Collecting Smiles

by Melody Burris

  Chapter Seven

  It was Monday morning when I got out of bed again. 5:15 was a little easier this morning, maybe because I had been asleep for 14 hours. I went through my normal routine to get ready, which wasn’t that involved. I tried to be out the door by 5:30 so that I would have a good half an hour to get to work. I grabbed my backpack and headed out the door.

  My bike wasn't in the rack. I walked to a rack nearby looking for it but I was sure I had parked it in the usual spot. It couldn’t be stolen. I was sure that I’d locked it up.

  “Looking for something?”

  I looked up and scanned the parking lot for the source of the voice. “My bike,” I said, feeling wary. Mark was standing beside his truck with his arms folded across his chest. His eyes were sleepy and his hair looked like he had just rolled out of bed.

  “I've got it. Come on.”

  I walked over to him, my arms crossed. I had a sneaking suspicion that I was being mothered again and I didn't like it.

  “I can ride my bike to work. I'm fine. Please give it to me.” I said it nicely but I was firm. If I wasted much more time I might be late to work.

  “I know you can. I can see you feel better. Look better too. This is all about breakfast.”

  “Breakfast? I've already eaten.”

  “No. My breakfast. Crow, I believe, is on the menu. Seriously, please let me apologize. Get in.”

  He held the door open and I caved. “Fine but I really need to get to work.”

  “I am really sorry that I offended you. I get nosy and bossy. It's a big flaw. I just don't like to see the people I care about hurting themselves.”

  I wasn't going to let him off that easy. “But you took private information and rubbed it in my face. I told you I hated it when people worried about me, but you still…”

  “Megan, I can't help that I know now. And yes, it is sometimes going to affect how I react. But really it's only because I want you to be healthy.”

  I sighed. It was the same with my mom. I couldn’t be mad at someone for caring, even if it was obnoxious. “You have to trust me to take care of myself. I'm not a baby.” This was something I wanted him to understand upfront. Maybe we could avoid this in the future.

  “You're right. I'm sorry. Bu....” He stopped abruptly.

  “Just say it.”

  “No, I don't think I will.”

  “Mark, it's okay. I'm not mad at you. I know you were just being a good friend. You'll feel better if you just say it, so go ahead.”

  He looked at me hesitantly. “It's just that I think you are more concerned with everyone else than you are with yourself and as long as that is the case I will be watching out for you. I should have been paying better attention this weekend.”

  “Thank you, that's really sweet, but I don't want you to worry about me all the time. I hate being the cause of that.”

  “I won't be worrying, just watching. There's a difference… really.” He looked at my skeptical expression. “Honest.”

  I put my face in my hands and shook my head. After a moment I sat back up and brushed my hair back into place.

  “Well if it wasn’t me you were worrying about, I’m sure it would be someone else.”

  “Figured that out did ya?” I smile spread across his face, a genuine ‘picture worth a thousand words’ kind of smile. I wanted to count it twice. “Could you try to keep it a secret that I’m a big time meddler, please?”

  I laughed as if he was already forgiven. I seemed like I was letting him off too easy but I just couldn’t help it. He’d melted away any frustration I’d felt.

  Mark parked the truck and got the bike out of the back for me. While I looked it up, I asked, “How did you get my bike out of the rack? I was sure I locked it up.”

  “You did. I know the combination from the night of the concert. I saw you take the chain off so that you could lock it up.”

  I put it in the rack and turned into a hug. If I got too many more of these hugs, I might just become an honorary Cole. His embrace was comforting so I lingered for a moment. I liked not being mad at him much better.

  “Thanks for the ride. When's your first class?”

  “Ten. I'm not much of a morning person,” He climbed back into his truck and drove away. Just like I’d suspected, he had gotten out of bed just for me. How could such little things make me feel so special? These guys were spoiling me.

  The ride had given me an extra ten minutes so I checked my phone messages. I had missed a call from my mom last night and a call from Rebekah, if I got the area code right. I would call every one tomorrow. Tonight, I promised myself another date with my bed; I would be heading there after dinner.

  Thursday night, Andy showed up with flowers. These flowers had a fall theme and were all oranges and yellows. It was a beautiful arrangement and I was flattered.

