The Surgeon’s Secrets
Page 51
He laughed and glanced at his watch. “It’s nearly nine p.m. Wednesday.”
She sat down with a bump, astonished. “Wednesday?”
He smiled and got up to pour her some coffee. “You were exhausted and I think you caught a virus. You threw up a few times. You didn’t want me to call a doctor so I just stayed here and looked after you.”
She sipped the hot coffee. “Thank you, that was very kind. I don’t remember any of this.”
She didn’t see the smirk on Dan’s face; when she looked up, his expression was one of concern.
She tried to smile at him. “Dan, this is wrong…I shouldn’t be here. Of all places, I shouldn’t be here. I need to talk to Isaac. Need to sort this out one way or another.”
Dan nodded. “As you wish.” She studied him, trying to gauge whether he was being genuine or not. He smiled at her. “Can I ask one favor?”
“Of course.”
He took a deep breath in. “Get well first, get strong. Spend the next couple of days with me. We’ll just talk things out. End things between us the way I should have handled it two years ago. I need closure, Sarah. Then go back and try and sort out what you want.”
Sarah was bemused. This Dan…she’d never seen him like this. His wild swings in personality should concern her, she knew, but at this particular moment, she’d take this conciliatory, friendly version. It was one less battle to fight.
“Okay,” she said slowly. “Deal. But I need to phone Isaac at least. And Molly. She’s probably going crazy. God…my clothes.”
Dan smiled. “There’s some boxes with your stuff that you must have forgotten in your haste to get away from me – I mean – the house. They’re in the guest room.”
She stood. “I guess I’ll go shower.” She hesitated before leaving the kitchen. “Thanks, Dan. I mean it, thanks for being…a friend.”
He raised his coffee mug to her and she smiled.
Upstairs, she found her clothes in the guest room – and saw that the bed was rumpled. So Dan had slept here. Sarah let out a huge sigh of relief. Thank God. She had been so out of it that she didn’t know how she got to bed – and if he had slept beside her. She was touched he hadn’t crossed that line.
She showered, changed into an oversized t-shirt and washed out her underwear in the sink.
Going into her old bedroom, she shut the door and grabbed her phone.
Molly answered straight away. “Are you okay?”
Even hearing her voice made Sarah want to cry. “I’m okay…I just got sick. Needed some space.”
Molly let out a long breath. “Isaac’s staying here, with us. He’s a wreck, Sarah.”
The tears did fall then. “Mols…I just…” A sob escaped.
“Oh sweetheart.” Molly sounded upset. Sarah took a deep breath in.
“Am I making too a big a deal of this?”
“The fact your husband chose not to mention the child he had with his ex-wife? The child that’s still in diapers?” Her voice had a hard tone even though she’d lowered it. “No, Sarah, you have every right to be angry. After everything you’ve been through in your life, you thought Isaac was the steady rock you needed.”
“But…” Sarah finished for her.
“But yes, you need to talk. Don’t get me wrong, I want you two to sort out your problems and I might be mad as hell at Isaac but I do love him – because I know he loves you. Avoiding the issue isn’t helping. And, Sarah, what the hell are you thinking staying with Dan, of all people? Jesus…” Molly bit off her words.
Sarah waited a moment before speaking softly. “Mols…Dan’s been…kind. Really kind.”
Molly half laughed. “Sure we’re talking about the same Dan Bailey?”
Sarah had to chuckle about that. “I know. He’s like how he was when we met.”
Molly sighed. “That Dan didn’t last that long, remember? Just be careful. Look, I think I need to come see you and then we can work on getting you and Isaac in the same room. You need some time alone.” She lowered her voice again. “There’s a billionaire on my couch. Mike says that’s the start of a really bad reality t.v. show.”
Sarah laughed. “I love you. Yes, come, in the morning. I can’t wait to see you.”
“What shall I tell Isaac?”
The mere sound of his name made her want to cry. “Tell him…we’ll talk soon. I can’t say more than that.”
“That’s enough for now, sweetie. He’ll be glad to hear anything.”
