I Am Satan (Hellbound Trilogy Book 2)

by Tim Hawken

  “Yes!” they all said loudly, some nodding their heads.

  “That’s right,” Charlotte said, turning back to David who still sat in his seat next to Charlotte.

  “David. I think the reason you might be in Purgatory is because you hate Protestants. You don’t really know why you hate them, but you still hate them with everything inside of you. If you went to Heaven and saw a Protestant, you might try to fight him, or hurt him.”

  David nodded his head again.

  “Do you think God wants people fighting in Heaven?”

  “No,” David said. “But I wouldn’t see a Protestant in Heaven because they don’t believe in God and they all go to Hell.”

  Charlotte shook her head. “David, that is just another lie. Protestants follow the word of Jesus just like you do. They believe he was the son of God just like you do.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because I was a Protestant,” Charlotte said, holding his hands. “And I never went to Hell.”

  David’s eyes popped. He shook his head from side to side, refusing to accept what she had just said.

  “Yes,” she pressed. “Do you think I’m a bad person? Do you hate me?”

  He shook his head again furiously. “No, Miss Charlotte. You’re kind and smile a lot.”

  Lotte blushed at the compliment.

  “I might be different from you, David, but I still love you. I believe in loving everyone,” she said. “I don’t care what they look like, or if they’re Catholic. I love them.”

  “But why aren’t you in Heaven, then?” David asked curiously.

  Charlotte’s smile dipped momentarily, but she recovered quickly. She looked down at David.

  “I still don’t know yet,” Charlotte said. “But I hope I can go to Heaven one day, just like you will.”

  She reached out and ruffled his hair playfully. David laughed. She looked to the rest of the class.

  “Everybody. This is something you should all try to understand. Please work your hardest to listen to what I’m about to say. God doesn’t care if you are Catholic or Protestant. He doesn’t care if you’re a Muslim or a Jew. He doesn’t care if you’re Hindu or Buddhist or black or white or Asian or Hispanic. He does care if you love each other or not. He wants to know that you love everyone as much as you love Him. He doesn’t want you to fight each other, or to hurt each other by stealing. This isn’t what God wants. God wants peace. God wants love. If someone is wrong, you should forgive them, not hate them. Not many adults even understand this very well, but the ones who do will go to Heaven. If you believe this in your heart, then you will go to Heaven too. Please give David a clap for being so honest with us.”

  Everyone clapped and cheered loudly. I clapped as hard as I could from the back. He stood up off his chair with tears in his eyes and threw himself at Charlotte’s legs in a hug. She hugged him back. As she clasped him in her arms, his body began to shudder. Slowly a white aura enveloped him, and his body fused with it to become a brilliant light. His form flickered and morphed into a glowing orb. Charlotte stood up and watched in awe as the lightened soul of David floated up into the air. It hovered for a few moments before lifting again more quickly, through the roof and out of sight.

  I got to my feet in wonder at seeing the soul of the child David pass over to Heaven. As much as I didn’t believe in the goodness of Asmodeus, I knew deep down that he was better off there in the blissful rest of Heaven than suffering here in Purgatory or, worse, in Hell. I looked to Charlotte who was standing there radiating goodness. The other children were laughing and looking to the roof. They started to chatter excitedly, some jumping to their feet and pointing. I wanted to run up and hug Charlotte for what she’d just done. As I started to walk forward, she motioned for me to stop.

  “Class! Class!” she said above the excitement. “It’s been a good lesson today. We have seen a miracle. Everybody please stand up.”

  Those who weren’t on their feet already got up.

  “Seeing David go to Heaven was a great end to the day. When you go home tonight I want you all to really think about what we’ve talked about. Think about the truth of it. If you really understand, then you can be just like David and go to Heaven. Now, class is finished for today.

  A few of the children groaned.

  “Now, now! For some of you, your parents are waiting outside. Those who live in the boarding house please go back and report to your dorm leaders.”

  The children started to chatter again, walking to the front doors.

