by Joanne Rock
She fumbled with the safety belt on the high chair, her fingers not quite working. Or maybe it was because her vision was slightly blurred from tears she wouldn’t let James see.
“Lydia, please.” James pushed back his chair and came to help her. “I can put him down for his nap.”
Ideally, she would have been able to be a professional. To still do the job she shouldn’t have taken in the first place.
But right now, she couldn’t even manage that.
“Thank you,” she managed, before she retreated with as much dignity as possible.
She needed the quiet of her room for a few hours. To regroup. To figure out a way out of this impossible situation that wouldn’t leave Teddy without a caregiver.
But one thing was certain. Now that she understood how wrong she’d been about James and the feelings she thought they shared, she couldn’t possibly remain under the same roof even one more night.
Twelve
Three days before the new year, James sat in his office at the Texas Cattleman’s Club and wondered if he should call Lydia. The days after their conversation had been painful, and he felt like they still didn’t have any resolution yet on where things were headed between them.
Was she really ready to call it quits between them without delving deeper into what was upsetting for her? He understood why she was upset about the plans he’d made for Teddy without telling her. Because he had a different sort of life mapped out from the one she had planned for herself. Did that mean they couldn’t compromise?
He feared the answer was yes. But that didn’t mean they couldn’t talk about it to be sure.
James hadn’t wanted Lydia to leave when Teddy was clearly so attached to her, so he’d offered to work out of his office at the Texas Cattleman’s Club for a few days. He had plenty to do with preparations for the New Year’s Eve Ball, and the rest of the staff came in so sporadically between the holidays that no one noticed he was sleeping on his office couch.
Or, more accurately, trying to sleep on the office couch. Night after night, he couldn’t stop dreaming about Lydia, and then he’d wake up feeling empty and alone, remembering the hurt in her eyes when he’d told her about the Masons.
Now, with the day of the ball closing in, he wondered if she even planned to follow through on their date. Checking the antique clock on the wall, he realized it was a quarter after nine. Past Teddy’s bedtime, but not past Lydia’s. Pulling in a deep breath, he punched the number for her cell into his phone. Waited while it rang once.
Twice.
“Hello?” Her voice sounded wary.
Even so, he was damned glad to hear it. He’d missed the sound of her, along with so many other things. Her scent. Her touch. The sweet way she cared for his nephew.
“Lydia.” He hadn’t thought beyond getting in touch with her. Hadn’t planned for how to wade through the awkwardness. “How are things at home?”
“Good,” she answered quickly. “Fine. We’re both—fine.”
Right.
“I will need to meet Teddy’s grandparents at the house midafternoon on New Year’s Eve to welcome them. I wanted some time to speak with them and review Teddy’s schedule.”
“Of course. It’s your home.” Her words were clipped, her tone distant in a way that made him think of how her joy in the past had moved him. He felt the loss all the more deeply. “And I understood from our last conversation that I’m only here until your new arrangements are in place.”
He ground his teeth, unwilling to tackle a complex conversation over the phone. Especially not when she was clearly still unhappy with him.
“I had hoped we could discuss that at the New Year’s Eve Ball.” He had been drawn to her practicality and sense of honor from their first meeting. He’d been banking on those qualities in her to ensure she showed up for their date. “Assuming you still plan to attend with me?”
She hesitated for a moment. “Do you really think it’s wise for us to spend that time together when it’s become obvious that...” She cleared her throat. Began again. “When it’s clear now that our hopes for the future are so far apart?”
He thought it wise to at least have a discussion about what they wanted instead of assuming the worst about each other. But he clamped his tongue on that response. Besides, he wanted to be with Lydia. Being without her this week had made him realize how just how deep his feelings ran for her.
He loved her. But was he ready to risk his heart again on another woman who wasn’t in it for the long haul? Regardless of the answer to that, he couldn’t share how he felt about her. Not over the phone.
“I need a date for this event.” He spelled it out in the only way he thought might convince her to attend. “And you could use an introduction to people who need your child care services. So the plan is practical, if nothing else.”
“I recently learned there’s such a thing as being too practical for your own good,” she said drily. “But since I’ll be unemployed again very shortly, I can’t afford to turn down a good opportunity for my business. I will attend the ball with you as planned, James.”
A possibility he hadn’t considered hit him, something he should have thought of for Teddy’s sake. What if she planned to quit even if the Masons didn’t decide to take in their grandson? But he wasn’t going to push for any more during an already difficult conversation. Hopefully he wouldn’t need the answer to that at all. He confirmed the time for their date before he disconnected the call.
And wondered how on earth he could win back a woman hell-bent on ending things between them.
* * *
New Year’s Eve was packed with Cinderella potential.
The Texas Cattleman’s Club had been transformed into a shimmering silver-and-white haven. Long chains of white gladiolas were strung from the rafters, the delicate petals rimmed with hints of metallic glitter that made them shine in the candlelight. Tall candelabra draped with silver tulle and white ribbons stood atop every table in the room. A twelve-piece orchestra played along the back of the dining area, filling the room with lilting waltzes.
