Suki's Heart

by Indiana Wake

  As much as she might have tried to deny it to herself, Sonny Reynolds had been occupying her thoughts ever since. The dinner with her parents which she had so feared had become something she was actively looking forward to. The fact was that Suki had done the very thing she had been avoiding for years; she had let her thoughts run away with her imagination. She had decided, albeit subconsciously, that Sonny Reynolds might well be worth the risk. What that risk was, Suki really didn’t understand. Nonetheless, she had allowed herself to become quietly excited by the prospect of getting to know the handsome cowboy better.

  Out of the corner of her eye, Suki could see that Sonny was getting to his feet and, worse still, was making his way over to her. She cast a nervous glance in the direction of Honey who, with her back to her as she waited in the queue, had no idea that her friend needed her back.

  “How’s the ankle, Suki?” he said and smiled awkwardly.

  “A little swollen, Mr. Reynolds, but I’m sure it will soon be back to normal.” She saw the effect that her return to formality had on him, but she was unrepentant.

  “But it’s still painful, is it? You didn’t look comfortable making your way in,” he said and she was just a little relieved to realize that he had thought her look of consternation nothing more than a little physical pain.

  “To be honest, it is painful.” She finally looked at him properly and felt a tremendous stab of regret to see those bright blue eyes. “I think I will probably only stay for a little while. Honey is getting us both a drink and I’ll stay for that, but a dance is probably not exactly the place for somebody with a twisted ankle.”

  “Even if that woman doesn’t ordinarily dance anyway?” he said.

  “Yes, even if that woman doesn’t ordinarily dance,” she said a little sharply.

  “I sure am looking forward to dinner with your folks, Suki.” She had to admit that she felt annoyed that he had not followed her cue and returned to formality himself. “It was a pleasure to meet your father and I’m looking forward to meeting your mama, also.”

  “Yes, and I’m sure my mother is looking forward to meeting you, too,” she said noncommittally.

  Suddenly, things seemed more complicated than ever; it wasn’t simply Gracie Thornhill and Suki’s own feelings of humiliation, there was the awful dinner to get through. She knew her father would not go back on his word since he had given it and she would hardly know where to begin explaining her objections, anyway.

  Suki had told nobody of her slowly opening heart, and she wasn’t about to start now. That heart had been opened in error and she had stumbled into upset, the very thing she had always expected would happen. If nothing else, at least she knew she could trust her instincts about such things in the future.

  “So, you couldn’t manage a dance at all? Not even if I helped you?” He looked at her hopefully and she felt confused.

  Why on earth would he want to dance with her when he had Gracie Thornhill waiting for him? Involuntarily, she cast a look over at the young woman who was glaring at her with the intense dislike that Suki had grown so used to over the years that it barely affected her, anymore. As far as she was concerned, that was just how Gracie Thornhill looked.

  “No, I couldn’t,” she said, unable to think of a suitable reason and thereby sounding a little blunt in her refusal. “Oh good, Honey is finally on her way back.” She looked up at him and hoped that he would simply go away.

  “I don’t really know that young woman over there,” he said as if to explain.

  “Well, you’re new in town, Mr. Reynolds, I suppose you don’t really know anybody yet,” she said sharply. “But give it time, I’m sure that you will be able to get to know Gracie better before you know it.” She gave him a brittle smile and knew she sounded sarcastic.

  “Good evening, Miss Goodman,” Sonny said when Honey appeared.

  He tipped his head respectfully and looked just about as awkward as it was possible for a young man to look. But Suki had felt awkward, too, she had felt foolish, and she wasn’t about to go out of her way to soothe him.

  “Good evening, Mr. Reynolds,” Honey said and smiled brightly although Suki could see a little caution in her friend’s eyes.

  “Well, I think we’ll just have this one drink, Honey, and then make our way home if you don’t mind? My ankle is a little more painful than I thought it was going to be.” Suki looked at her friend beseechingly.

  “Of course, sweetie,” Honey said and gave Sonny Reynolds a vaguely apologetic look.

  With nothing else to do, Sonny nodded and smiled at them before turning to take his leave.

  Chapter Nine

  “You’re still hobbling, Suki,” her mother said two days later when Suki wandered out of the farmhouse to join her on the vegetable plot. “There’s no need for you to be out here, really. There’s hardly anything to do and I can certainly manage that.” She laughed.

  “I just thought I’d keep you company.”

  “Is something wrong, sweetheart?”

  “No, I was just getting a little tired of my own company in the house.”

  “You really should be resting that ankle. Can you not just make yourself comfortable in the sitting room, put your feet up and read a book for a while? I’m sure it would do you a lot of good.”

  “I tried that, and I couldn’t concentrate.”

  “Suki, I know there is something wrong, I’m your mother, I can feel it.” Josie Shepherd stopped turning the little weeds with the hoe and rested against the fencing before wiping her hands on her apron and approaching her daughter. “Just tell me, please,” she said, reaching out to take her hand.

  “Do you think Daddy would mind very much if we didn’t invite Sonny Reynolds to dinner?” Suki asked and knew that her request could hardly go without explanation.

