere wuz de panter. So he went round nex’ day and told all his neighbors about it, whut his nigger, John, did. So dey didn’t bleve it, so, “I will show you dat John will go in an’ ketch ’im an’ bring ’im out.”

  So dey betted so many thousand on John. His master betted his plantation and all his niggers. Then he tole John: “Now, John, you go in and git ’im and bring ’im out and I’ll set you free.”

  John keep uh standin’ round de crib dere and Ole Massa kept uh urgin’ ’im to gwan in. Say, “Massa, wait till I git fixed.”* (He went in.) As John opened de do’, de panter made a leap at John and struck his head ginst de do’ facin’ an’ broke his neck. John seen dat and grabbed ’im an’ wrasseled wid ’im. “Oh, I got yo! You varmint. I’m bringin’ ’im out, Massa. Oh, I done break his neck.”

  “John, I didn’t mean for you tuh kill ’im.”

  “Well, Massa, you ortu been fuh tell me.”

  Well, Massa won de bet. One man says, “I will bet yo’ a million I knows where’s a wile man John can’t handle.”

  “I’ll betcher two million John kin whip ’im.”

  John knowed where de fightin’ groun’ wuz gointer be. He goes down an’ cut de roots uh de oak trees. So dat nex’ day de fight wuz to come off. (John wuz tuh ride his master’s horse down. So he tuk an’ cut de bridle reins, so when he pulled on it, it would break.) So nex’ day dey went down at de fightin’ groun’. It wuz late when John come. De man said dat betted against John: “Look lak John ain’t comin’.”

  “Yes, John be here in a few minutes.” Tureckly*, here come John just whut he could come on de horse. He rared back on de bridle-reins and dey broke. Dat wild man looked. John jumped down. John looked round and said: “Looka here, Massa, is dis de fightin’ groun’?”

  His master tole him, “Why yes, John, what’s de matter wid it?”

  “Whuss de matter wid it? Can’t yo’ see ’tain’t ’nough room for uh man tuh move roun’ in? We better clear it off uh little.”

  John begin tuh grab up de trees by de roots an’ toss ’em roun’. De wile man looked on, got skeered (gesture with hands as of a quick departure.) John winned agin for his master so he give ’im a thousand dollars and set ’im free.”

  —DELLA LEWIS.

  John in the Smoke-House†

  Some one continued tuh steal Mister George’s meat out of the smoke-house. The rogues had cut uh hole in de wall for their convenience. Mister George keep er missin’ his meat, so he sided he’d watch and ketch de nigger dat is stealin’ his meat. He tole his wife tuh give him his gun and his sharpest hatchet. (His wife gave him the gun and hatchet.) Away Mister George went for the smoke-house. Mister George got dere and waited for one, two and three hours. After while he heard de rogues comin’. De rogues come nearer and nearer till dey got to de smoke-house, and den dey laid down right by dat hole. Dese rogues wuz a white man an’ a nigger named John.

  Mister George heard de white man say, “John, you put your hand through and git a ham, and den I’ll put mine through and git a ham.”

  John put his hand through and jerked it out quickly, placing it behind him and said: “Now, Master, I got a big one. Now you put yours through and git another one.”

  The white man put his hands through and jerked it out quickly and said: “I’ll be damn if it ain’t cut off.”

  John said, “Mine is, too, Massa.”

  The white man said, “Well, why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

  John said, “I wanted you to git just whut I got, so I didn’t tell you nuthin.”

  —DELLA LEWIS.

  John and De Horse†

  Ole John, he wuz working fur Marster. You see, Master had uh horse an’ had gi’ John uh horse. John uster always hit Master’s horse, but never hit his own horse. So then some white folks tole Master about John hitting his horse an’ never hitting his own horse. So Master tole John if he ever hear tell of him hitting his horse, he wuz gwinter kill his (John’s) horse. John tole ’im, “If you kill my horse, I’ll beatcher makin’ money.”

  One day ole John hit Marster’s horse again. Dey went and tole Master about it. Marster come down dere wid a great big ole knife and cut John’s horse’s throat. John jumped down off de wagon and skint his horse and put de hide upon a stick and throwed it cross his shoulder.

