I am Jade

by Victoria Danes

  I took in a sharp breath and tried to stand up. I wobbled a bit, but I managed without help.

  “I’m sorry, Jade.” The woman who said she was Jenna’s mother spoke. “Seeing her like that. We shouldn’t have…” She hugged herself and shook her head.

  “It’s all right.” I assured. “At least we know the girls are together and alive.” I let on.

  “And?” Someone barked.

  “And now, I can try to get a location. The land feels foreign. I don’t think they’re in the country, but this gives us hope that whoever was keeping their location a secret has slipped up and we can hone in on them.”

  The room seemed to sigh with relief, and that made the air a bit easier to inhale.

  “That’s all I can you tell you for now. But it’s progress. I might be able to force past the barriers with help.”

  “Whose help?” Faust asked.

  “Madam Stella’s. If she and I combine, we might be able to see more. Maybe get a location.”

  The group scattered and spoke amongst themselves while I got myself together.

  “I have to go.” I told Faust.

  He nodded.

  “If I come up with something else, I will be in touch.” I told Savannah.

  “Thank you, Jade.”

  I gave her a smile and rushed out the door.

  Chapter Twenty

  Shaken

  Madam Stella couldn’t see me until later in the afternoon. So I headed home to hopefully unwind a bit before going at it again.

  Stephan was leaning against the wall in the hallway when I got home. He reached out to touch my arm, but I flinched.

  “I don’t want to be touched right now, Stephan.” I walked away from him.

  He dropped his hands and they just fell to his sides.

  “We still need to talk about what happened…” I opened the apartment door and stepped inside. He followed but remained in the small entrance and leaned against the door with his feet crossed at the ankles and his hands crossed over his chest.

  “How long have you been lying to me?” I asked after throwing my purse on the couch and facing him.

  “What exactly have I lied about, Jade?” he asked looking at me. His eyes were starting to tighten, to strain against any emotion.

  “How did you know Seth fell off that path and died. Who exactly called you?”

  “He didn’t give a name. He said Seth gave him my number in case something happened to him. Why would I lie about that?”

  I frowned at his question.

  He walked toward me very slowly. “No,” he said shaking his head. “Don’t do that. Don’t dismiss my question with a frown.”

  “Let’s take turns on asking questions, all right?” I spat. “I don’t think you’re entitled to any. You know everything about me.

  Stephan sighed and stopped walking. “I haven’t lied, Jade. I have kept information from you. That’s not the same thing. And it was for your own good.”

  I dug my fingernails into my arms. “Don’t do me any fucking favors, Stephan.”

  “It wasn’t a favor to you, Jade. It was a favor to…” He stopped talking.

  “To who?” I asked through gritted teeth.

  He didn’t answer. His eyes started avoiding mine.

  I let out a grunt and in one swift movement, I started for the door. “I have shit to do,” I said as I reached for the doorknob.

  Stephan was in front of the door. His palm pushed firmly against it as his eyes held mine.

  “Please, Jade.” His voice was low. His face hovered over mine while his breath moved strands of my hair.

  “I already knew you were keeping things from me. I know something is going on because when I touch you, I know I only see things you want me to see. The visions are blurred and they skip around.”

  “You know all that and still you accuse me of lying?” Stephan asked.

  “You didn’t tell me, Stephan. I figured that out on my own, and it’s not like I know exactly what you’re keeping from me.”

  His expression softened. “I haven’t lied, Jade. You didn’t ask questions so answers weren’t required. To lie, you need an opportunity to tell the truth first.” His voice had relaxed and became that sweet honey tone I was accustomed to. I wanted to hold him, to feel the comfort of his heartbeat and the warmth of his arms, but I hugged myself instead and bit my lip. Slowly, I moved away from the door and sat on the couch.

  “Ask me, Jade.” He dropped to one knee in front of me. “Ask me—”

  “Are you really gay?” I asked.

