Masked Indulgence

by Michelle Love

  ‘It’s him,’ Woods said eventually, his eyes locked on the bloated head. He pointed at it. ‘Behind that ear, he had a small ‘K’ tattooed. If it’s there, it’s him.’

  The mortician looked at Charlie who nodded once and the mortician, gloved hands, lifted the ear gently. A part of it came away in his hands and Woods whirled around and threw up in the nearest trash can. The mortician – who had seen it all in his day – looked up and nodded. ‘A ‘K’ behind the left ear – confirmed.’

  ‘Fuck.’ Charlie hissed the word and Woods gave a strangled sob, pushing open the door and slamming out of the room. Charlie thanked the technician and went to find him.

  Woods was outside, breathing in deep lungfuls of air to try and not throw up again. Charlie stood at his side and waited.

  ‘I knew it,’ said Woods eventually, wiping his mouth. ‘I knew he was dead. I could feel it.’

  Charlie tried to keep the skepticism out of his tone. ‘Yeah?’

  Woods nodded. ‘Okay, so we didn’t get along a lot of the time but he was my brother, you know?’

  Charlie nodded, staying quiet. If Woods thought he could kid the world that he and Riley had been close…

  ‘I know what you’re thinking,’ Woods suddenly said, his expression fierce. ‘Yeah, I busted his chops. Yeah I kicked his ass. That’s what we did.’

  Charlie couldn’t stop himself. ‘No, Woods, that’s what you did.’

  The other man’s expression became sly then. ‘Have you considered that Riley might have killed himself when he found out the guy he trusted with his life every day was trying to lock him up? That you breaking into his apartment and going through his personal stuff was a violation of that trust? That you thinking he could have stabbed Lila in cold blood might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back?’

  Charlie looked at him steadily. ‘Riley wasn’t suicidal. And having a wall plastered with photos that the subject didn’t know were being taken isn’t just ‘personal stuff’, Woods, it’s stalking. It’s obsession. Lila had no idea.’

  Woods laughed then. ‘God, you poor deluded asshole. You don’t think Lila knew how Riley felt about her? They fucked, for Christ sakes.’

  Charlie went very still. ‘You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.’

  Woods’ smile was snaky. ‘Your precious little Lila screwed my brother on the floor of the bar. He told me as much himself. See, you can take the girl out of the trailer park but…’

  Charlie slammed his fist into Woods’ jaw and the other man went down hard. He tried to defend himself but Charlie whaled on him with his fists, unrelenting until Woods was beaten bloody and two men from the mortuary were pulling Charlie off him.

  His captain just shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, Charlie. Badge and gun. I wouldn’t be surprised if Woods presses charges. He’d just identified his brother’s for Christ’s sake. Now, look, I can talk to the powers that be, tell them you were distraught over Riley….you listening to me, Sherman?’

  Charlie was staring out of the window at the white sky over Manhattan. He shifted his attention to his captain and stared at him, his face set. ‘Don’t bother,’ he said calmly. He stood, placed his gun and badge on the desk. ‘I quit.’

  His captain sighed. ‘Sherman, don’t be an idiot.’

  ‘I’m not. Truly I’m not. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Now Riley’s gone and Tinsley and I have called it quits, there’s nothing left for me here. My family is in Seattle. Lila is in Seattle and I want to be with my family.’

  His captain stared at him. ‘Well, you can’t leave until we know about Wood’s condition or whether charges will be brought.’

  ‘That’s fine. You know where to get a hold of me.’

  Charlie walked out into the street and took a deep breath. Yeah, this was what he wanted. He’d had enough of this city; too many damn people. It was time.

  He pulled out his cell phone and dialed. When Lila answered, he smiled. ‘Hey kiddo, guess what? I’m coming home.’

  Seattle

  Lila was only half listening to Quilla as she showed her around the QCM Foundation’s offices. She couldn’t stop thinking about Riley, his merry face, his smile. His body the night they had made love. He had been exactly what she needed that night and now he was dead. Maybe because of her, because she used him. No, no, that night had been so…she had wanted him and he had wanted her. That was it; purely natural, purely instinctual.

  But the men in her life kept winding up dead. God.

  ‘Lila?’ Quilla’s lovely face was concerned. ‘Are you okay?’