  John went downtown calling it a fortune teller. (He was a fortune teller hisself.) A man tole him, “Say, make it talk some, John, an’ I’ll give you a sack of money and a horse and a saddle, and five head of cattle.”

  And John pulled out de stick and hit cross de horse hide and hold his head down dere. “Dere’s a man in your bedroom behind de bed talking to your wife.”

  He went inside to see and come back out and said: “Yeah, John, you sho telling de truth. Well, make ’im talk some more.”

  “No, Master, he’s tired now.”

  Then he said, “I will give you six head of sheep and four horses and four sacks of money.”

  He pulled out de stick an’ hit down on it and held down his head to listen, and it said, “It’s a man in de kitchen opening de stove.” (De man went out tuh look.)

  John went on by his Master’s house driving his horse and sheeps an’ hollering, “Yee! whoo pee! Crack! (Whip)

  Master said, “John, where did you git all dat?”

  John said, “I tole you if you kilt my horse, I’d beatcher makin’ money.”

  Said tuh ’im, “Reckin if Ah killed my horse, I’d make dat much?”

  “Yes, Master, I reckon so.”

  So Master went out and cut his horse’s throat and took it to town. “Horse hide for sale! Horse hide for sale!”

  One man said, “I’ll give you twenty-five cents to put some bottom in some chairs.”

  Master said, “Youse crazy,” an’ went on.

  Another man said, “I’ll give you twenty cents to put bottoms in some chairs.”

  Master said, “You must be crazy, this hide is worth five thousand dollars.” De people just laughed and he couldn’t sell de horse hide.

  So John, he’s already rich, he didn’t have to work, an’ he went to driving horse and buggy for Master, and John let his grandma ride in dat buggy, and his Master said: “De nex’ time I ketch your grandma in dat buggy, I’m goin’ kill her.”

  John tole him, “If you kill my grandma, I’ll beatcher making money.”

  Some white folks tole Master John wuz taking his grandma to town and hitting his horse, an’ showing out wid ’im, so Master come out dere an’ cut John’s grandma’s throat.

  So John went and got his same ole horse hide and keered it uptown again. So John went uptown talking about, “Fortune teller! Fortune teller!”

  One man tole ’im, “Why make ’im talk some, I’ll give you six head of goats, six sheeps, an’ a horse an’ saddle to drive ’im wid.”

  John went on back by his master’s
house on his horse driving his sheeps and cattle. He jes’ went by so Master could see ’im. So his Master said to ’im, “Oh, John, where did you git all dat?”

  He said, “I tole you if you kill my grandma, I’d beatcher makin’ money.”

  Master said, “You reckon if I kill mine, I’ll make all dat?”

  “Yes, Master, I reckon so.”

  So Master runned out dere and cut his grandma’s throat and went uptown hollering, “Grandma for sale!”

  Wouldn’t nobody say nothin’ to ’im. Dey thought he wuz crazy. He couldn’t git nuthin’ fur his grandma, so he tole John, “You made me kill my grandma, now I’m gwinter throw you in de river.”

  He got ole John in de sack and carried him down to de river, but he forgot his weights and while he wuz goin’ after his weights uh toad frog come by dere and John tole ’im, “If you open dis sack and let me out, I’ll give you uh dollar.”

  Toad frog let ’im out, so he got uh soft shell turtle and put it in de sack and two big ole bricks. So Master got his weights an’ come back an’ put ’em on de sack and throwed it in de river.

  So ole John went back and got his ole horse hide and went back again calling it, “Fortune teller! Fortune teller!

  One rich man said, “Make it talk some, John.”

  So John pulled out de stick and hit it an’ said, “Uh man’s in your kitchen in your meat safe.”

  De man went in de house and come back and said, “You sho kin tell de truth, make ’im talk some more, John.”

  “No, Master, he’s tired now, I got tuh cair ’im home.”

  So John went back by his Master’s house wid his horse an’ uh sack uh money tied on de side of his horse. So ole Master said, “Oh John, where’d you git all dat?”