  “Wait,” Charlotte called. They all stopped to look at her. “What do we say before the end of the class?”

  “The truth will set you free,” they all chorused.

  “Just as it set David free today!” she said.

  The children all filed out slowly, talking and laughing. I waited for them to leave. I was now decided on what I would tell Charlotte. Once the final child had exited the doors, Charlotte came up to me and kissed me again.

  “I was a good day today,” she said. “For many reasons.”

  I nodded. It was a great day, but it would also be a hard one in the end.

  “Do you really believe the truth will release us from our sins?” I asked her, hugging her again.

  “I do.” She smiled.

  “Then it is time I set you free.”

  THIRTEEN

  CHARLOTTE AND I WALKED out of Veritas Splendor hand in hand. There were groups of families at the entrance standing and talking with their children. The parents all greeted Charlotte with nods and smiles. One woman with darker skin and black curly hair waved as she held her daughter’s hand. She quickly made her way over to us.

  “Hello, Marie,” Charlotte said.

  “Charlotte.” She smiled. “I just wanted to come and thank you for teaching Natalie here so much! She’s even teaching me things about myself these days.” Marie looked down at her daughter with pride.

  “It’s my pleasure,” Charlotte said.

  I stood back a little, not wanting to interrupt the conversation. I was going over in my head the best way to break our horrible reality to Lotte. Nerves shook my body. I felt physically weak, but was resolute in what I had to do. The truth: it was much harder to expose all than to simply gloss over the uglier parts. But I had to bare it, bones and all.

  Charlotte came back to me and took my hand.

  “Such a wonderful woman, that Marie,” she said. “She’s an amazing scientist, very intelligent. I’m so lucky to have met her.”

  I smiled and nodded weakly.

  “Let’s go before we get stuck talking to any others.” Lotte winked at me. “I need to know what happened, Michael. My unit is only a few minutes away.”

  We walked up the hill in silence, through the colorful souls of Purgatory, in the same direction as Zoroaster’s. After the first block we turned a right hand corner and then stopped in front of a tall white edifice of an apartment block.

  “This is me,” said Lotte.

  Still holding my hand, she led me up the stairs. There were no locks on the front doors, she merely pushed them open and we went inside to the foyer. Straight ahead was a wide passageway. Everything was painted white. It felt like a hospital. Lotte took me down the passage and then stopped at a door a few feet in. Again, I noticed the door had no lock. She turned the knob and we went in. The room was small, but somehow Charlotte had made it look homely rather than cramped. There was a tidy kitchenette to the far side, a bathroom to the left and a single white bed, tucked in the corner. A two-seater couch sat in the middle of the room with a knee-high coffee table in front of it. All were white. The only splash of color was a light blue blanket which had been laid over the back of the couch in a folded triangle.

  I could feel the forced tension of the unknown trembling in Charlotte’s hand. We still hadn’t said anything of consequence to each other since leaving the school. I released her hand and made my way to the couch.

  I sat down and looked up to her.

&
nbsp; “My love. Please sit, this is going to be hard for both of us,” I said with a steady voice. Inside I was wavering with every breath.

  Lotte sat down next to me. I looked her deeply in the eyes and pulled back my hair to reveal my twisted red ears. She gasped, but I laid my spare hand on her knee quietly to silence her. I then bared my wolf teeth at her.

  “Oh, Michael!” she whispered, a trembling hand going to up to her mouth. “What’s happened to you?”

  “This physical deformity is nothing compared with what’s inside me, Lotte,” I said softly. “This is just easier to show you, but it is the tip of something larger. Will you promise to let me explain this to you fully before you judge me?”

  “I would never judge you!”

  “You just might, once you hear what I have to say,” I said. “But please know I still love you will all my heart, no matter how you feel about me in the end.”

  “You’re scaring me, Michael. Surely it can’t be so bad?”

  “It is worse than you can imagine, but it’s the truth,” I said solemnly, searching within myself for the strength to say what I knew I must. My tongue felt swollen and dry in my mouth.

