Queen in Exile

by Donna Hatch

  Moved by compassion, Jeniah kneeled beside him and took his flailing hand. “I’m here, my son,” she said softly.

  His blood-stained fingers gripped her hand desperately. “I’m afraid, Mother,” he whispered.

  Jeniah pressed his hand in between both of hers. “It’s all right, my son, I’m watching over you. You’ll be home soon.”

  Instantly, fear on the young soldier’s face changed to relief. The youth smiled, his battered face becoming peaceful. His hand fell limp and his eyes closed in eternal sleep. She placed his hand on his chest, feeling fully the horror of war.

  Jeniah stood looking down at the Hanoran soldier and wept for a boy too young to have died in battle, and for the loss of life all around her. Kai pulled her into a comforting embrace.

  The sun sent long shadows over the land when Jeniah remounted. Escorted into Arden City by a full regiment of Ardeenes and Darborians, she rode between Kai and Prince Aragaëth toward the castle, the colors of the former king of Arden proudly flying on the tops of the towers.

  Captain Tarvok and his men galloped up to Jeniah. His arm was bound with bandages, but he looked steady. A wolfish grin crossed his face. “We gave them the beating they deserved.”

  Jeniah did not share his enthusiasm for the carnage around her. “You did well, General.”

  He turned and rode alongside her and her entourage as they entered the main thoroughfare of the capital city of Arden. There, lining the streets and kept in order by vigilant Ardeene guards, gathered Jeniah’s subjects, the people of Arden. They were starved, battered, and beaten, but not defeated. Hope glimmered in their eyes.

  When Jeniah was spotted, a shout rang out and a deafening cheer rose up. It continued as the procession followed the ruins of the main thoroughfare. Men threw their hats. Women and children waved scarves and ribbons. Some had tears in their eyes.

  These were her people. Tears ran unchecked down her cheeks as understanding dawned on her how much the Ardeenes looked to her with hope for the future.

  At the square in the middle of town, Jeniah dismounted and made her way to the top of a heap of rubble, flanked protectively by her soldiers. She held her arms out toward the throng. The crowd pressed forward and hushed.

  “My people,” her voice rang out clearly, “we have all suffered terrible losses. You have endured great evil. Crimes have been heaped upon you. But there is still good in the world, in each of you. Together, we will rebuild our homes, our land, and our lives. Together, we will again make Arden a safe place to raise our children. We will again have peace and prosperity. We will not let the suffering of our fellow Ardeenes go uncomforted. My beloved people” —she had to stop to compose herself, hearing the emotions of the crowd— “I vow to rule with equity and honor. I’m both your queen and your servant.”

  As she bowed a thunderous cheer arose. Then a ripple of excitement followed by a hush made her straighten. The crowd parted as her shaggy, golden chayim padded noiselessly toward her. Not even a bird song broke the silence. Jeniah and her chayim stood nose to nose before her chayim turned to flank her, face out, as if to declare to all of Arden that Jeniah was bonded to her. In unison, the people fell to their knees in homage to their new queen and to her bonded chayim.

  Chapter Thirty

  When Jeniah failed to return home from her ride, Kai cantered Braygo to the shoreline to check on her. He had seen her wandering like a lost child through the gardens and knew she must be deeply grieving her family. Now that she was home, their presence would be sorely missed.

  At the break in the trees, he spotted Jeniah sitting on the rocks at the shore. As Kai neared, he came upon Aragaëth, who sat watching her.

  Kai dismounted and approached the future king of Hanore. Three Ardeene guards saluted Kai and continued sweeping the area, keeping Jeniah in sight.

  Aragaëth turned with a start. “I hate it when you sneak up on me like that,” he grumbled.

  “You were looking so hard that you wouldn’t have heard a stampede.” Jealousy colored Kai’s voice.

  Aragaëth appraised him. “Why so hostile, Captain?”

  “Stay away from her.”

  Aragaëth faced him fully. “Are you threatening me?”

  “Consider it a warning.”

