Dear Heart, I Hate You

by J. Sterling

  Chicks were weird. Half the time they couldn’t stand each other and the other half they’d kill for one another. You never knew which half you were going to get.

  Heading for my seat, I said, “I was going to sit between you two, but seeing as how you’re both from LA, I figured I’d better let you ladies chat.”

  And that was all it took from me to get the two of them practically squealing with delight again and talking about all sorts of shit I knew nothing about. They mentioned specific restaurants and hotels and beaches they both knew, all while talking a million miles a minute. How women did that and still understood what the other was saying, I had no idea. But I did manage to pick up on the fact that they had a few mutual friends, which was surprising, but sort of cool.

  When the game started, the two of them didn’t slow down for a second. Their voices lowered to whispers, but I could still hear them chatting away like long-lost friends.

  I focused my attention on my brother, who was currently tearing up the ice, as usual. Cooper Donovan was a badass. Each time he scored a goal or got an assist, I wanted to announce to the entire arena that he was my brother. I was totally that relative.

  Jules leaned over and whispered in my ear, “Hey, she’s really great.”

  “I’m glad you like her.”

  Since my hand was already on her thigh, of course, I gave it a quick squeeze in agreement and leaned in to kiss her. Instead of pulling away after a quick kiss like I should have, I deepened it, unable to resist her lips the way she seemed unable to resist mine. Our tongues touched briefly and I realized I had to stop. Otherwise, I’d have a woody the size of Canada.

  When I pulled away, I noticed Katherine watching us, her attention more focused on Jules and me than on my brother skating around the ice. And I knew why. She’d seen me with other women in the past, but I’d never brought anyone to one of Cooper’s games before. It just never seemed to work out—I was either single whenever he was in town, or wasn’t serious enough about the girl to introduce her to my family.

  I refused to read into exactly what it meant that I’d brought Jules here tonight, because it meant nothing. She was leaving tomorrow, and then life could go back to the way it was before I ever knew she existed, and everything would be fine.

  I just wished I believed that.

  • • •

  When the game ended, I asked Katherine where we should meet for food, and she suggested we go to the hotel first so Cooper could decide what he was hungry for. They won the game, so at least he’d be in a good mood. He was a pain in the ass when they lost and typically sulked in his hotel room afterward, so I was thankful we wouldn’t have to deal with that.

  Instead of waiting at the locker room for Coop to shower and deal with the press, I wrapped an arm around Jules and headed toward the car. I had offered Katherine a ride back to the hotel but she declined, saying she already had one with one of the other hockey wives.

  “That was fun,” Jules said once we were inside the privacy of my car.

  “Did you even watch the game?” I asked with a grin.

  “I watched it! Sort of.” Her face crinkled as she looked at me with a worried expression. “I’m sorry. That was rude of me, wasn’t it? To spend more time talking to Katherine than watching your brother play? Shit. You’ll never take me again, will you? I’m a bad hockey date. You probably hate me now. I understand if you never want to see me again.”

  Her unfiltered thoughts kept spilling from her mouth, each sentence more paranoid than the last, but instead of scaring me, her words actually excited me. “You’re nuts. I don’t hate you.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.” I leaned over the center console and kissed her soft cheek. “You can come meet my brother, right?” I hadn’t even asked her if she had other commitments.

  She frowned at me. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “Sorry, I just wanted to be sure that it’s okay that we do that. You don’t need to get back early and go to bed, or have an early meeting in the morning for your conference? I just realized that I hadn’t even asked you.” After starting the engine, I turned on the seat heaters for both our seats.

  Her expression relaxed. “I’m good. I’d love to meet him. But thank you for asking.”

  I placed my hand back on her leg where it belonged. “Ready?”

  “Yep. Ooh, have I ever told you how much I love whoever invented seat heaters? Because I do. I love that guy.”

  “What if it was a girl?”

  “Then I love her.”

  She was absolutely adorable.

