Coalescence - SF3

by Meagher, Susan X

  Ryan’s hands lifted and gently grasped Jamie’s face. She tilted her head just enough to be able to gaze directly into her eyes. Her voice was soft, but firm as she said, "I know you have, Love. But this chapter of your shared lives is still open. You would not have wanted to go if it wasn’t, Baby. I think this is something that you need to do, and I support you totally, Jamie. I really want you to go." Ryan’s face reflected her sincere wishes, even though she surprised herself a little when she expressed them.

  "You’re right," Jamie muttered, nuzzling her face against Ryan’s chest. "I just don’t want to go."

  The mere fact that Jamie was so reticent to leave made Ryan feel immeasurably better. "I know, Honey, I know." They stood and held each other gently until Jamie absolutely had to leave. With a small kiss on the top of her head, Ryan said, "I love you more than words can say, Jamie. You make me happier than I ever thought was possible."

  "I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying to make you happy, Ryan." And she reached up to kiss her. As she backed away, she brought her hands up and slipped the other blue diamond into Ryan’s right earlobe. "I need to wear a matched set today. So you keep mine safe for me until we’re together again," she said as she stood on her tiptoes and kissed her ear.

  They walked down the stairs hand in hand. As they entered the kitchen, Conor was sitting at the counter, fully dressed, with an anxious look on his face. "Thank God you finally came down!" he cried. "There was no way I was going to disturb the honeymooners!"

  They both laughed at his predicament, with Jamie placing her arms around his neck and kissing his cheek. "Sorry we got such a late start, Conor. But you’ve got plenty of time to get to the course."

  He smiled up at her, all of his anxiety now gone. "I hope you have fun today too, Jamie. I just wish you could go with us."

  "I do too, Conor. I don’t know how I’m going to survive without this one for a whole afternoon," she said as she gave Ryan a firm hug.

  Ryan leaned down to kiss her tenderly, grasping her hand and leading her outside. Conor followed along behind them and tried not to watch as his sister said her goodbyes. Jamie got into her car, and Ryan sat down on her haunches to be able to reach her through the low door. She kissed her several times, each kiss getting a little more fervent. She finally lifted her head and smiled at Jamie. "I think we’d better stop, or Conor’s gonna get a show."

  "Now you have fun today, Tiger, and don’t forget to drive those other cars. Why don’t you take one to the course?"

  "Could I?" she asked with her eyes wide.

  "Oh course, Baby, Daddy wants you to drive them. It’s okay if Conor wants to drive, too. Daddy really likes people to enjoy his little toys. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I already signed for your golf today. I also paid for Chip’s time since it’s going to be a playing lesson, and I left a nice tip for him so you don’t have to worry about that. I opened a tab for you at the restaurant, too. Have lunch there and just sign my name. I’ve just gotten some weight back on you, so you eat up."

  "You’re much too good to me, you know," Ryan insisted. "You’re really going to spoil me."

  "I can’t think of anyone I’d rather spoil," Jamie said as she puckered up for another kiss. After several more tender kisses, she started to pull away, but stopped about 20 feet down the drive. Ryan trotted over as Jamie leaned her head out. "I need one more," she pleaded.

  Ryan stuck her head in the window and gave her a doozy. Jamie had to fight to focus after the searing kiss. "Whew!" she breathed. "Hold that thought until I get home tonight, Tiger."

  "If Conor wasn’t here I’d like one more little taste of you," she murmured in reply.

  "You read my mind, Baby," Jamie agreed wistfully.

  Ryan leaned in and gave her a final kiss, then reluctantly stood and waved goodbye.

  Conor was standing on the landing by the back door, hands on his hips. Ryan just lifted her shoulders in a shrug as she gave him a guilty smirk. "I’ve got it baaaad, Conor."

  "It’s the worst case I’ve ever seen," he agreed as his wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

  They had less than ten minutes to get to the club, so rather than drive one of the muscle cars, Ryan decided to just go in Conor’s truck, since his clubs were already loaded. They flew into the parking lot and had to run to get to the clubhouse on time. Chip was waiting for them and after quick introductions; they headed out to the first tee.