  Say, “I tole you if you throw me in de river, I’d beatcher makin’ money.”

  So he said to ’im, “Reckon if I let you throw me in dere, I’ll make dat much money?”

  John say, “Yes, Master, I know so.”

  John got Master in de sack an’ carried ’im down to de river. John didn’t ferget his weights. Put de weights on Ole Master, and just befo’ he thowed ’im out, he said: “Good-bye, Master.”

  And dat wuz de last of Ole Master, cause he wuz crazy enough tuh let John throw ’im in de river.

  —JULIUS HENRY (variant of a tale from Hans Andersen).

  Master had got kinder good tuh Jack, an’ let ole Jack stay in de house; an’ he decided he’d go tuh town dat night—an’ left Jack dere wid his wife.

  While he wuz gone, Jack got in de bed wid his wife. Master forgot his pocketbook an’ decided he wouldn’t go dat night—he’d wait till tomorrow morning. So he turnt roun’ an’ came back an’ hitched de horse an’ knocked on de do’, an’ Jack says: “Who dat?”

  “It’s Marster.”

  Old Jack jumped up out de bed an’ says: “Master, kin I have one of dem sweet potatoes?” He says, “Yes, an’ one of dem buttered biscuits?” “Yes.” He walked past an’ said to Master’s wife: “Wuzn’t dat uh sharp turn?”

  Master said to ’im: “Whut kinder sharp turn is dat yo’ talkin’ about?”

  Jack says, “Nuthin, Master, just dropped mah biscuit and de butter side turned up.”

  —JULIUS HENRY.

  * Hurston’s original title for this section was “John De Conqueror.” John the Conqueror is a mythic figure, famous for his skill in outwitting his master or the Devil.

  * In 1935, on a folklore expedition with Alan Lomax and Mary Barnicle, Hurston recorded John Davis’s rendition of this tale.

  * As in “figure-eights”; to call out moves for square dancing.

  * “prepared” or “ready.”

  * “directly.”

  Massa and

  White Folks

  Tales

  Sambo

  One time Master had a nigger named Sambo. He had been working Sambo pretty hard. Sambo played sick for seven years and every time dey carried Sambo something tuh eat, he’d tell ’im, “Put de pan uh peas up, an’ hand me down mah banjo. I done fooled Master seven years and specks tuh fool ’im seven mo’.”

  Sambo would have ’im up dere doin’ de buzzard lope * and dancing, and den he’d have dem tuh pick de banjo and let ’im do de buzzard lope.

  De people got tired uh totin’ Sambo grub and tole Master ’bout it. Tole Master, Sambo wuzn’t sick. Master didn’t b’lieve it. He jes knowed Sambo wuz sick, and they tole him Sambo wuzn’t sick cause he had dem up dere dancin’ every day and picking de banjo, and tole ’im, say, “Ef, you don’t b’lieve it, you go up dere tomorrow when we go tuh cair Sambo’s dinner, and stand on de outside and listen.”

  So Massa went up dere and evedropped Sambo and heard him in dere dancing. So Massa walked in and Sambo stopped dancing and said, “Is dat you, Massa? I’m gwinter ketch de mule now.”

  —CHRISTOPHER JENKINS.

  Another nigger and his sone stole some meat from de white folks. So they caught ’em. Ole Massa says, “I’m going to whip you niggers till you own up.”

  De ole nigger says to his boy, “Take two hundred and keep you mouf.” They lit in on de boy and they lashed him. His daddy kept on hollern, “Stand up to him and don’t talk.” So de boy took two hundred lashes and never cheeped.

  Then they grabbed de ole man and tied him down and begin to lay it on him. When they hit him five licks he says, “Untie me, white folks, and I’m gwine git your meat for you.”

  —BABY-FACE TURL.

  Once in slavery time Ole Massa had his niggers out workin’. Man, he uster work his niggers, too. So one day when he wuz out in de fiel’ uh big rain come up. They all run into de barn, Ole Massa wid ’em.

  Massa says, “I hates dat rain come up. I wants tuh git uh heap uh work did tuhday.”

  Ole John over in de corner say, “Mo’ rain, mo’ rest.”

