Were All Animals

by Mima

  “You have to get away from her, she’s crazy,” Maggie said as she turned, moving away from Chase, her eyes absently stared forward, as if deep in thought.

  He glanced down at her navy blue T-shirt that was very form fitting, her faded jeans and Vans sneakers. She was dressed in such a basic manner, but it didn’t look basic on her. He was a little flustered and ashamed of the desire he felt for his best friend, especially in moments like this one, where it should’ve been the least of his concerns. What kind of animal was he, anyway? He sometimes felt as if his lust never ended.

  “I can’t,” His words came out much more desperately than he intended, but still, wasn’t that how he felt? “You’re the only one on my side, Maggie. Everyone else thinks I should just cave and give my life away to someone that I made one mistake with…one mistake. How many people will have unprotected sex tonight and won’t get pregnant? Seriously? I do it once in my life and here we are…”

  That wasn’t completely true. Hadn’t he had unprotected sex with Lucy a few times? It was rare, but it did happen.

  “I don’t know what to tell you,” Maggie said, her voice full of desperation. “Where is she now?”

  That’s when it hit him! She was probably at his parent’s house.

  “Fuck me!” Chase replied, his eyes now closed.“Fuck me! She’s at my parent’s house. Pleading her case. Fuck!”

  “Do you want me to go there with you?” Maggie asked and although he wanted to be a man and say no, he found himself nodding yes. “Ok, we should go now, before she causes any more damage.”

  “You’re right.” He agreed. “Are you sure you don’t mind?”

  “Nah, I’ll just text my mom.”

  “Ok.”

  But he knew it would be a waste of time. His mother would fall for whatever Audrey said - hook, line, and sinker - he was truly, absolutely, 100% fucked.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  The sting of betrayal is always a little bit sharper when it comes from a family member. There’s alway a hidden expectation that others will do it to us, that their disloyalty will shine through at the most inappropriate and unfortunate moment, however there’s a part of us all that wants to believe that when things really hit the wall of misery, family will be there for us, with open arms and hearts.

  Chase Jacobs didn’t really want to believe that his mother would turn against him; this was the same woman who once yelled at a neighborhood kid for biting her son when he was five. She was the same woman who packed his lunches every day, always making sure there was an extra little treat hidden beneath his sandwich; which he dutifully ate, even if he didn’t really like it. She was the same woman who looked after Chase when he was sick, changed the sheets when he vomited all over them and tucked him in at night.

  But somewhere along the way, things changed in their relationship. Perhaps it was around puberty, when his hormones were racing and his main priorities turned to girls, sports then working out. It was almost as soon as she saw him turning into a man, she started to hate him, little by little. She never said it, but there was an indifference that he had to acknowledge, often in her disinterest in every aspect of his life. Louise Jacobs hated sport and therefore, didn’t care if he made a team and her compassion was empty if he ever got injured while playing. She considered sports barbaric, training at the gym something only practiced by those who wanted to physically overpower others and she hated his first girlfriend.

  Audrey was another story altogether.

  For some reason, Louise Jacobs connected with Aubrey Neil in a way that she didn’t even connect with her own children. She had a vague relationship with Angel, but it always had its limits. Even as children, Chase received the majority of attention whereas his sister seemed to be yelled at more than anything. Angel had a much closer relationship with their father, someone who seemed hesitant with Chase and he wasn’t sure why.

  By the time he arrived home from the gym that night, it was too late. His father had long retreated to bed, always avoiding any family conflicts while Louise Jacobs, appeared to be comforting Audrey. A box of tissues sat on the kitchen table on top of newspapers, flyers and mail that was up to a week old. Two coffee cups were there, along with cream and sugar, a bag of cookies and some crackers, their eyes both on Chase and Maggie as they entered the house. It was clear by their dismissive glance that they didn’t believe he should’ve brought his best friend along. They would’ve preferred him to be alone and defenseless.

  His mother calmly turned her attention toward Audrey and the two gave a knowing glance. She pursed her lips together tightly, her face suddenly aging before his eyes, a coldness crossed through the room and behind him, Chase could hear Maggie swallowing, nervously shuffling around, probably wishing she hadn’t offered to support him.

  “Chase, I’ve had a long conversation with Audrey and we both agree that it would be best if you move in with her,” Her words curt, showing no emotion and suddenly he felt weak, powerless as if his body and life was no longer his own. “It’s for the best.”

  “No,” His voice was strong but gentle at the same time. He wasn’t looking to start a confrontation, but he also wasn’t willing to cave in and accept this fate. There was no way he could live in the same house as Audrey.

  “Yes, you must,” His mother showed no change in her expression. “After today, you no longer live here.”

  “What?” Chase snapped, no longer able to hold back his emotions. “You’re kicking me out?

  “It’s for your own good.”

  “It’s not for my own good.”

  “It is,” She insisted. “You don’t see it now, but you will.”

  “I’m going to talk to dad-

  “I’ve already talked to Carl and he feels the same way,” His mother spoke sternly, while Audrey had a look of triumph on her face.

