More Than You Know

by Alexandria Rhodes

  Tyler walked over to the car and knocked on the driver’s side. A person sat up suddenly, and Tyler started talking to them. By the length of the hair and the width of the shoulders it looked like a woman.

  They continued to talk, and then she turned around as my breath caught in my throat.

  I had only ever seen three pictures of my mother, but judging by those, she was sitting right in front of me, staring back at me.

  Tyler held up a finger appearing as though he was telling her to wait and ran back over and opened my door.

  “Babe, she says she’s your mom.”

  Still shocked, I nodded. I was able to now get a better glimpse of her. “She looks like the woman in the pictures.”

  “She said she’s not here to talk to you if you don’t want to. She’s here to make sure you’re doing okay. She fell asleep supposedly and lost track of time. She doesn’t mean to scare you or anything.”

  “Some strange woman I’ve never met is parked outside of my house. How would that freak me out?” I asked sarcastically.

  He looked over at the car, the woman emerged. “You don’t have to talk to her if you don’t want to.”

  “Did she say where she’s from?” I asked not wanting to handle this tonight. Not tonight.

  “She lives in California and is staying at a hotel outside of Savannah for a couple of days.”

  I nodded, taking everything in and finally taking my eyes off of her. “Tell her to come back tomorrow; I don’t want anything to ruin my birthday and can’t deal with this today.”

  Tyler squeezed my hand and walked back to her as they talked for a moment. She got back into her car, speeding down the road in the other direction.

  “You okay?”

  “No.”

  When we got back inside the house Tyler took me by the hand and told me to close my eyes, his hands over them in case I peeked. “I want to give you your present.”

  “Oh man, covering the eyes must mean it’s something big.”

  He laughed and led me by my shoulders. “There aren’t any stairs involved so just trust me.”

  Tyler stopped me after a few steps. “Okay, give me one second. Keep them closed!” he warned.

  The anticipation was killing me as I heard him rustling with something, and then I felt him stand beside me. “Okay, open.”

  I opened my eyes and we were in the dining room. Then my eyes fell on it.

  In the corner, pushed up against the wall was a beautiful dark finished piano.

  I sucked in my breath, his thoughtfulness taking my breath away.

  “Tyler…” I said not even knowing where to start thanking him.

  He walked over to the piano lifting the cover to reveal beautiful shiny black and white keys that my fingers knew all too well. “Play for me?”

  I looked at the piano hesitantly and felt the passion inside of me. My fingers itched to play and suddenly my body was moving toward the piano. I sat down, my posture falling into where it should be. I took my hair holder off of my wrist and pulled my hair up. I breathed in deeply as my fingers graced the piano keys. The memory of where my fingers needed to be came back. Then my fingers flew across the keys, the music filling the room. The melody moved me both emotionally and physically as I rocked my body to the music, all of me into the song. The music took me to a different place than where I was here and now. This was the melody I always seemed to come back to, always finding myself lost in the notes. This song is a part of me as it tells a story. A story about loss and recovery.

  Not needing sheet music to remember my song, I was fully into it and was sad when it came to an end.

  Finally, for the first time, I opened my eyes and looked at my fingers, the tips of them red from pressing the keys so hard. A smile came to my face and I felt a tear slip from my eye.

  Looking over to my right, Tyler had sat down on the edge of the bench. “I’m speechless, Bryn.”

  His eyes were slightly wet, and I wondered whether or not he had been crying.

  “You’re amazing. I had no idea you could play like that.”

  I shook my head. “For a long time I forgot I could.” I set my head on his shoulder and looked at the piano. “This must’ve cost a fortune. I love it but I feel bad accepting something so expensive.”

  “It was my grandpa’s. He left it to me knowing how much I loved music when he died. Since I don’t play the piano, I kept it in storage. When I was thinking of what to get you for your birthday, I knew this was perfect.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “It deserves to be played and you do it so perfectly. You just have to promise me you’ll be playing more now,” he said with a smile.

  “I love you.”

  He kissed my forehead and we walked upstairs to bed.

  ---

  The next morning I woke up nervous about whether or not I would be seeing my mom. Calling her my mom was something that made me cringe whenever I thought about it. She had been nothing like a mom to me.

  I was laying there, Tyler still sleeping next to me when I heard a phone ring. Not recognizing the ringtone I grabbed Tyler’s phone out of his pocket and saw that the ID was his mom, ironically.

  “Tyler,” I said, shaking his shoulder. “Your mom is calling.”

  He groaned slightly. “You can answer it. I’m sure she’s calling for you.”

  I sat up straight in bed, confused by his comment, and clicked the green button. “Hello?”

  “Bryn?” Marie said.

  “Yeah, this is Bryn. Tyler’s still sleeping, kind of.”

  She laughed on the other end. “Tell him to get his lazy butt out of bed. I was actually calling to ask you both something but more so you.”

  “Sure, what’s up?” I asked as Tyler opened his eyes and sat up in bed.

  “For one, happy birthday, sweetie! I’m so happy to finally be able to say it in person again. Two, what are you guys doing tonight?”

  I looked over at Tyler and he shrugged.

