Queen in Exile

by Donna Hatch

  When they stopped for the night, Kai checked on the wagon of wounded men. Garhren lay among them, pale and grim, but alive.

  “We’re almost home, my friend,” Kai said.

  Garhren opened his eyes. “Good. Then you can tell the king you’ve decided to leave his service and live in Arden.”

  Kai stared at him. “I can’t quit.”

  “No. You can’t. That’s why you need to go back to her.”

  Kai shook his head and a hint of a smile touched his mouth. “You would have me walk out on our king, show up at her doorstep, tell her I’ve been a fool, and ask her to marry me.”

  “It’s what every woman wants.”

  Kai snorted. “Advice coming from the worst womanizer that ever lived.”

  Garhren’s gaze was steady. “If I found a woman like her, I would cross the whole world to be with her, get down on my knees, and beg her to marry me.”

  “And if I arrive and find her in King Aragaëth’s arms?” Kai muttered darkly, his stomach clenching at the thought.

  “Challenge him to a duel,” his friend replied without hesitation.

  Kai chuckled, relieved that Garhren was feeling well enough to jest. “That would be well received in a land that frowns on violence,” he replied dryly. Then he grinned, thinking it might be fun watching Aragaëth squirm. Or die. Especially if he had touched Jeniah. “I think I’m starting to like your idea.”

  “When are you going to admit that all of my ideas are good?” Garhren said, sounding like himself. “And when your competition is dead, or at least humiliated, proclaim your love and beg her to marry you.”

  “You keep using the word ‘beg,’” Kai pointed out.

  Garhren shifted, groaning in pain. “Kai, you are the finest man I’ve ever known, but you’ve got a weak sense of what women want. You have to fight for her. Overcome any obstacle. Smash every barrier.”

  “Oh? And you are the expert?”

  “Just because I haven’t found anyone to give my heart to, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to go about doing it properly when I do.” Garhren’s gaze was steady.

  Kai stared unseeing, the dull ache in his chest sharpening into pain. He missed Jeniah. He was incomplete without her. Empty.

  “Kai, do you or do you not want to spend the rest of your life with her?”

  Soberly, Kai looked out over the darkening horizon. “I do.”

  “Then make her see she would be foolish to turn you down.”

  Agitated, Kai started pacing. “And simply turn my back on everything else—King Farai, her royalty and my common blood?”

  Garhren scowled at him. “I never realized you had a cowardly streak in you.”

  Kai stared at him as if Garhren had punched him in the face. “If you weren’t already wounded, I’d thrash you for that.”

  “If you hadn’t spent the last six moons acting like a man who had nothing to live for, I would have thrashed you ages ago,” Garhren growled.

  They stared at each other, anger crackling between them, before Kai turned and stalked away.

  He spent a sleepless night. Cowardly? Hadn’t he proved his courage countless times? Hadn’t he faced everything that had ever frightened him and defeated it? Cowardly! Garhren was obviously delirious.

  Jeniah had accused Kai of looking for an excuse to leave her. That was ridiculous. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to marry her and love her freely every day of his life. He wanted to have children with her and grow old with her. But that wasn’t possible, was it?

  Should he have rejected every rule and asked her to marry him? He wouldn’t have had to beg. She would have married him gladly. Then. But now? Had her feelings changed?

  Since he had left Jeniah and Arden, he had been a shell. He should never have left her. He thought he was being strong in denying himself and keeping her elevated in her position, by not making her condescend to marry a commoner. Perhaps it would have taken more strength to smash the social barriers between them and follow his heart. Was he too late?

  Kai didn’t know, but he had to find out. He quickly scribbled a missive to King Farai, handed it to one of his men, and jumped on Braygo. He wasn’t sure, but as he rode away, he thought he heard Garhren laughing.

  When Queen Jeniah emerged from her council chambers followed by her chief advisors, she nearly fell over with shock. Standing before her, looking as if he hadn’t slept in a moon cycle, stood Kai Darkwood. His handsome face was haggard, he appeared to not have shaven in several weeks, his hair was too long, and his blue eyes were shadowed. In fact, his scruffy appearance reminded her of how he had looked the first time her gaze had fallen upon him almost two years before.