  Stephan’s eyes grew wide with surprise to my question. “Wha…?”

  “Answer me.” I didn’t avert my eyes. I stared into Stephan’s and waited for an answer.

  “Jade.” He reached up to grab my hand, but I pulled away. Tears stung the back of my throat. Could he have really pretended something like that for so long? How did I miss it…and why?

  Stephan’s eyes glistened. “I’m…” He ran a hand through his hair. “I am, Jade,” he said with a long breath.

  I bit my trembling lips and then with all my strength I slapped Stephan across the cheek.

  “You said you wouldn’t lie!” I got up from the couch and paced. “How long have you been lying about this and…why?” I shrieked.

  Stephan stood up and walked toward me. He didn’t touch me, but he put himself in my line of vision.

  “Does it matter, Jade?” he asked with a soft voice. “All these years that I’ve been here for you. All our laughs and our nights of movies and…”

  “Don’t!” I hit him in the chest with flat palms. “Don’t try to make it all right.”

  “Jade, my feelings for you will not change. Regardless of what sexual orientation you think I am. My feelings for you can’t change.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I will not allow it,” another male voice answered.

  A strong, harsh voice like the cutting wind that instantly shook me and weakened my bones.

  Stephan immediately turned toward the direction of the voice and dropped to one knee. “Alpha.”

  I was suddenly breathless.

  My heart was in a knot, and I was frozen in place.

  My limbs. My soul. Everything inside of me felt paralyzed by the man standing in front of me.

  I could barely breathe.

  “Daddy?”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Daddy issues

  “Daddy?”

  My voice was broken, but I most definitely recognized the tall imposing figure before me in a black trench coat, black pants, and black boots.

  Standing six foot six with muscles like a gladiator and eyes the color of hurricanes, Lucian smiled and reached for me.

  Like a frightened child, I flinched. “Daddy?”

  He smiled and the gesture opened doors I had long closed and memories I had long buried.

  “Come to me, Jade.” He coaxed soothingly. “It has been years since last I held you and my heart cannot bear it.” He touched my arm and eased me toward him. “Please, Jade.”

  I exploded into a sob and fell into his arms. He held me tight to his chest and offered me the protection I was denied as a child. He comforted me for all the nights I was alone and I had cried for him.

  I gripped handfuls of his black jacket in my fists and breathed him in. It was like taking my first breath all over again. It was that moment that Lucian shared a memory with me. The memory of my very first breath – in his arms – on the night I was born.

  It took an hour before I let him go, and he sat me down at the crippled kitchen table. Stephan had vanished.

  My father sat across from me holding a coffee cup.

  He looked at me with calm eyes. Eyes that could hush the cries of the tormented with just one glance. His face hadn’t aged since the last time I saw it. It was still hard and masculine with a strong jaw and a neatly maintained combination of a mustache and beard.

  His black hair fell in thick waves just above his sh
oulders. His presence was strong, and it filled the room with air too thick to manage an easy breath.

  “Why are you here?” I finally asked.

  “I could not ignore your distress this time,” he said softly. “It took twice as much energy to calm you through Stephan.”

  “How exactly did you do that?”

  He smiled gently. “I am linked to Stephan because he is my wolf. I have used that connection before to provide comfort for you. This last time, Stephan reached out to me and your vulnerability…frightened me.”

  “My vulnerability?”

  “It puts you at risk for more than just one predator, Jade. You are special, and when you are that open, dark things are attracted to you. Not to mention my own enemies waiting in the shadows for a bite.”

  “So you’re…I’m…a wolf?” I managed.

  “Yes,” he answered, truthfully.

  “How?”

  “We are purebred, Jade. I am what I am because of my bloodline and you are my daughter. It is in your blood.”

  “That means that Adrian didn’t infect me. This isn’t his fault.” The realization made me queasy.

  My father scowled. “His eager bite awakened the dormant wolf inside of you, that is all. But he will have to answer to me for his actions.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you are mine and no one is allowed to touch you.” He growled.