  If anyone were to understand, it would be this woman but Lila couldn’t bring herself to talk about it. Shame. She felt ashamed. She tried to smile at Quilla. ‘No, sorry, bit of a headache. Where were we?’

  ‘This is where we interview the people who apply to the fund. It’s very informal but because we just can't give money out left and right, it is quite stringent. I do confess, it’s mostly gut instinct. If someone’s passionate about art, you can tell. If they love pastel chalk under their fingernails or smudged on their cheek, if they talk about a particular shade of a color, you know that person is genuine. If they’re in it for fame or just to impress, sorry, there’s the door.’

  Lila considered. ‘I like that. College is great but it depends so much on results, on almost reducing artists to tick-lists instead of who they really are. ‘

  Quilla smiled. ‘You get it.’

  Lila nodded. ‘I do. What I don’t get is what you want me to do.’

  ‘Come with me,’ Quilla smiled. She led Lila down to a small office. A young blonde woman was talking to a small of group of females.

  ‘That’s Nan, she’s a teacher and helped set up this group. This group is for survivors of domestic violence. They can come here, to these offices and downstairs we have studios that they can use whenever they like to just express themselves. We also have some rooms with cots and facilities so that they can stay if they want to. It’s a safe space. Nan runs this workshop twice a week where they can discuss their work and get critiqued.’

  Lila looked through the window to watch the women talking and laughing. ‘What a great idea.’

  ‘We’re very proud. Now, let’s go grab some coffee and I’ll tell you what I have in mind.’

  In the spacious, clean cafeteria on the top floor, they sat in comfortable chairs with steaming cups of hot chocolate. Quilla sipped hers.

  ‘What I have in mind is a new group, for survivors like you and me. Woman – or men, but we may need to do separate groups to avoid triggering – people who have survived non-domestic violent crime. Rape, muggings, attempted murders, serious physical and mental harm. I am a huge believer in art therapy.’

  ‘Me too,’ Lila was getting excited now. ‘Wow. Wow.’

  Quilla grinned. ‘That’s the spirit. What do you say? Want to come run it for us?’

  Lila nodded enthusiastically. ‘Hell, yes. God, Quilla, I can’t thank you enough.’

  ‘No need for thanks, I know you’ll be perfect.’

  Lila laughed. ‘You’re very confident in my ability.’

  Quilla shrugged, chuckling. ‘Noah has been singing your praises since even before he reconnected with you.’

  Lila flushed with pleasure. ‘He has?’

  ‘Oh yes. I’m probably breaking some sort of ‘bro-code’ here but there were many night of him talking about how he’d met the most perfect woman in the world and how he wished you hadn’t disappeared on him.’

  ‘There were?’

  ‘Lila Tierney, are you getting emotional?’

  ‘No,’ Lila protested but her eyes had teared up and she blinked them rapidly. Quilla laughed.

  ‘Well, he was a lost cause, Lila. That man is crazy about you.’

  Lila grabbed a tissue from her bag. ‘And I about him. We’re getting married, you know.’

  ‘I do know, and I’m so happy for you.’

  ‘You’ll come to the wedding?’


  ‘Try and kept me away. Although I warn you, I’m a terrible drunk.’

  Lila laughed. ‘Excellent, then there’ll be two of us.’

  After saying goodbye to Quilla – who she was forming a little bit of a girl crush on – she went to a coffeehouse nearby. Even though she hated to admit it, the fact that Cora was practically under house arrest and poor Riley was dead at least gave her the freedom of knowing that whoever tried to kill her was out of action. She didn’t have to have Noah’s hired security following her around, scoping the place out. She could just be in the world, do whatever she wanted, go wherever she liked without checking in.

  She ordered a tea and sat at a table in the window. It was late fall and already cold. Christmas decorations were starting to go up. Lila loved this time of year and for the first time in months, she felt content, safe, happy. She was marrying a wonderful man and now with this job…she called Noah, too excited to wait.

  ‘Hey sweetcheeks.’

  ‘Hey buddy – why do you sound all echoey?’

  ‘On speakerphone, so no dirty talk.’

  ‘I really love your huge, throbbing…’

  ‘Really am on speakerphone, babe,’ Noah said to a roomful of laughter and Lila chuckled.