  “I've missed you this week. How are you feeling?” he said.

  “I'm great! I just needed to catch up on my sleep. What have I missed?”

  “Nothing really. We're sort of boring without you to organize us.” What an absurdity. It wasn’t as if I was having a party all week. Andy just grinned at me and I playfully punched him in the arm. I hadn’t gotten many smiles this week since I’d spent so much time in bed. “Can I take you to dinner?”

  “That sounds good but I was just about to eat. Want to join me?” I wanted to kick myself for inviting him. I was a little embarrassed by my cooking. Andy was such a great cook and I was just learning. “As long as you promise not to laugh or make faces when you taste it.”

  “I promise,” he said, crossing his heart with his index finger.

  I dished up two helpings of brown rice and vegetable stir fry. I was trying to eat healthier. All the extra rest this week had gone a long way towards improving the way I felt, but some added nutrition couldn’t hurt. This seemed like a good source of vitamins even though I’d never really cooked it before.

  The flavor wasn't bad, I noted as I took my first bite. I’d gotten the spices in the stir fry just right. It was the texture that made me grimace.

  “Hey you said no faces,” Andy complained while he chewed.

  “I've never cooked brown rice before but I don't think it is supposed to be this crunchy.”

  “Brown rice just takes longer than white, no worries, you'll get the hang of it.” His encouraging words and smile made me feel better even if I couldn’t count it. This smile just seemed too much like a pity smile.

  “We could still go out,” I offered as I choked down the next bite.

  “But you've already cooked.” He manfully took another bite and chewed and chewed and chewed. The sight of him chewing for longer than should be necessary gave me a fit of the giggles. Big tears formed in my eyes as I tried to get myself under control. They spilled over onto my cheeks. Andy picked up on them right away and couldn't resist, “Don't cry, Megan. See, I'm eating it.” He placed another bite into his mouth and the giggles returned in force.

  “What are you doing to Megan?” Melissa inquired as she exited her room, flute in hand. She took one look at my red face and started to laugh too.

  “I think it's because she thinks I hate her cooking. But I'm almost finished.” He held his bowl out to show her and then scooped another bite into his mouth. I pushed my bowl away and laid my head on the table still trying to get control of my giggles. Melissa gave up on getting coherent speech from me and went back to practicing.

  Andy mercifully was silent for a time and I finally calmed enough to speak. “Okay, ice cream is on me. You definitely deserve it after that performance.”

  The next day was sure to be an interesting one. I had an assignment for one of my recreation classes to spend a day in a wheelchair. This was supposed to teach me about accessibility. By necessity, my day would not begin until I finished work. Friday morning, I walked to work so that I would not have to worry about my bike. After my shift, I picked up the wheelchair at my professor's office.

  I signed o
ut the chair, sat down, and proceeded to make my way through to my first class. Luckily, I had a good half an hour to get there – and it looked like I was going to need it. I found my progress very slow. I didn't realize how weak my arms were until I tried to wheel the chair up a small ramp. I was unable to go the whole way without resting and when I stopped to rest, the chair would roll backwards. It took several tries before I made it.

  The day was a lot more difficult than I expected. To make things worse, when classes were over I realized I would never be able to get home on my own power. I tried Mark’s cell first but he his line was busy. Andy answered my call on the second ring and happily came to pick me up. It took some doing but with the back seat down we were able to get the folded wheelchair into his car. We just had to drive with the hatchback door up.

  “So how was your day?”

  “Interesting… I had no idea.”

  He dropped me off as close to my door as he could, hoping this would help me, but then we noticed the ramp was down about a hundred feet from where he had parked. He wrestled the chair from the back and set it up for me. “Can't you just cheat?”

  I sighed, “No, the whole point is to see what it is really like.”

  “Can I at least push you?”

  “Sure, and thanks for asking. You know some people today just came up behind me and started pushing, without even saying anything to me. It made me feel really out of control.”

  “They were probably just trying to help.”

  “Yeah, I know, but still I’m a person. I felt like an obstacle.”

