Ruined (The Hazed Series Book 3)

by Brittany Butler

  ****

  I slapped my alarm as soon it went off. I’d been up for more than an hour, thinking. Taylor was curled under my arm with her head resting on my chest. I hated to wake her, but I knew she wouldn’t want to miss class.

  I kissed her shoulder and trailed down her arm. When I reached her face, she was smiling, and I kissed her lips.

  I raked my fingers through her hair, pushing it from her face. I propped my head on my elbow. “Class is in an hour.”

  “Oh my god!” She jumped from the bed, and bent over, searching for her clothes. I knew she wouldn’t agree to miss class, so I looked away.

  “Thanks for the show,” I said. She glared at me as she tugged my shirt on.

  “Where’s the bathroom?”

  Second door on the left,” I said, scanning her bare legs. After the things she let me do to her last night, her face still heats with embarrassment as she walks to the bathroom.

  I tugged my jeans on a pulled a shirt over my head before walking out of the room. I knocked on the bathroom door. “Thirty minutes, Babe.”

  I opened the door, and leaned against the counter, watching her get ready. She pulled her hair back, inspecting it from each angle.

  “People are going to talk. You know?” She said, twisting her mouth to the side.

  “What about?”

  “The ‘Hayze Clark’ is bringing a girl to class…” She said, adding air quotes around my name.

  “You’ve been around Lea too much,” I said, slapping her ass as she passed by me. “Let them talk.”

  “And the girls at the bar?” She asked. I gave her shoes and her purse on the way out, rushing her.

  “It will be hard to miss you when my hands are all over you,” I said. I wrapped my hands around her waist, kissing her cheek.

  “I’m serious Hayze,” she said, pushing me away. I scowled, folding my arms across my chest. I leaned on the side of my car, propping my foot on my tire. “Are you sure you want this?”

  I chewed on my mouth, thinking. I kicked off my car, storming to the door. I slide in, and cranked it. Not even a full day later, she was already regretting what we did.

  “Why don’t you just come out and say it, Taylor. You don’t think I can be faithful?”

  “I didn’t say that!”

  I laughed once. “You didn’t have to.”

  I ran my hand through my hair, frustrated. “Why do you think I’ll cheat?”

  She looked hurt. “I didn’t say…”

  “Just stop beating around the bush,” I said, annoyed

  She gazed out the window as I drove down the road, taking her sweet time to answer me. “It’s not you that I don’t trust.”.

  “So, you don’t trust girls? Or what?”

  “I don’t know, Hayze!”

  “You were thinking about this before. You didn’t just pull this out of the air! Tell me,” I said. I was unbelievably pissed by this point. I knew deep down I shouldn’t have done that last night. I was gripping the steering wheel so hard, my knuckles were turning white.

  “This just seems too good to be true. I feel like something shitty is going to happen.”

  I relaxed a little. I knew exactly what she meant. I knew this was too good to be true. I knew there had to be an expiration date on us. She was too good for me.

  “I won’t cheat on you.”

  “But something shitty might happen?” She asked, trying to lighten the mood. I parked my car in the parking garage. I didn’t know how to answer that without lying or making her run for the hills.

  “Never say never,” I said as I climbed from the car. She jogged up behind me, caught my arm, turning me to face her.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” She asked, studying my face.

  “Taylor,” I said, bringing my hand to my forehead. “Just stop reading into everything.”

  “God, I’m an idiot!” She shoved past me, walking in the opposite direction of her class.

  “Fuck, what was I thinking?”

  “Excuse me?” She said, walking back toward me “What were you thinking? What was I thinking?! I’m the one that gave my virginity to some guy that couldn’t care less—”

  “Stop,” I said, cutting her off. I looked around, waiting for students to pass. She was getting worked up over nothing. I would never cheat on her. Something shitty will happen, but I’ll handle it. I always do. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. So whatever crazy ass scenario you’ve come up with in your head, drop it.”

