The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister

by Helena Whitbread

  Sunday 30 March [Halifax]

  Having gone to the new church, did not stay the sacrament either today or Friday. I doubted whether to stay today. Felt remorse at not having fulfilled this sacrament & afterwards, in bed at night, prayed to be pardoned in this thing.

  Monday 31 March [Halifax]

  Went to Haugh-end. Sat an hour with Major & Mrs Priestley… Mrs H. Priestley allows her woman 1½ guinea per annum for tea, therefore Mrs Priestley of White Windows2 allows 2 guineas. At White Windows they give their menservants 2 complete suits, 2 hats, aprons, linen jackets, & the groom, a stable dress & the footman, a morning jacket extra, and 20 guineas a year, & the footman wanted more wages because he had so much to do, & because Mrs Pollard’s & Mrs Wilcock’s servant had more, & the Priestleys gave him more. The H.P.’s boy (they took him entirely to teach) was to have 7 guineas the 1st year & what clothes they thought he required, (he has had one complete suit) & 10 guineas the 2nd year & perhaps more clothes. The lad complains, tho’ they pay for his washing, which costs them very nearly 3 pounds.

  On Thursday 3 April 1823, Anne paid a visit to York. The main purpose of her visit was the stabling of her horse, Hotspur, at the army barracks in York, for him to be broken in so that she could ride him.

  Friday 4 April [York]

  At 10.40, set off to call on the Belcombes’, Charlotte Norcliffe, & to arrange with Miss Milner about a dress for the ball on Wednesday… Mrs Norcliffe & Charlotte Norcliffe went with me to Miss Milner & then to Day’s in Ousegate & chose me a striped black gauze… Mr Duffin & I pursued our way to the barracks. Saw the groom & rough rider. Very good account of Hotspur… I mentioned my wish to ride Hotspur as soon as I could & to have a lesson or 2 from the rough rider, to which the colonel very handsomely consented. Returning from the barracks, we sauntered about in Rigg’s gardens. The weeping ash not compelled to weep by artificial construct, but a different species from the common ash, & weeping naturally.

  Saturday 5 April [York]

  Called on Mrs Willey to ask if she would go to the stand to see the races. No! that I cannot go with her. Miss Willey laid upon the sopha having sprained her knee.

  Sunday 6 April [York]

  Called on Miss Yorke to ask if she was going to the stand to see the races on Wednesday. She was undetermined but would let me know. Offered to join her at the pair of horses. Her mother, having been very unwell, I never thought of her going & it just strikes me I was so bearish as never to inquire whether she would or not, but addressed my whole question on the subject to Miss Yorke.

  Monday 7 April [York]

  Called & sat some time with Mrs Gilbert Crompton to ask her if she could give me a seat to the stand on Wednesday but she & her husband & Miss Robinson of Thorpe Green3 would fill the carriage. Yet she would have taken Miss Willey had she been well enough to go. She mentioned Mrs Best, for me to go with her, for she had a carriage & we were both two independent people. I thanked her for mentioning [it], observing I had not thought of it, but it was unpleasant to be with a person on such bad terms with many people. Thought I to myself, ‘What means your blarney? You will not try much to oblige me.’

  Tuesday 8 April [York]

  Sat with Mrs Milne till 3½… Very flirting style of manner & conversation & some double entendre. Bad enough. She likes it. I feel no esteem for her & flirt & make a fool of her, & perhaps myself, too, for doing it. I had given up all thought of going to the stand but it struck me at dinner to ask Mrs Willey for her carriage. After dinner, at 6, went to ask Mrs Willey if she would lend me her carriage. She was very civil about it. Would do it with great pleasure.

  Wednesday 9 April [York]