  My eyebrows shot up. “I’m yours now?” Irritation laced my voice.

  “You are my child. I can feel everything about you, Jade. I have felt you suffer all these years.” Even though he avoided my eyes, I saw the flash of pain in them.

  “Yet you never intervened before.” I stated.

  “I had complete faith in Stephan’s ability to handle things, plus…you are quite a pistol. You have grown so beautifully, Jade.”

  “No thanks to you,” I answered with venom in my voice. I couldn’t help the anger in my words. After all the years of searching and hoping, after all these years of foster care and loneliness, I couldn’t help it. I wouldn’t. Fucking sue me.

  Lucian lowered his eyes. “Do not resent me, Jade. I couldn’t stay here and fulfill my obligations as an alpha.”

  “What about your obligations to me?” I slammed a hand down on the table. “To Mom.”

  He sighed. Not in frustration but in an attempt to fill his lungs with air and offer me the answers I wanted.

  “One of my obligations as your father is to protect you, Jade. I did that by leaving. I couldn’t keep you safe as long as I was around. They would have found you.”

  “They?”

  “We will get to that, my child.” He relaxed in his chair. “There are many that seek to harm you because of who you are. You are my daughter and your gift could become so powerful once you have made a full transformation to a werewolf.”

  I frowned. “So you left and that protected me…how?”

  “Once I left, I shielded you from afar. Shielded your scent and your location from my enemies. Once your own wolf was awakened that connection was useless because she is dominant in her own right. Again, the one you call Adrian will suffer consequences.”

  I snorted. “And what consequence will you suffer for your role?” I asked. “You think it’s fair to punish him? To blame him for all of this?”

  He didn’t respond.

  “You know it’s too bad you couldn’t shield me from the humans that harmed me.” I added, remembering the abuse in my young life at the hands of strangers that were meant to offer protection. Remembering the many nights I hid in closets and cried for my father. “And what about Mom?”

  “Your mother is safe. She is well.” He assured me.

  “Not the last time I checked.” I hissed.

  “Your mother is with me, Jade. I assure you, she is well.” Lucian promised.

  “With you where?” I asked in a sharp voice. There have been too many surprises in the past few days. Too much to handle.

  “I have rented a suite for us while we are here. If you wish, you may come and see her. She wanted to see you, but I thought…”

  “You thought seeing one lost parent was enough.” I finished sourly.

  “If that is how you choose to word it then so be it. However, your mother was never lost, my child. Your mother could not help what happened to her. She is my wife. She is bound to me, blood, body, soul, and heart. With a bind that strong, Jade, comes sacrifice. You are no longer your own person. You share a heart, a mind, and a body. Their pain is your pain. Their smile is your smile…” His eyes intensified then grew darker around the irises. “Their death is your death. Your mother could not tolerate the pain that came with my absence. I had cut ties with her completely and she – being a witch – cast a spell on herself so that she no longer felt anything. It was a grave mistake on my part. One I wish I could undo. I should have known better.”

  “Is that why I could never see anything when I tried to find you? Because you cut all ties?”

  He nodded.

  “Why would someone choose to do what Mom did, why would anyone want to be bound to another person so tightly?” I asked in a strained voice.

  “That is the way of the werewolf, Jade. That is how we are married. It has been this way for many generations. For good reason. We are loyal and protective. We love and cherish and remain true to those words until death.”

  I didn’t say anything. I stared into the black coffee in my mug and imagined it must be what my soul looked like. Cold and dark. Such dedication to one person and such love for another, I would never have that now. I wonder if I ever really did.

  Lucian reached over the table and touched my hand. “I grieve with you, my daughter,” he whispered. “I mourn the loss of your Seth. I have hurt with you always, Jade. You were never alone with your pain.” He squeezed my hand slightly. “So many times I wanted to come to your aid, but I feared I would have led the enemies to you.” His voice was deeper now. Darker and richer. “That is why I sent you Stephan.”

