Truly, Madly, Deeply

by Karen Kingsbury

  Raul was waiting for him. “Tommy, look at you. All dressed up!” He opened the door. “Suit pants and a tie!”

  Tommy grinned. “Christmas Eve service! You’ll have to come with me some week!”

  “You know”—Raul took two bags from Tommy and led him into the building and through two security doors—“I think I’d like that.”

  Inside the break room a couple dozen police officers were milling about, laughing, celebrating. A few of them wore Santa hats and three had blinking Christmas light necklaces. “Tommy!” Officer Conway stepped out of the group and came to him. “Let me help you.” He took the other bags and set them on the table.

  Tommy opened the cookie container. “Had to share my mom’s favorites!”

  “These sandwiches, though!” Raul set the other bags down. “You must know someone at Chick-fil-A!”

  A female officer clapped. “Christmas just came early.”

  “Tommy Baxter, everyone!” Raul pointed both hands at him. “Tell ’em what you told me.”

  When everyone had quieted down, Tommy looked around the room. These were the men and women keeping him and his family safe. He spotted Officer Green. Yes, these were the ones who had literally saved his parents’ lives. “I brought dinner to thank you. All of you.”

  “No one does that, Baxter.” Officer Conway gave him a thumbs-up.

  “Well.” Tommy grinned at Raul. “You’ve let me ride along with you way longer than I should’ve.” He shifted his attention to Officer Green. “And you make life safer. For my family. For everyone in Indianapolis.” He put his hands in his pockets. “So this is me saying thanks… and merry Christmas!”

  Tommy stayed long enough to eat a chicken sandwich and chat with Raul. Then he was on his way again. More stops. More people to see. In the backseat he had a wrapped gift for Annalee. But his plan for tonight included more than a Christmas present.

  He drove to the nearest Walmart and practically ran inside. Annalee had been on his heart all day and he couldn’t wait to see her. But he didn’t want to show up without this one special item. The perfect one was at the back of the store. Tommy bought it, and headed for the hospital.

  Arms full, Tommy entered her room. Annalee was lying flat in bed, and her parents were in chairs beside her. “What’s this?” She lifted her head and a slight smile brightened her face. “A Christmas tree? For me?”

  “Yes.” Tommy set the tree on the table next to her bed. “I can’t let my best girl spend Christmas Eve at the hospital without a tree.” He leaned over the bed and kissed her forehead. “How are you, love?”

  She smiled with her eyes. “Tired.”

  “A tree?” Annalee’s mom was on her feet, her arm around Tommy. “That’s so thoughtful.”

  Her dad joined them on Tommy’s other side. “This hospital room needed a little Christmas green.”

  Tommy looked back at Annalee. “She deserves it.”

  Annalee’s dad nudged his wife. “Let’s get coffee.” It was nearly eight o’clock. He looked at Tommy. “Austin joined us earlier. He brought us all salmon and rice. Now he’s at a friend’s house.”

  “Glad you had time together.” Annalee had wanted this evening with her family. Now Tommy waved to her parents as they left the room.

  “They’re so sweet.” Annalee’s voice was weaker than it had been since the beginning. “They always let us have our time.”

  “I know.” He was still standing at her bed. “Otherwise I’d have to wheel your bed down the hall so we could talk.”

  “Tommy.” She laughed and made a face. “You don’t mean that.”

  “No.” He took her hand and slid his fingers between hers. “I love your parents. But I don’t think I’d have this conversation in front of them.”

  “True.” She turned her head on the pillow. “I wish I felt better.”

  “What is it… nausea?” He pulled the chair as close to the bed as he could and sat down. Then he lowered the bed rail. Nothing was going to stand between them tonight.

  “No, not like before.” She shrugged one slim shoulder. “I just feel weak. My platelets are off.” Her smile faded. “I’m glad it’s the last round.”

  “And in a month you’ll know the good news. No Evidence of Disease.” This cancer thing had challenged Tommy’s faith like nothing in all his life. But God was here. He was with them, even now.

