Suki's Heart

by Indiana Wake

  As he smiled at the bright boy in front of him, Sonny wondered why it was he had felt so drawn to Suki Shepherd in the first place. After all, was she not the very sort of woman he had feared? One he would fall in love with sooner or later and one who, if recent events were anything to go by, would turn and walk away at the first sign of trouble. And she had, hadn’t she?

  Nonetheless, he began to fear that Suki wouldn’t appear at all. Perhaps she had decided against sitting down at the dinner table with him after the events of last Saturday night. However, she appeared suddenly, and he could feel himself sinking.

  She was dressed simply in a pale pink dress with tiny flowers all over it. She had gone to some effort too–but, hadn’t he as well? That was just what people did, wasn’t it? They made an effort when they were greeting new people. Sonny knew he would be foolish to read anything into it.

  Her blonde hair was tied back in a long ponytail, held in place with a small pink ribbon. She looked fresh and young, certainly younger than twenty-three, and Sonny began to feel a certain longing.

  “Hello, Suki,” he said, determined not to call her Miss Shepherd despite the fact that she had made a very clear point of withdrawing her tentative friendship just a week before.

  “Hello, Sonny,” she said and smiled at him. “I hope you’re well?” she added.

  He wanted to be pleased with her smile, with her enquiry, but it was all too polite. He truly felt like nothing more than a guest at her father’s table and he wished for all the world that he had never gone to last week’s barn dance.

  If he had not, maybe things would be very different now. He had been so sure that she had warmed to him just a little when he had rescued her on the plains. She was more talkative, brighter, and it had given him great hope for so many days. If only he hadn’t insisted on her going to the barn dance, perhaps now there might be an air of excitement, an idea of romance.

  “I am well, thank you,” he said with equal politeness. “You look nice, Suki,” he added, unable to help himself.

  “Thank you,” she said shyly and took her seat at the table opposite him.

  Chapter Twelve

  As she had walked into the room, Suki had felt every bit as awkward as she had expected to. She sat down and idly wondered if she only felt awkward because that was what she had assumed would happen, or she really was feeling awkward with good reason to.

  “You don’t normally look so nice for dinner, Sukes,” Jed said with good-natured innocence.

  “Jed!” their mother scolded, and Suki closed her eyes and hoped that she was not blushing.

  “What?” Jed said, shrugging and pulling a face at Sonny. “I was being nice.”

  “I know you were,” Suki said, smiling back at him and loving him dearly, even though she wished he would be quiet.

  “You seem to be walking much better now, Suki,” Sonny said quickly and she was relieved; he’d rescued her again.

  “Yes, the swelling has gone down completely and I only get a little twinge now and again. I’ll soon be back to normal, I’m sure of it.”

  “I’m glad to hear it. Maybe you’ll even risk a dance when you’re finally mended.” He stared at her across the table, his beautiful blue eyes narrowed a little and a hint of amusement on his face.

  It was nice, almost as if nothing unpleasant had happened between them at all. And the amusement was nowhere near and as annoying as it had been when she first met him all those weeks ago. It was encouraging now, enjoyable.

  In the end, dinner went along very well. Her mother and father were, as always, friendly and engaging conversation, seeing to their guest’s every possible need and making sure that Sonny was comfortable.

  “This sure is a fine home, Mrs. Shepherd. You’ve got it set out real nice,” he said, and Suki smiled when she saw the pleasure in her mother’s face.

  “That’s kind of you, Sonny,” her mother said warmly. “But tell us a little bit about yourself. You’re from California, so John tells me.”

  “Yes, although I’m from back East originally. We came across the trail when I was just a baby, so California is all I’ve ever really known.”

  “Do you still have family there?”

  “My father,” Sonny said and Suki thought she saw a little cloud cross his perfect blue eyes. “We don’t really stay in touch.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that,” her mother said gently and without any hint of embarrassment.

  She really was a fine woman, a mother to more than just Suki and Jed. “And what about your mama?” she went on, choosing not to shy away from the subject of family.

  “My mama left us when I was very small, Mrs. Shepherd. I haven’t seen her for many years now and truly don’t even know if she’s still alive.”

  “Forgive me, you must think me dreadfully nosy,” her mother went on, gentle and soothing.

  “Not at all.” He smiled and Suki felt awful for him. “I must admit, I would have loved to have grown up in a house like this. But we get dealt the hand we’re dealt, Mrs. Shepherd, and we can either turn it over and over in our hands until it makes us bitter or look to the future and get on with life.”

  Once again, Suki had a great sense of his openness and could not help but feel genuine admiration for it.

  What a brave thing it was to tell things exactly as they were, to speak about the matters of your own life and heart.

  “That’s a wonderful way to look at it,” her father said. “So, this is a new start for you, Sonny?”

  “Yes, I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life down the mines. My father had done that, and it made him bitter and reckless, I didn’t want that for myself. I worked in the mines for seven years and knew that I wanted to change things. That’s when I turned my attention to the horses. I worked here and there around California helping ranchers and farmers to quieten nervous horses, but the work was scarce down there for that sort of thing.”

  “Quieten them?” Her father’s face was full of interest.