  Out at 7¾. At the Belcombes’ before 8 to ask Mrs Milne to go with me in Mrs Willey’s carriage to the race-stand. Sat on the bed near half-hour, she hiding her face, shocked at having me before she was up. Did not know who it was or would not have let me in… Letter from my aunt at Shibden containing my black silk apron… Ready for the stand at 1. Mrs Milne came in Mrs Copley’s carriage with Miss Copley & Miss, & Miss Eliza, Belcombe. Got out here & joined me in Mrs Willey’s carriage. We took up William Milne near the mount & drove to the stand. The instant Mrs Milne got out of the carriage she had Miss Copley on one side & Eli on the other, & left me to Anne. I therefore left them all. Talked first to one, then another, but chiefly to the Cromptons & none would suppose me not of their party. I found fault with Mrs Milne for leaving me but she said Miss Copley would not let her do otherwise & I was too happy, for I do not much like being with any of them in public. Norcliffe brought me a letter from Miss Marsh (Langton) & drove Mrs Best in his gig to the stand. I was not more with her than I could well avoid for she is rather out. Norcliffe, Mrs Milne afterwards observed, is much gone off & looks vulgar. Not perhaps exactly vulgar but certainly not particularly gentlemanlike. Subscribed a shilling to a lottery with Mrs Best. Lost, & lost a shilling bet to Miss Crompton, & won a shilling & lost 2 to Miss Henrietta Crompton. Altogether a very pleasant race. Got there first, before they began, but came away about an hour before they were over… The stand was very well & very numerously attended. I saw Mr & Mrs Empson in the room at the stand. Bowed to the latter. The former sitting at too great a distance to make it necessary for me to take any notice. She seemed sitting aloof, knowing nobody, unless she took someone with her. Parsons came to dress my hair at 7. My dyed satin made into a slip. A striped black gauze over it, prettily trimmed round the bottom. Blond round the top. I looked very well. The chair took me at a quarter before ten. Mr Duffin & I together all the evening. Walked about & sat at the top of the room, chiefly with some of the Cromptons. The ball numerously attended but by no means very select. Very few county people there… Bowed to Mrs Empson, sitting as if unknowing & unknown… The Cromptons (Miss Margaret) pointed out Mrs Pollard & Miss Greenwood [from Halifax] & quizzed me about having such countrywomen. Surely one had never seen such objects in a ballroom. They were the amusement of the whole room. Dancing all the night, quadrilles & waltzes. I just spoke to Mrs Pollard but was glad to be off thinking such a thing to Miss Greenwood, & passed her close several times without taking the smallest notice. She had a long, round, pink-tipped feather in her head dangling as low as her elbow, & an apron bordered round with roses. Mrs Pollard’s white gown a mass of crimson sheneel [sic] up to the knees & the waist of gold tinsel or something so thick & shiny & metallic she was said to be in armour. Tea, coffee & ices. Supper at one. It did not do much credit to Mrs Barber of the Black Swan. No shew of plate. Neither the ball nor the supper to be compared with what was given 2 years ago by the 4th Dragoons. Mr Duffin & I just took a turn or 2 in the great room after supper & then came away & got home at 2.20. Mr Duffin could not get a rubber. I did not think he would like my leaving him. Was, therefore, tagged to him the whole night & never found a ball more stupid. What a difference between this officers’ ball & the last. How I do abominate being tied to anyone. I am beginning to be tired of being here, tho’ not so much as I have often felt before. He took me up to speak to Mrs Sympson. She has a party on Monday & Mr Duffin will be there, yet she never asked me. The last time, I think it was, I was at the Belcombes’, she saw me there, yet never asked me to her party tho’ they were going. Is it rather odd? Nor does she ever call on me. I have neither curled tonight or last. Parsons’ dressing was stiff enough.

  Friday 11 April [York]

  Mr Duffin went out riding a little after 11… Went to the Cromptons’ to pay the 3 shilling bets I forgot to pay yesterday. They meant to be very civil but I thought of [what] Mrs Milne said yesterday, that they were vulgar. They are not remarkably the contrary. Miss Mary played on the harp, Miss Margaret on the piano (a duet), tolerable. Then called at the Yorkes’. They were seen to advantage. They seemed well-bred. Miss Yorke shewed some sketches, very good copies from Claude Lorraine. Mr Duffin came back. We called together at the Willeys’, then went over the bridge. I paid my bill at Day’s & at Miss Gledhill’s.

  Saturday 12 April [York]
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br />   At 10.35, Mr Duffin & I set off walking along the fields by the river towards Poppleton. Turned & went by the new walk to the barracks & got there at 12.10. Hotspur going on very well. I may ride him the latter end of next week. Spoke to the veterinary surgeon. He thinks him a very fine colt. Any dealer would be glad to give 50 guineas for him now. If he is lucky, he will be worth 200 guineas, at 6 years old, for a chariot. A dealer would match him & sell the pair for 400 guineas. Mr Woodman (the veterinary surgeon) approved my plan of letting the horse lie out from May to September, taking him from 10 to 6 during the day, & riding him 7 or 8 miles a day… Mr Duffin & I walked over the bridge. He called at Lady Crawford’s. I ordered boots at Hornby’s… Crossed the water & went behind the walls to Micklegate & the bar, then down behind Mrs Price’s to the ferry & then returned & got home at 2¾.

