Poison in Pumps

by Karen Anne

  So he wasn’t here of his own accord. Brit must have told him about my breakdown and guilted him into returning.

  “Brit shouldn’t have written to you. She should have stayed out of our affairs.”

  “Brit didn’t write a word. She only mailed yours.”

  “My words?”

  David reached out and offered me the wrinkled letter, and as my gaze fell over the ink. I did indeed recognize my own handwriting. It was my pain, my loss, all bleeding on the page. It was the assignment Dr. Rivers had given me. The one I crumpled and threw away.

  “Is this all true?” David asked, stepping closer. There was hope in his eyes. His hope gave me hope. Could we go back? I wasn’t sure.

  “Yes. Every word… But, things happened while you were away.”

  “I know.” He straightened his shoulders, determined to look at me.

  “You do?” My heart felt like it had stopped beating. David knew, and yet he was still here looking me in the eye.

  “I do. Harry told me. Right around the time I received the letter. My parents told me he was back in rehab, so I called him.”

  “I’m so sorry.” My voice cracked. It took everything I had to hold myself together and not completely shatter in front of him. But it was David’s next question that caught me off guard.

  “Do you love him?” He spoke softly, perhaps he was afraid of my answer.

  “What?” I asked in disbelief.

  “Do you love him?”

  “He took care of me when I was lost and vulnerable, but there was a shift in our relationship. We both made choices, and there are things I can never undo. But, no, I don’t love him. There has only been one person in my life who I have ever been in love with.”

  David nodded, there was this heartbrokenness between us, like we wanted to fix everything, but we didn’t know how. He drew up his gaze and looked like he had to know more. “Did you sleep with him?”

  “No.”

  “Really? You’re telling the truth?” My gaze met David’s, and he looked like he was doing everything in his power to hold himself together. “Tell me the truth, please, Kristen, I’m begging you. Even if it hurts to hear.”

  “I swear.”

  He forced a smile and wiped his forehead. “Because if you did, I think I may have lost my bloody mind.”

  “You wanted honesty.” I took a breath before I admitted my guilt. “We kissed, more than once. But that’s all.”

  David drew in a breath and nodded. “I guess I can live with that. We were broken up after all.” He chewed on his bottom lip and took a breath. “You were right, of course, about Danny.”

  It felt like some invisible force was squeezing my chest. “She made it very clear that she wanted to be with me. I was too blinded by the image of what the label was creating, I couldn’t see her advances for what they were.” The corners of his mouth twitched as though he were deciding whether or not to offer me a smile. “When my song came out, the two of us went out to celebrate…”

  “I don’t have to hear,” I said, trying desperately to shield myself from any more pain. The magazine image of them was enough to last a lifetime.

  But David ignored my request. “After a few drinks, she kissed me. I was still missing you and hurt. In that moment, I may have welcomed it.”

  I dropped my gaze to the floor, wondering how I was still standing. I nodded, unable to speak, his words pulling at the sutures that had been holding my heart intact up until now. I had no right to judge, but that didn’t make his words hurt any less.

  “But it felt wrong. I knew right away I had no intention of taking things any further with her, so I left. I stayed in a hotel after that. It’s what I should have done from the beginning. I’ll never be able to apologize enough for not listening to you. I should have trusted your intuition. I would have come sooner, but your letter was sitting in my old flat. Without it, I didn’t know where we stood. I was too scared to find out.”

  I forced myself to meet his gaze. If he could forgive me with Harry, I could forgive him with Danny. “We were living in different worlds. Hard to come back to earth when you’re dancing among the stars, right?”

  David nodded, and looked around the room, noticing for the first time just how bare it actually was. “You’re moving out?”

  “I graduate this weekend. I’ll be going to Boston for a few weeks to spend time with my family, then onto New York.”

  “New York?”

  “Yes.” I realized I would be sharing my incredible news with him for the first time. I had assumed Brit had told him, but she hadn’t, and I was so glad. “I got accepted into Juilliard. I begin my Master’s in the fall.”

  “Oh, kitten! That’s great!” David abandoned all formality and pulled me against him so he could hug me. How long had I craved his touch? How many nights had I wondered if I would ever be in his arms again? I was trembling. David only held me tighter. “I’m so unbelievably proud of you.”

  I placed a hand against his chest and breathed him in, hoping he would never let me go.

  “Is there a chance for us?” David whispered.

  A chance? Was this real? After all we had been though? After all I had done. “Can you forgive me?”

  “Can you forgive me? I was so blinded by the lights I lost you in the crowd.” David kissed the top of my head, inhaling the scent of my hair. My eyes closed in response.

  “I was jealous and insecure, and I made these horrible decisions…”

  David lifted my chin so I would meet his gaze, my eyes lost in his hazel gems. “How about we stop looking back and start moving forward?”

  “I’d like that.” He let me go, and I wiped away my tears. “So, Mr. Rockstar,” I said sitting on the bed beside Beast and patting the opposite space next to me. “Tell me all about London.”

