by Lucy Clark
‘Thanks, Joe.’
Joe shrugged. ‘For what?’
‘For making him happy.’
‘Hopefully, his mind’s not too stimulated and he’ll be able to sleep tonight. How does he do it? Survive on such a small amount of sleep?’
‘The past few days will catch up with him.’
‘When?’
‘On the weekend. Trust me. You’ll hardly see him on Saturday and Sunday and if you do, it will be after midday before he surfaces. He sleeps and he sleeps and he sleeps, and there’s no way I interrupt that.’
‘Fair enough.’ Joe walked over to the window and looked out. Rachael felt the atmosphere in the room change. She waited, knowing he wanted to say something. It irritated her that she knew him so well, and at the same time she drew comfort from the same fact.
‘Rach.’
‘Yes.’
‘Are you staying on until the end of the month?’
‘Yes.’
He turned to face her. ‘Really?’
Rachael sighed, knowing she was in for heartache, but whether she stayed or not, the pain would come. ‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
‘Pardon?’
‘Why?’
‘Because it’s good for the patients, good for Declan and gives me time to get my apartment established before looking around for another job.’
‘That’s it?’
She shrugged. ‘What else is there? You asked and I’ve given you my answer.’
Joe turned back to the window. Why wouldn’t she tell him? He’d overheard her telling Declan she loved him.
He stared at his reflection in the window. What had you expected, Silvermark? He shook his head. Did you honestly expect her to come right out and say she’s staying on because she loves you? Rachael wasn’t the sort of person to let her heart get in the way of her judgement—at least not now. Could he blame her? Fifteen years ago he’d taken the love she’d offered so selflessly and had thrown it back at her. No, he’d trampled on it and then rejected it. He’d been scared, confused and had let his defences wreck the best thing that had ever happened to him—receiving an honest love from an honest woman.
Joe shifted so he could see her reflection in the window. She was just standing there, hands in the pockets of her jeans, the pink top making her eyes more vibrant and her black hair shine beautifully as it hung loose around her shoulders.
He turned to face her and she saw the desire in his eyes. She also saw total confusion and her heart went out to him. Joe wasn’t the sort of man who was easy with emotions, and although he’d come a long way, he still had much more to experience. If she took a step in faith, if she guided him through the rocky terrain, then maybe…just maybe…there might be a future for all three of them. She stood her ground, knowing this time Joe needed to take the first step. She could help him, she was willing to help him, but he had to be ready to receive the help. She dug her hands further into her pockets.
Joe wished she’d cross the room and put her arms around his neck. Then he’d be back in control because he knew exactly what to do when Rachael’s body was pressed against his. She didn’t move. Although he saw need and desire in her eyes, he realised she wasn’t going to do the chasing. She’d just stand there and wait for him. If he went to her, she’d welcome him with open arms—of that he was certain. If he didn’t, she’d stand there, pick up the pieces of her life and move on. The thought terrified him.
‘OK.’ Declan came out the bathroom and Rachael instantly broke eye contact with Joe and turned to face her son. ‘I’m starving.’ He threw his school clothes onto her bed and Rachael immediately straightened them out.
‘Where do you want to go?’
‘Dad and I saw this great Mexican restaurant so we thought we’d go there. It’s only a block down the road so we can walk.’ Declan shrugged into his jacket.
‘Sounds good. Let’s go.’ Rachael pulled on her new boots.
‘Nice.’ Joe nodded.
She smiled, thrilled with his comment, and shrugged into her jacket. Joe walked through the door Declan held open. ‘Have you got the key-card?’ Rachael checked before the door shut behind them.
‘Yes, Mum,’ Declan declared in a bored tone. ‘Here’s mine.’ Declan waved it in front of her before handing it over. She slid it into her wallet then closed her bag. They rode the lift down and as they walked along the street, Rachael was a little startled to find Joe slipping his hand into hers. Not that she minded—quite the contrary—but it was so unexpected. She smiled up at him and gave his hand a squeeze before continuing her conversation with Declan about his school day.