  I drove us to Cooper’s hotel and let the valet park the car. Based on the number of scantily clad girls hanging around in the hotel bar, we had obviously arrived before the team. Not wanting Jules to see that shit, I walked us toward the lounge area near the elevators.

  I spotted Katherine before I noticed Cooper walking behind her. He was taller than me, which should be against the rules. Older brothers should always be taller, smarter, and stronger. Damn it.

  When I said, “Here he comes,” Jules sucked in a breath.

  “Shit, Cal, he’s a giant. And he looks just like you. Only bigger.”

  Cooper and I did look a lot alike. He had green eyes instead of hazel and his hair was a little darker than mine. But with our features and the shape of our faces, you could definitely tell we were brothers.

  “I’m aware,” I said, trying not to roll my eyes.

  “Bro!”

  Cooper’s booming voice filled the small area as I rose to my feet and gave him a manly hug. We clapped each other’s backs before he tossed an arm around my shoulder and looked curiously at Jules.

  “Who’s this beautiful lady?”

  “This is Jules. Jules, this is my little brother, Cooper.”

  Cooper scoffed at me, obviously bristling at the word little, and stepped over to give Jules a giant bear hug, lifting her off the ground so her legs swung in the air, and Katherine laughed.

  “You’re much prettier than Lucas. Don’t you dare tell him I said that,” he directed toward me before returning his attention to Jules, “It’s really nice to meet you.”

  “It’s nice to meet you too.” When he plunked her on the ground and she added, “Great game tonight,” I bit back a grin, knowing that she had no clue how Cooper had done.

  “Thanks. What are you doing with this knucklehead?” He grinned, nodding his head in my direction.

  “Slumming it,” she deadpanned without skipping a beat, and Cooper burst out laughing.

  “I like her,” he said, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying that I did too. Obviously I did but I wasn’t ready to declare it—to him, to her, or to anyone else.

  He reached for Katherine’s hand and pulled her in for a tight hug. I loved Katherine like a sister, and couldn’t have been happier that my little brother found someone like her to spend his life with. They went through some crazy shit back when they were in college together, and after a freak accident, both of them had almost died. I wasn’t sure what that kind of thing did to two people who cared about each other, but I was pretty certain it created a bond that wasn’t easily broken. Trying to remember a time I’d ever seen them argue or fight, I searched my mind, but I couldn’t think of one.

  “You guys hungry?” Cooper asked, and I blinked twice before nodding.

  “I’m starving. You hungry, babe?” I asked Jules, the term of endearment rolling off my tongue so naturally that I didn’t even realize I’d said it until I saw the surprised looks on Katherine and Cooper’s faces.

  “Yes! Food please.”

  Jules batted her eyelashes at me, and I realized that I’d never gotten her anything to eat during the game. Like an idiot, I’d asked her once and then never asked her again. It was getting late, so she had to be as hungry as I was.

  “Should we go out, or do you want to just order room service?” Cooper asked.

  Ordering room service meant awkward eating positions on the beds in th
e hotel room, and while I liked the idea of complete privacy, I wasn’t sure I liked the idea of that. The hotel had a restaurant, but some of the players would probably be there, cheating on their wives or hooking up with their latest puck bunny, and I didn’t want to expose Jules to that shit.

  “We should go out,” I suggested. “There’s that sports bar nearby.”

  Cooper frowned. “Should we really go to a sports bar after we just beat the home team? They’ll probably throw beer at me.”

  “I’ll protect you, little brother,” I joked before pulling out my phone and looking at the time. “It’s late enough that everyone who watched the game is probably already gone for the night, but I’ll scope out the crowd before we go in. If it’s too crazy, we’ll go somewhere else, but our options will be limited because it’s so late.”

  He sighed. “You sure you don’t wanna just stay here?”

  “Come on.” Considering it a done deal, I reached for Jules’s hand and pulled her toward the lobby exit. She looked so damn cute all bundled up in my sweatshirt.

  When we reached the sports bar around the corner, it was all but dead, the hard-core hockey fans already gone.