  Sunday 13 April [York]

  Went to the Cromptons’. Met them coming to me. Miss Crompton (i.e. Elizabeth), Mary, & Henrietta. Met Miss Yorke just out of the bar. She turned back with us & we all walked to the turnpike house beyond Dring-houses. The party rather too large for me. I should have preferred a tête-à-tête with any one of them. Henrietta talks the most. ’Tis flip, fancy & nonsense & attempt at wit. I like her the best, except Margaret, & have not determined whether to prefer Mrs Crompton or Mary. They are not very genteel – not elegant enough for me. Mary, it seems, is shy & rather afraid of me. Perhaps she likes me. She asked how many hearts I had rent. My penchant was for her on Tuesday evening. Is it talent or what that gives me a general sort of ascendancy, in spite of other opposing circumstances? For I find both the Cromptons & Miss Yorke rather to wait for my paying them attention than vice-versa. I have fancied Mrs Sympson neglected me & that I was not sufficiently called upon & made much of, but I see I have probably no reason to be dissatisfied. If left at liberty, I could get on well enough. I am to go to the Cromptons’ on Tuesday morning to have a little music… Returned home & went the back way to see Jameson, the poor invalid woman Miss Marsh & many other ladies patronize so much… We all went to Trinity Church. Mr Lund did all the duty. Preached stupidly 28 minutes from some verse of Acts XXIV.

  Tuesday 15 April [York]

  In the evening, played 4 games at chess with Mr Duffin. Lost the 1st 3, made the last a drawn game… Miss Willey came just after breakfast. She was going to walk a little out of the bar… Perhaps she thought of my offering to walk with her. So I would but I knew Mr Duffin would not like it & alas, I am anything but at liberty here. Surely I shall not always have to buy a little society so dearly.

  Wednesday 16 April [York]

  At 12¼, went to call on the Miss Cromptons’. Miss Henrietta Crompton shewed me one of her own letters… from a lady giving an account of a visit to Sir Walter Scott – his partiality for dogs & cats, his ‘silly little’ wife, his vain admiration, loving daughter, Miss Scott; & Miss Breadalbine Maclean’s letter, dated 27 February, in which she speaks of a lady, ‘not 30’ & single, going to see her sister, Sibbella, in a gig with only a servant. Calls it a ‘daft-like project’. I explained & laughed, for they knew it alluded to me… Miss Mary Crompton played on the harp, an accompaniment to Miss Margaret on the piano. Staid luncheon (did not eat anything)… & then a little after 2, set off to walk with all the 4 Misses Crompton. Met Miss Willey, who walked just beyond the bar. We then walked as far as the 2nd milestone (beyond Dringhouses) & when we got back, it was just 4. Mr Duffin scarcely seemed quite pleased. What shocking thraldom! I feel it is an abomination to me but, for the present, I must not be in York at all or take it quietly. Henrietta talks incessantly. The rest are stupidish & all are vulgarish & occasionally rather provincial, especially Miss Crompton. I told them I preferred one of them to the rest but would keep it secret which it was. They are to call for me to walk some other day. Met Mrs Milne & Anne in the bar just as we returned. They looked significantly to see me with the Cromptons.

  Thursday 17 April [York]

  Went out at 12.55. Passed Mr Christopher Rawson & Mrs Empson near the bridge but their backs were turned & I took no notice. It made me feel a little queerish but I walked quickly… Went to Breary, the coachmaker, to inquire about a pony-carriage. Could not make a handsome one (such as he should like to turn out of his hands) with 4 wheels under £40. With 2 wheels, about £25… Mr Christopher Rawson, Mrs Empson & Eliza Belcombe on the other side of the street, nearly opposite the Belcombes’ passage. Mrs Empson went into a shop. The others turned their backs. I took no notice. Lucky, thought I, to be nearsighted… Saw, at Breary’s, a new yellow travelling chaise, just finished, about £200, which Mr Christopher Rawson is to take home tomorrow.

  Saturday 19 April [York]

  At 11, Mr Duffin & I walked to the barracks. About an hour in the riding school. The riding master there, the 1st time we had seen him. Hotspur carried me & behaved remarkably well. The 1st time I had mounted him. The riding master gave me a lesson & will ride out with me on Monday.

  Monday 21 April [York]

  Miss Yorke called at 2¼ for me to walk. We went to Rigg’s garden, bought geraniums, then sauntered to the white house out of the bar, & I came in just before it struck 4… Came upstairs at 10½… ’Tis high time to go to bed. I have been musing this hour past, & it is just one. There is one thing that I wish for. There is one thing without which my happiness in this world seems impossible. I was not born to live alone. I must have the object with me & in loving & being loved, I could be happy.

