More Than You Know

by Alexandria Rhodes

  “Olivia! He’s here!” I yelled down into the basement.

  “Fuck, I need coffee,” Ashton said as he came inside, crashing onto my couch. “This is way too early for me.”

  I playfully hit him on the arm. “This was the only time they could arrange to be here.”

  The welcoming aroma of coffee filled the kitchen signaling that it was ready. My mouth was watering and my hands were shaking, ready for the caffeine. Could you say addict?

  After pouring two steaming hot cups moments later, leaving enough in the pot for Olivia, I walked into the living room and handed him one.

  “Thank you,” Ashton said, not wasting any time and taking a sip from the steaming cup.

  “So I ran into Jason Montgomery yesterday while I was shopping,” I said, taking my first sip.

  Ashton’s eyes widened. “Really? How did that go?”

  I shrugged and set my mug down. “Fine.”

  Jason had seemed shocked that I hadn’t told Charlotte I was back. It was as if he thought I owed her that. I decided against telling Ashton about the party next week because I knew he would think it was a good idea for me to go, and I hadn’t decided yet.

  He nodded. “Don’t hate me, but maybe you should contact them. Try to get to the bottom of everything.”

  “Charlotte did text me last night. I was thinking about responding back and asking if she wanted to meet.”

  “Ask her to come over or something tonight,” he suggested.

  “Actually, I was hoping to stay in with you guys. Rent a movie, catch up and have some drinks.”

  He rubbed his eyes and took another long sip. “Yeah, sounds good.

  Olivia came up the stairs. “Did I miss anything?”

  The movers were surprisingly on time, and Olivia, Ash and I raced around the house trying to finish putting away as much as we could. Olivia, never having been here before, could only help with cleaning things off before setting them out for me to put away. Nonetheless, I appreciated her help.

  When the downstairs furniture was finally put away where the respective pieces went, which wouldn’t have been much had I not bought some new pieces online a month prior, we moved on to the upstairs.

  Reaching my door, I paused, nervous to go inside. “I don’t know why this is so weird for me. I haven’t even been in here yet. I can’t remember what I kept here.”

  Ashton rubbed my shoulder and pulled me into his side. “You okay?”

  “I have to be.” I reached out, grabbed the familiar door knob and turned it, opening the door slowly. It seemed like my room hadn’t been touched. The dresser, desk and bed were all where I had left them. When I had gone to New York for school, I hadn’t needed to bring furniture, as the place I had moved into had already had most of the things I needed.

  “Wow, nothing’s changed since I was here last,” Ashton said, walking in and setting down the boxes he had carried up.

  “Just put me to work, Bryn,” Olivia said sitting down on the bed.

  “All of this is going to need to be washed,” I said pointing to the bed. Olivia stood up and ripped the sheets off the bed.

  “Have fun with that. I’m going to go get more boxes.” Ashton walked out, and I sat down on my desk’s chair, taking in my room. Glancing over I saw a picture of Charlotte and me hugging still sitting there, staring at me. It had been taken on the last day of summer vacation before our senior year and she had rushed home to print it off for her and me to frame.

  “Is that her?” Olivia asked, crouching down to get a better look at the photo.

  I nodded. “Yep, that’s Charlotte.”

  “She’s pretty. But I could definitely take her.”

  We laughed and I hoped she was joking. Olivia was most of the time just talk on certain topics. She had never fought anyone in her life that I knew of. She was completely harmless.

  I took the photo frame and put it in one of my desk’s drawers, not wanting to look at it any longer.

  My room was comfortable looking but as much as I loved how it was set up, I decided I needed a change. When Ashton got back in, we talked him into helping me move things around, promising him beer when we were finished.

  “I know it sucked and took way too damn long, but ya’ll have to admit … we did pretty well for one day,” I said, falling into the living room couch, taking a drink from the beer I had taken out of the refrigerator. “Thanks again!”

