Daddy Lessons

by Carolyne Aarsen

  “The Makita is a good choice,” she heard Dan’s deep voice say on the other side of the aisle. “You won’t regret it.”

  “That’s my daddy,” Natasha called out and pulled her hand free before Hailey could stop her. Natasha’s glittery wings bounced as she jogged down the aisle. As she rounded the corner, one wing caught the edge of a toolbox and stopped her headlong rush. As Natasha lost her balance, the box toppled toward her and knocked her over. She sat a moment, looking shocked, and then her wounded cries reverberated through the store.

  “Natasha. What are you doing here? Where’s Miss Deacon?”

  Hailey caught up to Natasha at the same time as Dan, not surprised at the suppressed anger in his voice. Hailey pulled the box off Natasha and Dan pulled his now-sobbing daughter up into his arms. He brushed her tangled hair off her face, looking her over as she kept crying.

  “I think she’s more scared than hurt,” Hailey said over Natasha’s wails, trying to put the box back on the shelf.

  “What is she doing down here?” Dan asked as he tucked Natasha’s head against his neck. Then, behind Dan, Hailey caught the curious glance of the customer Dan had been helping. Great. Carter’s gray eyes sparkled with mischief and the smirk on her cousin’s face told her that whatever happened here would be reported posthaste to Nana, her sister Shannon and Carter’s fiancée, Emma.

  “Thanks for the help, Dan,” Carter said. “I’ll go pay for this.”

  “Let me know how that drill works out for you,” Dan replied, the scowl on his face showing Hailey how bothered he was at this interruption.

  Carter winked at Hailey, then left, his cowboy boots echoing on the wooden floor.

  “So why are you here?” Dan set Natasha on the floor, his scowl deepening. “I hired you so I wouldn’t have to deal with these kinds of distractions.”

  “Natasha has been having difficulty staying focused, so I thought we could try some hands-on problem solving.” Hailey strived to sound as though she was in control of the situation.

  “I thought your job was to get her to stay focused?” Dan growled.

  Hailey put on her most pleasant expression and nodded. “This is a transition time.”

  Dan’s hazel eyes narrowed. “I still don’t see how bringing her down here and disrupting things will help her.”

  Hailey forced herself to stay calm and not get pulled into the challenge she saw in his gaze. “I’ll make sure she stays out of your way and doesn’t bother customers. It’s just for a few moments, to give her a bit of a break.”

  Dan shook his head. “I prefer if you keep her upstairs. She has to learn to stay on task. That’s what I hired you for.”

  “You also hired me to use my judgment, right?” She forced a smile, hoping she didn’t sound as contrary as she felt.

  Dan didn’t return her smile. “I hired you to do what I want. Right now I want you to take her upstairs and work with her there. Goofing around in the store won’t help her make the transition.”

  He held her gaze a beat, as if to reinforce what he’d said.

  Though every part of her rebelled, Hailey guessed this was not the time and place to argue with him.

  Natasha pulled on her hand. “Can we go do my schoolwork now?”

  Lowering her shoulders Hailey took a deep breath to relax. She’d have to find a better time to have this discussion with Dan. But they would have it. He had hired her to do a job and if he didn’t like her methods, then he would have to find someone else.

  “We’re going back upstairs, sweetie,” Hailey said, putting her hands on Natasha’s shoulders.

  “I don’t like it in the ’partment. I want to be here with my daddy.”

  Well, your daddy doesn’t want you to be here with him.

  Hailey knew that wasn’t entirely true. Dan had his own ideas of how Natasha should be schooled but, unfortunately, they didn’t coincide with hers.

  “I like this sandwich.” Natasha grinned as she looked up from the plate Hailey had set in front of her. “How did you make it look like a rabbit?”

  “Your grandmother has a great big cookie cutter in the shape of a rabbit,” Hailey said. She remembered when Dan’s mother had brought the cookie cutter up from the store. Dan and Austin had teased Mrs. Morrow about the humongous cookies she would be making with them and how fat they would all get eating rabbit cookies.

