by London Casey
Chapter 38
(Hear That Sound?)
15 YEARS AGO
(AIDEN)
Jake stood in a leather jacket with a cigarette tucked between his lips. Someone said he wasn't allowed to smoke backstage, but he did anyway. We had briefly met him before the show. That was merely a handshake, a good luck, a quick two-minute pitch why our band was the best band in the world.
After the show, it was different.
I couldn’t remember a better show. The entire band dialed in. Me with my guitar. At the mic. The people really hearing us. Not just sitting there sipping their drinks yelling at each other. They watched us. They danced a little. When I said to do something, they did it. The entire time, Jake was looking around.
“Play that song,” Jake said to me.
“What?”
“That new song. You said you wrote that today?”
“Yeah.”
“Play it.”
“The rest of the guys…”
“Fuck them. Play the song.”
Richie and the guys went to have a few drinks. We got paid next to nothing, but we were able to drink for free.
I grabbed my guitar and started to play.
I ran through the new song on my own. During the show, I had the full band with me. The song was good with the added sound. But stripped down solo acoustic, it was pure. It was really raw.
Jake dropped his cigarette to the floor and stepped on it, leaving a black smear on the white tile. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper.
“This is a contract,” he said. “You and me.”
“What?”
“You’re the band, Aiden. You do it all. I can build around you. I can sell you. The rest of them? Come on…”
“No way,” I said. “We’re a band.”
“You’re the leader.”
“Doesn’t matter. You sign the band, not me.”
“You really want to go that route?”
“Yeah.”
“That road is hard. You’re the one who’s going to do all the work. And then you’ll have to share the credit with three other guys.”
“Fine,” I said. “This is one song, Jake. One song that is mine.”
“Who wrote the rest?”
I swallowed hard. “I did.”
“Right. One song, huh?”
I stood up and put the guitar on a table. “If you came here to do this, then go.”
Jake nodded. He took out a lighter and lit the contract on fire, then dropped it into the trash. I watched the contract burn.
I felt my heart sink.
What had I done?
“What’s going on?” Richie asked, appearing from the front of the club.
“Uh…”
“Talking contracts,” Jake said. He pulled out another piece of paper. “I’m ready to sign the band.”
Jake looked at me and nodded.
I should have known right then he was a slimly businessman.
Everyone cheered.
Jake held out a pen.
Everyone signed.
I was the last to do so.
The guys were still cheering, drinking beers and whiskey.
Jake leaned against a table as I finished signing. “Hear that sound? That’s the sound of a rockstar coming to life.”
“Yeah?” I asked.
“Don’t worry, Aiden, this will be all about you. Be ready, though. When I make the call for you to leave, you need to leave.”
“What?”
“I’m going to take this contract, along with everything I recorded tonight, and I’m going to work. I have no doubt in my mind that I’ll get you a record deal soon.”
Jake took the contract and patted my back.
He said his goodbyes and left.
Richie and the guys pulled me to the bar. We drank until the bar and club shut down. Then we hung out in the back in the alley, with our guitars and a couple bottles of booze Richie stole from the bar.
I drank myself stupid, played guitar, threw up, and passed out.
I woke the next morning to the sun beating down on my face, my crusted eyes opening, my head feeling like it had been slammed against a wall.
I smiled.
I was officially a real rockstar. I had a manager. I had written a song that made things happen. I had a band. I had a dream. And that dream included getting Lily out of this town. Me and her. Together.
Funny thing about dreams is they don’t always go as planned.
I waited for her birthday.
It was kind of silly to do that, but I wanted it to be special for her. She had waited so long, and I wanted her to know how much she meant to me. Yeah, it was a long wait, for me too. Having the girl of my dreams and having her be afraid of giving herself up to me. But I didn't want to pressure her at all. She had every reason to want to wait, and I couldn’t fault her for sticking to something she believed in.
I played with her hair long after she fell asleep. I had a smile on my face that was a mile wide. Even with fucking Richie throwing rocks at my window, trying to be an asshole, the night went perfect. I bought Lily roses. I bought her her favorite dinner. I lit as many candles as I could find. I kept everything slow, easy, romantic. But when I finally got her, all bets were off.
The best part?
The second time was her idea.
The third time was mine.
Now she slept.
I let out a deep breath and swung my feet off the bed. I hit play again on my CD player and let my music play for Lily once more. I had busted my ass to save up enough to get into the studio to record some songs for her. Just me and a guitar. She had the only copy of it.
I walked to the kitchen and got a drink of water.
I then wandered around the apartment, feeling uneasy.
To say I loved Lily just didn’t feel like enough. Without her, this whole music thing would have never happened. She was the driving force behind it. Shit, the song that Jake signed the band for? Lily was the one who grabbed a notebook and jotted down the lyrics I was singing. I would start a song and get lost in it and never write the words. The song would die off as soon as it left me.