  “Well, there might be someone stopping by later in the afternoon, but other than that, nothing.”

  “How about you and Tyler come out tonight to our house and we’ll have a celebration dinner, just like we used to.” She paused and then added, “And dear, bring your friend along with you. The more the merrier.”

  My eyes widened at the thought of my mom coming to dinner with me. “I don’t know about bringing her. But dinner sounds amazing. What time?”

  We arranged a time, and Tyler left to go home to shower and change his clothes for tonight, leaving me to get ready. We were going to go to the beach for a bit to walk in the sand before heading to his parent’s house. I wasn’t going to arrange my day around the possibility of my mom coming by. I hadn’t counted on her my whole life and I wasn’t about to now.

  Slipping on a pair of shorts after my shower I heard a knock at the front door. My heart stopped and I knew it was her.

  I grabbed a shirt, pulling it over my head and ran down the steps.

  Sure enough, a woman with short, black hair stood behind the door.

  I opened it slightly and she looked at me, her hazel eyes wide and serious.

  “Bryn…” she breathed out.

  I opened it a little wider. “I’m sorry. I don’t know your name.”

  Her eyes softened and she stepped back slightly. “Liz, my name is Liz.”

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, a mix of emotions running through me.

  She shifted on her feet. “Can I come in? I can explain a lot easier sitting down. Believe me, you’ll want to.”

  I looked past her down the street as I saw Tyler at the end of it, knowing he would be here soon, in case she was some kind of mental case and I needed help. Technically, this was her house as well.

  “Sure,” I said, moving aside and letting her enter.

  She walked into the foyer and looked around. “This place hasn’t changed much, has it?” she asked, turning around in a small circle examining the surroundings. Sh
e was petite, and I got the impression she was a little whimsical by how she moved and the look of amazement on her face.

  I walked her over to the kitchen. “Why don’t we sit at the table here? Would you like a glass of tea? Water?”

  “Tea would be nice, thanks.”

  I poured her a glass and handed it to her as I sat down across from her.

  “What are you doing here, Liz?” I asked again.

  She looked down at her fingers which were resting around the glass, the condensation forming small droplets and rolling down to the table.

  “I know this will sound insane, and I hope your friend told you what I said last night. Every year since I left I have come back on your birthday to check and see if you were okay. Your dad never knew, as I’m sure he would have put a stop to it.”

  He would have.

  “I never wanted to freak you out, and knew I had no place in your life anymore. Last night was an accident, you seeing me. I was so tired from driving that I literally shut my eyes for a moment and I must have fallen asleep.

  “Things were especially hard when I saw how devastated you were when your dad passed. Carter Denning contacted me when the accident happened and I came here to see you. I wanted to make sure you were okay, given the circumstances.”

  Why wasn’t I ever told this?

  The front door squeaked, Tyler was finally here.

  “Well, I wasn’t,” I said. “I barely am now. I really could have used you back then. As far as I was concerned, I had lost the only parent I had. My dad was everything.”

  Liz sniffed slightly. “I know. You were his everything to him too, he told me.”

  “He told you? He said he hadn’t talked to you since the day you left.”

  She looked at me, shocked. “Bryn, I talked to your dad almost every month to see how you were doing. Whether it was through email or phone call, I kept in contact. I was told it was you who didn’t want anything to do with me.”

  I looked at Tyler, who had sat down next to me. Liz continued, “I understand and respect your father for why he did it. He was trying to protect you the only way he knew how.” She folded her hands. “Don’t be upset with him, Bryn. Look at the life you had with him. It was much better and more than anything I could have ever given you.”

  She was right. I knew it.

  Tyler put his hand on my knee and I placed mine over it.

  “What do you want from me now, though? Why not try to find me before now?”

  She shrugged. “I guess I didn’t have the strength to do so before now. Even this morning I almost backed out not knowing how today would go.”

  “As much as I hate to say it, I’m glad you didn’t.”

  We were silent for a moment and then I spoke up, asking the question that had been haunting me for decades. “Why did you leave?”

  “Alcohol, baby. Your father married me knowing I had a past and he tried to fix it. While I never resented it, he wasn’t the one who could fix me. I had to do it for myself. A year after you were born I went out, the first time out with you in months, and drank myself into a stupor. I got into the car, you in the back seat, and started to drive. Thankfully I was pulled over. The cop was one of your dad’s friends and he let me off only under the condition that he drive us home. When we got to the house, I had sobered up enough to know what I had could have done to you. When we got inside I told your father that I needed to clean myself up. Staying here to take care of you was only setting me back and hurting me more. I had to walk away and get help—both for myself and for you. Took me almost fifteen years and I’m lucky to be alive, but I did it. I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since you turned sixteen.”

  “That’s good,” I said, understanding why she had done what she had, but hating it nonetheless.

  “I’m sorry, Bryn. I really, really am.”

  It wasn’t that I was a sucker for apologies, or a person who let people walk all over me, but in that moment, my mom was being sincere and I knew it. Even though I didn’t know much about her, I could tell that from the bottom of her heart she was sorry and was telling the truth.

  “I know. And I would like to get to know you, honestly. I don’t know how or how quickly I will be able to, but I want to work on things.”

