To Build a Vow

by Chencia C. Higgins

  I was being earnest with my question, but when his nostrils flared and I knew I had hit a nerve.

  “Nah, she’s focusing on what makes her happy and I’m just riding the wave.”

  I quirked one brow at his glib remark. It was very interesting because if memory served me correctly, that’s not how things had played out. I couldn’t help digging under his skin a little, in an attempt to get closer to the truth.

  “Oh, ‘cause it looks to me like you’re hiding out.”

  “Man, fuck you.”

  I chuckled. So the old wise one didn’t like getting the light shined on his own shit, huh? “Chill out, man. You know I don’t get down with that incest shit.”

  “You’re childish as fuck, nigga.”

  He shot up off of the lounger and stalked around the teardrop-shaped pool, and into the villa. Earlier, he had rolled the glass walls aside so that the living room and the patio felt like one open space, so I saw him head for the kitchen and grab a bottle out of the liquor cabinet. The tension in his shoulders let me know that he was indeed pissed. I shook my head and rubbed a hand over my head and down my face. I didn’t want to fight with Jereth, and if I pressed the issue of his love life, that’s exactly what would happen. That wasn’t what I came down here for. On a sigh, I followed him into the villa, where I found him pouring a shot of tequila. He had pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head, allowing me to clearly see the lines around his eyes as he frowned. I pulled a glass out of the cabinet and slid it along the counter next to his. Without a word, he filled it with the clear liquor. I lifted the glass into the air and, after a moment’s hesitation, he clinked his own against mine before we both downed the ounce of liquid.

  After I swallowed, I shook my head again, at the warmth building in my chest. It was dangerous how smooth that liquor was.

  “Listen,” I looked over at the sound of Jereth’s voice. He was staring down at the countertop.

  “What’s up?”

  “The shit with Tonya is complicated.” His even tone was a direct contradiction of the hard set of his jaw.

  “I know that, man. I was just fucking with you, but I have no room for that, considering why I’m here.”

  He rolled his shoulders back and flicked his eyes over at me. “You were right, though.”

  My eyes ballooned and I took a step back.

  “Word?”

  He chuckled and poured a second shot, opting not to answer until he swallowed it down and slammed his glass on the counter.

  “You heard me, muthafucka. That’s all I’m gon’ say about it.”

  I grinned. This air down here must have cleansed his brain because I never thought I’d hear some shit like that come out of his mouth. I wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him toward me to place a kiss on the top of his dome.

  “No other words are needed, young man.”

  Amused, he shook his head slowly and ducked under my arm to put the bottle of tequila back in its rightful place. When he turned back around, he had an excited glint in his eye.

  “How about we head down to the beach and jump on some jet skis?”

  I laughed. That was definitely one way to change the subject, and I can’t say that I objected. “Sure, Jer. Why the hell not?”

  Chapter Eight

  Lisa

  When I entered the lounge, I noticed that a few of my colleagues were in deep conversation, huddled in front of the flat screen television that was mounted on the wall. From what I could see, they were watching the morning news, but I couldn’t hear the program over their voices. I was curious about what captured everyone’s attention, but I was already late after spending the first fifteen minutes of my day hunched over the toilet as I puked my guts out. That fifteen minutes translated to me walking into the school twenty-five minutes later than I generally preferred to be there.

  I thumbed through the carousel that held the drink pods, forgoing my usual morning cup of coffee for a mellow green tea that would hopefully help to settle my sudden bout of nausea. Making a mental note to stop at Brookshire’s for fresh ginger after work, I took my mug of hot tea and quickly made my way to my classroom. My students begin to enter just five minutes after I slid into my seat, and shortly thereafter, the day began. I was grateful that we were starting a new project because, after half an hour of explanation, I led them to the library where they would research topics in silence. Once they were settled in, I jetted across the hallway, breezed through the office, and popped into the lounge to refill my mug with tea.

  Just as my fingers curled around the handle of the library door, it jutted forward, almost knocking me and my tea down.

