by Lucy Clark
‘Do you love Declan?’
‘That’s different.’
‘Do you love Helen?’
‘Different.’
‘Your sister?’
‘Rachael.’
‘No, Joe. You are capable of loving. I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it.’
‘I’m not good with emotions.’
‘Love isn’t an emotion, Joe. Love triggers emotions. Safety, security, happiness. Pain, humiliation, hurt. Frustration, annoyance and anger, Joe. Right now, that’s how I’m feeling. You are strong enough to love and your apathy drives me insane. I know you’re capable because you loved me. You shared your heart with me, Joe, and for those amazing forty-eight hours you weren’t afraid. You weren’t on guard. You were alive. For the first time in your life you were alive, and it scared you. You were scared to feel, just as you are now.’
To her utter dismay, Rachael felt tears begin to slide down her cheeks. She sniffed. ‘It’s all too much,’ she said to herself more than to him. ‘The past few days have been too emotional. I think we need some time apart. Helen promised I would hardly see you, but you’re there every time I turn around.’ She pulled a tissue from her pocket as the tears refused to stop.
He started towards her but she held up a hand.
‘Just go, Joe.’
‘Rachael—’ He took another step forward.
‘She told you to go.’
Both of them whirled around to see Declan standing outside the bathroom, wrapped in a hotel robe. Rachael gasped, unable to believe she’d forgotten he was around. She hadn’t heard the shower stop, neither had she heard him come out. How long had he been there? How much had he heard?
‘Declan, I—’ Joe began.
Declan walked to his mother’s side and put a protective arm about her shoulders. ‘Leave us alone.’
Joe took in the determined look on his son’s face and realised the boy was serious.
He nodded and without a word, without looking back, he left.
CHAPTER TEN
A WEEK later, Joe was still avoiding Rachael. She’d hardly seen him, just as Helen had initially promised. He was in the clinic for a few hours almost every day but the rest of his time was taken up on set.
Wong had regained consciousness after five days in a coma and was progressing slowly but steadily. Rino was already back on the set, taking over from Wong and making sure the studio lost as little money as possible because of the delays they’d already encountered.
Rachael had spoken to Ethel almost every day and even visited Alwyn once he’d been discharged, and she was glad a lasting friendship seemed to be developing between them. She needed to make new friends.
She’d spoken to Declan about what he’d overheard and after a few days he’d agreed to see Joe. They’d played golf on the weekend and he’d visited the movie set a few more times. Declan seemed to be adjusting to his new life, not only with school but with his father as well.
They moved out of the hotel into their new apartment and finally Rachael started to feel as though she had some sort of control over her life. She had two and a half weeks to go at Joe’s practice and then she would need to find somewhere else to work, but the thought of leaving his practice, where she was just starting to get to know her patients, concerned her. She liked it there. Joe wasn’t around much, and as the movie still wasn’t finished his time at the practice would be minimal. Surely it wouldn’t hurt to stay on for her original contract of six months? Declan was getting into a good routine, seeing Joe three times a week after school, and they were planning to play another round of golf this coming weekend.
Rachael resolved to speak to Helen by the end of the day to see if she’d been successful in finding another locum. When she went out to the waiting room, little Anthony Edmunds came running up to her with a book he’d brought from home.
‘Read it. Now.’ He tugged her to the closest chair and a moment later he’d scrambled up onto her knee and had the book open. Rachael laughed and happily obliged, glad to see Anthony so happy and relaxed. She read it through twice before he’d let her lead him to her consulting room.
‘How’s everything been this past week?’ She flicked through the casenotes, reading the results of the tests.
‘He’s better and his tantrums have actually decreased,’ his mother said.
‘That’s a positive. The tests show he does have very early diverticulitis but with a healthy diet and regular monitoring, we should be able to treat him without surgical intervention.’
‘Oh. You have no idea what a relief that is. I’ve been trying so hard to get extra fibre into him and yesterday he actually ate what I put in front of him.’
‘Good. I’m glad you’re being persistent. Keep it up and at the end of next week start introducing a new food. Decrease the amount of liquid paraffin by five mils for the next five days and then decrease by two mils again for seven days. I’ll need to review him again then.’