I walked back to the bedroom and crouched next to the bed. I moved a piece of hair out of Lily’s face.
“I love you,” I whispered.
My phone lit up a second later.
Jake was calling me.
I grabbed my phone and left the room, shutting the door.
“Jake?”
“I knew you’d be up.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Time to fly.”
“What?”
“You have a meeting with a record company. Need you guys on a plane.”
“When?”
“Right now.”
“Right now?”
“Yeah. I just booked four tickets. You have to get to the airport right now. Flight leaves in three hours.”
“Jake…”
“Aiden, I told you this was going to happen. Don’t fuck with me.”
I swallowed hard. “Okay. I’m just…”
“I called in a favor,” Jake said. “I got the demo and the live recording in front of an exec. Okay? He’s got no time for you guys. But…I convinced him to meet you at the gym.”
“The gym?”
“He works out at six in the morning. Private gym. You guys will be there, and you’ll talk to him. I’ll be there too. He signs you on the spot, and you go into the studio. This is what you wanted, right?”
“Shit., yes!”
“Then move.”
The call went dead.
I stood there in the silence of my apartment. My mind felt like it was racing in fifty directions, but in reality, it was just two. The band, or Lily. That was it. It was that simple.
I opened the bedroom door and already knew what I had to do. I crouched down and leaned forward. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I inhaled the scent of Lily’s hair. I touched her face, my fingertips memor
izing the softness of her skin.
Shit.
It wasn’t the first time I had to dart out on her, either. Five years ago, when we first met and first fell in love, there was a situation. I had to take off. I broke her heart. I swore I’d come back. And I did. I came back. I swept her off her feet again and loved her with all my heart. Now, she was giving herself to me. So that we’d be forever connected. I was her first. And I dreamed of being her only and her last.
I stroked her hair and leaned in, kissing her cheek.
“I love you, Lily. My flower. I’ll be back. You know I’ll be back. No matter how much it hurts you. I’ll be back for you…”
I stood up. The music stopped playing.
I restarted it and grabbed a bag. I packed all the clothes I could fit. I grabbed some memories of me and Lily. Then I grabbed my guitar.
There were tears in my eyes as I walked out of the apartment.
But I had to.
I had to go.
I had to chase that dream down and make it real, so I could save Lily. Get her out of this town. Show her a good time. A good life. Give her everything I had to offer.
I drove away, knowing what I was leaving behind.
I swore I’d be back. No matter what.
I loved her.
I fucking loved her.
Later, I fell asleep on the flight. I dreamed of me and Lily together on a beach. Holding hands. The beach breeze whipping her hair everywhere. Just us. The sand. The shore. The crashing waves. Her beautiful smile. My heart so full.
My eyes popped open, and I wanted to turn around.
But it was too late.
I was already long gone…
Chapter 39
(Just Fucking Swing, Okay?)
20 YEARS AGO
(AIDEN)
I stepped on the nasty-tasting cigarette. I made sure my hair was perfect. Long, somewhat spiked, a black bandana across my forehead. I was nothing but trouble, because I looked the part and I fucking played the part.
My stomach growled in protest that I hadn’t eaten since lunch in school. Fucking fifteen years old and they were still serving up PB&Js on hard bread with milk that was a day off going bad, along with baby carrots that had weird white shit on them.
Fuck that.
I hung in the hall and took care of myself. That meant grabbing whatever lunch I could get. Today’s pickings were slim. I managed some pepperoni, a can of soda, and then had to go get the fucking PB&J anyway.
Opening the door to my house was like opening a Christmas present from a distant relative. You honestly had no idea what to expect.
It was surprisingly quiet.
I threw my bag on the couch. Fuck homework. I went to the fridge and grabbed a soda. I opened the cabinets and scrounged up some chips and that was fine for now. I had to meet my buddy Tink in about thirty minutes. We’d figure out a way to earn a few bucks and then hit the local burger joint and eat all we wanted on five bucks. Don’t ask how, it doesn’t matter.
I walked from the kitchen to the dining room, and I stopped dead in my tracks.
My mother and some guy were at the table. They were both asleep. They both had needles in their arms.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
I put my soda down and ran to my mother. I hated her. I really hated her. But it was my mother. I was still the little boy holding a dinosaur and a juicebox hoping that today would be the day she would want to play with me.
I put my fingers to her neck.
She had a pulse.
I looked at the guy next to her. I touched his neck.
Also a pulse.
I opened his jacket and saw all the shit he had inside. He was a dealer. A fucking lowlife dealer in my house, shooting up my mother. Shooting up himself. Passing out.
I played the scene in my head.
If my old man came home and found this…
He’d fucking kill the guy. Then he’d probably go after my mother.
I shook my head.
I hated my father as much as I hated my mother. And there was no little boy with a dinosaur and juicebox. There was an angry kid who’d turned into an angrier teenager.
But still, I had the urge to protect my mother.
