The Loveless Princess

by Lilian Bodley

  There was a faint knock on the door, and Prince Everett's voice floated through. "Anette? We've reached Estar."

  She hadn't realized she had been pacing for so long. She wiped her face, checking the mirror in front of her. Her eyes weren't red, but her cheeks were flushed. She rubbed her face and turned to the door just as it opened, Prince Everett standing behind it and looking at her with concern.

  "Are you all right?"

  She felt like snapping at him but thought the better of it and nodded. He smiled, moving so she could leave the room.

  "The ship is entering the harbor now," he said. "The whole kingdom is waiting for us."

  She looked out the window. It faced the ocean behind them, and bits of paper and flower petals were visible as they fluttered down.

  "There is a banquet tonight," he continued, "in honor of our marriage." There was the slightest of pauses between 'our' and 'marriage'.

  She nodded again, still looking out the window. Then she turned and left with Prince Everett

  As they reached the main deck, bright sunshine hit her face and bits of paper and flower petals filled the air all around her. She shaded her face with her hand, looking at the palace and the docks. There were hundreds of people, all cheering and yelling. The palace was flying both the green flag of Thalor and the pale red flag of Estar, trumpets sounding as the ship came to a stop and Prince Everett led her to the front of the ship. He waved, smiling broadly, his eyes scanning the crowd.

  She waved as well, much more hesitantly. The hollow feeling of homesickness was creeping up on her, and no matter how hard she swallowed, she couldn't get rid of the awful taste in her mouth. But she put on a smile and waved, wondering if maybe the people in Estar would be more understanding that she didn't want to be married and would never love Prince Everett.

  *~*~*

  Prince Everett explained as they left the ship that she would meet his parents at the banquet, but they had a bit of time before then. "Would you like to go riding?" he asked as they entered the palace, the great wooden doors shutting behind them and blocking out the sounds of the crowd. "You don't have to if you would prefer not, but you said you enjoyed it."

  "I'd love to," she replied, the thought lifting her spirits a little. She loved the feeling of movement, of the horse underneath her. He smiled, relief easily apparent in his features, and led her through the palace, his face with a soft smile on it and his hand on his breast pocket. She wondered why he was smiling so sincerely now, after days of the same faint and forced one.

  "You can choose any one you like," Prince Everett told her as they entered the stables. He hadn't the need to change, but now Anette wore one of her riding habits the servants had retrieved from her luggage. She stood still, waiting for him to tell her anything else about the horses, but got nothing more. He was looking around expectantly.

  She decided to leave him, and picked her skirts off the floor as she walked slowly down the stalls. Horses of all colors were there, brushed to gleaming. She felt a pang of nostalgia for the horses she had left in Thalor. There was a fawn colored mare there she had especially loved.

  She heard voices behind her: Prince Everett and another man talking quietly. She didn't turn around to look, instead stopping in front of a robin grey colored horse and petting its nose softly. It nickered and pushed against her, its nose velvety soft.

  "Her name's Aurora," someone said from behind her. "She's the daughter of the horse the king used to rescue the queen."

  Anette turned, and the speaker grinned. He was young, and wore the pale red uniform of Estar, and his collar and black hair were rumpled. He looked familiar, but Anette couldn't place him.

  "My lady." He bowed respectfully. "You must be Her Highness. Would you like assistance choosing a horse?"

  "I'm fine, thank you," she replied.

  Prince Everett came up behind him, clapping the boy's shoulder. "This is Falman. One of the stable hands here. He's very good with the horses. I hope you don't mind if he comes riding with us. There's a younger stallion needing to be trained." His eyes flicked occasionally to Falman as he spoke.

  Anette figured she should probably be upset, but really it was a relief to know they would not be alone together. If Prince Everett was going to ride a younger horse needing training, and Falman was coming along, it meant she could ride ahead by herself. "I don't mind at all," she said graciously.

  "Thank you." Prince Everett smiled. "Will you be riding Aurora?" Anette nodded and Prince Everett turned to Falman. "Then Falman, assist Princess Anette with Aurora while I harness the stallion."

