by Lucy Clark
‘I never said that. OK. You tell me why you want me there.’
‘You’re a good doctor.’
‘So is Alison. Come on, Joe, what’s your main motivation here? If it’s Declan, I won’t restrict access to him just because I’m not working with you.’
She waited but all he did was to cross his arms over his chest and scowl at her.
‘Joe, I’m not rejecting you. I’m saying I don’t think you’ve thought this idea through thoroughly enough. I don’t know whether or not I’m going to have more children. I have enough to concentrate on at the moment with Declan, his schooling and moving into an apartment, but I also don’t know what the future will bring.’ She put her hand on the table, waiting for him to put his into it.
He stirred sugar into his coffee, picked up the cup, took a long sip and glanced down at her hand—rejecting it. Rachael didn’t budge.
‘Come on. Take my hand and let’s be friends.’
‘What if I don’t want to be friends?’
She couldn’t help but laugh.
‘What? Now you’re laughing at me.’ His tone was incredulous.
‘No. Oh, Joe. You sounded just like Declan. I’m still getting used to all the similarities and it’s strange to hear his pouting, whiny voice from you.’
‘I was not pouting neither was I whining.’ He slapped his hand into hers as though to prove his point.
She smiled. ‘Joe, let’s just take things a little slower.’
‘Will you at least agree to stay on until the end of the month?’ His thumb began to make little circles on her hand, and with each sweeping movement it felt as though a charge was shooting up her arm and exploding throughout her body.
Rachael tried to quash the emotions and think. It was almost impossible. Now that she and Joe had established a rapport, it might be good to stay on for a bit longer. It would give Joe a chance to really cement his relationship with Declan so when she eventually did move to another practice, Joe wouldn’t feel too self-conscious about spending time with his son and not having Rachael there as a fall-back plan.
Then again, she had to take her emotions for Joe into account. Sure, it might be in Declan’s best interests if she stayed for a bit longer, but what about hers? If she was honest with herself, she’d admit that Joe was far too special to her. History was repeating itself and where history had ended badly last time, it didn’t give her much hope for a happy ending this time.
She frowned. ‘I need to think about it, Joe.’
‘Come on, Rach. Can’t you give me an answer? You either will or you won’t.’
‘It’s not that simple.’
‘Yes, it is. It’s a job.’
‘A job that can have a lot of repercussions. I’ve never been a spontaneous person, Joe.’
‘You married me.’
‘That was different and you know it. I’ve never done things on the spur of the moment—apart from that.’ And look how it turned out, she wanted to say. Recovering from a broken heart, feeling used and worthless and then discovering you were pregnant was not a good recommendation for her to spend more time with Joe, especially when it appeared she was more than willing to repeat past mistakes.
He let go of her hand. ‘How much time? I need to know so I can arrange another locum.’ He was all business now, his emotions hidden behind his professional mask.
‘You’ll have an answer by the end of the day.’
‘Thank you.’ He turned and motioned to the waitress, who quickly came over. ‘We need this to go so would you mind wrapping them up for us, please?’ The waitress took their plates. ‘Drink your coffee,’ he muttered, and followed his own advice.
The atmosphere as they walked back to the practice was the opposite of when they’d walked to the café. Joe’s stride was brisk and determined and Rachael didn’t even bother to try and keep up. When he realised he was outstripping her, he slowed down a little but only out of politeness, she was sure.
She refused to feel any guilt over his mood. As they walked into the practice, Joe merely nodded at Helen before disappearing into his consulting room.
‘Problem?’ Helen asked.
‘Didn’t get his own way.’
‘Ah. The partnership. You turned him down?’
‘You knew?’
‘He asked me to get his solicitor on the line and I guessed.’ She opened her mouth to say something else but closed it.
‘Go on. What were you going to add?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Helen.’
The other woman shook her head and the clinic door opened, bringing her first patient for the afternoon. It was Tracy Rainer and her son. This time she didn’t have Bobby in the pram but instead she was wearing a sling, Bobby sleeping soundly against her. They could just see the top of his downy head.