  The memory teased up other emotions, which she fought down with a sense of dismay. Was this how it would be for the rest of her time teaching Natasha? Old memories and old emotions constantly assaulting her?

  She took a quick breath. Just get through it.

  “Aren’t you making a sandwich?” Natasha asked, swinging her feet as she picked up her rabbit.

  “Not for me. I’m going to eat with some friends at a café,” Hailey said, just as the stairway door creaked open.

  Dan stepped into the apartment, talking on his cell phone. “I needed that order yesterday,” he said as he bent over Natasha’s head and gave her a kiss.

  When Hailey got back from the kitchen with the sandwich she had made for him, he had finished his phone call.

  “How was your morning, munchkin?” Dan asked, sitting down beside Natasha as Hailey set a plate in front of him. “Did you get lots of work done?”

  “I got bored and then I got sad.” Natasha delivered the comment with a sorrowful look Dan’s way, and just in case he didn’t get that, she added a dramatic sniff.

  “What were you sad about?”

  “My mommy.”

  Dan pulled the corner of his lip between his teeth, then pointed to the plate in front of her. “But look at the cool sandwich Miss Deacon made for you. It looks like…a rabbit?” He shot Hailey a puzzled look.

  “I used that old cookie cutter of your mother’s.”

  “She still has it around?” Dan’s mouth quirked up in a grin, which didn’t help Hailey’s equilibrium around him. She’d thought he would still be upset with her for taking Natasha downstairs. It appeared she’d been forgiven.

  “I thought it would make her sandwich more interesting,” Hailey returned, wrapping her purple sweater around herself. “So, if you guys are good, I’m heading down to Mug Shots for lunch.”

  Dan’s puzzled expression held a touch of relief. The awkwardness between them was palpable and she guessed he would be more comfortable if she left.

  “Sure. Thanks a lot for the sandwich. You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I didn’t mind,” Hailey said, walking to the cupboard to get her coat.

  “No. You can’t go,” Natasha cried out. “You have to stay and eat with us. Daddy always says it’s important to eat together.”

  Hailey gave the little girl a gentle smile as she pulled her coat on. “Your dad was talking about families eating together,” she said, pulling her hair free from the collar. “Which you are doing right now. You and your daddy are a family.”

  Natasha turned to Dan, grabbing his arm and giving it a tug. “Tell her she has to stay. Tell her, Daddy.”

  Conflicting emotions flitted across Dan’s features.

  Hailey held up her hand, forestalling his answer and giving him an out. “No. I should go. I have some friends waiting for me I want to visit with.” Not entirely true, but there was bound to be someone she knew hanging around Mug Shots.

  As she zipped up her jacket, Dan’s cell phone rang.

  Dan answered it, then, as he spoke, glanced up at Hailey, frowning. “Yeah, I guess I can,” he said. He ended the call, then eased out a sigh as he held her eyes. “That was Jess Schroder. I need to meet him down at the lumberyard in twenty minutes.”

  Hailey bit her lip as she checked the clock. “That doesn’t give me enough time to get to the coffee shop, eat and come back.” She he
sitated a moment more, then accepted the inevitable. “I guess I better eat lunch here,” she said, unzipping her coat.

  “Sorry about that,” Dan said. “I’ll make sure you get a break tomorrow.”

  She just nodded, then returned to the kitchen to make a sandwich for herself. She took her time, not sure she wanted to sit down at the table with Dan and Natasha. The situation smacked of domesticity.

  She brought her sandwich to the table, sat down, then bowed her head, her hair falling like a curtain around her flushed cheeks. Dear Lord, just help me get through this, she prayed. Help me act around Dan like I would around any other guy. And bless this food, please, and thanks for all the blessings I have.

  She waited a moment, as if to let the prayer settle. When she looked up she caught Dan’s enigmatic expression. She knew what he was thinking. At one time church, God and praying had not figured prominently in her life.

