Suki's Heart

by Indiana Wake

  “I think they do,” Josie said wisely. “You don’t need to change who you are to let people in a little.”

  “I suppose not.”

  “So, did you like him?”

  “Who?”

  “This Sonny Reynolds, for goodness sake!” Her mother was laughing again.

  “Well, I don’t know really. Maybe not, I think he was a little bit annoying.”

  “Annoying how?”

  “I think he found the way I am amusing and I’m not sure I liked it. I felt like I ought to apologize for something and I really didn’t want to.”

  “Good for you, you only ever apologize for something you’ve done, not for who you are. But maybe, given your reticence in the past, you might not have the young man pegged as well as you think. Was he rude to you?”

  “No, he was perfectly polite, Mama.”

  “And handsome?” Josie Shepherd smiled mischievously.

  “I suppose,” Suki said and felt a little embarrassed.

  In many ways, she still felt like a child and the idea of discussing a handsome young man with her mother made her almost as tongue-tied as everything else in life seemed to.

  “I know it’s hard, sweetheart, but maybe if he comes to talk to you again, talk back. Listen and see what you can learn about him and then you’ll know if you like him or not.”

  “But what if I don’t?”

  “Then, you reject him with kindness. It’s not an easy thing to do, but sometimes it’s necessary.”

  “I just wish I knew all the things that you know, Mama. I wish I knew all the things Honey seems to know too, because I sure do think that would make my life a little bit easier.”

  “In the end, Suki, you’ll learn the world for yourself and you’ll be better off for it. We are all different, each and every one of us, and there’s no sense in you trying to be just the same as Honey Goodman. She is herself and you are you, if that makes sense.”

  “It does, Mama, thank you,” Suki said neatly and returned her attention to the potatoes, all the while wondering if any of it ever really would make sense to her after all.

  Chapter Five

  “I’ll be perfectly all right, Papa,” Suki said as she climbed onto the fencing before pulling herself up on to their newest horse.

  “She’s skittish is all,” John Shepherd said, concerned. “Just walk her along, Suki. No racing, all right?”

  “I promise!” Suki smiled down into her father’s face.

  He’d always had a fear that something would happen to his daughter, even though he’d done everything in his power not to hold her back.

  Suki knew that it was the loss of her real mama out on the Oregon Trail that had always made him worry about her, however irrational that worry was, and she never reproached him for his care.

  After all, he had let her have free run on the farm, learning the business well and promising her that she would have as much a stake in the place as Jed would when he finally became a man as reward for all the years she’d worked at his side.

  “Where are you heading, then?” He was trying to be nonchalant, but Suki knew he wanted to know where to begin his search should she not return home in a reasonable time.

  “Out west onto the plains. I’ll keep to the edge of Mr. Lowry’s ranch, we shouldn’t come up against much to upset her there.” Suki leaned forward and gently stroked the horse’s neck. “I’ll be a couple of hours, Papa,” she added, knowing in her heart that would have been his next question.

  “You take care now.” He smiled and wandered away back into the stable as she turned the filly.

  She knew that he would be peering out to watch her go and she wished with all her heart there was something she could do to lessen the worry. Surely, the twenty-three hazard free years they’d enjoyed since the tragedy on the Trail counted for something?

  It made Suki feel sad, but she was determined to enjoy the afternoon. It was another beautiful spring day and, with her chores on the vegetable patch finished, she reckoned she was due a little downtime.

  The horse, aptly named Dancer, seemed to be enjoying the day, too. The more they left the hustle and bustle behind, the more the filly seemed to be relaxing into their walk. By the time they reached the open plains, Dancer was coming into her stride, prancing along gaily with the buffalo grass swirling beneath her belly. Perhaps, this was what Dancer had needed all along; a little freedom and some wide-open spaces so that she could find peace with the sun on her gleaming sorrel back.

  It was on such days that Suki was grateful for all that she had, for the life that she was leading. She enjoyed helping her father on the farm and her mother in the house, it was true, but nothing could compare to the quiet and wonderful solitude of the prairie.

