An Accidental Pirate, The Adventures of Captain Pigtail McQueue
Page 23
Chapter 22
BJ and BB headed out the door and the others turned their attention back to the other creatures that they would have to deal with.
"So just what are stalagmice and stalagticks and how can we get past them?" Pigtail turned back to Arbordale. He had been making it a point to ignore Piteque because he still had not forgotten the chess fight.
"Well, it would best to just get rid of those suckers. And I do mean suckers, well, at least in the case of the stalagticks. They're just like any other tick except they inject a type of venom that makes a person really sleepy and they live on the stalactites. You know those rock formations that hang down from the ceiling. They just sit up there waiting for something to come along that has blood, so that lets us Knarls and the Flugs out, and then they just drop on ya. They do so in mass so that if any of them miss or are shaken off then at least one will manage to sink into the skin and get some blood. There's not much you can do because those suckers of theirs can go through just about any type of clothing."
"Yeah, but if we dress up like Flugs, as planned, then they will leave us alone, won't they?" Tally asked, a bit squeamish at the thought of ticks.
"Naw, they don't really have eyes and rely mainly on their sense of smell. They can smell a blood carrier a mile away, so to speak," said Arbordale.
Orida sat up suddenly and hit her forehead with one of her branch hands, "I know, we grab some of the fire lizards and use them. Ticks hate fire. So the lead people need to carry fire lizards at the ready. The second we see any stalactites then those people yank the tail of the lizards and that will make them shoot out some flames. They aim them at the stalactites and it will burn off the ticks. But no Knarl can carry them because they can burn us up."
"What if we don't encounter the fire lizards before we encounter the ticks?" Lark questioned.
"Not a problem, I know where a couple of them are living at the moment. As a piece of wood it's always best to know where those fellas call home so we can avoid them," Piteque piped in. "I'll take Wicket and Tally with me and let them grab ahold of them. We can use them against the other fire lizards too. They don't hurt anyone who has hold of a lizard because they are too afraid of hurting a fellow lizard. They may breathe fire but that doesn't mean that they are immune to it. They can burn just like anything else."
Lark shifted in her seat and asked, "Can we use them against the stalagmice too?"
"Don't see why not. But the main problem with the mice is that they come at you from below and crawl up your pants. Once there they wreak havoc. There's nothing worse than the feeling of their little paws scratching your skin. Or so I've heard, seeing as to how I don't have any skin," Arbordale felt the need to explain.
"Why don't we just tie the bottom of our pant legs really tight with string and that way the mice can't get in and do that?" Wicket knew it was a lame suggestion and would never match Tally's but darned if he was gonna let Tally one up him.
"Yes, that would be the best thing but they will still climb up your legs," Orida told them.
"Yeah, but if we hit them with the fire lizards too then that would burn them and they might just stay away from us in hopes of not getting burned," Lark persisted.
"True, that might work or you just might succeed in setting 'em on fire and then they crawl up you and they set you on fire. Of course, that would insure that none of the ticks would drop on you if you were in flames. So it could be a win-win situation aside from getting yourself burned. I think it would just be best to tie your pants shut and bring a broom to whack the stalagmice with."
Wicket sighed and thought, great, one more thing we have to bring.
"And while you're at it, bring some salt for the terra slugs. That stuff will dry 'em up in no time flat. In fact, one year they tried to cross the salt flats in the southern end of the Wind Hag's domain and they only made it a few feet in. Yep, whole families were wiped out. But that was only because some juvenile delinquents had sold them some salt resistant lotion. Only it wasn't really. But hey, if you're gonna be a gullible slug then you get what you deserve." Piteque shrugged as he said the last bit.
"Okay, so that pretty much covers everything you know of and have heard of. So I guess we need to wait for BB and BJ to get back and for Pill to make our costumes. We can spend the time gathering up all the things we need and then figure out the most efficient way in which to lug all that stuff around." Pigtail clapped his hands together and added, "So let's get started on the gathering."
Everyone got up and headed in different directions. Piteque grabbed Wicket's arm and told him to grab some oven mitts and they would go collect the fire lizards. Wicket, less than happy about this particular assignment nodded and headed towards the galley. When he had gotten some mitts and couple of glass jars to put the lizards in he followed Piteque out of their hideout.
Pill and Lark headed to where they had stored the fabric that the pirates had stowed away from their last plunder in the Gulf. Then they started to draw out designs to figure out how to make a human look like a Flug. It took them a while to figure it out and since they knew they had a long time to wait they decided to have some fun with it. They had made all these designs from the ridiculous to the sublime but eventually settled down and got serious about their work.