  I’m not the irresponsible and goofy girl I used to be, she wanted to say.

  Though she kept her thoughts to herself, she was unable to look away, unable to stop the tender stirring in her chest of older emotions. Older attractions.

  “Why were you looking at your sandwich?” Natasha asked.

  Hailey broke the connection, smiling at Natasha’s confusion. “I was praying a blessing on my food.”

  “Why?” Natasha pressed, biting off the ear of her bunny sandwich.

  Hailey cut her bread in two, then carefully laid her knife down, considering her answer. “It’s because everything we have comes from God and so does our food. So I like to thank Him for it.”

  “How come we don’t do that, Daddy?”

  “Because I don’t always think of it,” was his quiet response. “But we should.”

  Hailey kept her attention on her sandwich, perplexed at the change in their situation. At one time she’d been the one who didn’t pray and seldom went to church. Now, it seemed, Dan was the one who had moved away from the faith he’d been raised with.

  “My mommy never prayed either,” Natasha was saying. “Is that bad?”

  Hailey coughed, then took a quick drink of water to cover up her reaction. “Your mommy probably had other things to think about and other things to do.”

  “My mommy did lots of things.” Natasha examined her sandwich as if deciding which part of the rabbit to remove next. She swung her legs, then bit off the tail. “Like reading and sewing and driving and having long naps in the sunshine. I always had to be quiet then.”

  Dan put his hand on Natasha’s arm. “We don’t need to talk about Mommy,” he said, his voice quiet.

  Natasha gave him a puzzled glance. “Miss Deacon said it was good to talk about Mommy.”

  Dan shot a frown in Hailey’s direction. “Did you tell her that?” he asked, a stern note edging his voice.

  Once again she felt as if he was questioning her methods. And once again he was doing it in front of Natasha. They needed to have a teacher-parent “chat” about this later on, but in the meantime she needed to deal with this latest situation.

  Hailey set her sandwich down, trying to decide how to approach this, reminding herself to be diplomatic.

  “It’s healthy to verbalize the past,” Hailey said, using words Natasha might not understand.

  “But that brings up extreme emotions.”

  Hailey lifted one slender shoulder in a light shrug, knowing Dan referred to the periodic meltdowns his daughter had gone through. “Expressing those emotions is not a negative, considering the timeline of the loss. But more importantly, burying the past is not healthy. These difficulties have a way of manifesting themselves sooner or later and not always in positive interactions,” she replied.

  As soon as she saw Dan’s stricken expression, chills feathered down her spine. She was speaking about Natasha’s losing her mother, but she wondered if her comment resurrected thoughts of Austin.

  Since Austin’s death, she and Dan had never had the chance to talk about him. Their last conversation had been full of pain and anger and the resoluteness of Dan’s decision to leave.

  Once again the old questions rose up, the second-guessing that haunted her after she walked away from Dan. What if she hadn’t forced him? What if she had been more understanding?

  She dismissed the questions, pulling her gaze away from Dan, realizing the futility of returning to the past in this situation. At the time she’d made the best decision for herself. She couldn’t have predicted what had happened after she’d broken up with Dan.

  Maybe Dan was right. Maybe some things were better left in the past. Maybe moving on and forgetting was the practical thing to do.

  “As far as verbalizing memories of Lydia are concerned,” she continued, determined not to let the current point of discussion on the table be dropped, “I feel strongly that I am correct, based on various psychological studies that I’ve read on the subject during my time in university.” This time she locked eyes with his determined look, playing her education as her final card.

  He blinked, then looked over at Natasha. The confused expression on the little girl’s face told Hailey that, thankfully, she didn’t understand what they were discussing.

  “Okay, so how would this work?” Dan asked.

  Hailey sensed his wavering in the question and pressed on, still looking at him.

  “I would let her determine the direction of the conversation. Allow some fantasy elements, play along a bit, but then steer the topic back to the present.”