  ‘Drill, I was going to say but that still sounds dirty.’

  ‘Yes, yes it does. Lila, I do have my hands inside a patient, so…’ But he was laughing too.

  ‘Okay, sorry, I just called to say I have a job and I want to take you out to dinner later, when you get off work.’

  ‘Sold, well done baby. Where you taking me?’

  Lila thought quickly. ‘The Maison Rouge?’

  ‘Sounds perfect. I’ll come home first and we’ll go together.’

  ‘I’ll book a table.’

  ‘Splendid. See you later, then, love you.’

  ‘Love you too,’ Lila suppressed another laugh, ‘and your enormous cock.’

  ‘Oh dear God, woman,’ now there were cheers as Noah laughed and said goodbye.

  Lila put her phone away and laughed to herself. She loved that she could be as cheeky and silly with him as she liked and he didn’t care. Even in front of his peers and subordinates, he had a sense of humor and total lack of arrogance because he was the best at his job so he didn’t feel the need to impress anyone else.

  ‘I love you so much Noah Applebaum,' she uttered to herself as she finished her tea and gathered her stuff. She walked out into the cold, crisp air and hailed a cab to take her home.

  Manhattan

  Tinsley felt she was sitting with a complete stranger. Charlie looked…odd. Almost gleeful, which for him and his classic ‘resting bitch face’, was very strange. She grinned at him. She had expected this meeting – the first since he’d left her – to be awkward; in fact it was almost jovial.

  ‘What’s up with you? You look weird. Why is your face making that shape?’

  Charlie grinned. ‘What shape?’

  ‘That weird smiling thing. You’re freaking me out.’

  Charlie shrugged good-naturedly. ‘I’m going home, Tins. I’m a west coast boy, I belong there.’

  ‘Is Lila excited?’

  ‘Think so. She’s scouting places for me and I’m staying with her and Noah until I get settled.’

  Tinsley drank some beer. ‘So this is it, then?’

  He took her hand. ‘Not forever, I hope.’

  She smiled but pulled her hand away. ‘I hope not too. When do you leave?’

  ‘Saturday.’

  She nodded, thinking how quickly life moved on. ‘Well, I hope you find your peace there, Charlie.’

  ‘You too, kiddo. Got any plans?’

  Tinsley laughed softly. ‘Not a one.’

  ‘Will you come out to Seattle sometime?’

  ‘Of course. I’ll be there for the wedding, of course, whenever that is.’

  Charlie smiled, relaxing back in his seat. ‘I’m glad you and Lila have made up. She really didn’t know what to do about Cora.’

  Tinsley nodded. ‘I know. Speaking of whom, any news?’

  ‘Last I heard, D.A. pushing for the attempted murder of Lila to be dropped but to press ahead with your case.’

  ‘God, what a fucking mess,’ she muttered. ‘Look, Cora’s a messed up kid who needs proper mental health care and a stint away from the ivory tower. I don’t want her in prison.’

  Charlie shrugged. ‘Sorry, I have no sympathy.’

  ‘Cold.’

  ‘In this case, yes.’

  Tinsley blew out her cheeks. ‘Okay then. But I might go talk to someone, I really think…’

  ‘Stay out of it, Tinsley,’ Charlie said vehemently. ‘The girl tried to have you killed. End of story, she goes to jail.’

  Tinsley found her palms were sweating, that her chest was tight. ‘Okay, if it’ll make you happy.’ She didn’t like the malicious gleam she suddenly saw in his eyes and she suddenly realized that it wasn’t her welfare he was concerned with.

  ‘You still think she had Lila stabbed?’

  ‘I think she’s more than capable.’

  The rest of the evening passed quickly and Charlie, never one for long goodbyes, left early. Tinsley was relieved again – she had been feeling that around him for a while now, as if something was wrong, off kilter. God. She hoped Charlie didn’t intrude on Lila and Noah’s life too much. She went back to the bar and helped Mikey to close up even thought it was her night off.

  Mikey looked at her amused. ‘You sure you wanna be doing this?’

  ‘I need to keep occupied or I’m going to come up with mad conspiracy theories about my ex.’

  ‘Which one?’