  Ole Massa say, “Whut you say, John?”

  John say, “Mo’ rain, mo’ grass.”

  —EUGENE OLIVER.

  Dis nigger wuz workin’ for a white man down in de new ground cuttin’ up logs for wood. He set down all day long till he hear de boss man coming, den he hit on de log wid de heel of de axe. “Clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk—think I’m working, but I ain’t.”

  De white man seen ’im, but he didn’t say nothing. Sat’day night Sam come up to git his wages. White man took out a handful of silver dollars and shook them in de nigger’s face and says, “Unh hunh—clank, clank, clank—think I’m goin’ pay you, but I ain’t.”

  —JERRY BENNETT.

  Ole Massa’s Gun

  Once in slavery, Ole Massa had uh nigger he uster pet. He tole ’im once tuh go out and get ’im a deer. Some more niggers went long wid him, but Ole Massa let his favorite take his best gun.

  When dey got out in de woods, dey sprung uh deer. De man dat had Massa’s new gun waited down de hill, and another went up de hill and headed de deer down. He hollered tuh de one wid de new gun, “Here he come, shoot ’im!”

  De nigger didn’t pay no ’tention tuh him. He hollered again, “Sam, he’s coming down, shoot ’im!”

  Still he didn’t make uh move. De deer run on past ’im and got clean away. De other nigger come running down de hill and ast, “Say Sam, why didn’t you kill dat deer?”

  Sam say, “Nigger, is you crazy, think I’m gointer sprain Massa’s gun shooting up hill wid it?”

  —WILLIE ROBERTS.

  Ole Massa took uh nigger deer-huntin’ an’ posted him in uh place an’ tole ’im, he says, “Now, you wait right here an’ keep yo’ gun ready. Ah’m goin’ roun’ de hill an’ skeer up de deer an’ head ’im dis way. When he come past, you shoot ’im.”

  De nigger said, “Yessir, Ah sho will, Massa.” He sot dere an’ waited wid de gun all cocked an’ after while de deer come on past. Pretty soon de white man come on round de hill an’ ast ’im did he kill de deer. De nigger says, “Ah ain’t seed no deer pass here yit.”

  “Yes, you did, too, cause he come right disa way. You coul
dn’t he’p but see ’im.”

  “Well Ah sho ain’t seed none. All Ah seed wuz uh white man come long by here wid uh pack uh cheers on his head an’ Ah tipped mah hat tuh ’im.”

  —LARKINS WHITE.

  Once there wuz an old colored man and he walk long one day and he found a gold watch and chain. He didn’t know whut it wuz, so the first thing he met wuz a white man and he ast de man whut wuz it. White man told him, “Lemme see it.”

  He give it to him and de white man put it in his own pocket and told him next time he found one like dat it wuz a gold watch, and the next thing he find kicking in the road put it in his pocket and sell it.

  So he walked on down de road a piece further and walked upon a tarrypin kicking in de road. So he picked him up and tied a string on to him and put him in his pocket and let de string hang out.

  So he met another colored fellow and fellow ast him, he says: “Cap, whut time you got?”

  He pulled him out and told him, “Quarter to leben and kicking lak hell for twelve.”

  —WILL THOMAS.

  Once uh white man took his nigger wid him tuh see his girl. He lef’ de nigger outside in de buggy an’ he went inside an’ called on his girl. When he got ready tuh leave he ast fuh his hat, an’ when he got tuh de door, he ast her fuh uh kiss. She acted lak girls do an’ tole ’im: “Ah can’t do so now; but maybe when you come agin Ah’ll be able tuh gratify yo’ wishes.”

  He said good-bye tuh her an’ got in de buggy an’ de nigger drove ’im on home; but he had done noticed whut de white man done. De nigger gal dat dressed de white girl, she wuz listenin’, too, an’ she heered all her mistis had done tole her feller; so when dis coachman come tuh see her an’ he set uh while, an’ when he got his hat tuh go, he ast her fuh uh kiss. She tole ’im: “Ah can’t do so now, but nex’ time you comes Ah hopes tuh be able tuh grabble in yo’ britches.”