I grabbed a paper towel and foolishly pulled the needles out of their arms. I knew how dangerous that was. But I had to clean up the scene.
I grabbed the asshole at the table and dragged him through the house. I took him outside and around the side of the house. I stood him up and balanced him against the chain link fence that connected to a lot where a house had burned down ten years ago. I’d never forget sitting in my bedroom, watching the flames. Nobody did anything with the lot so it was all overgrown.
I flipped the guy up and over the fence. He fell into the brush and was hidden. If he died, oh well. If he woke up, he’d be confused and then wander his way to the next customer and the next high.
Back inside the house, I grabbed my mother and dragged her to the couch. I positioned her on her side and covered her with a blanket. I crouched down and touched her cheek. How could my heart ache so much for someone who didn’t love me? And I didn’t give a shit what anyone said: it was possible for a parent to not love their kids. I was living it.
I stood up and walked to the table again. I made sure there was no evidence of drug use. I grabbed my mother’s purse and helped myself to whatever I wanted. I took half her cigarettes and found a crumpled-up twenty.
Then I heard the sound of my father pulling into the gravel driveway.
That was my cue to leave.
I hoped he would assume my mother was in a drunken stupor.
I had no intention of seeing him.
I left through the backdoor and knew exactly where I was going next.
To see my flower.
She was so damn cute and awkward still. Sitting on the back steps of her house, wearing a pretty floral dress, her knees bumping together as she bit on her pink nails. Everything about her was almost geeky, but she captured me. I knew she was two years younger than me and it was a little weird. But I kept myself as a proper gentleman when it came to Lily. I only kissed her once. She blushed. We stopped. She asked me to kiss her again but I refused.
All my buddies thought I was fucked in the head for the way I felt about Lily.
They didn’t get it. They were all worried about jumping into a bed with a girl.
Not me.
Lily understood me. I understood her. We were both broken and trying to find the pieces to make sense of life together.
No matter the age.
With the twenty I had stolen from my mother, I stopped at the corner shop and bought her a bottle of her favorite soda, a candy bar, and some teeny-bopper magazine that I knew she liked but couldn’t afford.
When she saw me coming through the backyard, her eyes lit up.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey,” she said.
“You look really pretty.”
She blushed. She always blushed.
“Thanks.”
“I got you something. I know your birthday is a few days away.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“You like?”
She twisted the cap off the soda and sipped it. She groaned. “Cherry… my favorite…”
I took a step up and sat down next to her.
“Why are you dressed up?”
“I was supposed to go out with my mother.”
“Yeah?”
Lily looked at me and nodded. “She’s drunk. Throwing up.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah. I found this dress and I thought it would be nice to go out for my birthday. I get dinner for free at Panchi’s. You’re supposed to go on your birthday but I figured if I asked them… since my mother mentioned it, I didn’t want to waste the chance. The owner, Gary, he’s always nice to me. He’d probably let me get a free birthday dinner. Even if he said no, I saved up money. Babysitting. So I could pay. I guess not this year. It’s oka
y, though, I never get to go out for dinner.
I reached for her hand. I squeezed it. “Listen to me, Lily. I have to go meet Tink and help him with something. When I’m done, I’m coming back here. And we’re going to get that dinner.”
“No. Stop.”
“No. You’re getting a birthday dinner, Lily.”
“Aiden…”
“I’ll take care of it.” I touched her cheek. “I promise, Lily. I really…you and me…I mean what I say.”
She smiled, cheeks red again. “You forgot something for my birthday.”
“Well, it’s technically not your birthday yet. I’ll get you something else.”
“No, Aiden. I don’t want things. I don’t need things. I have you. I was kind of hoping for a birthday kiss.”
I smiled. I leaned in and kissed her lips. Just a little kiss. The kind I always gave her when I was leaving.
I stood up and walked down the steps. “I’ll be back, Lily. And we’re going to dinner. And then I’ll give you your birthday kiss.”
“I like that,” Lily said.
“I’m really sorry about your mother,” I said. “I know how that goes.”
I didn’t need to tell her about my mother right then. Lily took things to heart. She was so caring and giving. I always feared that it would get her into trouble when she got older. For all the bad shit that happened to her, she never let it shell over her. I think that’s why I loved her.
And yes, I did love her.
Don’t give me that bullshit about being fifteen. My heart knew what it felt. And looking at Lily made me feel that life would eventually turn out fine.
I winked at her and left.
I still had about fifteen bucks in my pocket in change from my mother’s twenty plus a couple bucks I already had. I had no fucking clue if that was enough to get Lily a dinner, but I would make it work.
Worst case, Tink would spot me some cash.
It was the first thing I asked him when I met up with him next to the tracks. That’s where we all went to smoke, fight, and get into trouble. There were a few spots with old mattresses for those who wanted to get their pleasure taken care of. I never went near that, though.
