Then & Now

by Karen A. Leppert

  Seth was working under a car when someone tugged at his feet. He rolled out from under the car; Mrs. Holcomb stared down at him.

  “Do you have a minute?” she asked.

  “Sure, is there something wrong with your car?”

  “No, I’m here to see you. This is probably none of my business, but I’m worried about you.”

  “I appreciate—”

  She held up a hand to stop him. “Let me finish. I know you’ve been having a rough time of it lately. I know how much Sarah meant to you, but her being gone doesn’t mean you have to drop out of school.” She held up two envelopes. “One of these is your makeup work, and the other is the application papers for the high school equivalency test. I want you to take both of them.”

  He took the envelopes.

  “Promise that you’ll complete this makeup work and come back to school until your parents decide your future plans. I’m also offering to help you study if you decide to take the high school equivalency test.”

  “I appreciate your concern but, really, I’m fine. You know I never liked school. This isn’t about Sarah.”

  “Sarah wouldn’t want to see you like this.”

  He laughed bitterly. “I don’t know that. I’m questioning our relationship. Things weren’t right between us, obviously, or Sarah would still be with me. Yeah, well, I promise to do this makeup work, and I’ll let you know what I decide.”

  “Seth, feel free to come by my classroom anytime you want to talk. You’re a good kid, and I hate to see you hurting like this.”

  “Thanks.” He forced a smile.

  “I best be on my way. Tell your parents I said hello.”

  “I will.”

  Before Mrs. Holcomb passed through the door, Seth practically dove under the car and busied himself, tears rolling down his face onto the grease-laden floor.

  He did fulfill his promise to Mrs. Holcomb. Well, sort of. He attended school on a more regular basis, stopping by her classroom now and again to show his face. It was nice to know someone cared about him. He just wished Sarah still did.

  ONE YEAR

  SARAH

  “September 30, Newton.”

  Sarah and Newton sat in the park, enjoying a beautiful September day that didn’t match her melancholy mood. Memories of the last year replayed in her mind.

  “Happy graduation, Sarah!” her family had called when she walked by in the procession. It had been the first time they’d been together since she left. Just as expected, Kathy was a pillar of support, and Molly was the earthquake that threatened to bring it crashing to the ground.

  Kathy, who had spent the last year at college, had been spared the gossip of Sarah’s “pregnancy.” Molly, Mom, and Dad hadn’t been so lucky, and it showed. Mom looked gaunt from losing weight. She avoided working at the store, so Dad had to pick up the slack. As for Molly, her grades had suffered, so she’d almost had to attend summer school. With Mrs. Holcomb’s help, Mom and Dad met with her teachers, and they agreed she could complete work over the summer so that she could move on to her sophomore year.

  Dad had nixed Sarah’s half-hearted suggestion she return home, thinking it better for everyone if she stayed with Aunt CeCe, that the “damage had already been done,” and her coming home would only stir things up again.

  Sarah had managed to get through her senior year and had even gone to the prom with Caleb. They dated casually. Like most of her classmates, he went on to college. Not Sarah. She didn’t have the heart to ask her parents to fork out the money for college and couldn’t afford to go full-time on her own. Instead, she took a job as a teacher’s aide at the local elementary school and attended night school.

  Her life certainly hadn’t turned out as planned, and she had no one to blame but herself.

  If only I hadn’t been so impulsive and had thought things through…to have looked past the next week or month and seen I’d survive Seth’s betrayal. If only.

  Oddly enough, she didn’t regret dating Seth anymore. After all, she would never have known what it felt like to be in love…so totally and fully in love with someone, to be consumed by someone and feel so exhilarated by him.

  Yes, Seth had caused her great pain but, oh, how wonderful it had felt to be in the moment. Nothing compared to his touch.

  She rubbed Newton’s snout. “I miss so much, boy. Seeing Seth’s truck outside my house to take me to school, the times we spent at the lake, how handsome he looked at the Snowflake Ball. My bike, Joe’s office. I even miss the frustrating times we almost went too far. I wish we had.”