  “I’m not making this up! You’re acting like an ass,” she said, shoving her finger in my face.

  “I believe you’re the one that started this…you said I would cheat,” I said, reminding her.

  She rolled her eyes, checked her watched, and stormed off. I followed her.

  “I didn’t say that, Hayze.”

  “You didn’t have to,” I said, trailing behind her.

  She stopped and faced me. “I’m sure you have some concerns, too. I can’t be the only one.”

  Hoping to lighten the mood, I smiled, stepped closer to her. “Yeah, I guess you’re right, after spending twenty-four hours with you I’m concerned about my mental health.”

  “Whatever, see ya around,” she said and stalked off.

  “C’mon babe, that was a joke,” I called after her

  “Yeah, that’s the point. Everything’s a joke with you,” she said, looking over her shoulder at me.

  “Do you even remember what we’re arguing about?”

  She finally reached her building. Sighing, she turned around. “Yeah, I do, the way you treat women. It’s repulsive. I’m starting to feel like one of them…”

  I never thought I would regret my past with chicks, but seeing the hurt on her face, I did. I wish she would’ve been my first, but I couldn’t take any of that back. I pulled her in my arms, and kissed her on her forehead.

  “You’re much more than a conquest.”

  She took a step back, gasping. “Was that your attempt at being sweet? Don’t call girls that, it’s degrading.”

  Out of frustration, I laughed. I couldn’t win for losing with this girl. “Okay, I’ll personally go to each of ‘em and ask them on a proper date. Would that make you feel better?”

  She stepped away, frowning. “Do whatever you want, Hayze.”

  I grabbed her arm. “Hey? I’m joking, okay? I wouldn’t do that, not anymore.”

  “You mean you would actually take girls you’ve already slept with on a date? Not ever,” she said.

  “You have a point,” I said, grinning. I knew she was getting pissed, but she had to she was different. She was changing me.

  “I’m late for class,” she said.

  I pulled her in my arms, hugging her again. “Pay attention. Don’t let your crazy mind get the best of you in there.”

  “Ass,” she said. She swatted at me, and I moved back last second.

  I stood around in the hallways, waiting for her class to finish. I walked in the bathroom, putting two pills under my tongue. I didn’t know what that fight meant, but I don’t think normal couples go through that. I have so many secrets she deserves to know, and she’s walking around the campus with half the students I went to school with that know my entire life story.

  Students began walking from the room. I leaned against the wall, waiting for her to come out.

  “Hayze Clark?” Some chick stands in front of me, smirking. “Haven’t seen you around lately.”

  “I’m waiting on my girlfriend,” I said, taking a few steps down. I leaned against the wall. Just as Taylor walked out, I let my notebook slide from my hands, sending papers flying. I stalked over to her, grabbed her face and kissed her.

  “Not that I’m complaining, but what was that about?” She asked, smiling.

  I turned, looking over my shoulder “I think she got the idea.”

  “You don’t have to grope me in public. You could just tell them,” she said.

  That wasn’t true, but I did
n’t want to tell her that. Girls here are relentless. If I would’ve said I had a girlfriend and invited her back to my place, she would’ve been thrilled.

  “I know, but where’s the fun in that?”

  Once we are on the sidewalk, I spot Lea’s blonde bob running toward us. She waves with both hands as she approaches.

  “There you are! I have been looking all over for you. You didn’t come back last night,” she said to Taylor.

  Shoving my shades on my face, I slung my arm over Taylor’s shoulder.

  “Oh,” Lea said, with a brow cocked.

  “Yeah, we uh, stayed at the cabin last night,” Taylor said, looking between us.

  Lea winked. “I can see that. So, are we still on for shopping?”

  “Ah, I forgot,” Taylor said, looking at me

  “Well you are not getting out of it,” Lea said, crossing her arms across her chest.

  “Maybe we already had plans,” I said.

