Dear Heart, I Hate You

by J. Sterling

  Cooper nodded. “I would have, for sure. I would’ve done anything for her.”

  “I probably would have said no and fought him on it,” Katherine said with conviction.

  I recoiled a little, shocked for the second time that evening. “Really?”

  As Katherine nodded, Cooper added, “She definitely would have been the more difficult one to convince. But I refused to give up on her, even when she wanted me to.”

  Katherine’s smile faded. “I’m sorry for wanting you to,” she said, as if whatever they’d gone through still bothered her.

  Damn! What exactly happened back then?

  “That was a long time ago,” Cooper said softly. “You know I understood.” He kissed her temple and focused on her, caressing her cheek and playing with her hair.

  A little uncomfortable, I cleared my throat, reminding them that we were still here. Those two tended to do that sometimes, get lost in their own world and forget anyone else existed.

  Our waiter came back with another waitress in tow, interrupting us when they set our plates in front of us. As soon as they walked away, the four of us attacked our food as if we hadn’t eaten in weeks. The sudden silence was almost laughable. It was the longest we’d gone without talking since we first sat down.

  After dinner, Cooper and I fought over the bill, as usual. After he won, we all walked back to his hotel so I could get my car and drives Jules home. We said our good-byes at valet parking, the chilled air mimicking how my insides felt. As much as I loved seeing my brother, I hated telling him good-bye. We never had enough time together anymore.

  “It was really nice to meet you,” Katherine said to Jules.

  “You too. Good luck with the wedding planning, and let me know the next time you’re in town. I mean it.”

  Katherine nodded. “I will for sure.”

  The sight of the two girls exchanging a hug warmed me inside. I liked the fact that they had gotten along well. It made things so much more pleasant when the females didn’t want to claw each other’s eyes out.

  I hugged my brother tight and released him with a pat on his shoulder. “Miss you. And great game tonight, by the way.”

  “Thanks. And thanks for coming. Maybe you can come out to LA to visit Jules and meet me at a game there?”

  Cooper made it sound so innocent, but I knew what he was doing. He was trying to push me to commit to seeing her again after she left tomorrow.

  “You never know,” I said with a shrug. At this point, I had no idea what would happen after Jules left, and I couldn’t think about it. Not right now.

  “Just trying to help, brother,” he said before giving me another quick hug.

  “Don’t need it, brother,” I said, mimicking his tone.

  “You might need it a little bit,” he added with a smile that looked exactly like our father’s before he reached for Jules. “It was really nice to meet you,” he said, then whispered something in her ear that I couldn’t hear.

  I didn’t like that. Not at all.

  Pushing aside my annoyance, I pulled Katherine into a hug and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. “It’s always good to see you, sis.”

  “You too. I really, really like her, by the way,” she said softly as we hugged, and I nodded in agreement.

  I liked Jules too, but she was leaving tomorrow, and that would most likely be the end of our story.

  It had to be. It was the only thing that made sense.

  Good-bye

  Jules

  “What did my brother say to you?”

  Cal kept badgering me in the car on the way back to our hotel, trying to get me to spill, but I refused. It was much more fun to torture him.

  “He said it was nice to meet me,” I said with a sly smile.

  “No, what did he whisper to you?” he asked again, and I played dumb.

  “He didn’t whisper anything. You’re imagining things.”

  He wasn’t. Cooper had told me that he’d never seen Cal so happy, and he hoped that things worked out between us. I didn’t know what that meant exactly, considering I was leaving tomorrow, but the last thing I wanted was to scare Cal off. If I told him what his brother had said, Cal would probably run for the hills. And I wasn’t ready for him to run yet.

  “All right, Jules, I’ll let you keep it to yourself. For now,” he teased before squeezing my leg.

  I watched as the city flew by us, my sense of direction completely out of whack. I had no idea where we were, where the hotel was, or if I’d seen any of these landmarks before. Everything looked different at night.

  “You okay?”

  When Cal’s voice broke through my thoughts, I turned away from the view outside my window and admired the other view—the one in the car.

  “Yeah. I had a really nice time tonight,” I said sincerely. Meeting Cooper and Katherine had been so much fun. They were an awesome couple.

  “I did too. They love you, by the way,” he said, and I couldn’t stop myself from smiling.

  “They’re really great. And Katherine already friend-requested me on Facebook.”