  SETH

  What a week!

  Seth had just returned from Los Angeles. He had traveled with Derrick, who was in his second year at UCLA.

  Seth had proudly paid for the trip on his own dime, one of the perks of having more money since he’d dropped out of school. He had kept his promise to Mrs. Holcomb and gotten his GED, and he had started working full-time at the garage.

  On Saturday, before Seth returned home, Derrick’s coach had invited the football team to his house for a cookout, and he had insisted Seth come along. That’s where Seth’s life took a turn he could never have imagined.

  Derrick motioned toward the coach’s wife. “Coach McDaniel’s wife wants to meet you.”

  “Okay,” Seth half said, half asked and walked over to meet Mrs. McDaniel, who sat with a group of women looking at him with voyeuristic eyes.

  “Seth, I’d like you to meet my wife, Nancy,” Coach McDaniel said. “Nancy, this is Derrick’s younger brother Seth.”

  Seth shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. McDaniel.”

  “Please, call me Nancy.” She turned to her friends. “What do you think, girls?”

  They took their time looking him over.

  Seth felt like a piece of meat, yet he didn’t let on. “Well, if that’s all…”

  Nancy laid her hand on his shoulder. “Oh, no you don’t. We’re not done with you yet.”

  He cocked his head and flashed them a challenging smile.

  “Nice smile too,” one of the other women commented.

  Derrick laughed.

  What the hell’s going on here?

  Nancy squeezed his shoulder. “I’m an agent. Have you ever thought about modeling or acting?”

  “No!”

  Derrick interrupted. “Everyone tells him how good looking he is.”

  “Would you consider posing for headshots?” Nancy asked and then added, “I’ll pay the expenses.”

  Derrick answered for him. “Of course he will. Seth, what have you got to lose?”

  Nancy nodded. “Look, think it over and call me on Tuesday. I’m sure you’ll have lots of questions by then.”

  “Thanks. I will.”

  The party continued into the late hours; there seemed to be no end in sight. No end to the drinking, no end to the dancing, and no end to the flirting. One woman in particular pursued him relentlessly.

  Like Derrick, Stephanie attended UCLA. She and Seth danced several times, and it became obvious she wanted to get him alone. Derrick shot him a warning glance, so Seth went to the bathroom to clear his head.

  He had just finished washing his hands when the doorknob turned.

  Stephanie came in and grabbed him from behind. “Well, well! What do we have here?” She released her hand, pulled herself up on the counter, and exposed herself to him.

  “I’m not doing anything without a condom.”

  “No problem.” Stephanie pulled a condom out of her bra.

  Seth put it on and entered her. He didn’t last long and she didn’t either.

  “That was good,” she whispered, but she didn’t seem breathless or spent.

  Seth wasn’t either. He hadn’t had time to get excited, and he wanted it that way. No strings, no commitment…no love.

  “Yeah.” He forced a smile and zipped his pants while Stephanie adjusted her dress and turned to the mirror to fix her hair.

  “Look, follow in a couple of minutes.
There’s no use letting on to my parents.”

  Parents!

  With that, she left the bathroom and Seth, with his mouth agape. He waited a couple of minutes before peering out the door. Derrick waited with a punishing glare.

  Seth held up his hands. “I didn’t know who she was. She came in on me.”

  “Damn, Seth. I don’t care if she came in on you. Did you have to cum in her? You need to find yourself a nice girl and date.”

  “I found one, and she screwed me over. I prefer it this way. I’m happy. Stephanie seemed happy.”

  “Very funny. No more funny business the rest of the night. I can’t afford to lose my scholarship because you screwed the coach’s daughter.”

  Seth did as ordered and kept a low profile the rest of the evening.

  Nancy pulled him aside when they were saying their goodbyes. “I hope to hear from you. You certainly made an impression on my daughter. She has an eye for these things, you know.”

  “I gathered as much,” Seth said with an awkward smile.

