by C. J. Duggan
Chapter Forty-Eight
“GET OUT!”
We stood, paused in the doorway of Sean’s bedroom, taking in the scene before us. Ringer was lying passed out and face down on Sean’s mattress.
“Ringer!” Sean growled, kicking the corpse-like leg that spilled over onto the floor. “Get up!”
I cupped my hand over my mouth and tried to contain my laughter. It didn’t help when Ringer stirred from his slumber, slowly lifting his head, sporting a cockatoo-crested hair-do.
“Come on, mate, give us a go,” Ringer croaked, half asleep.
“I’ll give you a bloody go if you don’t get off my bed!”
Ringer groaned, slowly lifting himself onto his elbows and smacking his lips together as if he had an unsavoury taste in his mouth. He squinted up at Sean before comically doing a double-take in my direction. I offered a little wave as I peered from behind Sean’s brooding frame.
A wicked smile spread right across Ringer’s face as he looked from me to Sean and back again.
“Oh, I see,” Ringer said, beaming from ear to ear.
“Ringer,” Sean warned.
Ringer held up his hands. “All right, all right. Cool it, Romeo, I’m going.”
Ringer dragged himself into a sitting position, still disorientated from sleep. He fumbled a ciggie from his pocket, flicking it into his mouth like a pro. He patted his other pockets, locating a lighter.
Ringer gingerly stood, obviously still drunk from the boys’ drinking session. Sean opened the door and stood aside in a none-too-subtle hint to get out.
“You can smoke that outside,” Sean said, his face still lined with a dark broodiness. I had to bite my lower lip to stop from smirking.
Ringer shuffled his feet towards the open door and paused before Sean, the very same cheeky grin appearing as he looked at Sean and then me. I turned slightly to mask the blush I no doubt sported across my cheeks.
Ringer tapped Sean on the shoulder. “You’re a brave man, Seany, boy. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” He winked and quickly made his way in a zigzag down the hall after Sean pushed him out.
“Crash in the spare room, Ringo! Sleep it off!” Sean called down the hall.
“Aye-aye, Captain!” Ringer saluted before tripping over his own feet and knocking into the wall “Oh, shit-fuck!”
Sean sighed deeply, shook his head, and shut the door.
I sat on the edge of the bed, still no more than just a mattress on the floor. “I thought you said they’d all gone home,” I said, unable to contain my laughter any longer.
Sean smirked. “Yeah, well, I’ll do a head count next time.”
Without tearing his eyes from me, he clicked the lock on the bedroom door. My smile fell, panic rising in me at the sound; a sound so delicate and innocent, yet it held perhaps the biggest meaning of all. Just me and Sean behind a locked bedroom door. I swallowed deeply.
“So you don’t mind if I … you know … stay?” I asked. I tried not to fidget. I didn’t want Sean to think I was as nervous as my constantly churning insides made me feel.
He folded his arms and leaned against the door, his eyes searing into me. “Must be pretty bad if you’re running away from it.”
“I’m not running away,” I said defensively, causing Sean’s brows to rise.
“Really?” he mused.
My breaths felt labored; the locked door made me claustrophobic as my mind whirred through a series of explanations. Of course I was running away, what else could there be to it? The more I thought about another possible truth, the more anxiety spiked inside me. Although I absolutely wanted to run away from my parents and all the bullshit, there was an underlying truth that I simply couldn’t allow myself to admit. Above it all.
I want to be here.
I wanted to be exactly where I was, locked in this room, alone with Sean, sitting on his bed, gazing up at him as I was now. Taking in the masculine lines of his suntanned body, the slight stubble from his unshaven cheeks, his dishevelled hair that was in need of a haircut.
I stared down at my hands. “Listen, just do whatever you do like I’m not even here,” I said. “Don’t let me change your ritual; I don’t want to be in the way.”
“You’re not in the way,” he said as he moved to open his wardrobe. “I’m going to take a shower, do you want one?”
My eyes snapped up. “No!” I yelled a bit too readily. “Uh, no thanks.” I cleared my throat. “I’m fine.”