  The Darborian Sauraii looked at her as a man dying of thirst looks at a cup of water. He swallowed hard and visibly restrained himself from moving.

  Her pulse throbbed in her ears and elation raced through her nerves. Her first impulse was to throw her arms around him and kiss him until she grew gray hair. Her second thought was to slap him and have him thrown in the tower. She settled for folding her shaking hands in front of her and staring at him with controlled coldness. “Captain Darkwood, it is customary to request an audience with the queen in writing.” With distain, she pointedly looked over his armor and traveling clothes. “It is also common practice to bathe and change one’s clothes before presenting oneself to royalty.”

  Those who were nearby discreetly left them alone. Even the guards eased back to give Jeniah and Kai privacy.

  For the briefest moment, Kai hesitated. Her reception appeared to have thrown him off balance. Then his determination shone.

  “Common practices be hanged,” he replied with uncharacteristic vehemence. He stepped to her and swept her into his arms, his mouth descending on hers with breathtaking passion. “I love you, Jeniah,” he breathed before his mouth captured hers again. “Marry me. Marry me, and I will spend the rest of my life begging your forgiveness. I never should have left you.”

  His kisses prevented her reply, but she wouldn’t have been able to form thought enough to give him one anyway. She leaned into him and wrapped her arms around him, savoring his kiss and the feel of his arms about her. Her heart, neatly back inside her chest, began to beat again.

  Kai was back. He loved her. He wanted to marry her. She succumbed to him, immersed in warmth and wholeness.

  But he had left her once. What was to stop him from leaving her again?

  She tore her mouth away from his and pushed against his chest. He was slow to loosen his embrace. One of his hands caressed her face. The love that shone in his beautiful blue eyes nearly undid her.

  “I have not been whole since I left you. Marry me.”

  When she pushed him again, he released her, a touch of fear showing in his eyes. She had not sensed it before, but suddenly she knew he was afraid she would reject him, that she would choose tradition over him, or that she no longer loved him. In a manner very unlike him, he lowered his carefully mastered shields and stood before her, his eyes devouring her, looking as desperate and battered as she felt. His visible anguish and longing stunned her. Her heart nearly broke at the thought of Kai consciously allowing her to see inside his shields.

  “How do I know you won’t leave me again when it suits you?” she asked him with as much bitterness as she could muster.

  The hurt on his face deepened at her words and tone of voice, but he remained open. “I won’t leave. I resigned my position of service to King Farai of Darbor.”

  “I could have you thrown out,” she threatened.

  He blinked. “I’ll lay siege on the castle until you let me back in,” he said with determination.

  She folded her arms and eyed him doubtfully. “How many men are with you?”

  “Just me.”

  She clamped down on the smile that threatened to curve her mouth. “A siege of one?”

  “I’ll make a nuisance of myself.”

  “I’m sure you are more than capable of that,” she remarked dryly. “And
if I throw you in the tower?”

  “I’m a Sauraii. No prison wall can hold me.” Smugness touched his voice.

  Perhaps he was ready after all. But she had to be sure. She would not risk another heartbreak at his hands. “Go away, Kai. You don’t belong here.” It took all the willpower she possessed to turn her back on him and walk away.

  He grabbed her by the arm and turned her toward him. “You never were one to play games, Jeniah. What is this you are doing?”

  She poured all of her tear-filled nights and empty days during his absence into her answer. “You left me to go fight a war with barely a by-your-leave. You were gone for nearly eight moon cycles. You never sent me word. Now you show up here, unannounced, tell me what you think I want to hear, and expect me to fall at your feet in gratitude that you have chosen to grace me with your presence. I’ve no assurance you will even stay.” Though aghast at the cruel words that tumbled from her own mouth, Jeniah continued to pour out her frustrations. “You are arrogant and cruel, Kai Darkwood. Go find a wench to keep your bed warm, and leave me be.”