  “Hey!” I exclaimed as I came face-to-face with an obviously distraught Candice. Her hazel eyes were wide as they darted from me to the hallway behind me. “What’s going on?”

  I felt a sense of deja vu as she grabbed my bicep and pulled me further into the hall until we were about ten feet away from the entrance of the library.

  “Candice, what is it? You’re making me nervous.”

  She stepped closer to me until our noses practically touched. “Did you hear?

  My brows met. “Hear what?”

  “About the shooting?!”

  I sucked in a breath and fear seized my heart. “What shooting? Here at the school?” My mind started running through the closest emergency exits.

  Candice’s grip on my arm tightened. “No! In Little Rock.”

  What? “What are you talking about? You aren’t making any sense.”

  “Lisa!” Both hands were on me now and she shook me. Hard. “There was a shooting in Little Rock last night. A crazed man stormed an open house and took his ex-wife and three other people hostage. The news is reporting sounds of gunfire but no one can get into the house to see what happened.”

  I exhaled heavily. No matter how often it happened, I would never get used to hearing about violence against women. This was a horrible story that I was sure wouldn’t end well, but I still had no idea why Candice felt like I needed to hear it about it so urgently.

  “That is so sad, Candice. Do we know her or something?”

  Candice shook her head. “The house. It’s a Hawkins Realty property. They were hosting the open house.”

  “Wha—what? What are you saying? Do you think—” I stepped back, pulling out of her grasp as the implication of her words sunk in. “No. Someone would have called me if Jeremiah—” I cleared my throat. “He probably wasn’t even there. He’s probably not even in Little Rock today.”

  Skeptical eyes bored into my own. “Are you sure?”

  I nodded although I was far from sure. “Girl, of course. Even if we aren’t together anymore, that’s my baby’s daddy. They would let me know, if for no other reason than just so I can be there to support Ja’mya. I’m sure no one I know is hurt.” I nodded again, somehow convincing myself of what I was saying. “I’ll still reach out to Sabrina with words of encouragement, later.”

  Candice looking unconvinced but she nodded as well. “Okay…If you say so, I have no choice but to believe you; you would know better than I would.”

  I giggled. “You really had me scared there, for a minute. Whew! Keep me posted on what happens. I’d like to know if the woman makes it out okay.” Neither of us said anything for a moment and the silence became stifling and awkward as I tried to avoid Candice’s worried gaze. “Well, let me get back to these kids before they go buck-wild in this library.”

  Without waiting for a response, I turned and did as I said, but try as I might, I couldn’t let go of the feeling that something wasn’t right. My phone never rang, no incoming texts caused a chime, and Ja’mya didn’t come to my classroom. For all intents and purposes, everything seemed to be fine. Normal. Everything but that weird feeling that something was off.

  And it was weird, right? I was confident that the words I’d spoken to Candice were entirely true. There was no reason for me to believe that any member of Jeremiah’s family would purposely withhold in
formation about his health from me. Right?

  Except…

  It had been more than a month since I’d laid eyes on Jeremiah. He’d been MIA since that night at the gas station, and while I knew it was necessary, my gratitude for him pulling away was overshadowed by my sadness. I missed him so much, my chest ached. Without him, my life felt off-center and not even Ja’mya thawing out toward me could right my world.

  Now that I was thinking about it, it had been a while since I’d heard from Sabrina, also. Pops only texted me concerning Ja’mya—I guess Jeremiah had worked something out with his parents because whenever I picked up or dropped off Ja’mya, it was at Pops and Sabrina’s house. Jeremiah’s truck was always parked in their long driveway, so I’d always assumed he was inside, but just didn’t want to see or speak to me. I wasn’t too mad about it; that was better for the both of us.

  As the day wore on, my nerves started to rattle, and I begin to wonder if my assessment was as true as I believed it to be. What if everyone had collectively decided to oust me from their life, as I had done to Jeremiah? What if something truly did happen to him but they were keeping it from me because I’d broken up with him?