  Conor was like a kid in a candy store, "ooohing" and "aaahing" at all of the sights. He and Ryan rode together, and she pointed out all of the interesting trivia that she had learned on her earlier round. Conor was really on his game and made quite a respectable showing. Ryan also played significantly better, and both Chip and Conor were generous in their praise of her improving game.

  Conor had to brag about her a bit to Chip, informing him about what a natural athlete his little sister was. He had Chip in stitches by the time he finished regaling him with stories of a young Ryan beating her older brothers in nearly every game they played.

  When they stopped at the snack bar after the ninth hole, Ryan grabbed $20 worth of food and Gatorade, with even Conor expressing astonishment at her purchases. "Jamie made me promise to eat a lot today," she protested.

  Conor laughed at her as she gulped down the large bottle of Gatorade. "You wouldn’t be so hungry if you came downstairs and had breakfast like normal people," he joked.

  "I am sorry for worrying you this morning," she said sincerely. "It really would have been okay to come up and check on us."

  "Well," he admitted, "I heard you playing in the bathroom at eight, so I just assumed you were up. But when you didn’t come down by ten, I did tiptoe upstairs and I didn’t hear a sound. So I made just enough noise to wake you up. I do respect your privacy, but I was not going to miss playing this course!"

  As they drove to the tenth tee, Ryan leaned over and gave Conor a kiss on the cheek. "What was that for?" he asked.

  "I just missed you these past two weeks. I was really disappointed that I didn’t get to see you before we left to come down here."

  He gave her a big smile as he patted her on the leg. "I missed you too, Ryan. Da and I were talking about it the other day. It just doesn’t feel right at home when you’re not there."

  Chip was waiting for them when they pulled up, so Ryan was unable to pursue the conversation. But she decided that she needed to revisit the topic at lunch.

  The rest of the round flew by, with the threesome getting along quite well. Ryan loved seeing her brother enjoy himself so much, and she thought that one of Conor’s most endearing traits was that he was unafraid to show his true feelings. He wasn’t the type of man who felt he had to play it cool. He let his boyish enthusiasm show through in nearly everything he did. Ryan studied him as he stood on the tee to hit his shot. When she really thought about it, she realized that he had changed very little since they were children. He was still full of energy and always ready to play a practical joke or engage in some form of competition. She was pleased to see that being an adult hadn’t hardened him, like so many people his age.

  He came back to the cart, grinning widely at his excellent tee shot on 18. "I fail to see what’s so hard about this little course," he said smugly. "I see the pros out here every year just hacking away. I don’t get it."

  Ryan laughed as his bravado. "This is the very rare day when the wind isn’t blowing, Conor. Add a 25 mile per hour wind, and this place can eat you alive."

  "I don’t know, Sis. I think I’ve just got what it takes," he said with a grin.

  When they finished their round, Chip made Ryan promise to tell Jamie that he was always available to help her with her game. He gave Ryan his card and wrote his home number on the back. "If her relationship doesn’t work out, I’d be happy to help her in other ways, too," he grinned.

  Ryan promised to relay the message; ignoring the tension she felt building from her brother. They said goodbye to Chip and began to walk toward the clubhouse for l
unch.

  "The nerve of that guy!" Conor fumed. "Who the hell does he think he is, trying to horn in on you!"

  "It’s okay," Ryan said. "He doesn’t know we’re together."

  "Nonetheless, you shouldn’t go sniffing around a woman when you don’t know what the situation is. For all he knows, she’s going out with me!"

  "I guess you do have a point there," Ryan agreed. "But if you were dating Jamie, you would have made a point to mention it at some time during the round. I’m not able to do that given our situation," she admitted.

  "That just really makes me mad, Ryan. I don’t see what the big damn deal is. So you’re both women. So what! You show each other more love than any ten straight couples I’ve seen. Why can’t people just get over themselves?"

  "Well, you know I haven’t spent much time in the closet in the last seven years," she said. "But Jamie’s not in the same place that I am with this. She needs time to figure out how and when to tell her parents, and the other people in her life. I’m afraid it’s going to take a while for her to be comfortable being fully out."