  She smiled suddenly, thinking of the handsome cowboy and how she had asked him if he got lonely out on the plains. Suki had simply assumed that the man would prefer company as all other people seemed to do. People except herself, of course.

  But Suki knew that wasn’t entirely true. The fact was, she would have liked a little more company in her life – if only she did not fear it. There was something holding her back, and there always had been; something that made her cautious, quiet, perhaps the very thing which made her appear a little standoffish to others.

  She had been wondering, ever since the barn dance, what Sonny Reynolds must have thought of her. He was laughing as he left, she remembered it well, but that certainly didn’t mean that he would be keen to renew his approach in the future. Suki knew that she had been sharp with him, a little sarcastic, and vaguely wished that she had been just a little more open and friendly, just as he had been. If only.

  But Suki didn’t have any of the answers. She didn’t know why she was the way she was, or if she would ever be any different. She loved Honey Goodman like a sister, but she was growing tired of wishing that she was Honey instead of herself.

  With Dancer growing in confidence with every step, Suki wondered if she might risk something a little faster. A trot rather than a canter, of course, just something to test the new horse out a little.

  With the lightest of taps, Suki pressed her heels into the horse’s sides and was pleased when Dancer responded with a very neat and ladylike trot. Suki smiled; the horse had a wonderful gait and she felt very pleased to be up on her back.

  They continued to trot for another mile or so before Suki slowed Dancer down, not keen to press her luck. However, the sudden appearance of three cows from behind a low hill sent the horse into something of a sudden spin.

  Dancer started and she whinnied loudly, rearing up to her full height without any warning. It was to Suki’s credit that she had the strength and skill to grip the horse’s back hard with her legs and hold on until Dancer had settled back on her four hooves.

  “Good girl, easy girl, easy. Whoa,” Suki said quietly, keeping the reins steady to keep the filly from bolting off. “They’re just cattle, honey, they don’t mean you any harm.”

  Dancer seemed to be settling down without much fuss other than the occasional head toss or eyeroll toward the cattle and Suki began to feel just a little bit proud of herself. However, when none other than Sonny Reynolds appeared from behind the hill also, hot on the heels of the cattle, the whole situation changed.

  “Hey there, Miss Shepherd.” He was smiling brightly and calling out to her loudly. “How nice to see you…” he said, cut short by Dancer spooking again, rearing to pummel the air with her front hooves.

  Once again, Suki clung to the filly with everything she had.

  “Easy there,” Sonny said, lightly jumping down from his own horse and holding a hand out to Dancer once the filly came back to the earth.

  However, Dancer was too spooked to trust the newcomer and so she reared up again, this time easily ejecting Suki from the saddle.

  Suki fell far and landed hard. She cried out as she landed in an ungraceful heap, her ankle twisting under her from her attempt at stopping the fall instead of rolling with it.
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  Dancer was now living up to her name, sidestepping and tossing her head as she whinnied in fright. It was a small miracle she hadn’t charged off into the wild blue yonder already.

  “Miss Shepherd? Miss Shepherd!” he said, hurrying to her side. “Are you all right?”

  “I need to get up, she’s a new horse to us and she’s very skittish. She is very afraid, Mr. Reynolds,” she said, fearing that Dancer would choose the moment to bolt.

  “Here, let me help you,” he said and held out his hand.

  Suki reached out and took his hand, crying out in pain when she tried to stand. Her ankle was badly twisted, and since she felt flushed and nauseated, she feared it might even be broken.

  “Wait a minute, let me set you down again,” he said, wrapping his arm around her waist and taking all her weight as he gently lowered her back down onto the grass.

  “No, I must get to Dancer,” she said, struggling to get up again.

  “Leave the horse to me, Miss Shepherd.”

  “But she’s so afraid,” Suki said, her heart pounding in her chest.

  “I know she is, and I sure am sorry about that. I had no idea you were approaching, really, I would never burst out on you on purpose.”