  After giving it some thought, Seth agreed to have headshots taken, whatever they were, and leave the rest up to fate.

  Once at home, he went back to work, back to the “real world.” September had come and gone. Well almost. It was September 30, a day Seth still dreaded.

  Sarah inundated his thoughts and dreams. He missed her terribly although he never admitted it to anyone. It disturbed him how he already had trouble remembering some things about her. The smell of her hair had faded. As ridiculous as it seemed, he went to the grocery store and opened bottles of shampoo, hoping to find the one she used. There were other things too. He longed to put his arms around her, though he missed her arms around him more. Bending over to kiss her, whispering over her lips…saying “I love you,” her earlobes, the nape of her neck, her shoulders…well everything. He smiled to himself. And he could never forget how she twisted her lips; that still aroused him.

  Places bothered him too, especially the lake. Seth still went there when he needed to be alone, despite having mixed emotions about it. While it looked beautiful and tranquil, the memories of the times he and Sarah had spent there tugged at his heart. The bonfire where he first saw her dance, the times they parked there, and he would never forget the last day.

  By Seth’s calculations, if Sarah was pregnant, her due date would have been sometime in March. He wondered what she had looked like, imagining her round belly. Had she had a boy or a girl?

  Now his thoughts were of Sarah and their anniversary, of sorts. The first anniversary of the day they should have made love. How different his life might be today. Instead of screwing random girls, he could be making love to Sarah, and not in a bathroom. He wouldn’t rush it either. They would take their time, and it would be like nothing he’d ever experienced. Making love, he imagined, would be better, and it would be making love with Sarah. After all, she was the only girl he had ever loved.

  TWO YEARS

  SETH

  “We have several modeling agencies interested in you, but I think we should pursue an acting career. What do you think?”

  Seth couldn’t speak. Everything had moved too fast. A few days ago, he had been working at Joe’s garage, and now he sat in Nancy McDaniel’s swanky office contemplating signing with her agency.

  “I’ve never acted.”

  “We’ll hire an acting coach.”

  He sighed. “Look, I have no idea how this works.”

  Don’t let these people intimidate you. They want you…take your time…don’t rush into anything.

  Apparently, his attitude didn’t mesh with how things worked in show business. Time was money. Nancy wanted him to sign a contract with her agency immediately.

  “This is a big step. I suppose I’ll have to move here, right?”

  “Yes.” Nancy sounded irritated. “Look, I’ll give you a couple of days to consider my offer if you promise not to go to another agency. Why don’t we meet Wednesday, two-thirty?”

  “Okay. Wednesday at two thirty.”

  Derrick met him at the front door of his apartment. “What took you so long?”

  “Nancy wants me to sign with her agency.”

  His brother slapped him on the back. “It looks like you need a lawyer.”

  “I don’t know any lawyers.”

  “I’ll see if I can come up with something. Someone around here has got to have connections.”

  The following day, Derrick handed him a business card: Jeffrey Edwards, Esq. “The acting teacher at the college recommended him. Apparently, he’s young and ‘hungry.’”

  Seth liked Jeff immediately. A graduate from UCLA, he had heard of Derrick and contributed to UCLA’s sports programs. Jeff proved to be a wealth of information. Even before they talked money, he helped Seth understand the ins and outs of show business.

  After consulting with his parents, Seth signed with Nancy’s agency. His life had taken a new direction. To say it overwhelmed him would be an understatement.

  Immediately after arriving home, he started arranging for the move to LA. Mom and Dad threw him a farewell party, giving Seth a chance to say goodbye to his friends and family.

  Another goodbye came when Seth and Mom went shopping at the mall. Kathy waved. Molly turned and smiled. Seth took that as a good sign and joined them.

  “Pat told us the good news.” Kathy hugged him. “Just think, we can say we knew you before you were famous.”

  “Let’s not jump the gun. I’m not expecting much to happen, if anything at all.”

  “Even so, you’ll be getting out of this town,” Molly muttered.