‘That’s it?’
‘Just keep up with those new foods and be persistent. As you’ve seen, there’s been a change in Anthony’s attitude and the number of tantrums he’s having. His tummy pains are decreasing and that’s making him a happier boy.’
His mother smiled. ‘You’re right.’
‘It’s a long road.’
‘But I’m willing to walk it.’
‘That’s what I’d hoped to hear.’ Rachael took another look at the X-rays and pointed out the area in question to Anthony’s mother.
‘It all looks like grey and white swirls to me.’
Rachael smiled as she removed the films. ‘Keep doing what you’re doing and soon you’ll find his dietary fibre levels will be excellent.’
She wrote up the notes after Anthony and his mother had left, and headed back out for her next patient.
‘Wendy,’ she said, delighted to see the expectant mother again. ‘How are you feeling today?’
‘Horrible. I have so much back pain it hurts to walk. Is there anything you can give me for it?’ Wendy waddled down the corridor.
‘When did it start?’
‘A few hours ago. No contractions or anything just really bad back pain.’
‘OK.’ Rachael shut her consulting room door. ‘Why don’t you get up on the examination bed and we’ll check what’s going on?’ She walked over to the sink, washed her hands and pulled on a pair of gloves. When Wendy was ready, Rachael began the examination, her eyes widening in surprise.
A moment later Wendy groaned and closed her eyes. ‘The pain is so bad. It’s unbearable. I feel sick.’
‘That’s because you’re in labour.’
‘What?’ Wendy opened her eyes in total disbelief.
‘You’re fully dilated.’
‘That’s impossible. I haven’t had any contractions, just back pain.’
‘Back pain. Contractions.’ Rachael shrugged. ‘Same difference. Stay where you are.’ With her elbow, Rachael pressed the intercom button on her phone. ‘Helen, Wendy Gibson’s in labour. The baby is coming…’ Wendy groaned in pain again and as she did so, the examination bed and surrounding area became wet as her waters broke. ‘Now. Is Joe in?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m going to need him and you. Contact the hospital, the ambulance and Wendy’s husband.’
‘Rachael!’ Wendy called, and Rachael rushed to her side.
‘I’m here.’ She checked again and wasn’t surprised this time to see the baby’s head crowning. ‘Well, you said your other two children were late. This one is simply impatient.’
‘Great. Just what I need,’ Wendy groaned.
There was a knock at her door and in the next instant Joe was standing there, his face white with shock. ‘Helen told me to get in here.’
‘Yes. Get the foetal heart monitor on so we can check the heartbeat. Do Wendy’s obs and get ready to take over neonate care once the baby’s born. You’re doing fine, Wendy.’
‘I want to push.’
‘Then push.’ Rachael continued to
assist, conscious of Helen coming in and getting everything organised. Joe had the foetal heart monitor on and the beats coming through were strong and steady, no sign of distress.
‘How are you feeling, Wendy?’ Rachael asked as the contraction eased. ‘Still feel sick?’
‘Yes.’
‘Bucket’s at the ready,’ Helen soothed, pushing the hair out of the woman’s eyes. ‘Your hubby’s on his way but I think baby might just beat him here.’
‘BP’s up but nothing out of the ordinary,’ Joe reported. He moved around the room, opening cupboards and getting things ready.
‘Ow, ow. The pain’s coming again.’ Wendy shook her head. ‘I’m not ready. The baby can come next week. Any time after this weekend, but not now. Aargh.’ She pushed again and the head came out just a little bit more.
‘You know how kids are,’ Rachael soothed. ‘They never listen to their parents.’
‘Well, why did this one have to start so early?’ Wendy complained. ‘It’s not fair.’
‘I know.’ Rachael laughed. ‘My son was exactly the same except he thought a midnight delivery was more exciting.’
Joe put the monitor on Wendy’s stomach again and met Rachael’s gaze as they counted the beats together. ‘Good.’