  “I’ve never broken a horse in all my life, Mr. Shepherd, but I’ve quietened them. They don’t need to be bullied into submission, sir, they need to feel safe. That’s the only reason a horse becomes skittish – fear. They sense our fear and agitation and it makes them worse. I just keep them calm and, odd as it might sound, I let them get to know me for as long as it takes them to trust me.”

  As he spoke, Suki had the sense of that soothing tone he had used on Dancer and she found herself mesmerized again. She wished that Honey was there to see it, for she was certain then she would understand what she’d meant when she said she’d seen the inside of him.

  She looked at the faces of her family and realized that they were equally mesmerized, impressed even. Even Jed was quiet, his mouth hanging open a little as he listened intently. Suki almost laughed; perhaps Sonny Reynolds had achieved the impossible and quietened her noisy little brother down, too.

  “A man with a skill like that could sure make a name for himself in Oregon. Everyone has horses; farmers, ranchers, and everyone has their problems with them. Heaven knows I’ve had my fair share of skittish horses, some of which I’ve sold on at a loss when I couldn’t work with them at all. Your talents sure would have come in handy then.” Her father chuckled. “And I’ve got to tell you, Dancer is a different animal altogether. She still bristles when I approach at times, but maybe I could learn a thing or two from you about how to keep her feeling… what was it? … safe.”

  “I’d be happy to help, John.” Sonny smiled and she thought he looked pleased to have his unusual talent taken seriously.

  “I’ve seen it with my own eyes, Daddy, it really is quite something. It took a while, didn’t it?” she said, taking her courage in both hands and looking directly at Sonny. “You were quiet for so long and, in the end, she just came to you.” She looked back at her father. “You really have to see it to believe it.”

  “Thank you,” Sonny said, holding her gaze for a moment when she looked back at him.

/>   “Well, perhaps there is more of a future for you, young man, than wandering about the plains herding up stray cattle for Felton Lowry,” her father said and nodded vigorously. “There’s certainly nobody offering your particular skills about the town. It’s worth thinking about.”

  “Yes, it really is,” Suki said, feeling certain that her father was right.

  “Well, you sure are very kind, all of you.”

  From that moment on, Suki felt herself relax. She stopped treating him with the starchy politeness that she had opened with. He wasn’t just any old guest; he was the young man who had grabbed her attention with both hands and was silently refusing to let go of it. And, Suki knew, he was the only man who had achieved that much in all her life.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “He’s a nice young man, isn’t he?” Josie Shepherd said some days later when she and Suki were alone at the breakfast table.

  Jed had just run off full of excitement for another day in the school room and John was outside in the yard giving the farmhands their tasks for the day. Suki couldn’t hear what her father was saying, but she could hear the distant rise and fall of his voice and found it very comforting.

  “Who?” Suki said and peered at her mother.

  “Sonny Reynolds, for goodness sake.” She laughed. “You seem to be miles away. You’re certainly only at this kitchen table in body.”

  “Sorry, Mama.” Suki laughed.

  It was true, she was distracted. In fact, she was so distracted by thoughts of Sonny Reynolds that she’d had no idea that it was he who her mother had been praising. The distraction was so great she wasn’t entirely sure it was enjoyable.

  “Your daddy thinks you’ll be ready to go back to work next week if you want to, maybe that will occupy you enough to put you to rights again.”

  “I am ready now. I was ready last week.” Suki sighed. “There are plenty of jobs I could have been doing even with a limp.”

  “I know, sweetheart. Your daddy just worries about you. You know how he is.”

  “Yes,” Suki said, feeling guilty for her own exasperation.

  “If you’re looking for something to do, I have some fabric to be collected down in the town, not to mention one or two other bits and pieces. It’s not real work, but it would get you out of the house for a while.”

  “Yes, thank you.” Suki was already getting to her feet.

  “But before you go….” Her mother waved her back down. “Is something playing on your mind? Sonny Reynolds, perhaps?”

  “I suppose he is a little,” Suki admitted.

  “You like him, don’t you?”

  “Very much. I know I haven’t known him long, but there’s something about him. Maybe it’s that gentle and magical way he has with animals, or maybe it’s the way he teases me a little bit. I don’t know, I just like him.”

  “Forgive me for saying so, Suki, but you don’t look very happy about it.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Suki, starting to fall in love should be a wonderful time, not one which fills your beautiful face with worry.”

  “I can’t help worrying. I can’t face the feeling of falling in love with someone who won’t love me.”

  “That seems unlikely to me. He couldn’t take his eyes off you at dinner and I saw how smitten he was when you talked about him and that horse of ours. I think you’re worrying unnecessarily.”

  “I’m just afraid.”

  “Don’t let that fear take you over, you have a wonderful life to live. Don’t waste it hiding, my precious girl.”

  “Thank you.” Suki finally got to her feet. “Well, I’ll be going if you have your list, Mama.”

  Her mother laughed under her breath; she knew how uncomfortable such conversation could make her daughter and she released her without putting up a fight.