  What if?

  What if?

  What if?

  My leg bounced and my stomach toiled as I waited for the bell to ring, signifying the end of the day. Once my last student was out of my class, I whipped out my phone and immediately started dialing as I power-walked to my car. Sabrina didn’t answer the phone. I left a short message, asking her to call me back, and ended the call. In one smooth motion, I pressed the button on my dashboard to connect my Bluetooth and secured my seatbelt. I wasn’t even out of the faculty lot before I called my first command.

  “Call Pops.”

  When he didn’t answer, I pressed a button on my steering wheel to hang up.

  It’s fine. Everything is fine, Lisa. They are all just busy right now. Everything is fine.

  I attempted to reassure myself as I drove. I’m sure there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for why neither Pops nor Sabrina was answering their phone. Sabrina was probably on a conference call, and Pops had probably switched his phone to “Do Not Disturb” by accident again. He probably didn’t even notice me calling because he was so focused on Ja’mya’s game. I’m sure that was it.

  “Call Mya.”

  Ja’mya always handed her phone off to one of us during her games, so more than likely Pops held it. He would hear it ring and answer it. Then he would tell me that everything was fine and call me crazy for bothering him while he was spending time with his grandbaby. The scenario sounded great in my head, but when the robotic voice began to tell me that my daughter’s voice mailbox was full, I thought my head would explode. I cut the wheel all the way to the left and made an illegal u-turn in the center of the road.

  In less than twenty minutes, I threw the car into park and forced myself to walk calmly up to the Hawkins Realty building. That calm facade lasted all of forty seconds when I reached the door and discovered that it was locked. My chest heaved and my eyes burned.

  Where was everyone? Why wasn’t anyone answering their phone?

  The ringing of my phone interrupted the beginning of what was surely a panic attack. I swiped my finger across the screen. Before I could even utter a greeting, Trisha was speaking.

  “Have you seen the news?”

  I walked back to my car and climbed inside, pulling back onto the road. “No, but Candice told me what’s going me.”

  “Is he there?”

  I shook my head, even though she couldn’t see me. “I don’t know, no one is answering their phone! I’m leaving the realty office now and it’s locked up tight. There weren’t even any lights on inside.”

  “Damn.”

  “I’m heading to his parent’s house and I’m praying someone will be there with some answers.” My phone beeped and I glanced down quickly to see Deena’s name flash across the screen. She was no doubt calling with a bunch of questions that I didn’t have the answer to. I groaned.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Deena’s calling me, but I’m not in the mood to talk to her right now. I’d much rather wait until I know something concrete. I don’t like being in suspense like this. There is this crazy feeling in the pit of my stomach and I don’t know how to categorize it.”

  Trisha sucked her teeth. “I’m searching online to see if any names of the people in the house have been released, but so far, I’m coming up with nothing.”

  I turned onto the street that Jeremiah’s parents lived on and I immediately spotted his candy-red truck sitting in their driveway. Instead of offering reassurance, the sight made me nervous. Something told me that he wasn’t inside that house. I don’t know how I knew, but I just did. On shaky legs, I got out of the car and walked up the path to the front door. I pulled out my phone and dialed the number I hadn’t used in almost two months but knew by heart. Jeremiah’s phone didn’t even ring; I was sent straight to voicemail and my anxiety intensified. I rang the doorbell once, but when no one came to the door, I didn’t even bother knocking because I knew it would be a waste of time.

  I stumbled back to my car and called Trisha.

  “Was anyone there?” She asked, in lieu of a greeting.

  “Something’s wrong, T. I can feel it.”

  “Okay, I’ll meet you at the house.”

  We hung up and by the time I pulled up to her house, Trisha was climbing out of her car. I rolled down my window and—catching the hint—she walked over and leaned down.

  “I won’t be able to sleep until I know what’s going on. I’m driving up to Little Rock.”

  Trisha nodded. “I figured as much.” She crossed to the other side of my car and climbed into the passenger seat.