‘You see, Joe,’ she said after they’d eaten their fill of the delicious Mexican food and were waiting for their dessert, ‘the trick with kids is you have to ask them specific questions. ‘‘How was your day?’’ is only going to get you a general answer like, ‘‘Good’’.’
‘What she’s trying to say is that she’s an expert at being nosy,’ Declan added.
Rachael laughed good-naturedly. ‘That’s a mother’s prerogative—nosy and nagging.’
‘And you’re the best at both, Mum.’ Declan grinned at her. ‘Every day I get bombarded with questions, especially as I’ve just started at a new school.’
‘Well, what do you expect? I’m still learning all the players.’
‘Players?’ Joe frowned.
‘Other students, teachers, that sort of thing.’ Declan shrugged and Joe noticed the nonchalance. Don’t get too close, the message said, but Rachael was close. She’d worked through Declan’s defences and she knew her son well. It was evident in the way they interacted. Now she was working her way through his defences…and doing a good job of it.
‘So…Declan.’ Joe took a breath, realising Rachael wasn’t just making idle conversation but actually giving him parenting pointers. ‘Who do you sit next to in maths?’
Rachael grinned.
‘Oh, man. You’re gonna start in on this, too?’
‘How am I supposed to get to know you?’ Joe leaned his elbows on the table. ‘You’re my son and we have years of catching up to do.’ To his surprise, he noticed tears well in Declan’s eyes.
‘Does this mean you…want to be part of my life?’
Rachael held her breath, waiting anxiously for Joe’s answer.
‘Yes. In fact, I spoke to my solicitor today. I’ve had my will adjusted.’
‘What?’ Rachael and Declan spoke together, staring at him in stunned silence.
‘It’s my way of saying this is for life. You’re my son, Declan. Nothing in the world is going to change that. It’s important for me not only to find out about the past fourteen years of your life but to ensure your future is secure as well.’
‘Joe.’ It was on the tip of Rachael’s tongue to tell him she was financially secure. That Declan was well taken care of, not only from herself but from her parents as well, but she closed her mouth, realising the enormity of what Joe had done. He was taking a chance. He was letting Declan in close, and had made it official by changing his will.
‘That didn’t come out right.’ Joe raked a hand through his hair and Rachael’s heart went out to him. ‘I want to be there for you, son. I want to be your father. I’m just not sure I know how.’
Declan surprised them both by laughing as he brushed a few tears from his eyes. ‘Are you kidding? You’re the coolest guy I’ve ever met, and you’re my dad! It’s just so awesome.’ He sobered a little. ‘Mum’s brill and she knows that, but there are…things—you know, guy stuff—and Mum doesn’t have a clue. No offence, Mum.’
Rachael smiled. ‘None taken. I’m glad you have Joe.’
‘Don’t get sappy on me, Mum.’ Declan had himself under control once more but she knew it would take ages for the happy, silly grin to be wiped off his face. As far as Declan was concerned, all his Christmases had come at once.
Rachael still felt Joe watching her closely as she ate as much of her dessert as she could. Halfway through,
she passed the rest to Declan who cleaned it up without a problem.
‘Hey. How come he gets the leftovers?’ Joe demanded.
‘Looks as though you’ve got competition, Dec.’
Their conversation was easy, friendly and jovial as they finished up and walked…or rather rolled back to the hotel. ‘I can’t believe how much I ate.’ Rachael patted her stomach. ‘Well, here we are.’ They stopped outside the entrance to the hotel.
‘I’ll ride up with you,’ was all he said. Outside their door, Joe turned to Declan. ‘Would you mind if I spoke to your mum alone for a minute?’
‘Nah. I’ll go start on my homework.’
‘Have a shower first,’ Rachael instructed, handing over the key-card.
‘Yes, Mum,’ he answered in the dull, boyish way he’d done for years. ‘Nag, nag, nag.’ He unlocked the room and held the door open.
‘You may as well come in. Declan will be in the shower so we can talk.’