  First anger, then puzzlement crossed the young king’s face. “What’s the matter, Captain? I thought we had gone past this.”

  “I know you desire her.”

  Aragaëth met his gaze unflinchingly. “Of course I do. I’d be a fool not to.”

  “Go back to Hanore. She has no need for you now.”

  The king raised his eyebrows, but then understanding shone in his eyes. “You aren’t royalty. She is, as am I. Is that what concerns you?”

  Kai took a menacing step toward him.

  Aragaëth held up his hands. “Captain, I’ve no quarrel with you. In fact, I owe you my life. It’s clear you love each other. I’m not going to try to win her from you.” His eyes grew thoughtful. “But you do have a problem. If her family were alive and in power you might have a chance, since you are a Sauraii master and a celebrated war hero. But she’s the queen. That complicates things. Her people need her to keep to their traditions. She has a duty to them. This is bigger than the two of you.”

  Kai turned away, not wanting to hear all his thoughts expressed by another.

  “What choice do you have? Stay here and torture yourself trying to resist her? Or be her lover and bring dishonor to you both? Ardeene morality is legendary.”

  Kai’s gaze never wavered. “I don’t need you to tell me to keep her pure. But I also swore to her that I would never leave her.”

  Gently, as if aware of the depth of Kai’s emotions, Aragaëth said, “Captain, Jeniah is young. A young girl’s heart is a fickle thing. She will learn to love someone else.”

  “Someone like you?” Kai shot back.

  After a moment, Aragaëth replied, “Perhaps. In time.”

  Kai gave a short, terse laugh. “Her duty does not include marrying the king of a country that invaded hers, massacred her people, and executed her entire family. Feelings are still very strong toward Hanore despite your new, fragile alliance. She would never marry you.”

  Aragaëth appeared to swallow an angry retort and turned to watch the princess, who still sat at the water’s edge, her shoulders shaking. “She needs you. At least until after she’s crowned queen. After that . . .” He looked back at Kai. “You are a man of honor. I believe you’ll do the right thing.” He gave Kai a long, searching look, then turned and strode away.

  For several minutes, Kai stood unmoving. Aragaëth was right, of course, and had voiced the very fears that had tortured Kai all along—even more so now that they had defeated Rheged. Jeniah would be crowned queen the next day. They had no hope of a future together. What Kai would do, he did not know.

  He went to her where she sat on the rocks, hugging her knees. At his approach, she raised her tear-streaked face and held her hand out to him. Kai sat down and pulled her against him. They sat quietly together. He loved the feel of her in his arms, the way she snuggled into his chest, the scent of her hair, the softness of her body. This was real. This was as it should be. How could this not be right?

  Jeniah lifted her head and carefully studied his face. He felt as if his soul was being laid out to her.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  He took a steadying breath. “You will be queen tomorrow. I will have no place in your life.”

  Alarm widened her eyes. “Do you really think I care about that? I love you.”

  He hugged her to him fiercely, a weight pressing on his chest. “I love you. That will never change, but your people need a strong ruler and a sense of stability. They need their customs and traditions to help unify them. Only you can help them heal. Having a commoner for a king is against everything they believe in. No matter how much we want to, we cannot change the facts.”

  She clung fiercely to him. “Everyone knows that if it weren’t
for you, I wouldn’t be alive. The minstrels are already singing about your heroic deeds. There would be no queen without you, and Arden would still be under Rheged’s tyranny. Do you really think anyone would be surprised if we married? It’s common knowledge how we feel about each other.”

  Kai pulled on his stoic façade. “Duty must dictate our actions.”

  She pushed him away. “Don’t you recall what you said to me? You said that it didn’t matter what lay in store for us, only that you knew that it was wrong not to love me. You swore that you would never, ever leave me. You gave me your word. Don’t you remember?”

  “Of course I remember. I meant every word. I will always love you, Jeniah. I will love you until I die. I—” He raked his hands through his hair. The old familiar fear arose, fear that these intense feelings were cracking his armor, making him vulnerable. His shoulders slumped in defeat. “Consider the future we really have.”