  Suki took the wagon down into the town, her spirits already lifted by the warm and bright early summer’s day. The long grass which framed the dirt track down into town smelled sweet, its glorious aroma drifting over her in warm waves. She smiled and looked up at the clear blue sky, squinting at the brightness. It was a wonderful blue today; almost the color of Sonny Reynolds’ eyes.

  By the time she reached the town itself, Suki began to wonder if her mother was right after all. The same fear which had often made her keep her own counsel was the same fear she was experiencing now. Not only that, but it was heightened by the fact that she liked Sonny Reynolds so much. More than liked; she was falling in love with him.

  It was more than his broad shoulders and his handsome face; it was his very character. He had described his poor upbringing in a way which hadn’t elicited the ordinary sort of pity that might be felt on hearing such a tale. He’d done it in a way which ended on an inspirational note, the idea that the past must be left behind, and the future reached out for with both hands.

  When she added that spirit of overcoming to that magical way he had with animals, that deep knowing of how to connect, he had instantly become so attractive to her that she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since.

  She drew the wagon up as close to the fabric merchant as she could get it and jumped down, landing squarely on both feet and pleased that she felt nothing more than the merest twinge in her ankle. She paused for a moment, looking down at her feet as the toes peaked out from beneath the white petticoats at the hem of her pale blue gingham dress. In a way, that twinge in her ankle was something to be grateful for. If she had never been thrown from Dancer’s back, she would never have witnessed the awe-inspiring scene when Sonny Reynolds made his connection with the frightened creature. He would never have taken her home, and her father would never have invited him to the dinner at which Suki Shepherd had finally fallen in love. It was funny how things worked out.

  Smiling to herself, she made her way into the fabric shop on the first of her mother’s errands. A neatly wrapped parcel was ready and waiting and she had paid for it and was returning it to the wagon in a matter of minutes.

  With that done, Suki took the list from her pocket and studied it, trying to decide which of the errands she should run next.

  “Well, I don’t think I’ve seen you since that night at the barn dance, Suki Shepherd.” The voice from behind her was female, needling, and accusatory.

  When Suki turned around to see none other than Gracie Thornhill standing there, she wasn’t at all surprised. Nobody else in all of Oregon spoke to Suki in that manner ever, and she felt an inward groan; she could do without Gracie Thornhill clouding her thoughts.

  “Were you expecting to see me, Gracie?” Suki said and sighed to indicate that she was already bored with the conversation.

  And why wouldn’t she be? Every conversation she’d ever had with Gracie Thornhill had gone the same way. It seemed that the young woman had never had the strength of her character to make up her own mind about Suki. The truth was, she didn’t even know what sort of person Suki Shepherd really was. All that Gracie knew was that Suki’s mother had won the heart of the man that her own mother had set her sights on.

  “Not really, I thought you would have gone into hiding.” Gracie laughed mercilessly.

  “Gone into hiding? Why on earth would I have done that?”

  “Well, you haven’t been seen around for a while.”

  “I had an accident, Gracie. I fell off my horse and twisted my ankle, not that I expect you could care less about it.” Suki returned her attention to her list as if Gracie wasn’t even there at all.

  “Maybe it was for the best, save your embarrassment and what have you.” Gracie couldn’t let it go.

  “My embarrassment? I’m confused, Gracie.” Suki shrugged nonchalantly even though she knew exactly what the hateful young woman was about to say to her. “What on earth do I have to be embarrassed about?”

  “How brave of you, my dear.” Gracie laughed shrilly. “I suppose that is all a person can do when they’ve been rejected.”

  “Again, I’m confused.” Suki looked nonp
lussed, but her heart was beginning to pound with annoyance. “I haven’t been rejected by anybody.”

  “Nice try, Suki Shepherd, but I was there, remember? Sonny Reynolds? He turned his back on you in favor of me.”

  Suki could think of no other way of responding but laughter, even though she really had felt embarrassed and rejected at the time. The wonderful dinner with Sonny had erased those feelings of that night all together and made her believe that she had chosen to see things as they weren’t rather than as they really were. But with Gracie Thornhill studying her face so closely now, Suki could feel that horrible dullness of spirit returning bit by bit.

  “To be rejected by somebody, Gracie, you first have to chase after them. I think you know as well as anybody else in this town that chasing after young men is not something that I could be accused of.” Suki stood up a little straighter, her full height some inches taller than the woman in front of her.

  Gracie Thornhill was a pretty girl, no doubt about it. Two years younger than Suki with her soft tawny brown hair always in ringlets, it was a prettiness she went to a great deal of trouble to maintain. And yet it had never been enough to satisfy her, she was always looking for something that wasn’t there. Gracie Thornhill could not simply be grateful for what she had and live her life; she had to live her life by comparison and could only settle when she found herself comparing favorably to those around her. Suki could not help but wonder how hard it would be to live like that.

  “Your face was enough to tell everybody in the barn that you’d set your sights on him,” Gracie said, and her pretty face was contorted in a mean little sneer. “You might think you’re above everybody else, never dancing, so serene and aloof as the men of the town try to tempt you. But Sonny Reynolds obviously saw through all that and he wasn’t the least bit interested. That’s right, he saw through your little methods.”