‘Hi.’ Rachael greeted Tracy warmly. ‘Come right through, Tracy.’ Rachael handed Helen the bag containing the sandwich. ‘Would you mind putting that in the fridge for me, please?’ Without waiting for an answer, she collected Tracy’s file and headed down to her consulting room.
At least today Tracy looked a little more relaxed than she had on Monday, and Bobby appeared more settled.
‘How are you feeling?’
‘Like a person again.’ Tracy smiled. ‘This sling is fantastic—once I figured out how to put it on, that is. I can’t believe how different I feel.’
‘I take it you’ve managed to get some sleep.’
‘Yes. On Monday night I brought the cot into the bedroom, fed him upright and gave him the antacid like you said, and he slept for four hours! I was waking up every hour to check he was all right because it was so unlike him.’
Rachael smiled. ‘I can quite understand it. And last night?’
‘Again, he slept for four hours after the feed and I did the same.’
‘Well done.’
‘The antacid has helped him so much and now that I know to keep him upright so he doesn’t get reflux, he’s more settled.’
Rachael sat at her desk and made a note of these changes in the casenotes. ‘And your mother-in-law?’
Tracy grimaced. ‘I was reluctant to call her, especially after Bobby had slept on Monday night, but I decided that you knew best and so I did it.’
‘Good. And?’ Rachael prompted eagerly.
‘It wasn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be. I think you were right. She wanted to help and I wasn’t letting her, so she just criticised me instead. Anyway, she had Bobby for two hours yesterday at my house and then today I dropped him at her place and went shopping.’
‘Well done! I am so proud of you.’ Rachael beamed. ‘I hope you spent some money on yourself.’
‘I did…and I bought a few things for Bobby.’
‘Naturally.’
‘And I bought this.’ Tracy reached inside her bag and brought out a little square parcel. She smiled shyly as she held it out to Rachael.
‘For me?’ Rachael was stunned. ‘Thank you.’ With great surprise, she unwrapped it to find a lovely photo frame inside. ‘Thank you,’ she said again. ‘It’s lovely. I’m moving into a new apartment soon so this will be a lovely addition to our new home.’
‘Are you moving in with Dr Silvermark?’
Rachael blinked with astonishment. ‘No. Why do you ask?’
‘Oh. Sorry.’ Tracy shrugged. ‘It’s just that your son looks just like him and I thought, you know, with you working here and…’ Tracy waved her words away. ‘Forget it.’
‘Joe is Declan’s father and…it’s a long story.’ She stood up and smiled at the sleeping baby. ‘I’m reluctant to wake him when he’s sleeping so soundly.’ She peeked into the sling and brushed a kiss across his head. ‘Make an appointment for next week and I’ll review his reflux then. Don’t change the dosage of antacid as it seems to be working, but if things change and you want me to see him, bring him in earlier.’
‘OK.’ Tracy smiled and Rachael was glad to have helped her. ‘I’ll see you n
ext week.’
After they’d left, Rachael wrote up her notes and smiled as she put the photo frame away, still touched by the gesture.
When her last patient had left and she’d written up the notes, she headed into the kitchen, surprised Declan wasn’t around. His schoolbag was in the corner so at least she knew he wasn’t too far away. ‘Probably talking to Joe,’ she muttered, as she pulled her sandwich from the refrigerator and turned the kettle on. Sitting at the table, she unwrapped the slightly soggy club sandwich and bit into it gratefully.
Three mouthfuls later, Joe came into the kitchen. ‘What! You’re just eating lunch now?’
Rachael shrugged. ‘You know what it’s like, Joe. There was no time before.’
‘I found time.’
‘Yes, but you eat faster than I do. It’s no big deal. Don’t freak out.’
‘Freak out?’
‘Declan’s favourite phrase.’ She took another bite.
‘What’s my favourite phrase?’ Declan asked, coming into the kitchen.
‘Freak out,’ Joe said.
‘Yeah.’ He grinned sheepishly. ‘I guess I do say it a bit. Why? Who’s freaking out?’