  She grinned slightly. ‘The moody one.’

  Mikey rolled his eyes. He’d never taken to Charlie. ‘Good riddance, if you ask me. There’s something off about that guy. I know Lila always said he’s a teddy bear…well, I reckon less teddy, more bear.’

  Tinsley tried and failed to give her partner a disapproving look. ‘He’s okay, just…’

  ‘A douche?’

  Tinsley laughed. ‘Oh come on now, he’s always looked after Lila.’

  ‘I’ll give him that, but I always thought –' He stopped when he saw Tinsley’s stricken face. She was staring at the TV. above the bar.

  ‘Mikey, turn the sound up. Turn the sound up now….oh god….oh god…’

  Seattle

  Lila was in the shower when Noah got home and he grinned as he pulled his clothes off and stepped into the cubicle with her. She started slightly as he touched her then turned, shampoo suds on her face. He laughed, brushing them away and kissed her. ‘You, Miss Tierney, are a very, very bad girl.’

  With one swift movement, he turned her and pushed her against the cool tiles. Lila giggled, knowing what was coming next and as she spread her legs, he thrust into her. Gasping as his engorged cock plunged deep into her cunt, Lila moaned, leaning her head back on his shoulder as he fucked her, his hands pressing hers to the tile. His teeth nipped at her earlobe as he took her, releasing one hand so he could reach down to her clit and stroke it.

  Lila gave a long gasp, tensed and came; moments later he followed, groaning and murmuring her name over and over as his cum pumped deep into her.

  As they dressed he grinned. Lila smirked back. ‘What?’

  ‘I love the fact that you’re going to dinner with my seed still deep inside you.’

  She laughed, half-shocked. ‘Well…yes. It makes me feel kind of sexy to know that, carrying a little bit of you with me.’

  ‘Actually, quite a lot…’

  ‘Don’t be gross,’ she was giggling furiously now, lobbing a towel at him. ‘God, how did you get the position you are being such a goofball?’

  Noah slid his tie around his neck. ‘I blame you. I used to be so serious…’

  ‘Yeah, right. How do I look?’

  She was wearing a white silk slip which hugged her curves and had cut outs at the waist, showing off her creamy olive skin. She pulled her hair i
nto a messy ponytail on one side, and skipped all but the lightest make-up. Noah’s obvious admiration made her feel even sexier.

  ‘Are we going to make it to dinner?’ She said with an eyebrow raised. Noah grinned.

  ‘We’d better go now or we definitely won’t.’

  At the restaurant, she told him all about the Quilla Chen Mallory Foundation and the role Quilla envisioned her playing. Noah was impressed.

  ‘I gotta say,’ he said, ‘that sounds amazing.’

  Lila nodded. ‘Doesn’t it? And as much as I do not want to be defined by what happened to me, I think this is a positive thing. I can’t wait to get started.’

  They chatted about it for a while then Noah reached into his pocket. ‘Now, before you give me a lecture, this is not an engagement ring. It’s not big or ostentatious but something to celebrate you and me. I had the idea a while back but it took me some time to design it and have it made, so…’

  He opened the ring box and there was a small, delicate silver ring, with three interlocking rings on top of the band. It was beautiful and Lila’s chest got tight.

  ‘Oh Noah, it’s perfect…’ She touched the three tiny rings with her fingertip.

  ‘You, me and Matty,’ Noah said in a gruff voice. Lila covered her mouth, tears dripping down her cheeks.

  ‘Noah…’ She leaned over the table to kiss him. ‘Thank you. Thank you.’

  He smiled, obviously as moved at her reaction as she was by his gift. ‘Do you want to try it on?’

  Smiling she shook her head and he looked stung but she put her hand on his. ‘I would like to wear it as my wedding band…if that’s okay with you.’

  His relief – and joy – was palpable. ‘Of course…god, of course, I never even thought of that.’

  They both laughed, their fingers interlocking. Lila gazed at him then back at the ring and she grinned. ‘I suppose I ought to try it, you know, because of the fit.’

  Noah laughed. ‘Oh, absolutely.’ He slid it onto her ring finger. ‘Wow’.

  ‘Wow is right. What an incredible man you are, Noah Applebaum. How the hell was I so lucky to meet you?’