  "I wish this were easier for you both, Ryan. It must be hard for you having to hide how you feel about each other. Actually," he laughed, "I don’t know how you do it. It’s so obvious how totally in love with each other you are, I don’t know how you fool a soul."

  "We haven’t had to fool anyone besides Chip since we’ve um...you know," she blushed. "I do think it’s going to be a whole lot harder now than it was before."

  "Yeah, you two have really turned up the volume," he grinned.

  After they were seated they looked at the menu quickly. Ryan wanted two of everything, but she settled for a turkey club and a bowl of minestrone. Conor ordered a cheeseburger and fries. That sounded good to Ryan too, so she asked for fries also. After the server left Ryan asked, "Do you think it will be awkward having us around the house?"

  "No!" he said emphatically. "Why would you even ask that?"

  "I don’t know. I’m just afraid that it’ll upset our normal dynamic. Jamie and I touch each other every minute of the day, and I don’t want to make you guys uncomfortable with that."

  "Ryan, we are all perfectly happy that you are a lesbian. Being happy with that implies that we’re happy about you sleeping with women. We’re all cool with it, honestly. Aside from the fact that we’re all jealous that you snagged Jamie, we want you to be happy, Sis. It’s obvious that Jamie is the best thing that ever happened to you, so why wouldn’t we want her in our home?"

  "You know, Conor," she said as a tear threatened to leak out, "I don’t tell you nearly enough how much I love you and Rory and Brendan. I couldn’t have chosen better brothers."

  "We did pretty well for ourselves too, Ryan. Plus the added benefit of having a little jewel like Jamie added to the family is just icing on the cake." He smiled broadly as he added, "Although, if I got to play Pebble Beach once in a while, you could date a jerk and I’d still be happy!"

  Their food was delivered promptly, and they tore into it quickly, all conversation at a standstill until a substantial dent was made in the repast. When her hunger was sated enough for her to be able to speak, Ryan brought up their living situation again. "Do you think Da is really okay with us living in Berkeley during the week?"

  "I think he is. Now, I’m not denying that he’s sad about it, but I know he understands your reasons."

  "This really is going to be an adjustment for us, Conor. This is all so new for Jamie, I want her to be able to get comfortable with our relationship this summer. It’s so ideal having her roommates gone, I really feel we need to take this opportunity to get to know each other better."

  "I understand, Ryan. But Da’s still upset about Brendan moving out. His ideal would be to have all of us married, all living in the house, with a bunch of kids running around."

  "Well, Jamie and I are going to do our best to fulfill some of his wishes," she said with a grin.

  "Wow! I assume you mean Da’s number one wish to have a bunch of grandchildren. Are you planning on doing that anytime soon?" he asked.

  "Not soon, but eventually," she replied firmly.

  "Do you.... um.... need any help?" His tanned face grew a little pink as he blushed at the implications of his offer.

  Ryan gripped his arm and gave it a squeeze, reassuring him that she was comfortable with the topic. "It does seem a lot more real now that Jamie’s in the picture, doesn’t it?"

  The relief showed clearly as Conor blew out a breath and nodded his head. "When we talked about this before it was so hypothetical," he agreed.

  "It’s still pretty hypothetical," Ryan assured him. "But we discussed it a little bit this week. Jamie was kind of ambivalent about whether she wanted to bear a child or adopt one, but when I told her you had offered your services, she changed her mind immediately. She would love to have you be the father, if you were still interested."

  "Do I get to do it the old fashioned way?" His leering face indicated that this was just the beginning of the teasing she would face.

  "Yeah, no problem. We could have a three way!" she suggested, with a totally genuine looking smile on her face.

  "Well, doesn’t that just take all the fun out of it." He made a sour expression that caused Ryan to laugh out loud. "You really know how to spoil a party."

  "We’re a long way from taking that leap. We both want to go to graduate school, so it’ll be a few years. And you never know what could happen during that time. You might be with someone who didn’t want you to have a child by another woman."

  "Not a chance of that, Ryan. I would never be with a woman who didn’t understand my commitment to my family. You and the boys will always come first with me."