  “I understand, hon.” She smiled.

  It wasn’t much, but it was the beginning for my mom and me. A beginning that took too long to start.

  Thirteen

  ____________________

  When we arrived at the beach house, I smiled as I breathed in the aroma of my all-time favorite meal Marie made: corn soufflé, homemade pizza with grilled chicken on top and a salad to go with it. It was inevitable that I would be going up at least one dress size by the end of the night.

  Tyler grabbed my hand and led me through the foyer towards the kitchen.

  “Happy birthday Bryn!” everyone said as we rounded the corner.

  I smiled as I slipped my flip flops off and pushed them into the corner. “Thanks everyone!”

  Marie hugged me, and Oliver was next. “As always it’s wonderful seeing you.”

  Everyone returned to what they had been doing. I sat down at the dining table with Eva and Charlotte, who were looking at pictures from the wedding they just got back from the photographer that morning. Eva and Charlotte had been right about the dress; it really did look good on and I was glad I had gone through with it. I asked Marie if there was anything I could do and to no one’s surprise, she said no.

  “I swear, I think you and Charlotte were switched at birth or something. Charlotte has never really liked cooking and has never asked to help,” Marie started explaining. “She was always more into clothes than baking and I’ve learned to do it on my own; but I love her anyway.” She winked.

  I smiled and leaned against the kitchen counter. “Did Tyler tell you?”

  She shook her head. “About what, sweetie?”

  “My mom was parked outside of my house last night when we got back from the beach. She was there checking up on me, something she supposedly does every year.”

  “Oh, wow, that must have been hard for you to digest. Are you okay?” she asked, diverting her attention from slicing the lettuce for the salad.

  I shrugged. “Yeah, it was really weird though. She explained why she left and I can’t help but want to believe her. Is that crazy? Believing someone I’ve never known?”

  Marie hugged me. “Not crazy at all.”

  I smiled and Marie returned to the salad, chopping it with ease and precision. “I'm sorry that you had to go through that. You know, I lost my mom when I was younger too. I wasn't much older than you had been, but I did know her enough to remember some things. The one memory I have with her is one similar to what you and I are doing only it was Easter morning. After my siblings and I had gotten our Easter baskets, everyone had resorted to stuffing their faces with chocolate while my mother cooked. I walked into the kitchen, and she asked me if I wanted to help her bake for our family’s Easter dinner. I was so excited that she had asked me out of all my siblings.

  “We had the most fun time cooking. I can still remember the smells coming from the oven while she and I waited. I will never forget the smell and the sound of her laughter as we cooked together. I knew then that I wanted to bake and cook as often as I could,” Marie said staring ahead of her through the window.

  We stayed silent for awhile longer as I scooped up her homemade croutons from the baking tray and emptied them on top of the salad.

  I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, and I turned around to find Tyler with a grin on his face.

  “Hey, girlfriend,” he said kissing me on the cheek.

  “Hey you.”

  “You doing all right?”

  I nodded. “Where is everyone?” I asked noticing that Charlotte, Eva, Miles and Jason were missing.

  He gestured to the basement. “Eva and Jason are downstairs, and Miles and Charlotte are in the living room with my dad,” he said leading me downsta
irs. Jason was on the couch in front of the TV, a game console in his hands and Eva next to him with her arms crossed.

  “This is so boring, I don't understand how you can sit in front of this TV for hours and blow people up,” Eva said as I sat down next to her.

  “Take that, you motherfucker!” Jason shouted at the television as he thrashed his controller around.

  Tyler laughed. “It's a guy thing, don't worry about it.”

  Eva stood up, turning her back to Jason, and pulled down her black t-shirt, revealing an insane amount of cleavage. She sat back down which made Jason look up for a second. “Damn, I knew I was married to you for a reason.”

  She shoved him hard and Jason returned to his game.

  “A bomb could go off, and I bet he wouldn't move an inch,” I said to Eva.

  “Honey, you must not know the women's secret weapon when it comes to things like this,” se said in a matter-of-fact way. “Watch and learn.” She scooted closer to Jason. “Babe, let's go do something else,” she said sweetly.

  Jason didn't move. She looked at me and winked before turning back to Jason. She lowered her lips to his ear and whispered something that made Jason blush slightly. I could only imagine what it had been.

  I watched as Jason’s mouth dropped open, and when Eva pulled away he put his controller down and grabbed her hand. “We will be, uh, back soon.”

  Laughing, Tyler got up and turned off the TV. Sitting back down, he put his arm around me and pulled me close to him. “I know you must be pissed that everyone keeps asking you this, but I need to know, are you okay?”

  “Yes, just confused,” I said playing with a bracelet Charlotte had given me.

  “You know that no matter what, I’ll always be here for you.”

  I nodded.

  “Plus,” he continued, “you look amazing, which is making it really hard to not do this.” He leaned over and gently kissed my neck.

  “Oh, God.” I moaned as I felt a familiar sensation go throughout my body. “We really shouldn't do this, your mom is almost done with dinner, and everyone else...” I stopped coming up with excuses, unable to remember why I was trying to get him to stop in the first place.