‘Your father,’ Rachael said, after swallowing her mouthful.
‘Your mother’s just eating her lunch now.’
‘I can see that. Why does that freak you out?’
‘Because it’s not lunchtime.’
‘Oh.’ Declan frowned then shrugged. ‘Taste good?’
‘Terrific,’ she said with her mouth half-full.
Declan shrugged again. ‘What’s the problem? She’s a doctor. I thought all doctors ate at odd hours.’
Rachael swallowed her last mouthful. ‘That was delicious. Kettle boiled? I’m ready for a cup of coffee.’ She threw her rubbish in the bin and washed her hands. ‘Dec? You want a drink?’
‘No, thanks.’
‘Joe?’
He shook his head. ‘I’m going to take Declan down to the golf range.’
‘Now?’ Rachael glanced at her watch. ‘It’s after five.’
‘We’re not going to play a round, just have a few practice shots.’
Rachael raised her eyebrows. ‘You play golf?’
‘Yeah. So?’
‘You. You play golf.’
‘Why do you keep saying that? Yes, I play golf. What’s the big deal?’
Rachael couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped her lips but she quickly squashed it when he frowned. ‘Sorry. It…it just doesn’t seem like your type of game. You know, being out with nature—trees, grass. Hitting a little white ball around.’
‘So what is my type of game?’
‘I don’t know. Ice hockey?’
‘Ice hockey?’
‘Cool,’ Declan said.
‘It’s a more physical sport, more smash ’em up and stuff.’ Rachael made her coffee and took a sip. ‘But I guess I’m still thinking of the Joe of the past. So, what time can I expect you back at the hotel?’
‘Around seven.’ Joe headed for the door. ‘In time for dinner. You can wear your new boots!’
He raised his eyebrows teasingly before walking out, but stopped in the corridor when he heard Declan say to Rachael, ‘A family dinner. Cool.’
The word family caused an icy chill to sweep over his body. Is that what they were becoming? A family? Was that what Declan wanted? A mother and a father? Together? Although he was attracted to Rachael, he wasn’t sure he was cut out to play happy families.
‘Don’t get too excited,’ Rachael added. ‘It’s just dinner.’
‘Are you sure that’s all? I think he’s interested in a lot more than that.’
‘Declan!’ Rachael could feel her cheeks flush with embarrassment. ‘Shh.’
‘What? Have you forgotten I caught you two playing tonsil hockey last night? He likes you, Mum.’
‘So? There’s more to Joe than meets the eye, Dec, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. I think he wants to be part of your life and that’s great, but happy families just isn’t Joe’s style.’
‘What about you, Mum? Do you want to play happy families with Joe?’ Declan wriggled his eyebrows suggestively and Rachael momentarily covered her face. ‘You love him, don’t you.’
‘I gave you my answer last night.’
‘I want a different answer.’
Rachael hesitated, unsure whether to confide in her son. What if the truth hurt him? What if she got them both hurt? She dropped her hands and looked at him. He was watching her, his blue gaze intense, and she realised he already knew the answer. She shrugged and spoke with the utmost sincerity.
‘I love Joe. I always have and I always will. He’s the only man for me, but I’ve also learned to accept him for who he is, Dec. Spending time with you, getting to know you—if that’s all he’s capable of, then that’s what I accept. You’re my first priority and I think you’ll soon become his. That’s enough for me.’
Declan crossed the room to hug his mother. ‘I love you, Mum, even though I think you’re lying to yourself.’
Rachael laughed. ‘Probably. Get going. Joe’s waiting for you. Leave your schoolbag. I’ll take it.’
Joe, still standing outside the room, quickly walked down to his consulting room, desperate to pull himself together. Rachael loved him? Was that true? Was she just saying that for Declan’s benefit? And what sort of love was it? Was it a friendship love? A compassionate love or the real thing? The emotions he felt for her were increasing every moment he spent with her and they were scaring him senseless…just as they had all those years before.