  "Yes, sir." Falman bowed, and Prince Everett smiled at both of them before leaving. Falman reached out, petting Aurora behind her ears and taking hold of her harness. "I'll get a saddle on for you, princess."

  "Thank you," Anette said, just wanting to get onto a horse and away from the palace for a while. He pulled a saddle off the wall, and Anette moved aside so that Falman could enter the stall. He saddled Aurora quickly and helped Anette onto her strong back. Anette rode her out into the bright afternoon sunlight where Prince Everett waited. He held the reins of two horses, a white and a brown, and handed the reins of the brown over to Falman.

  "There's a trail along the cliffs that's lovely to ride," Prince Everett said as he climbed onto the white. "I hope you don't mind heights."

  "Not at all," Anette replied, guiding Aurora forwards. Breathing in the fresh air deeply, she followed Prince Everett and Falman away from the stables, crossing the courtyard and passing under a stand of trees. The cobblestones beneath them turned to hard packed dirt, and she could hear the distant crashing of waves on the rocks. If she weren't with her husband, this would have been a wonderful ride.

  "Ride ahead if you wish, Highness," Prince Everett said with a smile, moving aside so she could pass him. "If you continue down the trail, it will loop back around to the palace. Falman and I will only be a short way behind you. Just shout if you need anything. Don't worry though. It's impossible to get lost, and there's no one around to bother you."

  She guided Aurora around, and the grey mare trotted ahead of Falman and Prince Everett. She didn't look back, urging Aurora faster so that she could distance herself further. He seemed kind, but she still wanted nothing to do with him. The thought of having to spend the rest of her life with him made the sick feeling in her chest well up and threaten to spill over. She still couldn't understand how being married was supposed to magically make everything better.

  Maybe it takes a while, part of her reassured. Maybe you'll fall in love with him after a while.

  Anette shook her head slowly to herself. That wouldn't happen. She had never felt anything romantic towards boys or girls, so why would it happen now?

  She wasn't denying anything. It was just that nothing was there.

  Aurora snorted, tossing her head. Anette tightened her grip on the reins, looking up. Her mouth fell open slightly as she saw the view before her. The sky in front of her was a soft orange, the sea glowing the same color. A seagull, no more than a black shape flying above the water, dipped and flew through the air like an acrobat. She squinted into the sky, watching the sun as it slipped down into the water. She watched the water, feeling very peaceful as the last rays of the sun warmed her skin— and then a trumpet sounded from the palace.

  Anette closed her eyes slowly, tightening her grip on the reins. The light behind her closed eye from the setting sun slowly dimmed, turning from orange to blue as the sun slipped behind the horizon. When she opened her eyes again, the sky was a dark purple blue, with bright stars appearing above her.

  She should return. She didn't want to. She wanted to find a way to ride Aurora away from the palace, to leave and never ever come back. But doing so would only make the people of Estar panic, and she would find herself in massive amounts of trouble with both Estar and Thalor. She looked at the band around her ring finger, then out at the open sea. She wanted to throw the ring. Just take it off and toss it off the cliff where it w
ouldn't be found again.

  Aurora snorted, pawing at the ground with her hoof. Anette blinked, clearing her mind of the thoughts. If she did anything to the ring, she would be in almost as much trouble as if she simply ran off. She exhaled, looking back at the ocean before turning Aurora away and continuing down the trail. She rode for a short while longer, under the trees where it was blissfully quiet, and then the trees stopped and there was the stable yard again, with Prince Everett and Falman standing in the middle of it, talking quietly.

  Falman noticed her first, his tanned face breaking into a smile as she rode in. "Your Highness," he greeted, bowing. He caught Aurora's reins, and Prince Everett extended his hand to her to help her off Aurora.

  "Did you enjoy your ride?" Prince Everett asked as she climbed down, reluctantly taking his hand for support as she slid off Aurora's back.

  "How did you get back before me?"

  Prince Everett pointed back to the stables, where the brown horse Falman had ridden was tied, his ears laid back.