  She laid her hand on his cheek. “I do think about it, constantly. Trust me. I’ll find a way.” She searched his face carefully. “New recruits pour in daily. I realize the oath you pledged to my father does not necessarily apply to me, but I need you to train them. We have no army of any significance. We’re helpless. Will you stay?”

  The weight in his chest turned to searing pain as he considered life without her.

  “Kai? You’re not leaving, are you?” Panic touched her voice.

  He fortified his emotional armor. He couldn’t cave in now. “I’ll remain as long as my king allows it.” But he knew it wouldn’t be long now before he’d be recalled into service, before he’d have to leave her.

  It was better that way.

  At Jeniah’s coronation, every rule of etiquette was rigidly followed. All of the neighboring kings and queens attended in support. There were endless speeches and priceless gifts.

  The feasting, dancing, and celebrating went on until dawn. Kai stayed nearby throughout, his presence lending Jeniah strength, but he remained shielded and distant. Her coronation had only emphasized the hopelessness of their future together. She knew she was running out of time. Jeniah spent much of the next day conferring with lawmakers and historians. When they stopped for a break, she went into the gardens, following its winding paths in solitude.

  Spring had arrived, awakening a few of the hardier trees and shrubs. Vines and stalks tentatively opened their blooms. Jeniah stood still, breathing it all in before going to a part of the garden where there was a view of the shore. How she longed to ride down to the beach and lose herself there for a time.

  Aragaëth found her then. She smiled. “Please join me. I love the gardens. I feel so alive here.”

  “They are beautiful,” he agreed as he sat beside her. “Nothing in Hanore is so lush. But I tire of the damp, and I long to return home to Hanore.”

  “There’s something on your mind.”

  His mouth curved. “I came to tell you that I’m leaving in the morning.”

  Jeniah nodded. “You are needed in Hanore. You have helped heal the rift between our people. I’m grateful to you for all you have done for Arden. And for me. It will be a long, slow process, but I hope that someday our people will become friends as we are.”

  “That is my wish as well.”

  She waited, knowing there was more.

  He seemed to be searching for the right words. “Jeniah, I . . . I find that I’m reluctant to be away from you.” He rushed on. “And I know how you feel about Captain Darkwood, but Jeniah, I love you. And I wish for our alliance to go beyond the political arena.”

  “Aragaëth—”

  “Look me in the eye and tell me that you feel absolutely nothing for me.”

  Jeniah dropped her eyes and took a steadying breath.

  He lifted her chin, forcing her to see the genuine love shining in his dark eyes. His finger ran along her cheek and he smiled softly. “I’ve wanted to do that for a very long time.”

  She swallowed hard and opened her mouth to speak, but before she could utter a word, he leaned in and kissed her. His arms went around her and he pulled her close, his mouth insistent upon hers.

  She pushed him away. “No!” she whispered tersely.

  “Tell me that you felt nothing then, that you didn’t want me even a little.”

  Her voice was stern. “I love Kai Darkwood.”

  “You didn’t answer me.”

  Anger and remorse battled in her heart. “You’ve done a great deal for me, for all of Arden. You are a wonderful man, and you will go down in history as a brave and wise king. But I don’t love you. I feel affection for you, but it is esteem, not love. I love Kai. Nothing will ever change that.” Aragaëth’s hurt, so clear on his face, tore at her heart, but she continued, “And no matter who his parents are, he’s my one true love.”

  “Are you sure? Couldn’t your feelings be gratitude for him saving your life and protecting you? What about your people? Are you willing to turn your back on everything you hold dear so you can be with him?”

  “I loved him before he became my protector. I’ve always loved him. And yes, I would dry up the ocean if it meant keeping him with me.”

  Defeated, Aragaëth dropped his eyes and stepped back from her. “Very well, Your Majesty, I understand.”