  We made the drive in silence. Trisha somehow found the address to the house on one of the news sites and had it queued up on her GPS, the directions the only sound in the car. It directed us to an affluent neighborhood on the eastern side of the city not far from UALR. I squinted as I read the street signs; the sun had set over an hour earlier and the area was becoming increasingly lit by artificial lights. We cruised at ten miles an hour through the neighborhood until we came to a crowd of vehicles. We could hear sirens and see flashing red and blue lights in the distance. I parked in the first available strip of space along the sidewalk and jumped out of the car, following the noise to a large crowd standing outside of what had to be the house.

  I pushed through the throng of people until I reached the edge of the police caution tape. The house was a mini mansion; it stood at least three stories high with no less than eight windows across the first two floors. The driveway was a half moon in front of the building that led to a four-door garage on the left side of the building. There were police everywhere and three ambulances in the driveway of the house. My heart raced at the sight.

  “What happened?” I didn’t direct the question at anyone, but an answer came from my right. A man stood next to me and volunteered what he knew.

  “It was a murder-suicide. The shooter killed everyone in the house before turning the gun on himself.”

  I gasped.

  He nodded. “Yeah. It’s terrible. There was a family with four kids, two of them babies. He killed them all.”

  Tears clouded my eyes and I blinked them away to observe as much of the scene as I could.

  “How many people were in there?”

  “Eleven people, not including the scumbag shooter.”

  “My god!”

  “Who you telling?”

  “Lee!”

  I turned to Trisha, who gripped my shoulder.

  “What?”

  “Look!”

  I followed the direction of her finger and when my eyes made contact, they ballooned. Sabrina and Pops stood next to one of the ambulances in the driveway. They were embracing and Sabrina’s head was thrown back as she sobbed loudly. There was a stretcher in front of them that obviously had a body underneath the whi
te sheet.

  “No! NO!!” I ducked under the yellow caution tape and sprinted across the lawn.

  “Hey!”

  “You can’t be over here!”

  “Ma’am stop!”

  I was halfway up the driveway when my forward momentum was halted by arms locking around my waist and lifting me into the air. I was turned around and released but the officer kept a strong grip on my elbow.

  “You can NOT be on this side of the tape!” The phrase was reiterated multiple times, but I couldn’t hear past the blood rushing in my ears. I couldn’t believe my eyes. There was no way I had given him up for him to die anyway. I fell forward, my knees hitting the pavement so hard I knew there would be a bruise.

  “Oh God, NO! Why? Please! JEREMIAH!”

  Trisha must have followed me under the tape because I saw her feet in my peripheral.

  “Please, officer. Her boyfriend was in there. Those are his parents right there. Can you let her go? Please?”

  “WHY?! Oh my god, JAAAAYYYY! Oh baby, please, I’m so sorry!!” My head was pounding as I screamed with everything in me. I started to feel lightheaded and the officer who had grabbed me pulled me to a standing position. My tears were uncontrollable and I could barely stand on my own. Up ahead, I saw two paramedics lift the stretcher into the open ambulance and my feet began to carry me in that direction. I moved as if on autopilot.

  “Lisa, wait!”

  “Ma’am, stop right there!”

  Both Trisha and the officer’s words were garbled, as if I was underwater.

  “I just need to see him,” I mumbled to myself. The need to see his face, to lay eyes on the lifeless body of the only man I’d ever loved was so strong, my skin tingled with it. Standing between me and the crop of ambulances was a grassy area that held a ring of waist-high bushes and a life-size topiary in the shape of a buxom woman. I started to cross into the grassy area, when my right foot got caught on the roots of a bush. At the pace I was walking, my momentum continued on and I pitched forward, toward the ground. I placed my hands, palm out, in front of me to brace my fall, but before I hit the ground, my forehead knocked on the stone pedestal the topiary was raised on. It was hidden by the bushes and if I hadn’t tripped, I would have met it with my knees.