  “No problem, Bryn. I’m just glad I don't have to come back here to finish it off. You can finally settle in and I can sleep. Although, if there is ever beer in the picture, I don't think you will ever hear me saying no.”

  “Thanks. Glad to know what it takes to get you to help!” I said, smiling before taking another drink of my beer. Slow it down, Bryn, I said to myself. I knew that if I drank this too fast, it would go straight to my head. I was nothing if not a lightweight when it came to drinking. Sometimes I thought it was just pointless to go out. It only took one and a half beers before I was flat on my ass.

  Olivia took a drink of her beer. “Wait, did you just say ‘ya’ll?’”

  “Yes I did. I guess my southern roots are coming back to me.”

  “Maybe they never left,” Ashton said as he sat up and wiped the sweat off his forehead with his t-shirt, flashing abs I had never known he had. I had never really looked at Ashton that way before. I mean, sure, he was good looking and had a nice body, but I had kind of grown up with him. The only time I had seen him naked was a very long time ago when we were little and taking baths together. The only reason I knew about that was one night my dad had busted out baby photos to embarrass me and there we were, bare naked in a tub, laughing together.

  I looked over at Olivia whose cheeks were red from blushing. She looked away but not soon enough before Ashton caught her.

  “Thinking about how good looking I am?”

  I raised my eyebrows and looked at Olivia who started to fidget. “No, don’t be so conceited.”

  He laughed. “I'm kidding, Olivia.”

  She gave him a look and said, “Very funny, but no, I wasn't, you asshole.”

  Olivia’s phone rang and she left the room to answer it.

  I yawned as I stretched out my muscles, sore from moving all afternoon. “I’m exhausted.”

  Ashton laughed. “Well, after I leave, take a nap and get over it because movie night is so on. Get the classics.”

  Classics to us were comedies that our parents watched when they were our age. Sixteen Candles, When Harry Met Sally and then there were movies that would someday be called classics by our kids: Juno, The Notebook and the Harry Potter Series. Ashton always joked that any guy who said they hated romantic comedies was a liar.

  Olivia returned with an annoyed expression on her face. As she slumped down onto the couch, she rolled her eyes. “That was my mom. She found out I was in Georgia and is pretty pissed that I haven’t been home yet to see her.”

  Olivia had wanted to wait a good week before telling her family she was back in town.

  “My mom told me I needed to stop by tonight. So, if you don’t mind,” Olivia said turning to face Ashton. “…Would you give me a ride home since you’re leaving? It’s not too much out of the way.”

  Ashton nodded. “Sure, no problem.”

  I went downstairs with Olivia to put together her items. I felt sad as the awareness that we wouldn’t be living together anymore washed over me.

  “Any idea when you’ll be able to come back?” I asked. Olivia was going to stay at her parent’s house for a very long visit. When she felt like it was time to go, she would move back in with me.

  “Hopefully not long. I’m thinking a month or so. Just long enough for my mom to get sick of me.” She laughed. “This is it,” she said as she zipped her last suitcase. “I’m sorry I have to leave, Bryn. But someday when you meet my mom, you’ll understand.”

  “I get it. Just sad you’re leaving.”

  She pulled me into a hug. “Plans this weekend?”
<
br />   “Hot date with my best friend, Olivia.”

  She squeezed me tighter. “Good answer.”

  After Ashton and Olivia left, I checked my phone again, my mind for some reason wandering back to Charlotte’s text. I would have done anything for that girl. For someone who I had known for so long and stood by through anything, she hadn’t been there in return. I wasn’t sure if she had been waiting for me to call her but I didn’t have the energy tonight.

  Instead of waiting until later, I decided to head to the video store to pick out a movie.

  Like the grocery store the day before, finding the place was interesting. I barely remembered where it was and wasn’t sure it was even still there. It had been years since I had came here for a movie.

  Back in the day, Ashton and I had dozens of movie nights like tonight. Something about doing anything linked to my childhood brought on a warm feeling along with excitement.