  Dan simply nodded, drumming his fingers on the table. “And if it never stops?” His comments seemed to challenge her but beneath them Hailey caught a hint of fear.

  “I think you will discover that in time, that will ease away. But time and expressing the sorrow are equally important factors.”

  “We’ll need to talk more about this,” he said, lowering his voice.

  “Are you guys talking about me?” Natasha piped up, her eager gaze flicking from Dan to Hailey.

  Dan cleared his throat. “Yes, we are,” he said. “And we’re talking about your mommy.”

  Well, that was a bit of progress, Hailey thought. She turned her attention back to Natasha. “Why don’t you tell us some of the things your mommy liked to do?” she asked, taking the conversational initiative.

  The huge smile spreading across Natasha’s face only reinforced what Hailey had been trying to say to Dan. “We would go swimming in the creek,” she said, waving the rest of her sandwich. “She liked to splash me. We would go to the ocean and she would dance with me in my princess costume on the beach. Sometimes we would play hide-and-go-seek.” Natasha put her sandwich down, leaning forward, her eyes bright as the memories spilled out. “One time we played it in a grocery store. That was so fun. And Mommy bought popcorn for supper and we went on a secret trip with Mommy’s friend, Harold, and Daddy was mad because he wasn’t invited.”

  Dan cleared his throat and Hailey couldn’t help quickly glancing his way. His lips were pressed together as if stifling his own comments.

  While Natasha talked, however, Hailey got a clear picture of what Natasha’s life was like with Lydia. Erratic, interesting and nothing like Dan’s well-ordered, agenda-driven lifestyle that could drive Hailey crazy sometimes.

  More questions bubbled to the surface of her consciousness. How had Lydia and Dan met? How had he ended up marrying someone so completely different? Or had that been her appeal?

  Then Natasha sighed and her features melted into a sad uncertainty, as if the memories reinforced what she had lost.

  She sniffed and a few tears drifted down her cheek, shining in the light cast by the lamp above them. “I miss my mom,” she said, her voice hoarse with pain.

  Dan shot Hailey a knowing glance, as if Natasha’s sadness punctuated his previous protests,
but Hailey didn’t flinch. She knew she was right to encourage Natasha to talk about her mother and that tears were a natural result of bringing up those memories.

  Dan drew his daughter into the shelter of his arms, laying his head on hers. Once again Hailey couldn’t look away from the obvious love Dan had for his little girl. It created a throb of regret for the relationship she’d never had with her own father.

  This little girl does not realize how blessed she is, Hailey thought, getting up to tug a few tissues from the box that Dan’s mother always had sitting on the refrigerator. When she got back Dan was talking to Natasha in low, comforting tones. She wasn’t crying anymore, but she stayed ensconced on her father’s lap.

  Hailey handed Dan the tissues. He wiped Natasha’s eyes, then dropped a light kiss on the top of her head. “Are you going to be okay, munchkin?” he asked, his voice low.

  She nodded as she drew in a wavering breath. “Can I go get my princess wand? I think it can make me feel happy.”

  Dan nodded and she slipped off the chair, trudging down the hall.

  Sorrow pinched Dan’s face as he watched her go. Then, with another sigh, he pushed himself away from the table, picked up his and Natasha’s plates and walked to the kitchen.

  Hailey took her own plate and followed him.

  “In time, it will get better,” she assured him, setting her plate on the counter. “I still believe she needs to articulate what she’s dealing with.”

  “It’s hard to watch,” Dan said, his voice breaking a little as he leaned back, his hands resting behind him on the edge of the countertop.

  Hearing him speak his own pain was hard for her as well. She felt an onslaught of pity for him and had to clench her fists to prevent herself from reaching out and comforting him.

  So she stayed where she was, the few feet between them looming as large as Hartley Creek Canyon. They had to keep their lives separate. She had her plans in place and she wasn’t wavering from them because an old boyfriend had come back to town.