  Tonight all he could do was try to make her laugh. Hold her cold hands and tell her it was all going to be okay. Even when the fear breathing down on him tonight was just like Pastor Dell had talked about. Enough to consume him.

  He still didn’t understand why God would let Annalee go through this. Or how come she wasn’t feeling stronger today. Shouldn’t the treatment keep her moving in that direction? Was this a setback? Tommy closed his eyes for a moment. Please, God, don’t let it be a setback.

  “I’m glad you’re here.” She was watching him. Almost like she wanted him to say something, do something that might help her feel better. Something to pep her up and breathe strength back into her.

  But he had nothing. Nothing but his faith.

  Not on Christmas Eve sitting next to a cheap three-foot evergreen tree with Annalee stuck in a hospital bed fighting cancer. Not when he felt like hanging his head and crying for days over the situation. How can I help her, God? Tell me, please?

  Then Tommy remembered the other gift. The one he was more excited about. He had bought it two weeks ago and put it together after Dawson and Maddie’s proposal. The bag was beside him, so he reached inside and eased out the gift. So he wouldn’t mess up the bow.

  Tommy didn’t know much about wrapping, so his mom had helped him. “Always use a bow,” she had told him.

  His gift wrapping wouldn’t win any prizes. But as he handed the small package to Annalee, her whole face lit up. “More?”

  “The tree was just… like Christmas flowers. That wasn’t your gift, silly.”

  She took hold of her bed remote and raised the back up till she was in a sitting position. “Can you… adjust my pillow, please? It keeps sliding down.”

  Tommy had been here other days when Annalee could raise her own pillow. More proof of how weak she was. He did as she asked and then he remained standing near her bed. “Want me to help open it?”

  “I think I can get it.” She slid her finger under one end of the red and gold paper. Then her hand fell to the bed. A few seconds and she lifted one more flap. “What is wrong with me?” Annalee rarely sounded frustrated, but here… neither of them could understand this.

  Panic seized him and he struggled to draw a full breath. Please, God, don’t let it be a setback. He cleared his throat. “Here.” He took it from her. “It’s probably my wrapping. I made it ironclad.” He shrugged. “I’m a guy. What can I say?”

  She laughed. “There was a lot of tape.”

  “Exactly.” Of course he had no trouble opening it. Inside the wrapping was a small box. But not a velvet one. He wasn’t sure if she’d be strong enough to open it, but he wasn’t taking any chances. No need to frustrate her. He popped the lid and handed the box to her. “Here, love.”

  The moment she saw what was inside she gasped. “Tommy! I love it!” She eased the necklace from the box and it dangled in front of her. It was a simple vintage gold chain with a small heart locket. He had bought it at an antiques store. She looked at him. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Open it.” As soon as he said the words, he changed his mind. Better for her to save her energy. He gently took it from her fingers and opened the tiny heart. Inside was a photo of him and Annalee on Karon Beach. His favorite from the trip. And next to it, on the other side, was a tiny Scripture reference.

  JEREMIAH

  29:11

  This was the part of the gift he was most excited about. He handed it back to her and this time she smiled bigger than at any time tonight. “I can’t believe this.” She studied the locket. “I love that pic.”

  “It’s us.” He put his hand
on her shoulder and tried not to notice how bony it felt. “Remember that day? We were both laughing at something your brother said, and your dad took the picture. Beach in the background, sun on our faces. Laughing like there was nothing tomorrow could do to take our joy.”

  “Mmm. You’re the poet, Tommy Baxter. You should be a writer.” She turned her eyes to him again. “There still isn’t anything. That could steal our joy.”

  “Which is why I chose that picture. To help you remember…” He gritted his teeth. “When… when it’s tough.” On nights like this, he wanted to say. But he couldn’t get the words out. He couldn’t break down. Not here. Not tonight. Help me stay strong for her, God. Please, help me.