‘Talk about me?’ Declan was all ears.
‘Yes. That’s what parents do. Now go.’
She waited until the water was running then just as Joe was about to open his mouth, she held up her hand to stop him. Walking quietly over to the bathroom door, she banged loudly on it and received a yell from her son.
‘Stop pressing your ear against the door and get in the shower. You’re wasting water.’
Joe shook his head in amazement. ‘How did you know?’
‘He’s a teenager and we’re going to talk about him. Do you need more deductive reasoning than that?’
‘Actually, I wanted to talk about you.’ As usual, Joe paced the room then stopped and looked at her. It was his way of getting his thoughts together and she waited.
‘OK. What do you want to know?’
‘Tell me more about when you tried to find me.’
‘OK.’ She took a breath. ‘Well, I tried when I discovered I was pregnant. When I couldn’t track you down, I wondered whether you were dead. For years I didn’t know but I forced myself to get on with my life. You’d rejected me and I had to live with that, so I did. Then, when Declan was about nine, you and I were both at the same medical conference.’
‘What? Where?’
‘It was a GP conference in Sydney.’
‘You were there? Why didn’t you say something?’
‘Our paths didn’t cross. I’d missed the first day of the conference because Declan hadn’t been well on the flight to Sydney. My parents had flown in to look after him while I was at the conference and had a problem with their hotel reservation. I saw your name on the conference programme and couldn’t believe it was really you, so I did some checking. Was there another Joseph Silvermark in the world? Were you associated with the conference? Did the hotel have a contact number for you? No one could give me any personal information as it was against conference and hotel policy, but at least I’d discovered you were not only alive but a doctor! I was stunned to discover you’d gone into medicine and proud at the same time. That probably sounds silly.’
‘No. Go on,’ he urged.
Rachael laced her fingers together and met his gaze. ‘At the end of the second day, I saw you. It was late in the day and you were about to get into a taxi outside the hotel. I was in the lobby. You were with…a woman.’
Joe frowned as he thought back. ‘Blonde?’
‘Yes. She had her arms around your waist and you had your arm around her shoulders. You were smiling down at her and…’ She shrugged. ‘I couldn’t do it.’
‘Do what?’
‘Go to you. Talk to you. Walk right up, ask if you even remembered me and then somehow figure out a way to tell you that you had a son! Especially when you had another woman hanging on your arm.’
‘How could you think I wouldn’t remember you?’
‘I don’t know.’ She threw up her hands in despair. ‘It all happened so fast. The two of you got into the taxi and it drove away. I hardly slept that night and was a nervous wreck the next day as I looked for you again.’
‘I only stayed for the first two days.’
‘So I found out.’ She shrugged. ‘That’s when I started obsessing. Should I find you? Should I leave it? You’d never been keen on children so chances were you might even reject Declan. Still, you had a right to know and so I made some enquiries to see if there was some way I could find you. The Australian GPs’ register at least told me where you’d been working, but when I contacted the practice, they told me you’d left for overseas and as you were a locum they had no way of contacting you.’
Joe shook his head in disbelief. ‘That’s when I started getting into the movie scene as an on-site medic. I was in America for a year then came back here and started up my practice.’ He pushed his fingers through his hair. ‘Wherever I worked, I always gave them as few personal details as possible. Immediate contact numbers, address, that was it. It stemmed from my childhood of never giving out information that wasn’t necessary.’
‘It’s OK, Joe. In a way it was good for me because at the time I was still clinging to a teenage girl’s fantasy that we would one day get back together. Seeing you…’ She stopped, unable to believe her voice had choked up.
‘Seeing me with that girl? Why should that matter?’
‘Why?’ She couldn’t believe how fast the tears sprang into her eyes. Her throat felt thick but she managed to get the words out. ‘Joe, I loved you. You may have treated me like dirt, broken my heart and destroyed my self-worth when you ended our marriage—’
‘Care to heap any more guilt on me?’