Sean paused in the door of the en suite, his brow curving.
“I didn’t mean with me.”
“Oh, pfft, I know,” I said.
Oh, God help me!
Sean looked as though he wasn’t wholly buying it.
Had things changed because of today’s kiss? The playfulness in Sean had vanished somehow and everything about our exchange had become so wooden, so unnatural. I missed his smart-arse quips and cockiness. I missed the devilish twinkle in his eyes.
Maybe he was just tired? But here I was alone, all dressed up, lying on his bed, such an easy target and he hadn’t even so much as made a single innuendo about my being here. Maybe the kiss had been nothing more than a spur-of-the-moment thing to him. Perhaps Sean would let me have the bed, come out of the shower and say goodnight while he went and slept elsewhere.
Oh my God, is that what he would do?
I would be mortified. But then, I guessed I would know for sure. Whatever had happened between us this afternoon was nothing more than a typical Sean thing to do; it had just been a no-meaning kiss. All of a sudden I didn’t want to be there.
My heart sank as I heard the falling of the water and the clanking of the pipes in the wall while Sean showered. I sighed, unstrapped my shoes and set them aside. Whatever happened, whatever Sean did or didn’t do, I was grateful to be away from the Onslow. A yawn escaped from me as I stretched my arms above my head; fatigue settling in my weary bones. I was so tired. Tired of it all, but as soon as I heard the water cease and the shower sliding panel open, I had never felt more awake.
“Shit,” I whispered.
I dived to the light switch and plunged the bedroom into darkness before running around in a flurry, not sure what my next move should be.
Shit! Shit! Shit!
The basin tap ran and I heard the unmistakable whooshing sound of Sean brushing his teeth. As he tapped his toothbrush on the sink, I dived onto the mattress and ripped the covers back, plunging underneath. My heart drummed so violently I was sure Sean would hear it in the next room.
Pretend you’re asleep, pretend you’re asleep …
I tried to slow my breathing; having darted around the room like a headless chicken hadn’t helped at all. My mind raced when an alarming thought came to me: I was in Sean’s bed, in the dark … What was I thinking?
Just make yourself at home, Amy! Suggestive much?
This was not good. Before I could do anything about it, I heard the sound of the en suite light switch off and the door screech open. It was so hard to control my breaths. I could only concentrate on breathing in and out, in and out. I had my back facing the en suite door. I could make out the sound of Sean’s padded footsteps; it seemed like forever. I waited for the sound of the door unclicking and opening, for him to make his exit down the hall and leave the bed to me in some gentlemanly gesture.
So when I felt the mattress dip next to me, my eyes snapped open. Sean slid underneath the covers and settled gently next to me – his only movement was to align his pillows as he lay down. He exhaled a deep, comfortable sigh of fatigue.
Oh my God, oh my God!
I didn’t dare move. I didn’t so much as breathe.
Oh crap, my nose was itchy. Why was that always the way? I wiggled my nose like Samantha off Bewitched, praying that it would be enough. The bed moved behind me and I froze.
Sean coughed and rolled … away from me?
I felt his breaths change, become deep and soothing, in and out, in and out. My eyes narrowed. I waited for a long m
oment before I rolled onto my back with a deliberate, loud sigh.
Nothing.
I coughed and adjusted my pillow, and waited. Still nothing. Now I was getting annoyed. I glared at his bare back, a broad landscape lit by the moonlight that filtered through the window. I pulled the blanket up to my chin, allowing my arm to gently rest along the line of his back, skin to skin.
Oh my God, he was shirtless.
My insides twisted – his skin felt hot pressed next to mine. I was wide awake, staring at the ceiling, more infuriated and frustrated than ever with the sound of his soothing breaths. I sighed aloud once again and kicked one leg out of the bed. I was so obviously awake, there could be no doubt.
Sean didn’t move and I contemplated punching him in the back of the head, but instead, after what seemed like hours having passed (okay, maybe minutes), I did something far, far worse.
I sat bolt upright in bed. “You have got to be fucking kidding me!”
That got his attention. Sean turned slightly towards me.