  “Well, there you go. You learned something… now you will never do that.” He saw me safely through my front door and mussed my hair on his way out. Alone in the kitchen, I tried fixing myself a snack. Everything looked so different now. I had no idea how high the upper cabinets really were or even how wide the kitchen sink was. I barely reached the facet to wash an apple that I’d found on the counter.

  How was I going to be fix dinner? Andy must have been thinking the same thing because he called a minute later.

  “Hi, I'm coming over to help you with dinner tonight. You have no choice. I will be there in an hour.”

  “Sure, you just want to laugh at my cooking some more.”

  “Hey, I never laughed. That was you. Wait a second...” I held the line while he talked with someone in the background. A minute later he was back on the phone, “Mark's coming too; so make plenty.” He laughed at his own joke and I groaned. “Hey where is that spunky attitude I like so much?”

  He was right. I was being a lot more pessimistic than usual lately. Once in the early morning hours in my grey and pink walled hospital room, I had given into the loneliness and despair. I cried, curled in on myself, not ignoring the pain or the boredom for once. The results had been a monster headache and pitiful glances from the nursing staff when they brought me my morning meds. From that moment on, I promised never to let myself get so down again. No one had seen me that day and I wasn’t about to let Andy see me like that.

  I worked on making my voice sound brighter. “I can't wait to see you both, remember it's black tie so don't disappoint.”

  My laugh was only a bit forced as he whistled. “Yes, Ma'am.”

  Although he had been joking, I started to wonder what I would make that would feed the bottomless pits who were coming to dinner. Enchiladas had always been my favorite so I’d made sure that my mom taught me how to make them. At least this time I wouldn’t be embarrassed like I was with the rice.

  A quick inventory of ingredients had me calling Andy back to see if he could pick up a few things before he came over. It was surprising how much effort was needed just to look in the refrigerator. It felt like I was dancing because of the way I had to change directions in my chair. It was probably a good thing that the guys were coming over or that apple would be all I’d be eating.

  My roommates seemed to be buzzing around in all directions. Not one of them seemed to even notice the wheelchair. I think that the upcoming midterms might have something to do with it. I just tried to stay out of their way.

  With my helpers, dinner was prepared in no time. Andy cooked the meat while Mark chopped the ingredients. They brought them over to the table so that I could assemble the enchiladas. Though they weren’t as good as the ones I’d eaten at the restaurant with Andy, at least this time the complements were deserved. They both devoured their portions and went for seconds “It feels a little like I’m cheating to have had so much help with dinner.” I complained.

  But Mark pointed out, “Don’t feel bad. You were unprepared for this. If you were in a wheelchair all the time, things wouldn't be stored in cabinets that were too high.”

  “Plus,” Andy put in, “we would have missed out on that yummy dinner.”

  “This whole day was just harder than I expected. I must have the weakest arms in Utah. I couldn’t even make it up the special ramps designed for wheelchairs.”

  “You’re looking at this wrong.” Mark sat back down after taking his plate to the sink. He was starting to bounce nervously in that way he sometimes did when he was fired up about something. “Some of your frustrations today could have been solved with the right kind of chair. The chair you're using is made for pushing. A chair designed for you would have good balance and be easier to maneuver.”

  That made me feel a little better. “Still you should see how long it takes to get anywhere even if I had the right chair I would still have to go out of my way all the time to find elevators and ramps. Even one or two steps is impossible and I had to go the long way around.”

  “That gets a bit trickier,” Mark agreed running his fingers in patterns absentmindedly on the table as he spoke. “Whenever we take Micah anywhere we always try to check for the best route. We make sure we park in the right spot or allow enough time depending on the building. Because you’re right, accessible and convenient are not the same thing.”

  “Micah’s in a wheelchair?”

  “Yeah, guess I never told you. He has cerebral palsy. So believe me, I know about this. If you had to get around campus in a wheelchair all the time, you would plan your class times and locations appropriately.”

  “How? Everything is still out of the way and you have to go where the classes are, it’s not like you can have them come to you.”

  “No, but if you have a choice between a Religion class on the first floor or the third which would you choose? And instead of zigzagging all over campus you would probably try to group your classes in nearby buildings, then move on to another area.”

  Andy was listening intently and I was taking notes. “Yeah, and I think they have an office on campus that helps with stuff like that.”