‘I’m just stating the facts. Regardless of what had happened between us, you were Declan’s father and the man I loved. I may not have liked you very much at times, but I’ve always loved you.’
‘And now?’ He took a step closer, trying to ignore the loud pounding of his heart. ‘Do you love me now?’
She tilted her head to the side, a small, sincere smile on her lips. ‘You know I do.’
Her words were matter-of-fact but he needed more. He needed to dig a little deeper. ‘No. I don’t mean love me as Declan’s father but love me, accept me…as a man.’
‘I know what you mean, Joe.’ She took a breath and knew it was now or never. She’d laid herself, her heart, her pride on the line before, and now it was time to do it again. She’d told him she was strong, she’d told him she’d changed, yet right now she felt eighteen years old again. Young, excited, unsure, thrilled. They were now almost toe to toe and he reached out to tenderly caress her cheek.
‘Rach?’
She looked up at him, still smiling. A warmth spread through him and he cupped her face in his hands.
‘I love you, Joe.’ The whispered words were said with meaning and without hesitation. ‘I always have and I always will.’
With a smothered groan he pressed his mouth to hers, greedily taking everything she was willing to give. He realised in that second that he’d never be able to get enough of her. She was like a drug and he was totally addicted.
Hot, powerful. Hungry, masterful. He had the ability to take her up so high and he was doing it right now. Lacing her fingers through his hair, she made sure his mouth stayed where it belonged as she continued to declare her love for him through her actions.
‘Sweetheart,’ he panted, when at last he pulled his mouth from hers. ‘You make me crazy.’ He pressed feathery-light kisses to her forehead and cheeks. ‘No other woman affects me the way you do.’
‘Not even the blonde?’
‘Blonde? What blonde?’
‘At the conference.’ It hurt but she needed to know.
Joe leaned back, looking deeply into her eyes. ‘Jealous?’
She lifted her chin in that defiant way he loved. ‘Yes.’ There was no point denying it. The thought of him with any other woman had always driven her insane.
‘You have no reason to be. She’s my half-sister.’
‘Your…your sister?’ Her words held a hint of disbelief.
&nbs
p; ‘Half-sister. Her name’s Melina, she lives in Sydney and is a bodyguard.’
‘A bodyguard?’
‘She grew up on the streets, remember. I had to teach her how to protect herself.’ He shrugged and then settled his arms about her. ‘The rest just followed.’
‘Your sister.’ Rachael shook her head.
‘Yes.’
‘She was your sister! I feel so stupid.’
‘Rach.’ He kissed her. ‘Don’t beat yourself up. You weren’t to know. I didn’t know you were there. You tried to find me and couldn’t. It’s all in the past.’
‘Yes. But we need to sort through it, Joe. If we’re going to have any hope for a future, we need to sort through the past.’
Any hope for a future…Any hope for a future. The words started repeating in his head and he could feel himself drawing away, distancing himself mentally before he physically released his hold on her. She was still talking and he tried to listen but he couldn’t. Any hope for a future… Was that what he wanted? A future with Rachael and Declan? He’d made the decision to include Declan in his life but Rachael…he hadn’t been able to sort things through yet. He needed time. Space. He took another step back and watched as she stopped speaking, the blue of her eyes changing from warm and inviting to cold and protective.
‘Joe?’
He swallowed and was disgusted to find his throat dry, his heart pounding and his hands sweating. He wiped them down his jeans.
Rachael folded her arms over her chest. ‘Still pulling away? Still unable to let go of your emotions and follow your heart?’
‘Rachael—’
‘No. I think it’s time for some hard questions, Joe. You’ve asked me so now I’m going to ask you. Do you love me?’
‘Rach.’
‘Answer the question, Joe. Do you love me? And I don’t mean in an old-friend way or even because I’m Declan’s mother. I’m talking about the love shared between a husband and wife, between soul mates. The truest love you could imagine…the love you once made me believe you felt. Is it still there?’
He shrugged, feeling caged, trapped. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Why not?’
‘I don’t know if I’m capable of love.’