  We spent the night in my room. No one objected to David sleeping over. Who would? We talked for hours, and I cried a lot. He held me, squeezed me, but didn't kiss me. I wondered if he ever would again. Perhaps what had happened between me and Harry had tainted us forever. We could never return to that moment in time where we weren’t both hurt. I wanted to be sure he had forgiven me about what had happened with Harry, although he already told me there was nothing to forgive. We healed ourselves the best way we could. Although, David seemed to have grasped the putting himself back together thing. He submerged himself in music and wrote an incredible song. I, on the other hand, took a wrong turn and almost got so lost I never thought I’d find my way back.

  I kept waking up and checking to see if he was still next to me. I was so scared of him disappearing. I kissed his arm and nuzzled closer to him. “I love you,” I whispered, assuming he was asleep.

  “I love you, too, kitten.”

  THIRTY-NINE

  I wanted to take the day off, but David convinced me he wasn’t going anywhere, and I should make some money before my big move to the city. With graduation just days away, I only had a few shifts left, and every dollar counted. He promised he’d swing by the Draught, and although he didn’t tell me how he had planned to spend his day, I assumed it was visiting Harry.

  We still hadn’t kissed, and something about that was vexing. I had this image of him sweeping me into his arms like in the movies. But aside from a few hugs and the gentle brush of his lips against my forehand, there had been no grand romantic gestures. Maybe he wanted to take things slow. The thing was, as desperately as I wanted to fling my body against his, I wanted him to be the one to initiate the kiss. Stupid, I know. But after all we’d been through, it was what I needed. I wanted to ask Brit her opinion, but she was in band mode, and I was resigned to the fact that I’d have to figure this one out on my own.

  Every time the door to the Draught opened, my head spun around like an owl, checking to see if it was David.

  “Kris, if you didn’t just go through five months of hell, I’d be teasing you like crazy,” Erik said as he dropped a stack of menus by the register and walked over to me. He had the
slightest bounce to his step, and I felt the corners of my mouth lift as he approached. Erik bounced, and it was undeniably cute— but David had swagger. And that was undeniably sexy.

  “This coming from you? What has it been? Five whole minutes since you last drooled over Brit?”

  “Ten, the band is on a break.” He stuck his tongue out at me, and I snapped the towel I was using to wipe down the table against his arm.

  I ran to the bathroom when Brit started singing again. It was always easier to duck away after the band had come back. People were anxious to hear what they would play next and ignored their need for chocolate and whipped cream. I washed my hands and looked in the mirror, making sure I looked okay. I had a few fly away hairs that I smoothed back then quickly reapplied the lip gloss I had in my apron pocket. Rubbing my lips together, my thoughts trailed off. So much had happened, so much chaos. I thought everything was over, and yet there was this little bubble inside me that felt as though my life was truly only beginning.

  Drying my hands on a paper towel, I tossed it in the trash and walked back into the main room of the shop, instantly spotting David. He was leaning against the counter, chatting up Erik. I practically ran toward him, but a woman called me over. Instinctively, I gave her a dirty look and saw her brows furrow in confusion. Ugh. I so wasn’t meant for customer service. I beamed a smile and pulled out the pen I had tucked in my pony tail.

  The woman changed her order half a dozen times before she finally settled on chai tea and apple pie. When I put in the order, I looked up to see David staring at me. His lips curled into a smile when our eyes met, and once again I had an incredible urge to slam my body against his and fade from view. But my boss called me over.

  “Kristen, did you order the sugar like I asked you to?”

  My eyes darted from David to Frank. “Yeah, I ordered it last week.”

  “Last week? What delivery service did you use?”

  “Uh… postal?”

  “Always use UPS, postal is too slow. We’re nearly out.”

  “I’m sorry, Frank.” I really wasn’t in the mood for this. This job had been a blessing, but at the moment, this coffee shop could suck it.

  “It’s fine, but now you know for next time.” Next time? I was leaving in a few days. He walked away, and I spun around, but David was gone. Crap. Now where had he disappeared to? It was like we were playing hide and seek.

  “Thank you,” Brit’s sugary voice said into the mic as she got ready for her next song. “So, as you all know, this band was the dream of a guy who snuck away a few months ago to become this famous rock star. You might have heard of him… David Archer… Ring any bells?”

  There were hoots and hollers across the room, and I saw something I’d never seen before. People—kids that I went to school with— started pulling out their phones and holding it up in the air. I peeked around the pole and saw David standing next to the stage, smiling—huge. He had on a charcoal button down, untucked with the sleeves rolled up, his tattoos begging me to trace them with the pads of my fingers the way I had a hundred times before. He was wearing dark jeans instead of his faded ripped ones. These new ones admittedly hung perfectly off his hips. His cropped beard was sexier than I could have imagined, and his dark brown hair was flopped over his brow. My god, I had never seen anything so beautiful in all my life.

  “So, I think if we ask nicely, we could get him back on this stage for old times’ sake. What do you guys think?”

  More screams. My gaze swam around the room, taking in the girls that looked at David like a sexy hero in a romance movie. My boyfriend was a heartthrob, and I was surprisingly okay with it. “Let’s hear it, then… David… David…” Brit began chanting into the mic. David smiled, head down, then raised his gaze to meet mine from across the room. My heart skipped a beat as he acknowledged me before taking the stage. I nodded, wanting to hear him sing. It had been too long. He nodded to Brit, the crowd screaming as he jogged up onto the stage.