When Declan appeared in his doorway, Joe shoved the thoughts aside. ‘Just let me tidy up here and then we can go.’ He shuffled some papers around on his desk, checked his pocket for his car keys and headed to tell Helen they were leaving.
‘Have fun, boys,’ she called.
‘Boys?’ Declan asked as they walked to Joe’s car.
‘She still sees me as a wayward teenager.’ Joe’s words were light but filled with humour. ‘I guess she always will.’
They both climbed into the car and put their seat belts on. ‘Were you a wayward teenager?’
Joe tensed. ‘Kind of.’
‘So what did you do way back then?’
Joe relaxed and smiled. ‘You mean when dinosaurs walked the earth?’ He started the engine and pulled out onto the street.
‘Yeah.’
‘Why do you want to know?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Why? Has your mum said something?’
‘No. I want to know because you’re my dad. I know all about Mum because I’ve lived with her and seen the photo albums and heard Grandma and Grandad talk, but with you…’ Declan shrugged. ‘I just have blanks.’
‘What did your mum tell you about me?’
‘While I was growing up?’
‘Yeah.’ Joe gripped the steering wheel.
‘She said my dad was a handsome man who always made her laugh and who she loved very much. She said you needed to find out who you were. I never really understood that but whenever I asked her if you loved me, she said she was sure you did.’
Joe found it difficult to swallow the lump in his throat. Rachael had had every reason in the world to put him down, to tell her son how badly his father had treated her. The disgust and revulsion he felt about the day they’d had their marriage annulled swamped him.
‘Until I met you the other day, Mum and I hadn’t talked about you in years.’
Joe nodded slowly, clenching his teeth. ‘I didn’t know about you. If I had…’ He trailed off. What would he have done? Honestly? He didn’t have a clue. The fact that the situation had been forced upon him now was different, but if Rachael had managed to find him all those years ago when she’d first discovered she was pregnant, what would he have done?
He’d have walked away.
‘We were different people back then. Your mother and I.’
‘You were young. I can’t believe Mum
was only eighteen when she had me. She sometimes says we’ve grown up together.’
‘She’s a lot stronger than she used to be. I admire that.’
‘What else do you like about her?’
If Joe hadn’t overheard the conversation Declan had just had with his mother, he probably wouldn’t have been as nervous. ‘Lots of things.’
‘Like what, specifically?’
Joe pulled into the car park of the golf range and turned the engine off. The silence engulfed them and when he spoke, even he heard the deep emotion in his words. ‘I like her hair. Every time I’ve seen a woman with jet-black hair, it’s always reminded me of her.’
‘Do you still love her?’
Joe turned and looked at his son and realised that, regardless of what turmoil he was going through, he owed Declan nothing less than the truth. ‘I don’t know. I think on some level I will always love her. She’s one in a million but…’
‘But you’re not into happy families.’ Declan shrugged with feigned nonchalance and it was a mannerism Joe recognised as one of his own. ‘It’s cool,’ the boy said, and pointed to the range. ‘Let’s go.’ He opened the door and climbed out.
As Joe watched him walk away, he realised his son was nowhere near as adept at hiding his true feelings as he himself was…and he envied the kid.
CHAPTER NINE
RACHAEL returned to the hotel where she showered and dressed in a pair of jeans and a pale pink top. She’d just finished drying her hair when the door opened and male voices intruded into her solitude.
‘Mum. The driving range was awesome. I was whacking those little white balls everywhere, wasn’t I, Dad?’ He glanced momentarily at his father before continuing. ‘At first I had some trouble but then Dad showed me what I was doing wrong and then I got it on the next try. Didn’t I, Dad?’
‘You did.’
‘I take it you had fun.’ Rachael laughed and put her arm around his waist.
‘No, it was boring. Whaddya think?’ He broke away. ‘I’m gonna change.’ He grabbed some clothes and headed to the bathroom. Rachael sighed with relief when he’d disappeared. Her son was happy. That was all that mattered in life. ‘It stinks all girly in here,’ he grumbled through the door, and both she and Joe laughed.