Wicket and Piteque came back smoldering a bit but with two fire lizards tucked tightly in some canning jars.
The others had set up a pile of all the things they needed: planks, salt, brooms, water, Lark's hand mirror, and a compass. Jethro and Tally were off in a corner trying to figure out just how to make the shields for the poisonous darts. Wicket sighed and walked over to them still smoking a bit from his left sleeve.
BJ and BB arrived about two hours after they had left but they were triumphant in their task. BB was waving the book over his head as he came in, which would have been great if he hadn't been a twig and so small. The weight of the book was too much for him and he collapsed under it with the book making a 'thump' sound as it covered him up.
"Well, I always told ya if you're gonna get anywhere in this life you need to hit the books. But I don't recall saying anything about having the books hit you," Orida laughed at BB.
Lark took the book from BB and lifted the Knarl up on to the table. He was swaying a bit and his eyes were a little crossed but otherwise he didn't appear to be any worse for wear. Pill took the book and started to thumb through it looking for the uniforms. She finally found them near the end of the book and they discussed just what rank they needed to make the costumes. It was decided that they needed to be a high enough rank to make the local Flugs kowtow to them but not too high that they might question anything. After that decision was made they then had to decide who was going to be fake Flugs and just why they were in the company of humans. That took a little longer, mainly because Wicket and Tally were refusing to play the Flugs.
"It is type casting, that's what it is, and I ain't doing it," Wicket said as he crossed his arms in defiance.
Lark whispered to Pill, "What does he mean it's typecasting?"
"I'm thinking it's because the Flugs are supposed to be a little dim, well, okay, dumb and Wicket and Tally have always felt inferior to most people in the brains department," Pill whispered back.
Jethro, who overheard the girls' whispered conversation said, "I'll do it, no problem." Though he was only doing it because he had thought that it should be someone who could think on his feet if need be. It shouldn't be too hard to out think a Flug, or so he hoped. But he was pretty sure that Wicket and Tally didn't particularly qualify for that.
It took the rest of the day for the girls to make the uniforms and Flug disguises. Pill was a little concerned that the Flug disguise didn't look like dirt. As she recalled the Flugs, Gape and Gog, looked like dirt clods with legs and the costumes didn't look anything like dirt. When she voiced this concern to Wicket he said that she shouldn't worry about that. Before they left they would douse them in water and make them roll around in the dirt. That w
ay they would have a good coating of dirt on them. That should fool the Flugs as far as he was concerned.
They all got together to brain storm as to why the Flugs would be in the company of humans. It took about two hours before Jethro finally came up with a plausible reason.
"They, the humans, will be our captives and that we are bringing them to the Wind Hag. That should be acceptable, don't you think?" He asked the others.
"What if they take us directly to the Wind Hag and present us to her? Then what do we do?" Wicket asked a bit concerned about being imprisoned.
"We Shanghai them long before we get anywhere near the Wind Hag's chambers. If we have to we will take them with us. We will use them as shields. Make them go in front of us so that if anything is going to happen in regards to the booby traps then it will happen to them first." Jethro said rather pleased because it sounded like the perfect plan and would spare any of them from having to be caught off guard in regards to the booby traps.
"But what if the other Flugs want to tag along with as we go to the Wind Hag? Then we would have a whole passel of Flugs to deal with. We might not be able to take that many of them on by ourselves." Wicket insisted seeing the flaw in this plan.
"Yeah, but if we make it clear the Wind Hag is mighty mad at the other Flugs for not destroying the humans then they may not want to go with us for fear of her wrath.
"Good point. But I still think that there are a whole bunch of things that could go wrong and we would all end up in jail. I don't handle jail well. I hate being locked up." Wicket said defensively.
"Since when have you ever been locked up?" Tally asked.
"It was way before I met you. I got into a bit of trouble. There was this loaf of bread that really wanted to escape from the baker's store. I guess it figured I was its best bet to get away so it attached itself to the inside of my vest." He turned a bright red as he finished up, "But the baker didn't see it that way and said I was stealing it. Here I was a dupe of that loaf of bread, a patsy and I end up being thrown in jail for 24 hours. The bread got its comeuppance though. The baker took it right back into the store. I hope it sat there and rotted after what it did to me." He scowled at the thought of this betrayal of the bread.
Pill and Lark giggled silently, looking at each other in disbelief. He wasn't fooling anyone but that was what he wanted them all to believe then they would, for his sake.
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