Sarah squeezed her eyes shut. “I love him, Mols, I just don’t know if I can forgive him.”
Getting into bed a few minutes later, she heard Dan come up the stairs. She heard him pause outside her room, saw the shadow of his feet in the strip of light under the door. A second later the light went out and she heard the door to his room close. She let out the breath she’d been holding, realizing she’d been so tense all evening, her whole body ached. She stared up the ceiling trying to clear her mind. Molly’s words came back to her. You need some time alone. She realized then the feeling of release those words had given her. She loved Isaac and whatever their problems, they would sort them out. Tomorrow, she decided, tomorrow she would begin to change her life, to get back to who she wanted to be, not who everyone thought she was or thought she should be. What she was scared of becoming, terrified of becoming. A woman who ran away from her problems. A woman like her mother. She pushed that thought away as she let the hammering rain lull her into sleep.
“Fucker wouldn’t let me see her.” Molly told him the moment she drove back from Sarah’s house. She’d driven to the house as soon as Mike left for work and had returned almost immediately, angry.
“What?” Isaac, drawn, exhausted, wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. He hadn’t slept at all. Molly had seen him sobbing in his car outside the Varsity and had come to him, leading him gently into the house. She could think of nothing to say that would comfort him. He’d apologized over and over to her, told her the whole story, and berated himself for screwing up so badly.
He’d lain on her couch for the last few nights, not wanting to go back to the apartment in the city – not without Sarah. He kept picturing Dan Bailey touching her and wanted to go back and punch the crap out of him. When he came into the kitchen that first morning, Mike and Molly had made him welcome, kept the talk light in front of their kids who stared at Isaac as if he were an alien. He knew he must look scary, he felt like crap. Mike had taken the kids with him when he left for work and Molly had volunteered to go talk to Sarah.
Isaac got up, pushed the chair back. “I’m going over there.”
Molly body-blocked him. “No. That’s a mistake. Sarah’s not ready to see you.”
Isaac threw up his hands. “Then tell me what to do! I don’t know anymore. The one thing I want in this world is to see her, apologize, and get her back. Get back to our lives. Saul is covering for me again at work.”
“Then go back to work. Make that part of your life run normally. Don’t mope. You’re Isaac Quinn, for the love of God. Let Sarah see that you’re keeping the fabric of your lives together. She’ll feel more inclined to come back to a life that hasn’t fallen into tatters.”
Isaac gave her a warm smile. “Molly, I wish you had been my sister.”
She rolled her eyes, flushing. “Lord god, I don’t need another brother.”
“Where is Finn? I haven’t seen him since our wed…” He broke off. Molly rubbed his arm.
“Finn’s regrouping. As should you. Go, get out of here. It’ll be okay in the end.”
“You think?”
“I know.”
Sarah called Isaac three days later. They talked in halting voices, both scared to say what they really felt. They arranged to meet a day later, in the city, at a bar they both loved.
When she saw him, so handsome in his dark suit, her stomach hurt. He looked tired, exhausted and she wanted to run into his arms. His smile when he saw her was wary but still the most beautiful thing to her.
“Hey,” she said as he stood to greet her. Without speaking, he wrapped his arms around her and held her. God, it felt so good to be in his arms but Sarah made herself step out of the embrace. She smiled to soften the slight. “Let’s sit and talk, Iss.”
She almost cried when his eyes lit up as she called him by her nickname for him. It had slipped out but it had felt right. He was her Iss, her partner, her love. He was a million miles from the billionaire businessman portrayed in the papers.
“I missed you,” she said, “And I know I have no right to say that because I ran away. I’m sorry I didn’t give a chance to explain about…the child.”
Isaac took her hand. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. It was my screw-up. Yes, the child, Billy, is mine, Clare didn’t tell me that she was pregnant until after he was born. I took a paternity test to confirm it. I told her I would support her and the child but that I had no intention of being in her life. It sounds heartless but…I had just met you. If I was going to have kids, I wanted them to be with you. I was selfish and stupid. Sarah, before you came along and showed me what was really important, I lived the life of a billionaire. Any problems went away with enough money thrown at them. Clare was one.”