  "I hope that’s always true for all of us, Conor. That is one of the things that I found most attractive about Jamie, you know. She was crazy about all of you from the first time she met you."

  "Just another indication of her excellent taste," he said.

  "Speaking of taste, where’s our server? I need some dessert!" she decided.

  On the way home Conor asked, "Are we going to take off now?"

  "Not quite yet. I promised I’d do a little favor for Jamie’s dad. You could help me if you wanted to," she said.

  "What’s the favor?" he asked suspiciously.

  "He’s got some old cars that he needs me to drive. Are you interested?"

  "Since I’m guessing that he doesn’t have a backyard full of junkers up on blocks, I’m definitely in!"

  When they arrived back at the house, Ryan ran in to get all of the keys. Conor was walking around the yard when she returned, looking over the property. He pointed to Jamie’s tree house and asked, "Was that for Jamie when she was little?"

  Ryan nodded her affirmation. "Pretty nice for a kid, huh?"

  "I’ll say. I wonder if it’s big enough for an adult to fit in?"

  Ryan blushed and replied, "Yeah, it’s big enough."

  "Ryan! You two didn’t desecrate a child’s playhouse, did you?"

  A guilty shrug was his only answer.

  "Boy, she is a little live wire, isn’t she?"

  "She’s all that and a bag of chips," she smugly replied. As they approached the garage Ryan said, "I’m not sure what we’re driving today. I was so overwhelmed by the first two cars that I drove that I didn’t have the strength to look at the last two."

  "How many cars does he have?" Conor’s blue eyes were dancing with excitement, and Ryan was very pleased that she was able to share this with her big brother.

  "I’ve been afraid to ask. He’s got three muscle cars down here and a new NSX, plus a Suburban. I know he’s got a seven series BMW and a Range Rover in the city. And you saw her mother’s CLK. But I have a feeling there are more cars that I haven’t heard about. Her dad is a real car nut."

  "Why couldn’t our dad be a car nut?" he whined.

  "Conor, if Da was a car nut, all he could afford would be magazines with pictures of the cars he wanted. Jamie’s dad can actu
ally buy what he wants."

  "Well then, why couldn’t Jamie’s dad be our dad," he amended his plea.

  "I know you’re kidding, but you have no idea what you’re really asking for. Jamie really is the poor little rich girl, Conor. We’ve spent more time with Da this year than she has spent with her dad her whole life."

  "What about her mom?"

  "From what I hear she’s much worse than that. She took her to the opera and the symphony when she was three years old! Not that it’s a bad thing to have some culture, but she didn’t get to do any kid stuff. They never even took her to the zoo! They had all the money in the world, and she’s never been to Disneyland. They’ve traveled all over the world, but what kid wants to see the Louvre?"

  "I’m 28 years old and I don’t want to see it. I can’t imagine being dragged through museums when I was little. Gee, Mama hated to take us to church, and it was a mortal sin not to do that!"

  She stopped and looked at him for a minute, "I don’t remember that," she said with a somber look flitting across her features. "Tell me what it was like."

  Conor truly hated that his sister had so few memories of their mother. The four-year difference in their ages gave him a much larger catalogue of impressions, and he did his best to share them whenever he got the opportunity. "I don’t remember going when I was real little, but when I was six or seven I was in charge of you during Mass. Da would sit on one end and Mama on the other. You’d be next to Mama, and she and I had to tag team you. Rory would be by Da, and he and Brendan would try to keep him quiet. By the time Mass was over, you’d be half undressed, and you would usually be next to Da since Mama and I had given up on you."

  "Come on, I wasn’t that bad," she argued, unable to dispute Conor’s memory, but thinking it unlikely that she had been the little terror that he portrayed.

  "You were worse than that!" he assured her. "You hated to wear dresses, but Mama always had a frilly little dress on you for church. You had those cute little ruffled panties on under it, and you loved to pull your dress up over your head and show everyone your underwear. You’d get your socks and shoes off in no time flat, and it was a constant struggle to stop you from throwing them at people. You had a gun when you were just a baby. I swear you could hit the back of someone’s head from six pews back!"