  His hands tightened on her arm, the intensity of his eyes burning. “There has been no one since I met you. And there will be no one except you. Not ever.”

  If her heart had been as icy as she portrayed, that fierce declaration would have melted it. Using all her practiced decorum, she gave no indication how much his words moved her.

  “How terrible that must be for a man like you,” she replied sarcastically. “Please, feel free to resume your normal indiscretions, for I will not stand in your way.” She twisted her arm out of his grasp.

  He stared in astonishment. “Do you really think I would have traveled this far, left my service to my king, if I weren’t sincere?”

  Jeniah moistened her lips. If Kai had truly left his king’s service, that act alone confirmed his dedication to her. She fully understood how difficult that sacrifice had been. Yet she wondered if she could truly trust Kai. “I don’t care why you’ve come, Captain. Go back to Darbor.” It nearly tore her heart out to say the words.

  Kai flinched as if she had struck him. When he replied, his voice was subdued but his eyes remained intense. “I will go for now, but not to Darbor. I’ve been given quarters inside the castle. Come talk to me when you’ve had time to think about it. Don’t decide rashly. Please.”

  The “please” nearly crumpled her resolve. She turned away.

  “Jeniah.”

  How delicious her name sounded in his voice. She froze. Oh, how her heart ached!

  “I do love you.”

  All her willpower engaged, she walked away from him without looking back. If she had, he would have seen the tears in her eyes. She began walking without direction.

  He loved her! He had come back to her! It had taken him nearly a year to do it, but he was back, professing his love and willing to break every rule to marry her. He meant it. Of that she had no doubt. But would he be true?

  Kai’s weariness found no relief that night. Jeniah was hurt and angry. He didn’t blame her for her reaction, and he knew he was the cause. At least it proved that she had missed him, and that somewhere underneath all that bitterness, she must still care. If he had met apathy, he would have known he had lost.

  How could he prove to her that he loved her and was willing to do anything she asked of him? Leaving his king and country and coming here was not enough—he knew that now—but what would be enough?

  At dawn, Kai sought out Tarvok. The castle had been rebuilt in a vague imitation of Darbor’s castle, the outer walls three times as thick as the original walls. Guard towers stood at each of the four corners, and a wide moat lined the walls, both of the castle and of the city surrounding it. It looked impenetrable.

  He found Tarvok leaning against the bailey wall with a frown almost fearsome enough to look unfriendly. Tarvok pushed off and drew his sword.

  “General Tarvok,” Kai greeted as he drew his own sword.

  Tarvok’s eyes glittered and he grinned darkly. “The man without a country.”

  “Your future king, I hope.”

  Tarvok laughed. “You poor, lovesick fool.”

  Their swords came together. Kai pushed him mercilessly, pouring out all of his frustration upon Tarvok, who was as near his match as he’d ever found. Except possibly Garhren.

  “She’s not betrothed, is she?”

  “Her advisors suggested that the queen needs to find a husband soon. Duty to marry and produce an heir, you know.”

  “Any prospects you know of, Hanoran or otherwise?”

  Tarvok took so long to reply that Kai feared the answer. He parried and countered, sickened that he truly might have lost her.

  “No. She’s rejected all of her advisors’ recommendations.” Tarvok’s eyes glittered. “She appears to be in love with some Darborian Sauraii. However, she’s only now passed her twentieth year. I suppose there’s time for her to get over that lout and chose an appropriate husband.”

  Kai thrust his blade deeply, but Tarvok threw him off.

  “You’re slow today, Captain,” Tarvok taunted.

  “It’s General, by the way. Or at least, it was before I resigned.”

  “If you weren’t trying to kill me, I’d salute.”

  Kai gave a short, terse laugh. “If I were trying to kill you, you’d be dead.”

  “Your moves have never been so predictable. What’s wrong?” Tarvok teased. “Haven’t you slept well? In a few moons?”

  Kai glared at him.