  Lea tapped on her phone, ignoring me. “Okay, so let’s go to the hall.”

  Taylor crinkled her nose. “The what?”

  “Yeah, that’s what we call the mall here. You can literally stand on one side and see the other. Its craziness,” she said.

  I groaned, “Can we at least take my car?”

  Lea covered her smile. “You are actually comin’ with us?”

  “Sure, why not?” I rubbed the back of my head, looking at Taylor. After the blow-up, I don’t want to leave her. I want to make sure we’re okay.

  “Because you hate shopping…That’s it, I’ve seen it all.”

  Once we got in the car, I sighed. “You really wanna go to the mall?”

  “That’s the plan. By the way, Taylor, you will never guess who sent me a friend request,” Lea said. We’ve barely left the parking garage and I already regretted agreeing to this shit.

  I tuned their conversation out. I followed them around the few stores, and after seeing the clothes Lea had Taylor try on, I was happy I tagged along. Taylor said no, but if she hadn’t I wouldn’t let her get them.

  When we dropped Lea off, I talked Taylor into staying the night. She ran in the dorms, coming out with just a small bag.

  “You can stay longer,” I said as she got in.

  She tossed her bag in the back as I drove off. “I know, but I shouldn’t stay that long.”

  “Stay as long as you want,” I said as I parked in front of the complex.

  She turned in her seat, facing me. “We shouldn’t stay with each other constantly, Hayze. We’ll burn out fast.”

  “Is this about earlier?”

  She shrugged, “We’re two totally different people. Do you think we’re crazy for trying?”

  I looked out the window, thinking. It probably wasn’t the best fit, but I knew I was going to try like hell.

  “We’d be crazy not to try.”

  She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Let’s just take it slow for now.”

  I got out of the car, slamming the door behind me. We were back in the same unknown shit we were just in. I thought I was out of that. She needs to know I can’t do back and forth. I have to have certainty or I’ll fall back in all that shit again.

  20

  THE RELAPSE

  I felt around the bed, searching for her. Last night was the first night she had stayed with me since she told me we should slow down days before. It was different, like we were walking on eggshells. We didn’t want to fight and we didn’t want to force it.

  I went with it. I didn’t know what else to do, so for now, I gave her some time. It was biting me in the ass. The night she agreed to stay over, she left before I woke up.

  I propped on my elbows, and pulled the drawer open on my nightstand. I lifted the stack of unopened envelopes and grabbed my pill bottle underneath. I put two under my tongue and laid back down. Staring at the ceiling, my mind was running at light-speed. I knew I needed more today. I popped two more pills under my tongue and got out of bed.

  I found a pair of jeans on the floor and tugged them on before walking from my room. Joel was leaning on the bar, staring into space. He brought a bottle of vodka to his mouth, sipping.

  “What the hell are you doing?” I asked.

  “I’m hungover,” he said without looking at me. He twisted the lid on and put the bottle on the bar before sitting on a stool.

  “Did you see Taylor this morning?”

  Covering his mouth, he clenched his eyes shut as he chuckled. “Don’t make me laugh. It hurts.”

  “What?” I asked, not amused.

  “She woke me up when she came in the living room.”

  “What the hell were you doing in the living room?”

  He put his hands up, ready to get into a story. “Get this; apparently I passed out on the floor last night after Jenny and I came,” he paused to laugh. “She came in and saw Jenny buck-ass naked on the couch and I’m on the floor and she screamed,” he said, laughing.

  “How is that shit funny?”

  He slapped me on the shoulder. “If she’s pissed about what your friends do with their free time, you need another girl.”

  I threw my hands up. “You can’t fuck in the living room and pass out naked…Especially when my girlfriend is here.”

  “Girlfriend?” He asked, amused.

  I was over this conversation. I looked at the clock, seeing that I had missed my first two classes, I decided I wasn’t going. I walked behind the bar, into the kitchen, and grabbed the bottle he was drinking out of.