  “And the Bible verse.” Her smile looked almost angelic. Annalee’s beautiful smile. “My favorite.”

  “Yes.” He leaned closer, brushing his fingers across her forehead. “ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord. ‘Plans to give you hope and a future.’ ” He took hold of her hand again. “ ‘And not to harm you.’ ”

  “Tommy.” She held the locket to her heart. “I love it. I’ll wear it always.”

  He thought for a minute. “Except probably not when you play tennis.” With his free hand he made an exaggerated motion of an imaginary locket swinging from side to side.

  She laughed out loud. “Oh… so not when I play tennis, then?”

  “No.” He tapped his temple. Like he was racking his brain. “And maybe not when you’re swimming.” He nodded at the locket. “Because the picture and… well, water. You know.”

  Again she laughed, and the sound was richer than any Christmas carol that night. “You’re so funny.” She made a mock serious face. “Okay. Not when I play tennis and not when I swim.”

  “Because you love those things.” He raised his brow at her.

  “I do, Tommy.” Her laughter dropped off and the air between them changed. “I do.”

  And suddenly there was no way he could stop the tears that filled his eyes. Not just because she couldn’t do those things now. But because of her words. Soft words spoken with the voice he loved more than any in the world.

  I do.

  “One day…” He took the locket from her and set it on the table near the little tree. Then he sat on the edge of her bed and drew her close. So she was in his arms the way he’d been wanting her to be since he got here. He took her face in his hands and let himself get lost in her eyes. “One day those are the only words I want to hear you say, Annalee. I do.”

  He kissed her cheek. “And I’ll say them, too. And we won’t be in this cold, gray… hospital room. We’ll be in front of our family and friends and you’ll be the most beautiful bride ever.” He wiped a tear from her cheek. “And I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine.”

  “That was my dream.” She searched his eyes. “That day in the scan.”

  “About our wedding?” Hope warmed his heart. “Really?”

  “Yes.” She put her hand on his face. They stayed that way for half a minute. “I wish… you could kiss me.”

  A quick breath stopped him from acting on the sudden impulse. He couldn’t kiss her. No matter how much he wanted to, he wouldn’t. She was too weak, too susceptible to germs.

  Instead his smile came easily. “Well…” He traced her cheekbone with his thumb. “Now you know. It’s my dream, too.”

  He held her then, until they heard her parents returning. Once more he kissed her cheek, and then he whispered near her lips. The lips he wanted so badly to kiss. “Get better, Annalee. Get stronger.”

  As her parents entered the room he stayed there. Then he motioned them close and he prayed for her. That God would make clear the good plans He had for her, and that she would get stronger. By morning.

  She couldn’t wear the locket yet because of the port in her chest. But one day… one day soon. Please, God, one day. He leaned near her face one last time. “Merry Christmas, love.”

  “Merry Christmas.”

  And with that Tommy thanked her parents for the time, bid them goodbye and left her hospital room. On the way to the elevator he could barely see through his tears. What if the cancer was getting worse? Why would she be so weak?

  Then as he made his way out of the hospital he realized something. He blinked so he could see better. This was exactly what Pastor Dell had been talking about. Okay, so he was afraid. The odds were against them and he couldn’t do anything about it.

  But he could do this. He could keep walking to his car, keep seeking God from now until Christmas dawned and every day after. And, like Mary and Joseph, he could keep believing.

  That most of all.

  27

  Annalee had her answer.

  A month had passed since Christmas and now she and her parents had just gotten back from the doctor. He had gone over her results and explained everything. And then he left them alone. Annalee and her parents had clung to each other, talking about what the news meant and what they would do next.

  They had prayed together and then they had come home.

  Now she had to tell Tommy.

  Her text was short and to the point. I know, Tommy. Can you pick me up? Please?

  His response was immediate. I’m on my way.