  Tarvok laughed. “She loves you, Darkwood. But she needs to decide if she really wants to put up with you all her life.” He put down his sword and rested upon it.

  Kai lowered his arm. “What can I do to prove myself to her?”

  “You’ve already done it. She’s not the child she once was. She’s a woman, and she has a woman’s mind. When she’s ready, she will send for you. And she will. In the meantime, go get some sleep. If you were one of my men I’d give you a leave of absence until you started to look human again.”

  Kai sighed. “I would too.”

  Tarvok sheathed his sword, clapped him on the shoulder, and walked away.

  Kai’s weariness settled over him so deeply that he barely made it to the room he’d been given inside the castle before he fell onto the bed fully clothed and went to sleep.

  Knowing Kai was in the castle gave Jeniah a long-absent peace. She slept better than she had in ages. In the morning she awoke feeling whole. She forced herself to patiently hold court, have her meals, and attend the usual meetings before she went to see Kai. He had made her wait nearly a year; it wouldn’t hurt him to wait one day. That afternoon, she could not resist any longer.

  There was no response to her soft knock. One of the guards said the captain had sparred with Tarvok the previous evening and then had gone inside his room without emerging or requesting meals.

  Jeniah pushed the door open. The late-afternoon sun slanted through the leaded windows on a motionless form lying crosswise on the bed. She quietly went inside.

  Kai lay in his chain mail on his stomach as if he had simply collapsed and not moved. His booted feet hung off the side of the bed and his head was turned to one side. Remembering the first time she had seen him sleep, Jeniah gazed down upon his stunning face. A strand of hair fell over his eyes and his lashes lay close to his cheeks. He looked serene. And beautiful in a raw, masculine way.

  She resisted the urge to touch him. She knew his habit of denying himself sleep when he was troubled or had pressing responsibilities. If he were finally sleeping after days or weeks without rest, she would not disturb him.

  She could deny it no longer. She still loved him as much as ever, and she could not bear the thought of living without him another day.

  Jeniah tiptoed out of the room and activated a plan she had devised before Kai left her.

  An aggravatingly persistent knock on the door woke Kai. He sat up blearily and rubbed his eyes. A faint light glimmered through the leaded wi
ndow. It was too pink for dusk. Was it dawn? His stomach rumbled loudly enough to convince him he had skipped far too many meals. The knock continued. With a groan, Kai rose and pulled the door open with a scowl. A messenger stood there.

  “Good morning, sir,” he said brightly, annoyingly oblivious to Kai’s fearsome glare. He handed Kai a missive with the queen’s seal on it. After another cheeky grin, the servant left.

  Inside the room, Kai leaned against the door. With less than steady hands, he broke the seal and read. By royal command, he was to appear before the queen that evening to receive a Medal of Honor. His heart began to beat faster. It was possible that this was nothing more than royal courtesy, but knowing Jeniah, there was more to it than that.

  After devouring enough food to feed a small army and then spending a few hours training in the arena, Kai bathed, shaved, and changed into full dress uniform. Ardeene uniform.

  As he entered the throne room, Kai remembered the day he had arrived in Arden so long ago to be greeted by the king. Today, the throne room was full of people, many more than Kai thought could possibly fit inside. After he was announced and the trumpets played a fanfare, he strode to the throne, where Queen Jeniah sat in stunning, glorious beauty.

  His heart pounded. She wore a mysterious smile, confirming that something was happening besides recognition and a Medal of Honor. In homage to the queen, Kai kneeled on the floor before the steps leading to the dais. He bowed his head, placing his fist first on his chest and then on his forehead.

  Queen Jeniah stood. “Rise, Kai Darkwood.”

  He mounted the first few steps until their eyes were at the same level. Mischievous joy twinkled in hers.

  “For courage and valor far beyond the call of duty during a time of terrible loss, and for personally protecting and helping to restore upon the throne the only living member of the royal family, I award you, Kai Darkwood, this Medal of Honor.” She held up a beautiful, intricate medallion hanging from a braided cord.