  “I know, Mr. Reynolds. But the horse, please,” she reminded him, growing slightly flustered.

  Without another word, he turned his attention back to Dancer. He skillfully gave the horse a wide berth, peering at her only sideways and not head-on. He kept his head down and his hand out as if to tempt her, all the while appearing to look somewhere else altogether.

  “Good girl, good girl,” he repeated gently in a voice that Suki could hardly believe it was coming from such a tall and rugged man.

  After a minute or two of walking around the filly, he slowly made his way back over to his own horse, uttering a gentle barrage of sweet-nothings, as if trying to prove to Dancer that he was no threat to the four-legged. Despite focusing on his own horse, he kept that same arm out toward the sorrel filly, as if keeping up the invite for her to join when she deemed it safe. The horse was chewing on her bit, watching Sonny with perked ears and a raised head. At least, she wasn’t shuffling from hoof to hoof or rolling her eyes anymore. Alert, sure, but curious too.

  After another minute or so, he began to pace around the horse again, and Suki found herself transfixed. She considered herself a good horsewoman, it was true, but she’d never seen anything quite like what Sonny was doing before.

  Most other men she’d seen trying to coax a nervous horse seemed to go at the whole business like a bull. Even her own father lost patience after a while, she’d seen it with her own eyes. In the end, Suki reckoned that most horses simply gave in, became broken in a way. That did not seem to be Sonny Reynolds’ aim at all.

  He was not trying to conquer the horse; he was trying to befriend her. He wanted her trust, not her compliance, and Suki quickly forgot the red-hot pain in her ankle as she stared at him in unabashed awe.

  As she studied him, she realized that Sonny Reynolds had become a little transfixed himself, as if both soothed and hypnotized by his own occupation. It was clear that he had forgotten about Suki and her injured ankle for a moment, not that she minded at all. Suki wanted Dancer safe and calm, not running off into the distance or injuring herself in her panic to get away.

  “I’m not going to hurt you, little girl. Why would I ever want to hurt such a beauty as you, huh?” he continued in the gentle tone.

  Dancer had stopped fretting and was simply standing as still as a statue. Suki had no idea how many minutes had passed, and she began to feel as if she were in a dream of some sort, staring out at something that she would have truly thought impossible.

  Finally, Sonny stood stock-still, his arm outstretched, and his eyes cast away. However, he was not looking away from Dancer as determinedly as he had done in the beginning, letting his eyes flicker to her from time to time and murmuring gently as he did so.

  When the horse finally moved of her own volition, Suki bit her bottom lip to stop her exclamation of surprise from escaping. The plains were silent suddenly, too, as if every blade of grass, every rock, every gentle hill, was holding its breath.

  Dancer moved the space between them, suddenly calm. It was as if the horse had never been spooked in the first place, her earlier mistrust forgotten by an earful of gentle words.

  When she finally reached him, she planted her nose against his outstretched hand and Suki could see the horse’s lips moving as if nibbling gently at Sonny’s skin.

  After a moment or two, Sonny turned his hand over until he was gently rubbing at the soft skin between the horse’s nostrils. He slowly moved his hand up and placed it against the side of her face. Once again, Suki expected the horse to object wildly, but she did not. Instead, she snorted with what seemed to Suki to be pleasure and she could not help but smile in admiration of all she had just witnessed.

  Sonny Reynolds did not claim his victory there and then but rather continued to pet the horse and talk to her for a few minutes.

  Suki, still sitting on the grass some feet away, could do nothing but watch. She made a closer study of the cowboy and found him even more pleasing to look at than he had been when she first met him at the barn dance.

  He was wearing thick, dark brown trousers tucked into battered brown boots. He had on a tan plaid shirt and no hat, his dark hair gleaming in the sunshine. His sleeves were rolled up and his forearms were tanned from the sun, muscular, and a little sinewy.

  He looked youthful, and Suki suspected that he was no older than she was herself, although something about him spoke volumes about life experience. It was as if his own greater knowledge of the world rolled off his skin and created an aura about him.