  Brit had removed her guitar and handed it to him. He took it and slipped the strap gently over his neck and securely onto his back. Erik brought him a stool, and he took center stage while the rest of the band walked off to give him his moment.

  “Hello, Draughties…” David said into the mic, and the room laughed. He used to always call the customers Draughties. I had forgotten about that. Leaning against the pole, I prayed a customer, or my boss, wouldn’t ruin this perfect moment for me. Thankfully, no one did. The room quieted, and David began plucking away on the guitar, tweaking it here and there until it sounded the way he liked it. I’m sure Brit wanted to kill him.

  “So, as most of you have heard, I was abroad for a bit. I went back home and recorded my first album.” Another roar from the crowd. I noticed they weren’t just taking his picture, they were recording him. Was this going to go viral?

  “While I was away, I ended up rewriting the song that landed me in London in the first place. I hope you like it. Uh… yeah.” He smiled and shook his head, the faintest blush on his face. “This is called Tattooed Kisses.”

  I had heard the song over a hundred times by now. I listened to it on constant repeat, but there was something about it being sung live— and knowing the song was about me and my relationship with the singer— well, the feeling that fluttered about in my belly and sent tingles across my skin was pretty much indescribable.

  As David started singing, I molded my body against the pole, needing it for support. I knew every word by heart and still hearing the verses, the power of the message somehow managed to surprise me.

  David closed his eyes as he sang, and his fingers danced around the strings, creating the most beautiful melody. This was a new look for him, I realized that now. It wasn’t just the hair; he had transitioned from a punk rocker to a more acoustic singer-songwriter. David had grown up. And if it were at all possible, I fell in love with him a little bit harder in that moment. I felt an arm slip through mine and looked away from David for a moment. Brit had snuck up beside me.

  “He’s back,” she said with a smile.

  “He’s back,” I confirmed.

  “And you guys?”

  I took a breath and smiled. “We’re shooting for happily ever after.”

  Brit placed her head on my shoulder and sighed. “I told you it wasn’t over.”

  There was a hush across the room as David sang the last verse,

  Your kiss is tattooed on my heart— on my mind

  I see you in my dreams when I close my eyes.

  No matter the distance, no matter the miles…

  Our souls are forever tied

  As he sang his final line, I felt my skin pucker into goose bumps. Loving him was scary. I saw how far I had fallen without him, and I never wanted to be that girl again. I knew we couldn’t go back to the way we were before London, it would be different because we were different, but as he said in his song: Our souls are forever tied.

  “I have to get back up there,” Brit said and gave my arm a squeeze before flitting over to the stage. There was an uproar of applause, and the crowd started begging David to sing more. He was smiling but looked conflicted. His gaze found me in the crowd, and I nodded. I had to work anyway. There would be time for us later, and I had to get used to sharing him with them.

  David and Brit sang together the rest of the night. It was like old times, before he left for London. Erik had his guitar in his trunk, so he gave his to David, and Brit went back to playing her Gibson.

  As the orders wound down, and I started closing tabs at the register, Erik came over and rested his elbows against the counter. “I guess we have to get used to this, huh?”

  “Used to what?”

  He pointed at David and Brit, who were back to back. David was singing, and Brit was wailing into her electric. “Sharing them.”

  “Yeah, but they always come back.”

  “And that’s what matters.” He winked and grabbed a rag to wipe down tables.

  I took a breath and looke
d at them again. I knew Brit had always wanted to create her own comic book after college and was hoping to intern at Marvel, but seeing her up there, I had a feeling she might just follow in David’s footsteps.

  And if she did, I knew I’d be there for Erik. It’s not easy loving a star.

  FORTY

  The last guest had finally left, but David still hadn’t come over to me. He was trapped now with his old drummer, Mark. David kept looking at me, his eyes saying a thousand words across the room. I just smiled. I had waited five months. I could wait a few more minutes.

  It was quiet in the Draught, that part of the work night I enjoyed. Closing procedures had its own rhythm, and it was a dance Erik and I had mastered. I was tired from all the customers but had a reason to work quickly, cleaning and setting up for tomorrow. Most of the lights were out so there was just the glow of the remaining overhead and a few strands of red Christmas lights that hung around the windows. I was facing the counter, counting my tips, when someone stepped behind me, placing two warm hands on either side of my waist. I momentarily closed my eyes and leaned back into David’s familiar touch.

  “Looks like someone made some good money tonight,” he said casually, his breath tickling my ear. He was killing me. If he was trying to seduce me, it was working.

  “Yes, you need to sing here more often. The crowd paid more attention to you than their wallets.”

  “I think it was the sexy waitress in the black mini skirt, not the old man on stage.”

  I shook my head and tugged on the hem of my skirt. David leaned over my shoulder, kissed my cheek, and then swept his lips over to my ear. “Will you come home with me tonight, love?”

  I reached up, wrapping my hand around his neck.