  “I’ll start with the hardest parts first. I would soften the blow, but in the end the facts are so dark that, no matter how I say this, I will hurt you with the truth,” I said, before pausing and drawing in a deep breath. “I am the one true son of Satan and I am the reason you were murdered.”

  Charlotte looked at me with utter confusion in her eyes. She had to know by the tone of my voice that I was telling the truth.

  “I had no knowledge of this until I died,” I continued. “I was killed at the same time as you by an agent of Satan who called himself Gideon.”

  Charlotte started to look around the room frantically. Her hands were clutching at her knees. She looked at me again, before getting up and running to the bathroom, where she retched into the toilet bowl. I stood up and went to her quickly. Pulling her hair back, I held it while rubbing her back.

  “I know,” I said. “That is how I felt when I found out. I am sorry, but there’s more.”

  She vomited into the bowl again, her body constricting. I continued to rub her back until she had finished. I helped her back to her feet. Without speaking she moved over to the basin and turned on the tap. Splashing water on her white face and washing it into her mouth, she finally spat into the bowl. She straightened and looked at me unsteadily.

  “Surely this can’t be right?” she said with cloudy eyes. “It can’t be true.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said. “If you had told me the same thing before we died, I would have thought you were mad. Please Charlotte, I wouldn’t lie to you. I know it’s far fetched. I know it sounds insane. Just think, if someone had told you about the reality of Purgatory or Heaven, would you have truly believed them without question while you were alive?”

  She shook her head. I took her in my arms and hugged her.

  “My love for you hasn’t changed this whole time, Lotte. You are the reason I’ve been able to press on through this nightmare. You are my reason for being and I would never do anything willingly to hurt you.”

  “I still don’t understand, Michael. You said there’s more? What is it? What?” Her voice trailed off.

  I ushered her carefully back to the couch and helped her sit down. I propped her up with cushions and knelt in front of her.

  “I think it might be best to show you exactly what happened,” I said to her. “If you are strong enough, I can show you how this came to be.”

  She looked at me, clarity starting to show in her eyes again.

  “I would do anything to understand, Michael. I need to. I love you.”

  I closed my eyes and concentrated on the elements within me. I worked to recall the exact weave of elements that Judas had displayed when he had shown his own memories to me. I pictured the first time I was in Hell, sitting with Asmodeus. I took the memory, the emotion, all the thoughts I had of that time and pushed them outside of me, pulsing down my arm until it throbbed with power.

  “Then take my hand,” I said to Lotte. “And you will know what I know.”

  My wife reached out and clasped my palm. In a silent blast we tumbled backward together, to the moment where my life began to unravel.

  He preferred to be called Asmodeus. This was all I knew about the man standing before me. In fact, I wasn’t even sure if he was a man. When I looked directly at him he appeared normal. But if I glanced out of the corner of my eye I could see something else, something intangible. It was as if his true self was hiding in his shadow, which loomed dark and menacing on the wall, flickering in the firelight.

  Charlotte’s consciousness sat at my shoulder. I was not alone in the nightmare this time. She would be there to understand that I was forced into this evil nature against my will. I had to relive this for her. I blinked my eyes and was swept into the memory, as if it was happening right now and I had no choice but to ride out this infernal repetition once more.

  FOURTEEN

  MY EYES FLICKERED OPEN. I was lying on the floor at the foot of Charlotte’s couch. She looked down at me, curled up in a ball on the cushions, tears bleeding onto her cheeks.

  My body was weak from reliving the experience. It was like waking up to reality at the exact spot where the dream had finished. My hand was still clutching feebly onto Lotte’s. I stared into her eyes, searching her for hatred, for rejection. There were only tears.

  “What now?” I whispered to her softly. “Where do we go from here?”

  Charlotte remained silent. Her grip on my hand grew tighter. Slowly she raised herself to a sitting position. I also raised myself to half kneel between her knees, my hand clasped in hers.