  Feeling a wave of anger rising inside him, he had to leave the room. Feeling trapped by circumstance, he rushed upstairs and could hear Maggie behind him, as he felt every ounce of wrath drop to his toes as he walked into the bedroom. Closing the door behind the two of them, he felt weak, his arms and legs like cement, pulling his entire body into the ground. He sunk onto his bed and Maggie quietly sat beside him.

  “I can’t believe this is happening,” Chase whispered, shaking his head, a wave of grief took over and he felt broken, unable to comprehend how his life had taken such a dark turn. He hated Audrey. She was trying to force something that wasn’t there. “I wish I were dead.”

  “Don’t say that,” Maggie finally spoke, her warm hand touched his shoulder, but he felt numb and unable to register anything she was saying. She continued to talk, but his brain was resisting everything. He cleared his throat and gave a brief nod, but the words were swimming through a million other thoughts that were unclear, scattered and deformed. He was 18 years old and he was dead. It was all over. There was no future. A loveless marriage, working to support a life he didn’t want and he had no say. Everyone else apparently did, but he did not.

  “…hope. I promise we’ll think of something Chase.” Maggie said quietly, her voice shaking and when he turned, she appeared to be wiping away a tear. “I’m sorry Chase, I can’t believe your mother said that, I just…what kind of power does Audrey have over her? I don’t understand.”

  “That makes two of us,” Chase replied emotionlessly. “I guess I should start packing.”

  “I can help.” Maggie quickly stood up. “Do you have any boxes?”

  “There’s a few in the basement, I think Angel had some extras when she went to university. I don’t have much, though,” He replied and stiffly stood up, glancing around at his few possessions. At that moment, he couldn’t have cared less about most of them. He had his laptop, his phone, some clothes, not much else. He had hockey equipment from when he used to play, but why bother bringing that? A football sat in the corner, as well as a few fitness books and m
agazines that his boss gave him and other than that, few personal items. “Don’t worry about that now, I mean, I have a suitcase I can use for some of my clothes. I don’t even care anymore.”

  Maggie’s face was full of worry and she bit her bottom lip. “You know, I can talk to mom, maybe you could stay at our place.”

  “I somehow doubt your mom wants me living at your house but thanks, Mags.” His voice was sincere and he felt frozen on the spot. He knew he should be gathering his stuff, cleaning out his room, but he simply couldn’t move. It was unbelievable that this was happening to him. How could he had been so stupid?

  Maggie’s phone beeped and she quickly glanced at it. “It’s my mom, she wants me to get home.”

  “That’s fine,” Chase shrugged. “There’s not much you can do here anyway.”

  “I’m sorry,” Maggie said as she leaned over and gave him a hug. “I’m really so sorry, Chase. I can’t even imagine what this must be like for you.”

  “Just be happy your future is wide open.”

  “Yours is too,” Maggie insisted as she let go of him and stepped back. “We’ll figure this out.”

  He knew she meant well, but he also knew there was nothing that either of them could do. His life had been hijacked. No thanks to his dick.

  “I’ll walk you to your car,” Chase said and followed her out of his bedroom. Downstairs, two sets of eyes watched with interest as he gently touched Maggie’s arm on the way out of the house. Once they arrived at her car, they hugged briefly, knowing that they were still being watched through the window.

  She waved before driving away and Chase reluctantly returned to the house. He expected someone to say something but no one did. Returning upstairs, he felt a sudden flux of anger burning through his veins, a combination of all the emotions that had gathered up from the last few months of his life; the passion, the drive, the energy that existed deep inside him, only released when in front of the heavy bag at work. Then again, hadn’t those same emotions reared his lust, the longings that were so intense that made it almost impossible to think about anything else. Hadn’t his encounter with Claire earlier that night only managed to turn up the flame rather than quench a thirst? There was a few, distinct minutes when he felt powerful, in control of her pleasure as well as his own, where no one else in the world owned him. He owned them.

  There were moments that he felt like an animal and this was one of them. There were times when he was hitting the punching bag that he escaped to another world, barely conscious of what was going on around him beyond hitting that bag with all the force, all the strength that drove him over the edge. He sometimes wondered what would happen if he was up against another person when this moment of disconnect happened? How badly could he hurt them? Would he merely leave them with a black eye or would he rip them apart like a caged animal desperate to escape?

  Chase was different when he was with Lucy. He went to the gym and worked out, but it was passionless, simply pushing his physical limits from the times before, but now there was a hatred inside him as he hit the heavy bag.There was a fierceness that felt uncontrollable.

  It was probably better that Maggie was a lesbian and only viewed him as a friend. He could never be that tender, gentle lover again. That boy was eaten by the wolves and they sat downstairs, at the kitchen table, deceptively chatting about baby showers and wedding days as if they had him by the balls. They would soon find out that no one could ever really cage an animal.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Chase Jacobs was beautiful. He reminded her of a work of art that was chiseled to perfection after hours of labor and precision; except, in this case, it was a combination of genetics and a fierce workout routines at the gym.