  "Galant tumbled and we had to bring him back," Falman explained as he led Aurora into the stables.

  She frowned, looking at the horse. Its front leg was bandaged and covered in dirt.

  "Did you enjoy your ride?" Prince Everett asked again, smiling, and she looked away from the horse, nodding.

  "It was very lovely," she said.

  "I'm glad. It's a wonderful view of the sunset from the cliffs up there."

  Another blast of trumpets sounded, and Prince Everett looked up at the sky, stars sparkling and torches lit on the palace parapets. He took her hand gently, his eyes flicking back for a moment to the stables. "We should return to the palace. My mother and father are excited to meet you. They've been preparing tonight for months."

  *~*~*

  The Estar palace was enormous. Prince Everett had led her to her new chambers, where the closets were full of clean clothes and there was plenty of water to wash with. He left her there, promising he would be next door.

  She was glad to change into a fresh gown, but she couldn't stop the twisting ball of anxiety growing quickly in her chest. She was going to meet the King and Queen of Estar, who expected her to be happy to be married to Prince Everett, to be a part of the Estar royal family.

  Once she had freshened up, with her wedding ring on her finger and her silver crown firmly pinned in her hair, she stood in the hallway, waiting for Prince Everett, twisting the band round and round nervously. It was so uncomfortable. She had never liked wearing rings, and this one was even more restricting. It felt heavier and tighter on her finger than it should have.

  "Highness," Prince Everett greeted from behind her, his voice soft. She turned, smoothing the front of her gown and separating her hands so she wouldn't keep twisting the ring.

  "Highness," she responded, giving a curtsey as he bowed. He wore the pale red uniform of Estar's army, and had a ceremonial sword at his side, his hair parted carefully and the official crown of a prince resting on his head.

  "You look lovely," he said after a long pause, the first compliment he had given her since they met. She thanked him politely, wondering if she should blush and lower her eyes. That was what her mother did when her father complimented her. She decided not to do or say anything more, and Prince Everett offered her his arm. She took it, and they walked silently down the halls and stairs of the palace.

  As she and Prince Everett entered the ballroom, she couldn't help but gape at the size of the room. The ballroom in Thalor held barely half as many people. The ceiling was so high it almost couldn't be seen in the darkness, the light from the candles not bright enough to reach. There must have been hundreds of people, all laughing and talking and dancing. As they entered, the people all quieted, and a herald blasted a note on his trumpet.

  "Prince Everett of Estar and his new wife, Princess Anette of Thalor!"

  The introduction was met with polite applause by everyone in the room, and Anette wanted to turn and run and hide. There was royalty and leaders from a dozen other countries, all staring at her and Prince Everett. She smiled politely as she had been taught, but she felt like it was obviously strained.

  An older woman approached her, kissing Prince Everett on the cheek and clasping Anette's hands in hers. This was Everett's mother, so Anette tried as hard as she could to make her smile seem genuine.

  "Hello, darling," Queen Briar Rose greeted, her dark eyes sparkling. "It's wonderful to meet you."

  "And you, Your Majesty."

  Still holding Annette's hands, the queen said to Everett, "Your father wants to see you, dear. Anette and I have a long overdue conversation."

  Panic flared inside her as Prince Everett bowed and left and she was alone with her mother-in-law. She twisted her ring nervously, keeping her hands behind her back so the queen couldn't see her fiddling with it.

  The queen took Anette's arm, smiling broadly. "Walk with me, my dear. I've been wanting to speak with you since the engagement was planned."

  Anette nodded silently and let Queen Briar Rose lead her into the ballroom. She felt dozens of eyes on her, watching her as she and the queen walked. The past few days she had wanted nothing more than to run and hide, and right now, the feeling was stronger than it had ever been. She greatly disliked being stared at, being watched with wide eyes. But then Queen Briar Rose was talking, and Anette had to focus on her words.

  "You're such a lovely girl," Queen Briar Rose was saying. "I'm sure you and my son will be very happy together."

  "Of course, your Majesty," Anette murmured, wondering why everyone she talked to thought that marriage meant happiness, that marriage and love were the only two things she would ever need.