  “I think he probably would mind, Suki. After all, he did our family a great kindness in seeing you safely home. And Dancer has been wonderful ever since, he had a truly miraculous effect on her.”

  “Yes, I suppose he did,” Suki said, already resigned to defeat.

  What would be the point? Her father would never be so rude to any man he had invited into their home unless he had done something truly terrible. And the fact of the matter was, he hadn’t. Sonny Reynolds was a free man, a young man, and a very handsome one. He had every right to pick a woman of his choosing and there was nothing that Suki could do about it.

  She could not even claim that he had strung her along, for he hadn’t. It was true that he had tried his very best to get to know her, but hadn’t Suki herself been the one to put him off in every way possible? She knew that she had, as well as she knew that she could not have expected him to keep himself lonely in a new town for the sake of a sharp young woman who had shown him no real interest whatsoever.

  She was so torn; she wished now that she had been a little more open to him in the beginning. If she had, he would not have wandered in the direction of Gracie Thornhill in the first place. But she also wished that she had never opened her heart to him at all, even if she had done it in secret, because she was suffering somewhat on account of it now.

  “You like him, don’t you?”

  “I think I did,” Suki said defensively. “But I don’t anymore.”

  “And what has he done to offend you, Suki? If he’s hurt you in any way, then your daddy most certainly won’t invite him to dinner. But if you don’t tell me, how can I know?”

  “He hasn’t done anything to me, Mama,” Suki said truthfully. “I suppose I’m just annoyed with myself and a little embarrassed.”

  “But why?”

  “After the business with Dancer and the trouble he went to bringing me back home again, I suppose I had assumed that he liked me.”

  “As far as your father is concerned, Sonny Reynolds does like you. He’s quite convinced of it.”

  “I don’t think he dislikes me, Mama, just that he prefers somebody else.”

  “Oh, I see,” Josie Shepherd said gently an
d regretfully. “I really am sorry, Suki. It’s not often that you decide you like somebody. Not ever, really.” She shrugged and looked truly sad for her. “So, he was with somebody at the barn dance, was he?”

  “Yes,” Suki said without elaborating.

  “I knew you’d been quiet ever since.” Her mother took her arm and began to lead her back towards the house. “Let’s go into the kitchen and make a nice hot drink, shall we? I might even have a little cocoa to spare.”

  “Cocoa? It’s the middle of the day, Mama.”

  “I know, but you always liked me to give you cocoa when you were little, and something had upset you.” Josie Shepherd looked a little tearful. “It is so hard to know how to help you, my lovely girl.”

  Suki felt a little tearful herself. She remembered now how her mama had given her cocoa whenever she had fallen and skinned her knees or had some little upset in the schoolroom. It was a lovely memory, but an emotional one.

  As soon as they made their way into the kitchen, Suki’s mother helped her down into one of the chairs and she leaned her elbows on the wooden table. Josie immediately set about warming some of the morning’s fresh milk in a pan before searching in the pantry for the little brown bag of cocoa she kept there. She worked in silence for a few minutes, as if trying to find something to say that would make her daughter feel better.

  “Are we having cocoa?” Jed Shepherd, just thirteen-years-old with a smile that was already handsome enough to break many hearts, burst into the kitchen.

  “Have you finished school, already?”

  “A little bit early, Mama. Miss Jenkins had a headache, I think. She was a bit pale and she let us go early, anyway.” He shrugged and settled himself down at the kitchen table.

  “Jed, honey, can you leave me and Suki alone for little while? We just need to talk about something,” she said gently and Jed turned to look at his sister with concern.

  “Are you all right, Sukes?” he asked, using the name he had always called her by since he was old enough to speak.

  “I’m all right, Jed.” She smiled and reached out to ruffle his chestnut hair; he was so like their mother. “I’m just a little bit sad and I needed to talk to Mama about it.”

  “All right then, I’ll go out and find Papa,” he said and smiled at her encouragingly before racing out the door.

  “He’s a good boy,” Josie said and Suki nodded her agreement.

  Despite her own mother having died on the Oregon Trail, Suki had never felt anything but loved by Josie Shepherd. She was the only mother she had ever known, and Suki had never felt a moment’s difference between her and her younger brother. Even when he had appeared in the world so suddenly, Suki had never worried for a moment that her mother would turn away from her and set all her attention on her real child. It was a comforting thing to know that Suki meant as much to their mother as Jed did.

  In no time at all, her mother set a tin mug of cocoa down in front of her on the table and Suki smiled at her warmly.

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Now, are you absolutely certain that this Sonny Reynolds was with somebody else? Could he not have just been talking to someone and you mistook it for something it wasn’t?”

  “I suppose he could have been, if it was a different girl. But it was Gracie Thornhill, Mama, and they were sitting so close together on a hay bale that it was really clear to me that he liked her better.”

  “Oh, really?” Josie Shepherd set her own mug down on the table with a thump. “The very mention of that girl’s name makes me suspicious, sweetheart. She is a determined little thing, maybe he was just being polite?”

  Suki thought about that for a moment and wondered if her mother was right. But could she really risk it? Could she continue to develop a little hope for Sonny Reynolds and expose herself to the potential of some real pain in the future? She thought not.