Wendy pushed once more and the head was almost out. ‘You’re doing a brilliant job. Snatch a breath and push again. Squeeze Helen’s hand if you want. Turn it purple. Helen won’t mind.’ Rachael smiled at the other woman.
‘Not at all.’ Helen put a wet facecloth on Wendy’s brow to cool her down. ‘I’ve plenty of experience assisting with births so trouble me for anything you want.’
‘I want my husband,’ Wendy growled, before relaxing.
‘He’s coming. He’ll be here soon,’ Helen promised.
‘Two more pushes and the head will be out. You can do it.’ She wiped the area and got ready as Wendy began to push again. ‘That’s it. That’s it. Keep it coming.’
Wendy growled, yelled and let her temper show. Joe checked the baby’s heartbeat, glad to find it still strong and steady.
‘Where is everyone?’ came a loud call.
‘In here.’ Joe headed to the corridor and soon Wendy’s husband was by her side, taking over the hand-holding from Helen.
‘This is it, Wendy. One big push and the head will be out.’ As the contraction hit, Wendy pushed. Rachael found herself holding her breath in sympathy, her teeth clenched as she mentally pushed with her patient. ‘That’s it. Snatch a breath. Keep going.’ She felt Joe come to stand behind her as the head finally came out. ‘That’s it. Head’s out. Now, don’t push. I’m just checking the neck while the shoulders rotate.’ She ran her fingers around the baby’s neck and, sure enough, there was the cord. ‘Joe.’ She worked to unloop the cord as Joe held the baby’s head. ‘Don’t push, Wendy.’
‘I have to. I need to.’ Before she’d finished speaking, the contraction came. Rachael frantically pulled the cord free as first one shoulder came out, then the other, and in the next instant the latest edition to the Gibson family entered the world. With one loud gurgling breath, the most beautiful sound in all the world pierced the air around them…the cry of a newborn babe.
Joe held the baby while Rachael found the clamps Helen had laid out and set about getting the cord ready for the baby’s dad to cut.
‘So what do we have?’ Wendy asked impatiently.
Joe held the baby up.
‘We have a girl?’ Wendy couldn’t believe it. Tears overflowed as she gazed with love on her child. Her husband kissed her warmly. Rachael felt the emotions rise within herself and glanced at Joe. He was watching her, and as their gazes held, the feelings between them were raw and real. She saw the love he felt for her in his eyes and she wrapped herself up in that knowledge.
‘Ready for the cord?’ Helen asked, purposely breaking the fog surrounding Joe and Rachael.
‘Uh…yes.’ Rachael brought her attention back to the task at hand and soon the new father had cut the cord and Joe took the baby over to Rachael’s desk where she realised he’d prepared an area and draped it with soft towels so he could use the small, portable suction machine to clear the baby’s mouth and nose. The little girl yelled at him and Rachael laughed.
‘You’re losing your touch, Joe.’
‘Keep quiet,’ he grumbled good-naturedly, not bothering to look at her. He couldn’t. The one glance they’d just shared had left him naked. Throughout the delivery, he’d been completely aware of Rachael and how she would have gone through this experience without him. He hadn’t been there. Wendy’s whole attitude had changed when her husband had arrived, and Joe realised just how much he’d really missed of Declan’s life. Right now, he would give anything to go back and be able to see his son being born.
‘I think I’m getting old,’ he said softly to his charge. All she did was wave her arms and legs in the air and cry. ‘Oneminute Apgar—eight.’
‘Excellent.’ Rachael and Helen were concentrating on the third stage of labour.
‘I’ve made such a mess,’ Wendy said apologetically.
‘As if we care about that,’ Helen remarked.
Rachael glanced over to where Joe was and couldn’t help the way her mouth dropped open to see him carefully wrapping and then cradling the small infant in his arms. It looked so right, so perfect to see him holding the child. How could he possibly think he wouldn’t make a great father? She loved him so much and she desperately wanted to show him all he was capable of giving, if only he’d let go and trust her once more.
He looked across at her and they shared another moment before a slow smile spread across his face as he handed the baby to her proud mother.
‘Congratulations.’