  "I can't wait to see what my grandchildren will look like," Queen Briar Rose continued. "You have such lovely red hair, and I adore children with blue eyes like yours."

  Anette felt queasy. Grandchildren. She hadn't wanted to ever think about children. But of course she and Prince Everett would be expected to produce heirs. She tasted something sour in the back of her throat and swallowed to keep it down. It was bad enough that she was married to a man she didn't love. She certainly didn't want to have children with him. She didn't want to have children with anyone. She was repulsed by the idea—always had been.

  "Anette, my dear, are you quite alright?" Queen Briar Rose looked at her strangely. "Your face is pale."

  Anette shook herself, pinching the back of her hand. "I'm fine."

  Queen Briar Rose continued to chat about Anette and Prince Everett; Estar and Thalor; grandchildren and love; and a whole host of topics Anette wanted nothing to do with. They made their rounds around the ballroom, stopping and greeting officials and royalty. At one point, the Sultan of a desert kingdom far to the East asked if he could speak with Prince Everett, and the queen frowned, looking around the room.

  "That's strange," she murmured, craning her neck to see over the crowd. "He was just here. I could have sworn…"

  "Your Majesty, I could go search for him," Anette offered, taking advantage of the moment to leave and not return until the ball was over. "I mean, since he is my husband now. I should be the one to find him."

  The queen blinked slowly, but she nodded, letting go of Anette's arm. "Make sure you hurry back, dear. The fireworks are going to be set off soon."

  Anette curtsied to them, then picked up her skirts and hurried through the crowd. She was stopped by a few people hoping to draw her into a conversation but excused herself quickly, weaving around people and heading quickly for the exit. Once she was out and away from the crowd, she leaned against the wall and breathed out a sigh. She could feel her heart racing, and her throat was tight. Her saliva was nasty and sour again. If she were to hear one more comment about her and Prince Everett living happily ever after, she would be sick. She didn't understand how people could be so oblivious to her feelings.

  After a few moments of resting and regaining her composure, she straightened, fixed her crown, and marched off.

 
She certainly was not going to find Prince Everett. She was going to take the moment of precious calm to regain some of her sanity. She'd go to the stables and see Aurora. No one would look for her there, and she wanted to be in a place where she could talk and have someone listen without judgment. Aurora would be perfect.

  "Good evening, your Highness. Off to find your prince?" a woman asked from next to her. Anette jumped, her skin crawling as the breathy voice came from right next to her ear. She turned and a very pretty woman smiled at her.

  "I'm ever so sorry if I scared you, Princess" the woman apologized. "I was merely hoping to speak with you."

  "Yes?" Anette prompted her, wondering when to make an excuse and leave. She didn't recognize the woman as a high-ranking person from one of the countries gathered at the ball. Perhaps she was the wife of a lower ranking lord or a mistress.

  The woman smiled again, showing perfect white teeth. "May I offer you some advice, Highness?"

  Annette frowned. "Advice?"

  "Yes, Highness. I give very good advice. I guarantee that it will be useful to you."

  Anette looked at the woman carefully. She didn't look old—her skin was smooth and white and she had the most luxurious long black hair, but something about her seemed ancient. Perhaps it was her eyes.

  She didn't say anything, and the woman continued, "Do be careful, my dear princess, about what you say aloud."

  Was she talking about how Anette didn't love Prince Everett? Was she not supposed to tell anyone about her lack of affection?

  "I'm not sure what you mean," Anette replied, picking up her skirts and preparing her excuse to leave.

  "Just do be careful, my dear. You never know what will happen." Her eyes glinted, and she suddenly changed the subject. "Are you off to the stables?"

  Anette clenched the fabric of her skirt tightly. "How did you know?"

  "Just a lucky guess, I suppose. Although, for your own sake, I wouldn't recommend it. You will gain some lovely insight on your predicament, however."

  "What?"

  "It is your own choice. I'll be sure not to tell anyone asking for you where you are if you do choose to go to the stables. Just do be careful of what you say aloud."