  “Yeah, I hope I like LA.”

  “When do you leave?” Kathy asked.

  “In a couple of weeks. My mother’s taking this a little hard, so I’m trying to spend as much time with her as possible.”

  “She can always visit,” Kathy prompted.

  “Yeah, I’m telling everyone to come out as soon as possible. I’m sure I’ll be homesick.”

  “I wouldn’t be,” Molly said.

  Seth didn’t know how to respond to her anger, so he chose to ignore it.

  Molly scoffed at his silent dismissal. “I’m going to get a smoothie.”

  “Okay.” Kathy looked after her sister with empathetic eyes. “Molly’s had a hard time since Sarah left.”

  “It certainly looks that way.”

  “I want to let you know everyone’s happy for you,” Kathy said.

  Everyone? “Does Sarah know about me?”

  “Yes, and she wishes you success. Really.”

  “How is she, Kathy?”

  “It’s hard to tell. She’s quiet…guarded. She’s been through a lot.” Kathy looked at him intently. “We’ve been through a lot.”

  “Do you think Sarah will ever come back, especially now that I’m leaving?”

  “No,” Kathy stated firmly.

  “Does she ever ask about me?” His face burned with embarrassment, but his pride was secondary to his desire for answers.

  “Yes, once. She wanted to know how you were doing.” Kathy paused.

  “What did you tell her?”

  “I told her you’d gone back to your old ways.”

  He shook his head and sighed.

  “I’m sorry but it’s the truth, isn’t it?”

  He nodded.

  Sarah knows I’m sleeping around and partying.

  He had one final question. Well, he had a ton more questions but wasn’t brave enough to ask about the baby. He didn’t want to put Kathy on the spot. Pat had told him the Matthews family never discussed Sarah’s pregnancy after their initial denial. It didn’t matter what they said anyway. Most of the town had made up their minds, and there was no changing it.

  “Is Sarah seeing anyone?”

  “She’s dating someone casually, but he’s away at college.”

  The thought of Sarah with someone proved unbearable. Had she slept with him? Was he the father of her baby? So many more questions, but th
e answers might be too hard to accept. He decided to quit before he got hurt even more.

  “What did you expect, Seth?” she asked. “You’ve both gotten on with your lives, and look how great yours is…especially now.”

  “You’re right. It’s just I hadn’t heard anything, and this is a lot to take in. I hate to admit it, but it still bothers me.”

  “Moving to LA will cure that. You won’t even have time to think of Sarah.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “Would you like to give Sarah a message?”

  After a minute, he answered, “No, you’re right. It’s time we moved on. I do wish her well, though.” He looked at the ground again and shrugged hopelessly. “I really did love that girl.” He had to say it one last time.

  “She loved you too.”

  Mom rescued him. “Kathy, how were your holidays?”

  “Great, and yours?” Kathy smiled and they continued talking, allowing Seth to regain his composure. When they parted, Seth grieved at having been the closest he would ever be to Sarah for the last time. Her family. The only people she talked to.

  SARAH

  The news of Seth’s being “discovered” had sent Sarah into a tailspin. Anyone who knew them would have pegged Sarah as the success story, not Seth. She was the good student, participated in school activities, and walked the straight and narrow. Seth cut classes, got into trouble and, while he worked hard, didn’t have a plan for his future. A fly-by-the-seat guy who flew to LA and found fame and fortune, all while she had to endure seeing it play out in magazines and the tabloids.

  And here she was, living away from home, attending night school…floundering. Not fair!

  On a positive note, she had received a letter from Pat during the Christmas holidays, and they had been corresponding ever since. Sarah treasured having contact with someone other than her parents and sisters, and Pat seemed to have forgiven her and moved on.

  THREE YEARS

  SETH

  LA didn’t look any different in autumn than in summer. Seth missed leaves crunching under his feet. Eight months had passed since he had moved. Some small acting and modeling jobs had come his way, but he still hadn’t gotten his “big break.”