  “I guess we’d better see about getting you home, Miss Shepherd,” he said, breaking the easy silence that had developed between them.

  “Yes, I suppose so. My father will certainly be worrying about me, he always worries.” She smiled and felt a little embarrassed.

  “That’s just what good fathers do, I reckon.” He smiled at her, comfortable to turn away from Dancer for a moment as he approached Suki.

  To Suki’s surprise, Dancer plodded along behind him, bringing her beautiful head down and sniffing her mistress’ hair as if she was perfectly puzzled as to why she was sitting on her backside in the middle of the grass.

  “Good girl,” Suki said and gently stroked the soft skin between the nostrils just as she had seen Sonny do.

  “She’s a fine horse, all right,” he said, surprising her.

  “I’ve never seen her this calm, Mr. Reynolds.”

  “I guess she’s just settling into her new home.” He laughed lightly. “I can certainly sympathize with that.”

  “I expect you can,” Suki said, truly wishing she had been nicer to him when they had first met. “Mr. Reynolds, I hope you can forgive me for being a little standoffish when we first met.”

  “There’s nothing to forgive,” he said with a friendly smile that only made her feel guiltier.

  “I know it is no excuse, but it does seem to be in my nature to be a little cautious,” she said, wondering if cautious was really the right word for it.

  “Well, if it’s in your nature, then don’t apologize for it otherwise you’ll be apologizing your whole life.” He laughed before turning his attention back to Dancer and giving her saddle a good tug to check that everything was still firmly in place.

  Dancer didn’t seem to mind at all, turning her head this way and that in order to get her new best friend’s attention. She was rewarded, of course, with a little rubbing of her cheek and more gentle murmuring.

  “You sure do have a way with horses, Mr. Shepherd,” Suki said, her cheeks still flaming red from a most uncomfortable apology.

  “Thank you,” he replied, turning to smile at her as he accepted the compliment with grace. “She’s a lovely horse. I’m sure she will settle down in the end, just give her time.”

  “Well,
I suppose I ought to see if I can climb back up,” Suki said, beginning to feel a little nauseous again at the very thought of putting any weight whatsoever on her ankle, even just to place it gently in the stirrup.

  “Forgive me, Miss Shepherd, but I don’t think you’ll be doing any climbing.” He grimaced, but smiled it off and she could see a healthy dose of amusement in his eyes. “I reckon I’m going to have to lift you up and set you on that saddle myself.” He held a hand out in front of him as Suki began to protest. “I’m guessing you’re a little way from home, Miss Shepherd, and you certainly aren’t going to be able to hop all the way.” He shook his head and chuckled, as if amused by the thought.

  “Very well,” she said and, before she had finished speaking, Sonny Reynolds had knelt beside her and easily scooped her into his arms, standing with ease.

  Suki was not a big woman, but nor was she a small one. She had to admit to being somewhat impressed by his graceful strength.

  He carried her over to Dancer and began his gentle murmuring again, hypnotically assuring the horse that all would be well, he was just going to set her mistress back down in her rightful place. His words were soothing, and his voice was as smooth as silk. With the sun on her face and a peculiar feeling of relaxation, Suki began to wonder if her ankle really did hurt at all. She had a queer sort of calm wash over her, the type that made a person believe that anything was possible.

  He set her on the saddle with ease and gently took her uninjured ankle in his large hands and slotted it easily into the stirrup.

  “I reckon it’s probably best to leave the other foot out, Miss Shepherd.”

  “Yes, hopefully she won’t bolt again on the way home.” She smiled down at him and was truly grateful. “Thank you kindly, Mr. Reynolds, I would not have managed at all without you. I was so afraid that Dancer was going to run and come to some harm. I really am in your debt.”

  “Miss Shepherd, I’m not going to watch you hobble off into the distance,” he said and laughed, hurrying to climb up on his own horse. “Here, hand me over the reins and I’ll lead you along. It will keep the horse quiet, you’ll see.”