Sarah sucked in a deep breath. “I guess there’s a ton of stuff we didn’t know about each other.”
Isaac smiled wryly. “Not true. You were always very open with me – about some painful, horrific stuff too. You deserved better.”
She nodded. “You screwed up.”
“I did and I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
There was a long silence. Isaac looked down at his hands. “Sarah…are you and Dan..?”
“God, no,” She interrupted, her tone one of horror. “No, definitely not. Isaac, I swear. Nothing happened between me and Dan.”
She saw his shoulders relax and he smiled a little, but still he frowned.
“Sarah, I have to ask. What the hell are you doing back there with him? After everything that’s happened?”
Sarah shrugged. “I needed to be away. He was kind.” Then it hit her, the ridiculousness of her staying with her ex-husband – the same ex-husband who only weeks ago, she’d thought wanted to hurt her. She started to grin.
“What am I doing?” She shook her head. “God, what a fucking mess.”
He laughed. “Look, I’ve been an idiot most of my life. Time to grow up.”
“Same here. Jeez.” She made a face and he laughed.
He held her hand to his cheek and closed his eyes. “Sarah, for the next minute, I’m gonna say what I feel, no holds barred, because it’s killing me. I need to say it. Fuck the consequences.”
He opened his eyes and met hers. She nodded, trembling. “Okay.”
Isaac sighed. “I love you. I love you so fuckin” much. God, I’m so, so sorry for everything that I’ve done, that’s happened, because in a world that’s fair we should be together and hell, Sarah, I’d never let you go again. Ever. I’d spend every day trying to make you happy. So…” he faltered. “I don’t know any more ways I can express how much you mean to me. I could tell you I love you a million times and it wouldn’t come close.”
She had tears in her eyes as she took his face in her hands. “You are the reason my heart beats, the reason I breathe in and out every day. You have been since the day you came into the Varsity.” She laughed but her eyes were serious. “Whatever’s has gone on between us before this moment, right here, right now I want you to know that I love you. I have always loved you, even when I’ve been so mad at you I could spit.”
They both laughed then. “I’m serious…these past few months have been, damn, horrifying, sickening. But when I think of what we have all lost… …I won’t lose you, especially not over past mistakes. Please just…never lie to me about anything again, even if you think it will hurt, or scare, or anger me. Please. Promise me that and I’m yours.”
“God, yes, I promise, Sarah, I promise…”
He kissed her then, pouring every ounce of longing into the embrace. She pulled him closer wanting to sink into him, never let him go. Finally, gasping for breath, they broke apart. For the longest moment they just stared at each other.
“Come home,” Isaac said softly. “Please. Let’s fix this together.”
She shook her head. “Not yet. A couple more days. I don’t want to crap all over Dan’s goodwill and you need to see your kid.”
“I…”
She nodded. “You do. Meet him, see if you want him in your life. If you do, I will be there one hundred percent. It’s not his fault. For me, please. I know what it is to have a parent reject you. And I need to close things out with Dan. I know we’re living here now but I’d rather have him on my side than not, I still have to go to the island and see Molly.”
She put her hand on his chest.
“I will come back to you, Isaac, I will. But please, just for a few days, leave me to sort everything out here, tie up the loose ends. Go see your kid. You’ll hate yourself if you don’t. Then come back and I’ll be waiting.”
“I have a gift for you.” Dan said later, before she could say anything. He had been hyperactive since she had gotten back to his house and it was with frustration that she now sat in his kitchen, waiting for him to give her an opening. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a small black velvet box. He put it down on the table. “This is my…well, it’s the only thing I own which means anything to me. Open it.”
Sarah sat down at the table but didn’t touch the box. Dan laughed, frustration obvious on his face, and grabbed the box. He opened it and handed it to her. Inside, a pendant, a teardrop shaped ruby the size of a dime hung from a delicate gold chain. Sarah admired it despite herself.