  “Cal?”

  A couple of my college buddies waved to me from the bar. I steered our group toward them and gave them each a firm handshake before introducing everyone.

  “This is my brother, Cooper; his fiancé, Katherine; and this is Jules,” I said, showcasing the girl currently wearing my sweatshirt and curled within my arm.

  Pride filled me at the idea of showing Jules off. It was a foreign feeling, having someone I wanted people to know was with me, and not simply because she was pretty. Jules was so much more than that.

  We chatted briefly before I excused us, saying that we had to eat before we killed someone. The waiter seated us at a booth toward the back, as far from anyone else as possible at our request. He dropped off four waters, menus, and a giant basket filled with an assortment of breads and rolls before Jules stopped him from leaving.

  “Can you take a picture for us, please?” she asked sweetly as she handed him her phone. “I hope that’s okay?” She glanced at Cooper and Katherine, who both nodded.

  We huddled together and yelled Cheese! as the waiter took a few pictures, looking annoyed as he handed back her phone.

  Jules grinned as she scrolled through. “These are really cute,” she said and then handed over her phone to me.

  She was right. The pics were pretty cute.

  “Text them to me please,” Katherine insisted, and Jules tapped away on her phone. When the hell had they exchanged numbers?

  I leaned toward Jules. “Tell me you eat carbs,” I said as she put her phone away.

  Reaching toward the basket, she grinned. “I eat everything. Especially carbs.” She tore off a big piece of the bread and shoved it in her mouth while I laughed, returning my hand to its rightful place on her thigh.

  “Hungry?”

  She nodded, her mouth too full to respond before she swallowed. “I’m starving. Sorry.” She looked at Katherine and Cooper, who both waved her off. He couldn’t even speak, his mouth was so full.

  “Don’t be sorry,” Katherine said as she buttered her own roll.

  Cooper swallowed hard before taking a drink of his water. “So, Jules, when did you meet my dashing older brother?”

  “We just met yesterday, actually.”

  Cooper practically choked before punching at his chest. “Yesterday?” he squeaked out.

  I knew what he was thinking—that not only had I brought a girl I’d just met to his game, but also to hang out with him. This was so out of character for me, I’d never hear the end of it; that much I knew for sure.

  “Yeah,” I said, cutting in. “She’s just here for a conference. I had a retreat, and we were staying at the same hotel. She stalked me relentlessly, followed me everywhere I went.” Taking a bite of the sourdough bread, I relished the fact that it was still warm.

  Cooper gave me the eye. “I’m sure she did.”

  “Oh yeah, she definitely looks like the stalking type,” Katherine added with a smile.

  “I don’t even know why I’m here. You’re all horrible people,” Jules said with a laugh before taking another bite of her roll.

  “When do you leave?” Cooper asked.

  “Tomorrow evening.”

  When Jules said that, I felt something inside me sink. I didn’t want to talk about her leaving while I still had her here. My hand squeezed her thigh, and she rested her hand on top of it before weaving her fingers through mine.

  “That sucks,” Katherine said with a frown as Cooper tossed his arm over her shoulder and carefully moved her long brown hair out of the way so he wouldn’t pull it. He was so thoughtful when it came to her.

  “It does suck,” Jules agreed before looking at me.

  The sadness written all over her face gutted me. In that moment, I realized that I didn’t want her to go. I was tempted to ask her to change her flight, to beg her to stay, but I couldn’t do that.

  “It’s not like you guys can’t see each other after she leaves,” Katherine said, always the optimist. “Right?”

  I glanced back at Jules. It wasn’t as if the thought hadn’t occurred to me since she’d left my bed last night, but I hadn’t voiced it to anyone before now, not even myself. When our eyes met, hers were filled with hope.

  “That’s true,” I said, shrugging in a noncommittal way. “It’s not like you’re flying back to Sydney, or somewhere a thousand hours away.”

  “Nope. Not Sydney. Just LA.”