  The pills had already relaxed me, or his head would’ve already been through a wall. Still, I grabbed a glass and poured a shot into it.

  “You aren’t going to class?” He asked.

  I shook my head, tossing the shot into my throat. “Nope, you?”

  “I dropped my classes.”

  I filled another shot. “Why?”

  “Jay’s keeping me busy. I don’t think I need to finish,” he said with a sly grin.

  “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, man,” I said, taking another shot.

  By now my head was swimming. There was a large warning on my pill bottle about mixing it with alcohol, but I did it sometimes. Maybe not when I took four pills, but fuck it.

  He shrugged his shoulders “He likes me. You should get back in it.”

  I took another shot and screwed the lid back on. I was trying to forget why I was pissed, but I could still see Taylor’s face in my head. Why did she lead me on, then tell me to slow down?

  And she snuck out of the house this morning without saying anything to me. She ignored my call.

  I think I called her. Where’s my phone? I started patting down my body, looking for it. I’m about to find out what the fuck her problem is. I can’t deal with this shit.

  “Hayze, you look like shit,” Joel said.

  “You always look like shit,” I muttered, bracing my hands on the counter.

  “No, seriously,” he said, walking around the bar. His face was bunched into concern. “What the hell? Did you take something?”

  I shrugged. “Just my anxiety pills.”

  “…. You take those every day,” he said, pausing. “How many did you take?”

  I closed my eyes, thinking. “Two before I went to bed…and I think four this morning.”

  “Jesus Christ. Six pills in a few hours. And you just threw back three or four shots. What the fuck are you thinking?”

  “I’m thinking that I don’t want to think,” I said. He raised an eyebrow at my logic. I thought it sounded good. It felt good.

  “What are you doing?” He asked, looking at me weird. “Are you hiccupping? Why are you breathing like that?”

  I held a hand up. “I’m not doing anything. I’m going to lay down,” I said, trying to take a step. After swaying, I decided it was best to stay here.

  “You need to throw that shit up,” he said. “Dude, if that girl’s doing this to you, let her go.”

  “It’s not her,” I said
, annoyed.

  It kind of is, but it’s more of what I’m doing. She knows there’s something different about me, and she’s keeping her distance. It’ll work out, but my head might be fucked-up until then.

  “Alright,” he said, holding up his hands. “Let’s see if you can throw-up.”

  I took a step away from him, refusing to give in. When I let go, I fell back on the floor. Everything went black.

  ****

  When I woke up, I was in the E.R. This place was familiar to me; I’ve been in here too many damn times to count. Joel was watching me from a chair, amused.

  “Morning, princess,” he said.

  I grabbed the needle in my arm and pulled it out before standing. I grabbed the bag of the shit Joel brought in for me. I pulled my jeans on, tossed the gown off, and tugged my shirt over my head. I started toward the door. Waiting on Joel, I turned, motioning for him to follow me.

  “Ready?”

  He shook his head, laughing. “For once in your life can you do what you’re told?”

  I opened the door and he followed me down the hallway. “Don’t do drugs. Got it. I’ll save the Dr. a lecture this time,” I said, walking outside.

  I got in the passenger side of his car, waiting for him to get us the hell home. I felt like shit and I needed to get in my bed.

  “They pumped your stomach…You should probably take it easy for a couple days.”

  “How long was I out?”

  He started his car, and drove from the hospital parking lot. “Twelve hours, maybe.”

  Taylor. Fuck. I brought my hand to my forehead. “Does she know?”

  “Nope, but your phone has been going off like crazy,” he said, pointing to my hospital bag where my phone was.

  “Fuck. She’s gonna kill me.”

  He sighed as we turned into the apartment parking lot. “If she’s making you like this, you need to cut ties, man.”

  “She’s not,” I seethed.

  He held his hands up. “Hear me out. I haven’t seen you like this since everything with your dad.”