  “I don’t think I can risk it, Mama. Anyway, there are plenty more fish in the sea, as they say.”

  “Yes, but this particular fish is the only one I have ever known you to care for, even just a little. I think you might be giving up on him a little too soon.”

  “I wish he wasn’t coming to dinner, Mama,” Suki said truthfully.

  “I know, but I don’t think we can retract the invitation, not really.” Her mother looked apologetic and Suki knew, deep down, that she was right.

  They were a good family and they didn’t behave in that way.

  “I know,” Suki said, deciding to let her mother off the hook as well as let go of any ideas of pleading with her further. It wouldn’t be fair.

  “And who knows, perhaps dinner will change things?” her mother said hopefully.

  “Perhaps,” Suki said, more to appease her mother than anything else.

  “Just give him a chance if you can.”

  Suki said nothing, she just smiled her thanks and lifted her mug of cocoa.

  Chapter Ten

  With her ankle on the mend, Suki had hobbled about the Shepherd family farmhouse with little to do but think about it all. Being alone in the house wasn’t making things any better, that was for sure.

  Suki looked at the clock; still three hours before her little brother came home from the schoolroom to take her mind off things with his elaborate and usually embellished tales of the day he’d had. With a loud sigh, she rose to her feet and determined she would not stay inside a moment longer.

  Suki knew that her father had a list of supplies which he meant to take down to Goodman’s merchant store and in that she found her escape.

  “Mama, I’m going down to Goodman’s in the wagon. Will you help me hitch it up?” She surprised her mother in the henhouse, almost causing her to drop the full basket of eggs she was holding.

  “Are you sure?” her mother said breathlessly, her free hand placed firmly over her heart in shock. “We need anything?”

  “Nothing urgent, Mama, except my need to go out for a while and do something,” Suki said truthfully. “And I have Daddy’s list, he needs some timber and copper tacks for the fencing repairs on the top field.”

  “All right, but you just be careful. Shout to Mr. Goodman when you get there and have him help you down, all right?”

  “All right, Mama,” Suki said, thinking that she had no intentions of doing anything of the sort.

  Her ankle was getting better every day and she was certainly strong enough to jump down from the wagon and land only on her good foot. Still, it wasn’t worth the argument, so she simply agreed.

  The ride down into town was certainly fortifying in a way she hadn’t expected. The spring was beginning to give way to summer and there was every indication that it was set to be a very good one. They’d enjoyed blue skies for weeks now, not to mention a little beneficial rain now and again. It was warm for the time of year, and already, the daylight clung on until the early evening. Suki had always enjoyed that, sitting on the back porch of the farmhouse in the warm evening air watching the summer sun disappear, fiery and orange, over the plains.

  As she guided the horse and wagon through the town, Suki thought that it seemed quite deserted. It was almost midday and she wondered if folk had simply disappeared into the diner or their own homes to have a little bread and cheese to keep them going until their late meal. She realized she hadn’t eaten since breakfast some hours ago and was becoming a little hungry, herself. Still, it could wait, she wanted to take her mind off things, and she hoped fervently that Honey was somewhere to be found in her father’s merchant warehouse.

  When she finally drew up outside the warehouse, she was greeted by none other than Dylan Goodman, Honey’s father. He smiled broadly and hurried over to lift her down out of the wagon without a word, and Suki realized that her mother had got her wish without even trying.

  “Are you on the mend?” Mr. Goodman asked as they walked side-by-side into the warehouse.

  “Very much, Mr. Goodman. See, I hardly limp anymore.”

  “Back to work then?” He c
huckled.

  “No, my daddy is not too keen on the idea until I’m fully recovered. He worries, Mr. Goodman.”

  “Then he’s a good father,” he said in good-humored defense of John Shepherd. “Well, what can we do for you today?”

  “I have a list, Mr. Goodman. It’s only an order, I don’t need to take anything away with me today.” She handed him a small piece of paper, her father’s list. “Just some timber and copper tacks.”

  “Leave it with me, Suki, I’ll drive it up in the wagon early next week.”

  “Oh, Daddy will be pleased,” Suki said brightly, knowing how well the two men got along and how pleased her father would be to see Dylan Goodman for the sort of conversation which men always denied was gossip.

  “Honey is in here somewhere if you want to stop for a piece?” His head began to turn this way and that as he looked along the aisles of the warehouse for any sign of his daughter. “Honey?” he called out.

  “Yes?” came a bright little voice from somewhere in the distance.

  Suki smiled; her dear little friend always made her feel better.

  “Suki is here,” he said, needing no more explanation than that.

  Suki grinned when she heard a little squeak of delight coming from the back of the warehouse followed by hurried footsteps. Honey burst into view with a bright smile on her face and charged towards her friend with her arms outstretched.

  “Did you come down by yourself?” Honey asked as she threw her arms around her.

  “Yes, I came down in the wagon. I had to get Mama to help me hitch it up, but here I am.”

  “Good girl, you’re on the mend,” Honey said firmly. “Have you got time to come out the back for some tea?”

  “I was hoping you would say that,” Suki admitted and took Honey’s arm.