  “I understand now, Michael,” she said finally.

  I dropped my head. Was this the end?

  “Thank you for showing me that part of you.”

  My head snapped up with questioning eyes. Thank you? I didn’t understand.

  “I know now that you didn’t want any of this to happen to us. I know you more than I ever have. What I just saw was brutality, but it was the most intimate truth I’ve ever experienced, my love. To truly know who someone else is, to truly know where they come from, to live inside them. How could I not cherish that? Even if I hate some of the things I saw, I peered into your soul and have seen mostly light and love. We are together again, Michael. I am ready to come with you and fight this Asmodeus together. No matter what it takes.”

  I launched myself at her. I hugged her tight, unable say anything. I just held her. She understood. Against all my fears, she knew I meant only good things for her. Even the son of evil could have love. If I could get a second chance like this, then maybe there is goodness in the universe. There could be balance. I started to kiss her; kiss her neck tenderly. She was perfect. She was redemption.

  Lotte kissed me back, her lips pressing more eagerly against my skin with each one. She found my mouth and her tongue urgently wrapped with my own. Her passion pulled deeply on my soul. I kissed her back with all the love I had inside me. Clutching at my back, Lotte fumbled to pull my shirt up. The urgency of the moment lanced into me.

  I leant back and wrenched my shirt over my head before rushing back in to kiss her again. My lips locked with hers as I fumbled for the top of her dress. I found the first button. I tore the top of her dress open, exposing her perfection beneath me. I could wait no more. I ripped the buttons the rest of the way down and then kissed her hungrily again. Drinking in her hot skin, I licked her. My wet lips and tongue slid over her body, down to her breasts. Lotte’s hands were pushing at my pants, her hot palm wriggling inside to find me. I was throbbing for her, my love mixing with lust for her body. Her hand started to move up and down my length as I searched her breasts with my mouth. We rocked together on the couch, moving with each other. A light moan escaped her lips as I bit her pink nipple gently. I felt I would explode with desire. I moved up again and kissed her hard on the mouth. H
er hand squeezed tighter around me, working up and down my manhood. I pushed my hands between her thighs. Wet heat met my fingers. I slid them inside the warmth and Charlotte gasped. Her mouth clasped on my neck as I pushed inside her moist depths. I clamped my mouth over her breast again and swirled my tongue as I moved my fingers. Her palm heatedly stroked me with the same timing.

  “I want you,” Lotte’s voice breathed in my ear. “I want you now.”

  I pushed her down onto the couch and moved between her legs. She guided me inside as my hips pressed into her. Lotte quivered beneath me as my length pushed deeply within her. I began to move my hips slowly, leaning in and finding her lips again with mine. My skin was tingling as I pushed deeper, harder, more urgently. Charlotte began to moan loudly; our breathing grew faster. I could feel the ecstasy welling inside me. Her fingers dug into my back, raking down my body. Lotte pushed her hips up to meet mine as I thrust inside her. Her hot moisture tightened around me as she let a deep moan escape her lips. The sounds of her pleasure tipped me over the edge. My body arched as I pulsed my love, my hips shuddering as I thrust one final time. Lotte’s body throbbed with mine, her legs wrapping around me, pulling my buttocks tightly to her. We were locked like that, black stars twinkling around the edges of my vision as I poured my soul into hers. I pushed as deeply as I could and sighed in pleasure, looking down at into her eyes. She looked back. Her earlier tears were replaced with happiness. A wicked smile of pleasure played on her lips.

  I collapsed on top of her, every part of me spent. We were both panting and sweating, twitching with joy. I pulled my hands to the back of her head, cradling it as I kissed her. We let our lips linger and I dropped my weight completely onto her body. We lay there, kissing. We were at one again. Our bodies joined in bliss.

  We lay in a silent embrace, our skin pressed against each other’s. The warmth of the moment made me feel at peace for the first time since we had parted. I nestled my head in next to hers and stayed there, enjoying her touch.