“It’s beautiful, Dan. She peered at it closely. “Is it antique?”
He nodded. “It was my mother’s. The only thing I have of hers.”
“It’s lovely.”
Dan smiled and topped up her champagne. “I want you to have it.”
“Absolutely not.” She was horrified but Dan reached across the table.
“I don’t mean as a token of my affection, for want of a better word. I mean it as something to remember me by – something from my real mother. And there is no-one who deserves it more. I mean, I can hardly wear it, can I?”
Sarah took a deep breath in. “Dan, I appreciate that sentiment, I really do but I can’t accept.”
Dan’s eyes tightened but he inclined his head. “As you wish.” His tone was mocking but Sarah was relieved all the same. Dan nodded towards her champagne. “Drink up, and I’ll leave you alone.”
Isaac waited for Clare to open the door, shifting from foot to foot. She had been amazed when he’d called, asked to see the boy. Now he stood outside her hotel room door.
She opened the door carrying the child and for the first time, Isaac stared down at his son. The little boy gazed back and reached out with a chubby hand towards him. Isaac let him wrap his tiny fingers around his thumb. Clare beamed. “Hey, Billy boy,” she said softly, “this is your daddy. Say hello.”
The child’s face suddenly lit up and he grinned at Isaac, who felt a shift inside his soul at the boy’s innocent smiles.
This was his son. His boy. And finally, Isaac began to smile.
It was happening again. The fog in her mind descending, the exhaustion dragging her down. But this time, Sarah made the connection, the reason, the cause of the blackness. It was too coincidental. How the hell didn’t I realize this before? She looked over to the bottle, frowning, then back to the man across the table. She saw it in his eyes then, saw the anger at work in him. She tried to keep her body taut, upright but she could feel her head starting to whirl and spin. Dan sat in silence, watching her, sipping his drink, his jaw shifting as he ground his teeth. Sarah swallowed, cleared her throat, trying to push the fear aside.
“Dan, did you…”
“I know you were with him. Today. I saw you. I saw him. He was touching you.”
“I don’t understand, Sarah. I don’t understand your obsession with that man. He’s hurt you so many times, yet you return to him again and again.” He glanced at the necklace on the table. “I wonder if Isaac had given you such a gift, would you refuse it? I don’t think you would.” His voice was low, tender but her chest twisted with terror. He was stroking her face, her neck. He moved his hands lower, his thumbs brushed her nipples through her dress.
She tried to stand, to escape the cage of his arms but he put his fingers against her stomach and pushed her back into the chair. All she could hear was her blood pounding in her ears, her breath shaking. Dan smiled, brushed his lips against hers, once, twice. “Don’t fight me, baby girl. Please. Don’t make me…” He trailed off and touched her face again. “So pretty.”
She didn’t want to ask, didn’t want to contemplate the consequences if her fears were realized. It was so horrific, the mere thought of it. She asked him the question anyway.
“Dan…did you put something in my drink?”
Dan said nothing, just smiled. “You’re tired. Let me take you to bed.” He pulled Sarah to her feet and walked her out to the hallway. At the foot of the stairs, he moved her so they were reflected in the huge antique mirror she’d left behind when she”d left. He stood behind her, forcing her to look at herself. His lips were at her ear.
“Look how beautiful you are.” A whisper. His arms snaked around her, his hands roamed over her abdomen, her breasts. Sarah couldn’t focus, her limbs held not an ounce of strength, propped against him, slack, fighting unconsciousness. Dan’s hands were at her neck then, just briefly and when he took them away, the pendant gleamed crimson against her throat.
“See? The color of blood. It was made for you, my darling.” His voice was a whisper but his eyes were alive with desire. Their eyes met in the mirror and his expression terrified her. He pulled her dress from her shoulders, letting it drop to the floor. Sarah felt the cold of the evening on her skin, felt his fingers stroke her stomach, her belly, slipping into her panties, between her legs. He buried his face in her hair and moaned.