  I walked down the comedy aisle and picked up the first title, not recognizing it. I was reading the back description when I heard my name being called from behind me.

  Startled, I dropped the DVD case and turned around, my eyes settling on Tyler a few feet from me. A much older and more breathtakingly handsome Tyler. He was everything I remembered him to be. Dark hair, green eyes and a chiseled look I had always had a thing for. But he was different too. He now had facial hair and new lines that were around his eyes. And somehow, he seemed taller than his 6’ 2” build he had been when he was nineteen.

  “Shit, Bryn, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he said, his voice deeper than I remembered.

  I brushed my hair away from my face. “It’s fine. I’m still getting used to the fact that people will probably know me around here.” It had been the first time I had seen him, and of course it had to be today of all days that I ran into him.

  “I wasn’t sure if it was you or not when I was outside. I was just returning a movie when I saw you. Jason said he ran into you yesterday, but I couldn’t tell if he was bullshitting me or not.”

  “He was right.”

  “You haven’t changed much at all,” he added.

  I guess I really hadn’t changed that much. My eyes the same, my hair the same auburn shade. I could be eighteen all over again.

  “I was just thinking the same thing about you. But I don’t have a lot to go on since I haven’t seen you since I was what, nineteen?”

  His face fell slightly. “Yeah, it has been a pretty long time. Are you coming over next week for the party?” he asked.

  Before I could stop myself from answering, I replied, coldly, “I don’t know.”

  “I understand.”

  Tyler looked down at the movie he had in his hands. “Well, I have to get this returned.”

  I nodded and watched him drop the movie off and get back into his car. I tried to be nonchalant by hiding behind a display shelf of movies, hoping he wouldn’t see me. His car roared to life and backed away slowly, and for a minute I swore he looked back at me.

  I remembered past moments like these: watching him pull away from my house, my heart sad he was leaving. And for a moment, I forgot about how much he hurt me; how much damage he had done because all I wanted right now was him.

  “Can I help you find something, miss?” a store clerk asked, interrupting my thoughts.

  I shook my head and continued down the comedy section and chose the movie, Juno, one of my favorites.

  When I got home, Ashton was already inside, feet propped up on the coffee table in front of the couch, a baseball game playing on the TV.

  “Hey, hope you haven’t seen Juno in awhile,” I said, tossing the movie at him.

  Ashton looked up at me. “Ow,” he said, rubbing his arm where the movie hit. “What’s gotten into you?”

  I slumped into the couch, wrapping my arms around my legs, hugging them to my chest. It took everything I had to not let myself fall apart. “Tyler was at the movie store.”

  After saying his name, I felt anxious and could no longer sit still. I stood up from the couch and kicked off my sandals on my way to the kitchen, grabbing a pint of ice cream out of the freezer.

  “Shit, are you okay?”

  I hated that question. How exactly was I supposed to answer that? You couldn’t say no without having to get into the whole thing. But there was obviously a reason that the question was asked. You couldn’t get out of it by saying “yeah.” I took a large spoonful of ice cream and put it in my mouth as I let myself put my emotions together.

  “I just saw the guy I honestly thought I would be with for the rest of my life for the first time in four years twenty minutes ago; what do you think?”

  Ashton shut the TV off and pulled a pillow against his lap, motioning for me to lay my head on it. “Did he say anything to you?”

  I gave Ashton the play by play on my encounter with Tyler, taking spoonfuls of ice cream in between sentences.

  “And he asked you to come over next week? Like nothing had ever happened between you guys?” Ashton asked, his tone annoyed.

  Yeah, it pissed me off too.

  I grabbed the remote to turn the TV back on and hit play. I closed my eyes as my heart won, my mind unable to keep from replaying one of my last, good, memories of Tyler.

  ---

  It was a week before he had left Savannah. Tyler and I were lying in my bed, our breathing finally normal. Tyler’s arm was wrapped around me, stroking my arm.