  Her parents were in the kitchen, still talking about the results, no doubt. They knew Annalee needed time to process, time to get her mind around everything that came with this news. They always knew just how to handle things. This whole time since she first got sick, any doubts or frustrations toward God, they’d kept between themselves.

  Annalee stared out the window at the barren trees. January had never been her favorite month. Christmas was over and summer was a million days away. At least it seemed that way. But here, Annalee was struck by the trees. Every tree out front was bare, stripped of its leaves. Snow covered the ground from last week’s storm, and bits of it still clung to the trees.

  Look at them, God. She narrowed her eyes. As far as a tree knew, its branches would never bear leaves again. Yet outside her front window, every one of those branches was raised straight to heaven.

  Then she remembered a Bible verse she’d read this morning. Before her one-month doctor appointment. It was from Isaiah 55. The mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

  And wasn’t that what the trees were doing right now? The branches moving against each other in the winter breeze? There’s a lesson here, Annalee thought. If the trees could praise God in the middle of winter, so could she. For so many things and for her energy. A month away from chemo and she definitely felt stronger. She didn’t need a wheelchair.

  Tommy’s Jeep pulled up. Annalee wrapped her scarf around her neck and slipped on her gloves. She already wore her warmest coat and hat. “Bye,” she yelled to her parents.

  They both joined her in the living room. Their eyes were still swollen with tears. “Stay warm.”

  “I will.” She nodded. “Thanks for letting me go.”

  “Don’t be long.” Her dad’s tone was serious. “Just half an hour.”

  “Okay.” A quick wave and she stepped out to meet him. The boy she loved with all her heart. The one who had been by her side through every day of this journey. And the one who deserved to hear her test results before any more time went by.

  Despite the snow it wasn’t cold today. Not really.

  Tommy helped her into the car and the minute he was behind the wheel he looked at her. “Can you tell me?”

  “Take me to our spot.” Her tone was kind. But she couldn’t tell him here. In his car. “Please, Tommy.”

  He didn’t ask again, and she didn’t have to tell him which spot. He began driving to White River Park as if he could read her mind and heart all at the same time.

  Annalee leaned back into her seat and closed her eyes. The news swirled in her mind. This would change everything. She turned the radio to K-Love and let the song wash over her. It was one that had played when everyone
gathered to cut her hair. A song about the titles God wore: Way maker. Miracle worker. Promise keeper. Light in the darkness… Annalee felt His peace come over her. Yes, Lord, You are all of that. Annalee hugged herself. God was with her. He was with them both.

  Now more than ever before.

  She could feel His holy presence here in Tommy’s car and in her heart and soul.

  Tommy parked at the lot near the swings. The basketball court here had been shoveled so it didn’t require any extra walking. It gave them somewhere to stand. So she could look him in the face and tell him what she knew.

  What they’d waited all these months to find out.

  Once they were out of the Jeep, he took her to a spot on the asphalt. Near a trio of small evergreen trees. More privacy, which was a good thing today. Tommy’s coach had allowed him to take off practice today. He’d been waiting at home with his phone since 2:30. An hour had passed since then.

  Finally Tommy faced her. He took both her gloved hands in his. “No.” She shook her head. “I want to feel your fingers against mine. Would that be okay?”

  “Of course.” They took off their gloves and Tommy gently worked his fingers between hers. “Tell me, Annalee. I need to know.”

  She wouldn’t make him wait any longer. “Tommy… we prayed so much. But… I didn’t expect this.” No winter cold could dim the love she felt for him. The way she never wanted to leave him. Her eyes got lost in his for a few seconds. And then she did something that tipped him off to the results.

  Annalee smiled.

  “Wait… Love, tell me.” He started to shake. Even his fingers trembled. “What did the doctor say?”

  “The cancer is gone, Tommy.” A quiet laugh took her by surprise. As if the joy inside her had a life of its own. “No Evidence of Disease. NED.”

  “What?” He leaned his head back and shouted. “Annalee are you serious?” Tommy searched her eyes. Desperate to know for sure. “Tell me it’s true!”