“What?” his tired voice croaked in the dark. I leaned across him and gave little thought to how awkward the actual manoeuvre was. He actually got a face full of my boobs as I reached across him for the touch lamp. In a frantic three taps, the bedroom glowed, causing us both to wince against the light.
“Jesus, Amy!”
I tried to keep my voice from shaking, from seeming like some bunny-boiling psycho, but I couldn’t help myself.
“Are we honestly going to do this? Lie in the dark and pretend that this is just what happens, that me being in your bed is all casual and non-weird, that we’ll both just drift off to sleep?”
Sean rolled onto his back with a groan, rubbing his eyes. “I did drift off to sleep.”
“It might be normal for you, Sean Murphy, to just kiss a girl midday and then act as if it never happened. Then later, lock her in your bedroom and lay next to her with …” My eyes widened. “Oh my God, have you even got clothes on?”
Sean looked at me wearily. Ripping back the covers, he revealed black silk boxers.
“Satisfied?”
My mouth gaped. Looking at his chiselled six-pack lying in front of me, I quickly averted my eyes from his half-naked body.
“No, let me guess.” He pulled himself up onto his elbows. “That’s the thing, isn’t it? You’re not satisfied.”
My eyes snapped up to meet his crooked smirk; he was becoming more awake and alert every second.
“Excuse me?”
“What do you want from me, Amy?”
I blinked, taking in the question, searching for an answer. What was my argument again?
Sean sat up and leaned his elbows on his knees. His eyes burned into me. “Do you want me to fuck you? Is that what you want?”
I gasped, my mouth dropping open. “How dare you speak to me like that!”
Sean smiled, satisfied, as if I had given him the exact reaction he had been hoping for. “Then go to sleep.”
“I will not be told what to do, especially from the likes of you.” I glowered at him. I should have slapped him across his smug face a second ago when the moment had called for it.
Sean leaned back against his pillow, folding his hands behind his head, studying me seriously as if I were a bug under a microscope. “What if I told you to come over here?” he asked. “Would you?”
Frustration boiled in me; I dug my nails into my leg to stop myself from screaming.
“Stop playing with me,” I bit out.
All humour had disappeared from Sean. His eyes burned into mine. “I told you …” He reached out to the lamp next to the bed and, with a delicate tap, plunged us both into darkness. “I don’t play games.”
Chapter Forty-Nine
I sat up in the bed, frozen to the spot.
It was as if all thoughts were wiped from my memory. After a long moment, I heard him chuckle.
“Relax, Amy, go to sleep.”
Sean turned again, making himself comfy nestling under the blankets. This time, I wasn’t angry when I stared at his back. Instead, something else stirred in me – he wasn’t playing with me, or using me as an object. Maybe he just didn’t see me that way?
But as the darkness consumed me and my shoulders sagged in defeat, the exhaustion of the day hit me again and I let down my guard to all the things I had promised myself that I wouldn’t lie about anymore. No more secrets, no more denying how I felt, and that included the infuriating lump right next to me. I just wanted to forget all the things that plagued my thoughts; just for one night I wanted to forget, to feel something other than guilt, and hopelessness, and even though I had no real way of knowing, I knew what I wanted. I could obliterate it all … just for one night.
Sliding down under the blanket, I edged myself up close behind Sean. I slipped my hand slowly under his arm and along his bare stomach. I pressed my lips to his shoulder blade.
“Sean?”
Sean’s breathing changed. I felt it as soon as my hand glided over his ripped stomach. Pressing into him, I felt him tense under my touch. I smiled, feeling a certain surge of power in taking him by surprise.
“Amy?” His voice was low and raspy.
I bit my lower lip, thinking that perhaps I should say goodnight and force sleep on myself, welcome the uncomplicated aspect of that and be happy. But that wouldn’t make me forget, or feel, so instead I whispered into his shoulder.
“I don’t want to play games anymore.”
Silence ensued. A long, painful silence. The only measure of Sean I had was his heart thundering against my palm.