  Maggie remembered the first time she saw her best friend with his shirt off. They had been working out together long after the gym closed, something that his boss Harold was kind enough to allow, simply because Maggie was a little bit shy when she first started to train. Her thin, pasty white arms were weak, pathetic while her ability to endure cardio was almost non-existent. The air conditioning had been broken down at the time and he removed his shirt casually, throwing it aside, while he showed her how to properly use one of the frustrating contraptions; but she hadn’t heard a word.

  His body, quite simply, was like something she saw on television; tanned, muscular and perfection. Although Maggie was physically attracted to other women, she certainly understood why women found her best friend so appealing. Muscles bulged underneath his shirt and without it, she could see that every inch of his torso was flawless; from his biceps to the smooth, six pack that sat just below his ribcage. It was hard not to stare. A part of her wanted to reach out and touch him, although not in a sexual way, but because she was curious how it would feel to brush her fingers down the sleek muscle. She didn’t dare ask, however, because it might send the wrong message.

  Maggie Telips wasn’t a moron. She could tell Chase was attracted to her and there was a certain part of herself that was crushing on him, which was confusing since her main object of desire was women. Perhaps it had long been a secret, but it was definitely always there. In fact, the longer she dated Todd, the more she wanted to be with a woman. She felt nothing when he touched her; unless she was drunk and then she would close her eyes and feel no remorse for the fantasies of a woman going down on her, rather than the rough and awkward tongue of a sexually inexperienced boy. Sometimes if she really got into the moment and allowed her imagination to work, she could find herself gasping in pleasure, but most times it was an act.

  Chase was different though. He was gentle and sweet. When he hugged her, she could feel the emotions pouring through him, as he attempted to control his breath. There was something about being wanted by an attractive person - even if it wasn’t your sexual preference - that was empowering and seductive. She was curious what it would be like if they hooked up; was she bi and just didn’t know it? Hadn’t she felt safe when enclosed in his strong arms? Hadn’t she felt a slight tingle when her nipples were squeezed against his hard chest? Wasn’t there a part of herself that knew he would go to great lengths to bring her pleasure?

  The irony was that for a man with so much physical strength, his emotional side was quite another thing. Often feeling defeated and depressed, it was kind of hard to believe that a man who had so much to offer in both personality and physical appearance, would end up with a girl like Audrey. They couldn’t be more opposite and she, in Maggie’s opinion, couldn’t be more conniving. It was true that Chase shouldn’t have considered running away from the problem when it came up, it wasn’t that he was a terrible person, but because he was scared and felt backed into a corner. Audrey had always been direct with him about what she wanted; which appeared to be Chase Jacobs, regardless of whether or not he returned feelings for her or was loyal. After all, wasn’t he still having sex with that stacked, older woman from the gym?

  In many ways, Maggie couldn’t help but feel like she was the only woman that wasn’t a vulture in his life. Hadn’t Lucy been controlling and manipulating? His mother, from everything he said and Maggie witnessed first hand, was completely delusional. In fairness, there were a lot of rumours about what had happened to her while growing up on the reserve, but who knew if they were even true? If they were, it would explain a great deal about why she appeared to hate Chase and possibly, men in general. However, it still didn’t really explain why she would turn against her own son and favour Audrey; a woman she barely knew.

  Audrey Neil was a bit of a mystery. Always quiet in high school, she disappeared to college and suddenly was back with a degree in something or another. She worked at the youth centre in Mento and apparently took some courses online during her spare time. That must’ve been the time when she wasn’t hijacking Chases’ life, Maggie decided.

  The two now lived together in a chaste household. Chase refused to share a room with Audrey and opted to instead sleep on the couch
in the living room. The furniture left by Audrey’s great grandmother was old, stuffy and uncomfortable, but he claimed it was better to wake up with a stiff neck than beside his future bride. Her many attempts to seduce him were wasted and regardless of the fact that Maggie was openly gay, Audrey insisted that the two were more than friends and his lack of desire was because he was ‘getting it’ elsewhere. He was; but it wasn’t with Maggie. If only the walls of the gym could talk.

  Months seem to crawl by and while Maggie worked tirelessly, attempting to get recruited to the RCMP, by doing strength training, some volunteer work and even looking into university courses and learning some French, she watched her friend slowly turning into a whole other person. To her, he was still sweet, lovable Chase Jacobs, the one person who had morphed into her closest and dearest friend, but to the rest of the world he was cold and distant. He still walked female clients from the gym to their vehicles after dark, but he did so like a bodyguard that wasn’t allowed to show any expression. He also no one longer talked to his family. They were dead to him.

  His physical appearance made him intimidating. Tall, muscular with broad shoulders, expressionless, something she wished to emulate in order to be taken seriously during her attempts to get into the RCMP. It was necessary to seem as emotionless as possible due to the seriousness of their profession, but she never felt she could quite reach that level of sternness. She tried though and Chase was her role model.

  By contrast, she often commented that her best friend would be a shoe in for the RCMP; but he wasn’t interested. His goals were - or at least, had been - to be get into the world of Mixed Martial Arts and apparently beat the shit out of other men. It seemed pretty barbaric to her, but at the same time, there was something about the passion in his eyes when he spoke about these fights that he watched with his boss at the gym, that made her wonder if she showed the same zest when talking about law enforcement. It made her search deep inside herself and wonder if she was on the right track.