  “See, it just takes a little prep,” Mark finished matter-of-factly. “I can help you with your paper if you want.

  “Thanks but I think I am going to talk about another kind of accessibility. I haven’t quite worked it out yet but I guess I would call it an emotional accessibility. The one thing, aside from my aching arms, that I really noticed today was how no one really looked me in the eye. They just kind of looked past me.”

  “I know all about that too, unfortunately. Very few people acknowledge Micah.”

  “Yeah, I want to write about this strange distance between people and how recreation can bridge the gap.”

  “Sounds awesome. I want to read it when you are done.” Mark said patting my shoulder. “Hate to eat and run but I have work. Thanks for dinner, Megan.” Andy stayed long enough to see that I had everything I needed and then he left me to write while the ideas were still fresh.

  Brainstorming ran long and I didn’t actually get much written. I couldn’t help but think about Mark and wonder how he handled the reactions people had to Micah. Too bad he was at work and I couldn’t call him. I did the best I could, trying to focus on breaking the ice kinds of activities. If people could just learn to look past the surface then my work would be half done.

  When I stood up from the ch
air at bedtime, I felt relieved and a little guilty. I thanked Heavenly Father that night for things I had never thought to thank Him for before. Then I laid in bed awake for a while smiling at the success of my enchiladas.

  The end of the month was fast approaching and I still hadn't talked to my visiting teaching sisters to encourage them or even done my own visiting teaching. I approached Alexis, my companion, about visiting teaching and she was free Sunday so I called and made appointments. Alexis prepared the lesson and I even read it ahead of time so that I could contribute. Still waiting for an answer to my prayer, I was just going through the motions not really seeing the point. At least if my visiting teaching was done, I would feel better about calling the other sisters.

  Andy complained when I spent several nights in planning meetings for some upcoming activities. I tried to convince him that I was not the personal activities director of apartment D41 but he just frowned and said he missed me. It was kind of sweet; I was starting to feel like we were all some sort of family.

  Saturday, I helped with some activities for the kids of the family housing on campus. Autumn was definitely here. We were all set up with relay games and face painting in the open field that was at the center of the lower apartment units. The turnout was pretty good, I was in charge of a group of about ten kids and there were two more groups besides mine.

  We were just finishing up a baby pumpkin relay where the kids each ran to the end of field and took a baby pumpkin and then walked back holding it up on their head. With all the kids in the group now holding a pumpkin, we went to the table to decorate them. The kids were fast and it wasn’t long before pumpkins were decorated. They began to decorate themselves and each other with the paints and markers.

  The next activity we were supposed to do was occupied by another group, so I needed to come up with a distraction for my group fast. Back home I was the nursery leader and I’d learned that the it was best to stay on your toes with lots of activities.

  I gathered the kids in a circle for a game of Duck Duck Goose. It was so cute, some of the kids were very small and they had never played before. I grabbed one little boy by the hand taking him around the circle showing him what to do. When goose came he got a little confused and ran through the circle and then back again. A few more turns and we were all giggling and chasing each other in an impromptu game of tag. I’d lost count of smiles so far this morning.

  When it was time, I herded my group over to the leaf jump area and grabbed the rake to make the pile a little bigger for them. Excitedly, they entered the leaves and began to jump and throw them in the air. It soon became obvious that a bunch of small piles instead of one big one would be safer. This allowed the kids to jump with enthusiasm without bumping into each other. The activity was nearly over and I scanned the activity area for signs that things were breaking up. I was surprised to see Andy sitting near a tree watching the festivities. My hands were full with the kids. I didn’t have time to go over and question him or even wave before I was being dragged across the field to where the whole group was gathering.

  Each of the kids had a decorated cookie and a bag of popcorn to take with them, so I lined them up and marched them past the table for their treats. They sat in a small group again on the grass waiting for their parents to get them. Activities weren’t really necessary with the cookies around, so I flopped on the grass to catch my breath. They ate contentedly and their frosting covered faces seemed both tired and happy. It had been a couple of months since I had worked with little kids in nursery but I was pleased to see that I hadn’t forgotten how to play with them. Dad always said it was because I was just a big kid.