Lydia had splurged on a new dress for the event. Formfitting down to a little kick hem around her knees, the gown was pale green silk organza. Pairing it with an older pair of silver strappy heels, she felt as glamorous as she possibly could. Which wasn’t to say she was the most beautiful woman in the room. But she looked like she belonged for at least one night. It hurt to think she’d never be a real part of this community that meant so much to James. Tomorrow, she’d return to her old life.
Alone.
Beside her, James Harris was the man everyone wanted to speak to, his job as esteemed president of the club underscoring how well liked he was. How respected. He was genuine and charming with everyone who greeted him. But despite the fairy-tale trappings of the evening all around her, Lydia had no illusions about how the night would end.
When midnight chimed, she wasn’t just going back to her old life on the other side of town. She was also losing the man she’d fallen in love with, the sweet child she’d come to adore and all her illusions about herself.
She could never return to the old Lydia who used to feel good about her smart choices, her practical approach to relationships and her professionalism. Now she had to at least admit that love could rock anyone’s world, skewing their perspective and making them behave in a way they normally wouldn’t. She wasn’t any less susceptible to that than any other woman. While she wouldn’t ever get so swept away by love that she’d forget to supervise a child the way her mother had, Lydia also realized she’d been deluding herself into thinking she wasn’t vulnerable to making other mistakes.
“Would you like to dance?” James bent closer to ask after he finished up a lengthy talk about yearling prospects with another rancher.
She couldn’t help the shiver that tripped down her spine as he spoke close to her
ear. The attraction that had been so apparent between them from day one hadn’t magically faded when she’d discovered he had no intention of keeping his nephew.
“Yes. Thank you.” She nodded, knowing everything she said to him sounded stilted. But she feared if she didn’t carefully monitor her words, she would say something far too revealing.
So for now, she let him lead her to the dance floor and sweep her into his strong arms. His tuxedo was custom tailored, the black wool gabardine tapering to his narrow waist. There was a hint of sheen in the lapels of the jacket on either side of the crisp white pleats of his shirt. She wondered how he could appear equally at home in a Stetson and jeans as much as Hugo Boss, but some people simply seemed extraordinarily comfortable in their own skin.
“I’ve been wondering what you thought of the Masons,” he asked as he spun her out of an easy turn, her silk organza gown flaring slightly.
As if she hadn’t already been reminding herself that she was no Cinderella, the topic of conversation gave her another dose of cold reality.
Teddy’s grandparents had been younger than Lydia imagined. They’d been in their early fifties, but could have passed for a decade younger. Physically fit and well dressed, they had been polite and kind. And yet...she couldn’t shake the feeling that they were all wrong to raise Teddy.
“It matters more what you think,” she reminded him, making the mistake of looking into his eyes. Holding his gaze made her think of more intimate moments with him. Of the ways he’d touched and kissed her. “I may be biased since I pictured something different for Teddy.”
His brows pulled together. “I wish they would have responded to me sooner when I invited them to meet their grandson in the first place.” He shook his head, a hint of frustration in his voice. “I realize their relationship with their daughter had been strained after she married Parker, but wouldn’t you think that would be all the more reason for them to be eager to meet Teddy?”
“Yes.” She couldn’t stand the idea of that little boy enduring any more upheaval in his young life. “Unequivocally, yes.”
“But in their defense, everyone processes grief in their own way. They might have needed that time to mourn before they came here.” His grip shifted on her waist, his palm absently stroking for the briefest moment until he seemed to catch himself and still the movement.
“Perhaps.” She couldn’t say anything more, her senses too overloaded by that touch. By all that she would miss when she walked away from him.
She’d probably been foolish to show up tonight, to follow through with this doomed date. But she really did need the networking opportunity that it offered. Especially since she would be without a job soon.
“The comb is pretty in your hair,” he said in a low, husky tone as the dance came to an end. “I’m glad you wore it tonight.”
The crowd applauded for the orchestra as they took a break in their set. Lydia clapped, too, though her chest ached at the memory of James giving her the hair comb. Of how special Christmas Eve had been when they were together just one week ago. Or the long, breathless night she’d spent in his arms afterward.
Before she could respond, the microphone in front of the orchestra rang with a harsh sound. Turning, she spotted a dashing older man at the podium. He had a full head of white hair and piercing blue eyes, his skin deeply tanned. He tugged the microphone out of its stand so he could hold it in one hand, then he strode out from behind to podium to speak. The crowd quieted to listen.
James bent closer to whisper to her, “That’s Gus Slade. He’s a past president of the Texas Cattleman’s Club.”
She recognized the rancher from around town, the feud between the Slades and the Clayton family one of the bits of Royal history she’d picked up through local gossip. She welcomed the distraction for a moment to gather her defenses against leaning into the temping man beside her.