  “Bryn,” he said. “Do you know how much I love you?”

  I smiled and answered with a hint of sarcasm in my tone, “Well, I’m not quite sure.”

  “No, I’m serious,” Tyler said, turning over onto his side so that he was facing me. His eyes were serious; something that I only saw when he had something important to say.

  “Yeah, I do. It’s the kind that hurts so good, right? Almost like you can’t breathe without the other person and the only thing that keeps you sane throughout the day is knowing you’ll see that person soon enough. Nothing can come between you and that person. You would do anything for them. Be anyone they need you to be. Without thinking twice, you know you will be there, no matter what. That’s what loving you is to me.”

  “I want to marry you someday, Bryn.”

  My heart stopped, and it felt as though my breath got stuck in my throat. The words Tyler just spoke had already started repeating over and over again in my head. It wasn’t the first time he had said it; after being together for a couple of years now, it was only natural to think about where we would be going. We were about to start college. Soon our relationship wouldn’t just be the typical high school romance. No, it would be more. More concrete to those around us who thought that was what we would always be. High school sweethearts would soon just be two people who would meet up at high school reunions. Remembering what it felt like to have that young love. It was never that simple though. Real love, hurt-so-good love, was more than that.

  “I want to marry you too.”

  His thumb grazed my cheek. “Next year let’s move in together. Get an apartment or something; make a home.”

  If hearts could smile mine just did a mile wide. “I like the sound of that.”

  Tyler kissed the tip of my nose. “I want to wake up to you every single day. I can’t wait for that moment to be here.”

  His words were so real, his tone honest. I had no trouble or reason to believe he wasn’t telling the truth.

  “I love you times infinity.”

  “Ditto, babe.” He kissed me softly and groaned when the alarm clock went off beside him. We had set it so that he would have plenty of time to get out before my dad came home from word, his late-night work shifts giving Tyler and me time together.

  “I have to go,” he said. I nodded and sat up in bed, grabbing my shirt off the floor and putting it on and wrapping my hair up in a hair tie.

  “See you tomorrow?” I asked. “Or really, today.”

  He grinned and grabbed his cell phone from my bed side table, shoving it into
his back pocket.

  “Yeah, I’ll pick you up at five?”

  I nodded and wrapped my arms around him, breathing in his scent. “Thank you for tonight.”

  He laughed. “Bryn, you never have to thank me for that.”

  We walked downstairs, and I opened the front door, the Savannah air hitting my skin. “No, not that. I like it when you’re here. You center me. Make me feel like I’m home wherever you are.”

  “God, I love you.” He kissed my cheek.

  “I love you too.”

  I watched as he walked to his car and got in, the light of his car coming on when he started it up. He backed out of the driveway and looked at me, flashing me a smile before driving away.

  ---

  “Are you going to go?” Ashton asked in the middle of the hamburger phone scene, interrupting my thoughts.

  “Go where?”

  “You said he asked you to the party next week—what did you tell him?”

  I sat up. “I told him I didn’t know, but I was really saying ‘hell no.’”

  “Bryn, you should go.”

  Perplexed by his suggestion, I sat the tub of ice cream down on the table roughly. “Are you serious? First Olivia and now you.”

  “Hey, don’t bite my head off. It was only a suggestion,” he explained. “I’ll go with you if you decide to go.”

  I was about to protest when he put his hands up in surrender. “I swear that’s all I’m going to say.” He took a drink from his beer and stood up. “I’m going to get another one of these.”

  Ashton returned a few seconds later with two beers; one for him and one for me.

  I suddenly felt bad about earlier. He couldn’t help anything that happened tonight and I didn’t have any reason to be a bitch to him.

  “Sorry about that, I was being a total bitch.”

  He pulled me into a hug. “No worries, Bryn. Just remember why you’re here. A new start. You should do whatever you can to get what you deserve. Closure.”