‘Thank you, Dr Silvermark. Oh, she’s so perfect.’
‘Yes, she is.’ Joe was looking at Rachael as he spoke. She was brilliant. She hadn’t panicked, she’d done her job, and now there was a healthy baby to show for it. So much could have gone wrong but it hadn’t, and the ambulance sirens could be heard in the distance, ready to take the family off to hospital.
Joe quickly cleaned up, setting Rachael’s desk back to rights, while he listened to Helen taking charge of the situation.
‘I’ll ring Patty and she can pick your boys up from school and bring them to the hospital.’
‘Thank you,’ Wendy replied. ‘And to you, Rachael. You were wonderful.’
Rachael smiled and leaned over to brush her finger over the little girl’s forehead. ‘She’s beautiful. Do you have a name?’
‘Cynthia.’ Wendy kissed her baby. ‘Nick and Elliot are going to be so happy they have a sister. They didn’t want a brother.’
‘Just as well. Welcome to the world, Cynthia.’
Rachael couldn’t take her eyes off the beautiful baby who, after her impatience to be born, had now settled down to sleep. Joe watched Rachael watching the baby and felt the old inadequacies surface once more. She’d mentioned she wanted more children and the thought of her having them with anyone but him made him crazy. Declan didn’t deserve half-brothers and sisters but siblings who shared the same parents…But he’d vowed never to have children. He’d never wanted to risk hurting them as he’d been hurt by his parents.
The sirens had stopped and as both Helen and Rachael were busy, Joe headed out to let the paramedics in. It was his chance to escape, knowing Rachael was more than capable of taking care of things.
He needed to think.
‘Where’s Joe?’ Declan asked when he arrived at the clinic after school.
‘Not sure,’ Rachael replied. One of her patients had called to cancel at the last minute so it looked as though she could finish early for once. ‘Check with Helen.’
Declan disappeared and came back a moment later with a photograph. ‘Hey, Mum. Get a load of this.’ He held out a photograph. Rachael looked, then frowned.
‘I don’t remember this being taken. Where was it? You look about eleven.’
‘It’s not me, it
’s Joe.’
‘Wow!’ Rachael took the photo from him and peered at it more closely. ‘That’s amazing. I couldn’t tell the difference.’
‘Helen brought it in for me. She said I could keep it.’
‘That’s very nice of her.’
‘She’s a nice lady. I like her.’
Rachael smiled. ‘I’m glad to hear it.’
‘Mum, are you really going to leave here at the end of the month?’
‘Funny you should ask that.’ She told him her thoughts about staying on and he dragged her out to the front desk so she could discuss it with Helen.
‘Of course you can stay, but are you sure you want it just for your locum contract? You don’t want to go down the partnership track?’
‘I don’t want Joe to feel pressured.’
‘Rachael, I’m going to stick my nose in again. How do you feel about Joe?’ Helen watched her closely.
‘She loves him,’ Declan answered for her.
Rachael nodded. ‘I always have. Joe’s it as far as I’m concerned.’
‘And he knows this?’
‘Yes.’
‘Ah. No wonder he’s retreated to his cave.’
‘Yes.’
‘Cave?’ Declan frowned at the two women. ‘What cave? Why didn’t he take me? I’d like to go caving.’
‘Not that sort of cave, darling.’ Rachael laughed.
‘Give him the time he needs,’ Helen advised.
‘How long’s that?’
Helen shrugged. ‘Your guess is as good as mine.’
‘Things seemed OK during the delivery. He kept smiling at me.’
‘I saw.’
‘Delivery?’ Declan frowned. ‘I don’t know what you two are on about but if Joe’s not here, I guess we’re not going to practise our golf swings, so can we go home, Mum?’
Rachael felt Declan’s disappointment. ‘Sure. Go get your schoolbag.’
‘He’s new to this father stuff,’ Helen defended Joe. ‘And his head’s all wrapped up in emotions. And, believe me, emotions aren’t Joe’s strong point.’
‘Tell me about it.’ Rachael looked at her watch and then back to Helen. ‘Want to come over to our new apartment for dinner?’