“Sorry for the feedback, folks.” Gus Slade spoke into the microphone as he strode into the center of the raised platform near the orchestra. “We’ll get back to the music in a minute. But first, I hope you’ll indulge me. I have an announcement to make, and I want you all to be my witnesses.”
The crowd settled into an even deeper silence. They all seemed to collectively hold their breath. Lydia peered over at James to see if his face gave any indication he knew what was about to happen since he’d helped put together the event. James must have felt her gaze since he glanced her way and shrugged.
“The new year is a time for a fresh start,” Gus said, his voice strong and certain. “And more than anything, I want a chance to begin again, with the woman I love at my side.” He paused for a moment, before someone turned a house spotlight on. The white-and-blue light fell around Rose Clayton seated at a table in the back. “Rose, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
Rose and Gus?
The rest of the crowd seemed as stunned as Lydia felt, a shocked murmur reverberating through the well-heeled guests while Rose covered her surprised gasp with one hand, her eyes getting teary before she nodded quickly.
“Yes!” she called out across the room, standing up in her sparkly silver dress. “I will marry you, Gus Slade.”
The microphone shrieked as Gus dropped it, forgotten, on the platform. He charged toward Rose with his arms open. The crowd clapped and there were a few cheers, although everyone still seemed taken aback by the proposal.
Behind her, Lydia heard a man say, “But I thought they were sworn enemies?”
Moved by the romantic gesture, Lydia felt her heart in her throat. The orchestra played a refrain from a popular country love song while someone turned off the microphone and the party got back under way. James guided Lydia from the dance floor, the romantic moment reminding her of all that was missing in their relationship.
It took her a moment to realize that she was following James out of the building into the garden, her thoughts still on the couple inside and all the love shining in their eyes. The night air was warm for December, but still a refreshing break from the crowded party rooms. It was quiet out here, where a few landscape lights gave the bushes and ornamental trees a silvery glow. More white lights outlined the walkways of smooth, decorative stone.
Here, there wouldn’t be any networking opportunities for her child care business. Under the moonlight with James, there was only the two of them. Why would he bring her out here? And more important, how would she hold strong against his powerful allure?
He turned to her, his expression serious. “Seeing Gus and Rose in there made me all the more determined to speak to you about what’s happening between us, Lydia.”
“There’s nothing else to say,” she reminded him, unwilling to hurt any more than she already did. It would already be tough enough living in the same town with him. “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want to have children in his life.”
“But it’s not that I don’t ever want them,” he clarified. “I’m just not ready right now. Today.”
A whisper of hope swirled through her. And just as quickly, she tamped it down.
“I understand that’s the right decision for you.” She wondered what had made him so certain he wasn’t ready to welcome a child into his life. “But in the meantime, a confused little boy who already lost one father is going to lose another man he’s grown attached to.”
“A child deserves to have a family in place. A family that’s going to stay together.” He spoke with passionate conviction. “The Masons have that, Lydia. I don’t.”
“You have me.” She had thought that meant something to him.
“And look at how ready you are to walk out at the first sign of trouble.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, his shoulders tense. “As soon as I brought up the idea of bringing the Masons to town, you shut down the discussion.”
Surprise stole any response she might have made. Is that how he saw it? Perhaps she hadn�
��t understood how deeply wary his failed marriage had made him. For that matter, maybe he hadn’t known how incredibly gun-shy her past made her either.
“I’m sorry, James.” She didn’t know what else to say. The knowledge that he was hurting, too, didn’t make the breakup any easier. If anything, it only increased the ache in her chest. She hadn’t wanted things to end this way.
The vibration of a cell phone cut through the awkward silence, the soft hum emanating from James’s breast pocket.
“I’d better see if it’s the Masons,” he muttered, reaching into his jacket. Stabbing at the screen. “Hello?”
He must have hit the speakerphone button because Samantha Mason’s panicked voice cut through the quiet.
“Teddy’s having an allergic reaction,” the woman sobbed in a rush of words. “We’re on the way to Royal Memorial Hospital, James. Please hurry.”
Thirteen
James wasn’t surprised when Lydia insisted on riding with him to the hospital. She might be done with him, but her attachment to Teddy was undeniable. Whatever her reason to be in the passenger seat with him, and then rushing into the emergency room with him fifteen minutes later, James was grateful as hell to have her at his side.
“I told them where the EpiPen was.” James knew he’d said it more than once on the way to the hospital.
But the thought kept circling around in his brain after he’d hung up from Samantha Mason’s frantic first call.
“You did. You showed it to them,” Lydia reminded him again as they wound through the triage area to the desk. “Maybe the shot didn’t help. Maybe they weren’t able to give it to him fast enough.”
He hadn’t asked what happened when he got the call. He’d been too shaken up, too terrified. What if something happened to his brother’s son, when protecting Teddy had been the only thing Parker had asked of him?