  Thursday 24 April [York]

  In the evening at 6¾, Mr Duffin & I walked to the theatre. Kenilworth the play, Family Jars the farce, bespoke by the officers (of the 2nd or Queen’s Dragoon Guards). Not luckily seated. Felt stupid & thought plays dull things – ranting nonsense & childish pageantry. The occasional music, military band, making me melancholy. Mr Duffin on my left. Miss Preston, neither young nor pretty, on my [right]… Miss Henrietta Crompton changed places with Miss Preston. We talked during the rest of the play. Knew little about the farce, & agreeablized almost entirely to each other. Talked of Esholt. She never said they should be glad to see me there & this put me a little out of love with her, but this did not appear for she thanked me for being so entertaining.

  Sunday 27 April [York]

  Fixed Monday 12 May, for the horse to return, on which day he will have completed the 7th week of his being at the barracks… Just before, told Mr Duffin I had fixed 12 May for going, saying then the horse would have been seven [weeks]… He seemed rather cross, saying, ‘You would not have come but for the horse.’ I answered that I certainly could not but I was glad of the excuse & what could I do? I was not quite at liberty. My uncle & aunt liked to have me at home & I must, at all events, oblige them. I think Mr Duffin likes my company but he has a touchy temper & seems rather jealous of my having made a convenience of him. However, I thanked him for all his kindness, which I could never forget… & this seemed to set him right. I believe he would like my coming over, now & then. I must think of this, tho’ I am always under restraint here & generally sick of it & yet I get society & I will try to manage a visit here sometimes.

  Tuesday 29 April [York]

  At 8.40, Mr Duffin & I went to a select party at the Cromptons’. Walked there & back. Got home 2 or 3 minutes before 11. No fan. A pocket handkerchief in my hand all the evening. My long-sleeved silk gown on. Did my hair myself therefore felt not well enough dressed & awkward. Talked chiefly to Henrietta & Margaret Crompton. Vexed I had not thought of sitting by & talking a little to Miss Yorke. Came away dissatisfied with myself, with my manners altogether this evening, saying to myself, ‘This has not pleased me. Let me forget it.’

  Thursday 1 May [York]

  George arrived & brought me a letter from my aunt (Shibden) at 7. All well. Desired him to be in readiness to set off with Hotspur on Monday week & left him to do as he liked till then.

  Friday 2 May [York]

  In the evening, at 7½, Mr Duffin & I walked to the Belcombes’. A large rout party for the time of the year. 2 whis
t tables & a loo table. A quadrille in the breakfast room. Mrs Milne playing on the piano accompanied by Eli on the harp. Pleasant evening.

  Monday 12 May [York]

  Went out at 12½… to Barber & Whitwell’s, Jackson’s & Cattell’s, to see for a silver tankard for Mr Dyer [the riding-master at the barracks]. Saw Colonel Kearney in the street. He mentioned this for me to give. The tankards too high in price. Fixed upon a pair of salt-cellars, gilt inside, very handsomely chased, very handsome. Second-hand, tho’ it could not be guessed, or I could not have had them for three pounds nine… Called at the Cromptons’ about 1¾. Miss Henrietta gave me a pink & blue riband purse she made for me while she was at Thorpe Green last week. She likes me & supposes herself my favourite & her sisters evidently allow her claim & don’t interfere with it. Yet they are all rather vulgarish. I do not admire them much & I must not go too far but I begin really to think Henrietta the best. She certainly sketches well.

  Tuesday 13 May [York]

  Mr Dyer called at 10.40… Presented [him] with the pair of salt-cellars, for which he seemed much obliged. He rose from the ranks. As far as himself was concerned I might safely have given him money, but being now an officer he must be made a gentleman of, & the regiment would not let him take money.

  Saturday 17 May [York]

  At 12½, the Misses Mary & Henrietta Crompton called for me to walk. We went to Bacchus’s garden… Went down Tanner Row directly to the river & crossed the Lendal Ferry. The Cromptons & I had met the Wynyards. They were to have a musical party tonight. Mrs Wynyard said she should be glad to see me, if I would condescend to go. I said I was much obliged. The Cromptons were in hope I would & wished it. I said of course I should not go as Mrs Wynyard had not called on me. I thought to myself, I wondered at her talking of condescension… After crossing the ferry, went to call on the Salmonds in the Minster Yard. Met Miss Maria Salmonds at the gate & walked back with her as far as St Martin’s Lane on her way to the Hotham’s. We walked side by side till half thro’ Coney Street. I then asked if she ever took anyone’s arm & she immediately took mine. She would not have offered but waited for my doing so. After all, I generally meet with a sort of deference I can scarce know what to attribute. Do they think me so clever that they shew it to me?