  “Aragaëth.” She waited until he made eye contact. “You are a man of honor and courage, a credit to your people. And you will lead them into a new age. I’m honored that you find me worthy of your affection. I realize you do not give it on a whim. I wish I could return it.”

  If her father’s plan had been carried out, she would have married this man. Now that she knew the prince, that thought was no longer terrifying. Perhaps her father had been more wise and careful than she realized at the time. But because she loved Kai so deeply, she felt no temptation to choose another over him.

  Aragaëth nodded sadly. “I knew my suit was probably in vain.” Aghost of a smile flitted over his mouth. “You can’t really blame me for being so bold as to make an attempt. I’d hoped you’d see all of my fine qualities: my charm and good looks and the fact that I’m now going to be king. And I’m sure there are many more, but I can’t think of any at the moment.” He made a wry face but the disappointment behind his jest was obvious.

  Jeniah smiled sadly.

  He pressed her hand to his lips. “An alliance between our countries was not based upon your acceptance of a personal alliance, you know.”

  “I know.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek.

  He closed his eyes as if the gesture hurt him. “Shade and sweet water to you and your house, Your Majesty.” He bowed and left her alone in the gardens.

  Jeniah returned to the library and her work with the historians and searched with greater fervor. Very late that night, she found what she sought. Elated, she ran to share the news with Kai, but when she found him in his room, he looked stricken.

  She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. Had he seen her with Aragaëth? No, something else was wrong. “What is it?”

  He lowered his arm and let a missive flutter to the floor. “I’ve received my orders. I’m to go to Govia. The northerners are burning villages along the border.”

  Jeniah sank down in the nearest chair. “No,” she whispered.

  Kai dropped to his knees in front of her and took her by the hands. “I’m sorry. I must report back immediately.”

  “Get someone else to go.”

  “You know I cannot refuse an order.”

  As Jeniah tried to blink back her tears, Kai lifted her chin. “Perhaps this is better.”

  “No, Kai. No.” She lost the battle over her tears.

  “I’ll leave a contingent of knights to help train your army. They are good men, good fighters. You will not be left defenseless.” Kai’s hands were on her face, his thumbs wiping her cheeks.

  His gentle touch filled her with unexplained fury. “They told me in Darbor you always do this. You leave every woman who gets too close. You refuse to let anyone inside, to let any
one near your heart.”

  Kai stared at her, his face paling. “You think that’s what this is?”

  “At the time, I thought it would be different with me. Now I know I’m no different than the others.”

  Aghast, he stared at her. “I’m not lying.”

  “I believe your orders are genuine, but you have been searching for a way out, and now here it is. You can leave me without guilt and go find your next lady, someone who won’t threaten your heart.”

  “You don’t really believe that.”

  “If it weren’t true, you’d find a way to be with me. You would stay. You would trust me.”

  Clearly anguished, he stared. But he did not deny it. And he did not appear to entertain thoughts of refusing to leave her. She ground her teeth. So much for finding a way to make him king.

  She snatched her hands out of Kai’s and arose, her anger giving her fortitude. “Go, then.”

  Jeniah’s heart broke as she walked away from the man she loved more than her own life.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  The Govians and their allies won the border war, defeating the wild men from the north, but the casualties on both sides were catastrophic. Even so, the Govian king had proclaimed the battle a great victory. After receiving commendations and expressions of gratitude from the Govian king, General Kai Darkwood began leading the survivors of his army home to Darbor.

  Kai looked back at the weary column of warriors behind him and paused at the top of a low rise before descending into a valley. They should be home in another day or two. Winter was upon them, making the landscape lifeless and barren. Kai felt the same way inside.

  Hiseyesweredrawntothegraysky.Afewsnowflurriesdrifted down intermittently, swirling in the wind, but melted before they hit the ground. Jeniah’s face haunted him, and her words wounded him each time he recalled them. Lately, he had wondered if she were right. Had he taken this set of orders as the honorable escape from a hopeless situation? Was he wrong to leave? It certainly seemed so. He hadn’t felt so lost since he buried Ariana.