  Several members of my group left with their parents. I was helping one little girl pick up her popcorn that had spilled everywhere. We gave up, I wiped her tears, and sent her to the table to get another bag. I remembered my audience when he spoke.

  “You’re really good with them, you know?”

  “Andy, Hi! What are you doing here?” I asked, happy to see him. Before he could answer, a few more parents came and picked up their kids. I absently exchanged ‘thank you’s and ‘glad you could come’s. One little boy with a frosting covered face gave me a hug. I smiled, patted his back, and thanked him for being so good.

  The two kids left had finished their cookies and were getting restless. I sat them beside me again and went into story mode. It would be easier to keep track of them if they were not running in opposite directions. The kids giggled as my leaf bunny jumped from tree to tree looking for his favorite food, sugar cookies. I looked up to where Andy was seated a few feet away. He was also listening to my story. I smiled at him and his return smile was broad and bright. I added it to the estimated total of the day. The last of the parents stood nearby waiting for the story to be over so that they could take their children home. Quickly, I wrapped it up and sent the goo covered kids on their way.

  Andy stood and came over grabbing my hand casually. “I was hoping that I could take you to lunch,” he said, answering the question that had been interrupted before.

  “Careful,” I said glancing at our hands, “I think I am covered in frosting and paint.”

  “That’s okay, I missed out on the activities. This way, I get to participate.”

  “Oh, I didn’t know you wanted to play? I think there are a few more baby pumpkins.”

  “Lunch?”

  “Sure,” I said leaning on his shoulder, “unless you just want to eat some leftover popcorn and sugar cookies?”

  He paused putting his finger to his lips as if deep in thought, “Tempting.”

  “I do need to clean up first.” I called over my shoulder already heading for a table. He followed and we began to box up the supplies.

  He grabbed my hand again and drew a smiley face on the back of it with one of the markers. “You missed a spot,” he said as he bent and kissed it.

  This was fun. I had never really thought about the whole boyfriend thing before; but if that is what Andy was becoming, it had its advantages. With things all cleaned up, I said goodbye to the other volunteers making arrangements to meet and evaluate the activity after class on Monday. Andy led me to his car and opened the door for me. I handed him a bag as he got into the car. He opened it, peeked inside, and laughed. “Great, you got dessert. I get the ghost one with the raisin eyes,”

  “Suits me,” I said smiling and looking down at my stained shirt, “I want the pumpkin anyway; orange is definitely my color.”

  “Do you want to go home and change first?” he asked politely following my gaze.

  “I think it will be okay, consider it a badge of honor for the day’s activities,” I said throwing my shoulders back as if in pride. “Drive on, good sir.” I couldn’t help giggling as he sat up at attention and started the car with an air of an obedient servant.

  Lunch was at a small Chinese restaurant just off campus. I was glad that my wardrobe hadn’t been too out of place for where he was taking me. I excused myself when we walked in and went to clean up in the bathroom; stained was one thing but sticky was beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable. I was scrubbing the paint off of my hands when I saw the smiley face again. I washed lightly over it, hoping that it would stay for a while. I could remember the feeling of his lips on the spot and it made my face feel hot. The little smile stared at me and I wondered if I should count it.

  He stood up from his seat and handed me a chocolate colored bear with a big yellow ribbon when I returned from the bathroom. “Oh, it’s so cute. But why?”

  “It's sort of an anniversary present. Five weeks ago yesterday was our first date.” He shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal.

  Wow, I was really out of it with this dating thing. “I'm sorry I didn't get you anything.”

  “That's okay. I'm just glad to be with you. It's been a long week.”

  I smiled as his bottom lip puckered ever so slightly in a frown. I had no idea that being away from me could make anyone sad let alone this talented man. “Well, thank y
ou for lunch and the bear. It is really thoughtful.” Then I leaned across the table and hugged him.

  From then on, time with Andy became a normal part of my day. We were always together when we could be, sometimes with the guys and sometimes alone. Of course, he worked most weekends, so I saved that time for roommate bonding and homework. I was settling down into the whole ‘boyfriend relationship thing’, wondering what I had been so worried about for so long, when things got tricky.