What was he thinking? Oh my God, had I made a horrible mistake? Just when I was about to awkwardly peel my arm away and curse myself for even uttering those stupid, stupid words, Sean turned.
In one fluid motion, he forced me to draw my arm back as I was suddenly face to face with his beautiful, serious eyes. I read his wary expression, lit by the rays of moonlight that shone through the window. His throat worked to swallow as he studied me, wagering on whether I was serious or not.
I had no way of voicing it; I didn’t know how. Instead, I sat up and hitched myself onto my knees. Slowly, without tearing my eyes from his, I peeled one spaghetti strap from my shoulder and then the other. I slid my dress down and pushed it below my belly button. Sean’s eyes watched me intently, his jaw clenched. I shimmied the dress over my hips and around my legs, throwing it across the room. Now I had bared myself to him there was no going back, nothing else to shed; because I then did something so bold, so unexpected, I honestly didn’t know I had had it in me.
I straddled him. I had morphed into the femme fatale I had always joked I could never be. Any doubts of his desire were soon erased when I felt the press of him intimately against the sheer scrap of my underwear. His chest rose and fell heavily at the unexpected movement. His eyes burned into me now with a deep need I had never seen before. It excited me.
I grabbed his hands and placed them on me. A gasp escaped from my lips at the feel of his work-roughened hands on my skin. His fingers gripped me as I moved my hips, revelling in the feel of his touch. This was how I wanted to forget, just like this. I felt all the sadness, doubt, and anger evaporate and channel into something else entirely. Above all this, I needed something more. Before another second passed I found it, or, rather, it found me. Sean sat up and claimed my mouth with an all-consuming passion.
I loved the way he kissed me. It was nothing like the kiss from only that afternoon. He kissed me now so deeply, so unapologetically as if each draw from my lips was needed as much as the air he breathed. As though he needed my mouth with such utter desperation or he would simply not survive.
He rolled me onto my back, shifting my legs apart with his knees. His arms pressed on either side of my head, caging me in with his muscled biceps. He smelled like soap and tasted of minty toothpaste, his hair still damp from the shower.
I traced my fingers through his curls, fisting a handful at the nape of his neck that rewarded me wi
th a moan of pleasure that I captured with my lips. As long as Sean was touching me, I was in paradise. I knew what I was doing was bad, that we were crossing a line that would change everything.
I still wanted to do it.
“You’re not going to go to sleep, are you?” Sean whispered against my lips.
I smiled, my eyes locking with his. “Do you want me to?”
Sean lowered his wicked mouth and pressed his soft lips against my neck. His hips rocked against me making my breath hitch. “What do you think?”
A thrill spiked in the pit of my stomach. It was hard to think. I tried to grasp onto the edges of my mind. Sean pressed against me again, capturing my gasp with his lips as he kissed me deeply with his hot, delving tongue.
I was lost, completely and utterly lost to him. I closed my eyes and arched against his delicious weight pressing down on me; my fingers digging into his narrow hips as the silk of his boxers rubbed along my thighs. With every blinding sensation, ‘trouble’ still managed to enter my mind, but all was lost when Sean’s wicked hands moved to peel the offending fabric of my underwear away.
His heated eyes locked with mine as he took his time, as if asking a silent question and expecting me to still his hand that now slid slowly up my shin, along my thigh and between my legs. This was trouble all right; being in Sean Murphy’s arms, being in his bed was diabolically wrong, catastrophically bad. I was undeniably doomed. Yet still, it was completely and utterly without a question the only place I wanted to be.
Chapter Fifty
The most awkward thing in the world?
People knowing you’ve had sex.
Ringer munched thoughtfully on a piece of toast at the breakfast bar, his amused eyes darting between Sean and me as if he expected details.
“So, you kids sleep all right?” Ringer asked, beaming at us.
Sean threw him a warning look and Ringer winked at him as he sipped on his OJ.
Such a smart-arse.
I pinched my leg under the table, praying I wouldn’t turn crimson. I had completely forgotten Ringer was even here. Oh God, how loud had I been? Mortified by the thought, the sooner I got away from Ringer’s all-knowing eyes the better.