  My eyes shot up. “So Stephan is my friend because you ordered him to be?”

  He shook his head. “I gave no such orders. I told him to watch over you. His methods are his own.” He shrugged.

  I took in a deep breath. “Feels like everything in my life is…fake.”

  “What seems fake to you, Jade? Stephan was the only way I could ensure that someone was there for you. I knew he was strong enough to protect you, caring and gentle enough when you needed comfort, and stubborn enough to take your rejections without damaging his pride.” There was a smile then. But I didn’t smile. I didn’t take my eyes from my fathers. I just glared at him.

  “What are you thinking, Jade?” Lucian asked playing with my fingers.

  “You mean you can’t read my mind?” I asked bitterly.

  “Mind reading is not one of my talents, that is one of Stephan’s skills.”

  Stephan could read minds.

  Wonderful.

  Just fucking wonderful.

  “So how is Stephan tied to you?”

  “I am alpha to the largest wolf pack in Europe. Stephan’s father and I were allies. He was killed during a territorial war over France, and I took Stephan under my wing because he was too young to fight his cousin over the alpha position. I owe him a lot.”

  “What else is he keeping from me?”

  “I will not answer for him, Jade. If you seek answers, I suggest that you ask him. He will be truthful with you now that there is nothing to hide anymore.”

  I pulled my hand away from his and stood up. “You know I’m trying to figure out if there is anyone in my life who hasn’t betrayed me…”

  Lucian watched me pace. His face was still calm. “I am sorry, Jade. Sorry for so many things…”

  “I think we are beyond apologies, don’t you, Lucian?”

  His eyes tightened, and his face went a little rigid. “Why do you call me Lucian?” he asked.

  “Because you don’t deserve to be called dad.” I stopped paci
ng and looked at him. “You said you left to protect me. You said you sent Stephan because you couldn’t be around. Maybe all this is your reasoning, and it helps you sleep at night, but I felt abandoned and betrayed.”

  He didn’t say anything.

  “I have to go,” I said. “I have work to do.”

  “Perhaps I can help.” He offered.

  “No. Thanks. I need a psychic.”

  “Or perhaps a powerful witch would suffice?” He was smiling when I turned to him. “Perhaps I cannot assist you, but your mother is one of the most powerful witches I’ve ever known. I’m sure she can help with whatever you need.”

  I wanted to resist but the possibility of seeing my mother actually awake was not something I could say no to.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  The reunion

  I didn’t say a word to my father as we drove toward the hotel where he and my mother were staying. Call it jitters or whatever, but I spent the whole ride biting my lips and fidgeting.

  Once we were in the elevator, I started feeling hot and then sick, like I wanted to vomit. When the elevator stopped and I stepped out into the hallway, my father grabbed my hand gently. “Breathe, child. It’s just your mother.”

  I nodded, and we continued to walk forward.

  He took out a key card from his coat pocket.

  My heartbeat overwhelmed me, and I took several deep breaths before I followed him inside.

  The room smelled like flowers and faint perfume. It was dimly lit, and the bed hadn’t been touched. I heard the balcony door open, and I held my breath as my once catatonic mother stepped into the room.

  Her brilliant smile crumbled my kneecaps and any resistance I might have tried to hold on to.

  I ran to her, and she clutched me with a loud sob as we both fell to the floor and cried.

  We wept together for lost time. For words unsaid and embraces like this one denied to us because of her mental state.

  It wasn’t her fault. I couldn’t blame her, but I could not say the same for my father.

  She held me in a tight embrace as she whispered, “I’m so sorry.” She kissed my head and forehead and then took my head in her hands to kiss my cheeks and eyes. “Jade, I love you so much. I’m so sorry for everything you’ve endured. So sorry for missing so much time and not being there to watch you grow into this beautiful woman.”