  Jules might have agreed, but her tone was off and I couldn’t read it. I didn’t like not knowing what she was thinking, and right now I had no clue.

  Maybe Jules didn’t want to see me after she left. She was as busy with work as I was, and had no more time for a relationship than I did. Was she fighting her feelings the same way I was? I had no idea.

  The waiter came back to take our drink order and told us that the kitchen closed soon, so we needed to get our orders in. We focused on our menus and quickly placed our orders before the conversation started up again.

  Katherine turned toward Cooper. “If I had moved home after freshman year in college, do you think we still would have ended up together?”

  My brother didn’t miss a beat. “Yes.” He kissed her cheek and looked at her the way a man truly in love looked at his woman. Their over-the-top mushy shit usually made me a little sick, but tonight I found it sort of sweet.

  What the hell is happening to me?

  “You two met in college, right?” Jules asked, and Katherine nodded. “Why would you have moved home?”

  When Katherine and Cooper exchanged glances, I knew what they were thinking. They had a unique history between them, and the accident that had landed them both in the hospital fighting for their lives was only part of it. There was more to the story that they didn’t share with anyone, some big secret only the two of them knew.

  As much as my curiosity had been piqued by that fact, I’d never pushed them for details. They wouldn’t have told me anyway. When pressed on the subject, they always said that some things were just too personal to share.

  Katherine gave Cooper an adoring look before turning her attention back to Jules. “It’s hard to explain, but I basically had a really difficult freshman year. I went through a lot of stuff and almost failed out.”

  “Really?” I’d never known that before and was shocked, unable to believe it. Katherine wasn’t the type to fail at anything.

  She nodded, her eyes sad. “Yeah. It was pretty bad.”

  “What would you have done if she had?” Jules asked my brother.

  “Gone to LA and gotten her,” he said matter-of-factly. When I laughed, he glared at me. “What are you laughing at?”

  “You say that like it’s so easy. You were just a kid. How the hell were you going to go to LA and get her?” I used my fingers to make air quotes around his words.

  Co
oper shifted in the booth, getting a little heated. “I would have flown there, would have brought her back to school, or moved there, or demanded we date long-distance. I wouldn’t have just done nothing.”

  Jules sucked in a long breath, her voice dreamy as she said, “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “Thanks, bro.” I tossed a piece of bread at my brother’s head and he dodged it effortlessly. Cooper was always making me look bad.

  Giving me a smug grin, he said, “It’s not my fault that I’m the romantic in the family. Sorry, Jules, but Cal doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body.”

  Jules looked at me and shrugged, a small smile playing on her lips. “I don’t know, Cooper. He’s done all right so far.”

  Take that, little brother.

  Cooper raised an eyebrow. “Really? I’m impressed.”

  I glared at him. “Contrary to popular belief, you’re not the only one who knows how to be sweet to women, okay?”

  He narrowed his gaze at me before looking at Jules, his gaze shifting between us. “Okay. If you say so.”

  Katherine rolled her eyes. “Oh my gosh, stop it. You’re both amazing, romantic, and hot, okay? No one can beat a Donovan brother.”

  “You hear that, Coop? Your fiancée thinks I’m hot.” I leaned back and tossed my arm around Jules, who was biting back a laugh.

  Katherine threw her hands up in the air with a laugh. “Why do I even try?”

  “Because you love me,” I said, looking right at her.

  Cooper looked at my date. “Jules, why’d you bring this knucklehead again?”

  “He looked lonely,” she answered quickly, and he nodded.

  “I could see that.”

  Jules smiled. “Can we go back to the subject of the two of you in college again?” She wagged a finger between my brother and his fiancée. “I’m sorry; I’m just intrigued by you guys. I don’t know anyone who found the person they wanted to spend the rest of their life with so young. Well, I guess I have known a few people, but they’re all miserable or divorced by now, and you both still seem happy and suited for each other. So, would you really have dated long-distance at that age? I don’t mean to pry—I’m just impressed.”