  “Double trouble.”

  “The best kind,” I teased. “They’re a really sweet couple, though.”

  “Yeah, they are. So annoyingly in love, but we all have our faults.”

  As he chuckled, I stared at those lips. Realizing how much I’d miss them, I pulled out my cell phone and took a picture of him while he drove. God, he’s handsome.

  “Did you just take a picture of me?” He glanced at me before refocusing on the road.

  “Yes. It’s hot as shit too, so don’t ask me to delete it, because I won’t.”

  “I think you might be using me for my lips.” He puckered, and when I moaned out loud, his hand gripped my leg tighter. “Don’t make sounds like that if you expect me to keep driving, Jules.”

  “Sorry, but you can’t just go around puckering those things whenever you feel like it. They’re lethal.”

  He grinned as he slowed the car to a stop. Surprised, I looked out the passenger window and saw with disappointment that we were in front of the hotel already. Since Cal had already checked out this morning, he had no reason to come inside.

  “You don’t have to come in, okay? I promise I won’t think any less of you,” I said, glancing at the clock on his dashboard.

  Not to mention how tired I was from my lack of sleep. If Cal walked me inside, I’d most likely ask him to come to my room and we’d have a repeat performance of last night. But this time, I probably wouldn’t be able to tell him no. Then I’d be really screwed. Pun intended. No, I needed Cal to stay put in his car.

  Unless this is the last time I’m seeing him before I leave . . .

  That thought sent panic through me. I hadn’t mentally prepared for tonight to be it for us. I’d assumed I’d at least see him again tomorrow, but what if he was busy or had plans?

  “Are you sure?” He frowned at me. “I don’t like not walking you inside, Jules.”

  “I know you don’t, but I’m a big girl.”

  Cal sucked in a long breath. “What time is your flight tomorrow?”

  A sliver of relief shot through me. “Six fifteen.”

  Concentrating on our joined hands, he said, “I won’t walk you in on one condition.”

  “And what might that be?”

  He looked up. “I get to drive you to the airport.”

  My heart stuttered a little at his words. “I’d like that a lot.”

  “Good.”

  He leaned across the console and cupped my cheek before pulling me in for a kiss. Our lips parted and we tasted each other, the thrill of it making my thighs clench together. Cal’s kisses set my entire body on fire.

  “God, I love kissing you,” he said against my mouth before he traced my bottom lip with the tip of his tongue.

  “I was just thinking the same thing,” I breathed into his mouth, then tugged at his bottom lip with my teeth. Biting lightly, I let it go as he ravaged me with his mouth,
our kisses desperate. It seemed even our mouths knew our time together was short.

  When we finally pulled apart, my lips tingled with the absence of his touch. Reaching in the backseat for my rose, I grabbed it before leaning in to give him one last kiss good night.

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” he said.

  “Okay.”

  I felt like a giddy schoolgirl again as I opened the car door and stepped out into the bitter cold, my body still warm from his kisses and his sweatshirt. When I realized I was still wearing it, I almost turned around to give it back to him, but decided I’d sleep in it instead. If I wasn’t going to really be sleeping with Cal, the scent of him would have to do.

  • • •

  The last day’s schedule was light, mostly opportunities for us to ask questions, mingle, and network. Trying to focus on all three tasks, I hoped to bring something helpful back to my office in Malibu. If my boss, Jonathan, deemed this trip a total waste of time, he’d most likely never let me attend a conference like this again. And to be honest, it had been fun to get away and meet new people.

  I spotted Robin mingling in the sparse crowd before she saw me, and prepared myself for her onslaught of questions. Our other two friends, Kristy and Sue, had left yesterday, so Robin and I were the only ones left from our group.

  Her face lit up and she hurried over to me. “There you are.”

  “Here I am.”

  When I played nonchalant, she swatted my arm. “How was last night? Tell me something that will get me through the next month with my husband.” She put her hands together as she pleaded. “I beg you—lie if you have to.”

  With an uncomfortable laugh, I said, “He’s fantastic.” It was a lame response, but wasn’t sure how else to describe Cal, or what I should say.

  “In bed?” she said hopefully. “Please follow that up with ‘in bed.’”

  “I’m sure he is.” I grinned. “But I wouldn’t know.”

  “Damn it, Jules. I counted on you,” she said with a huff.

  Lowering my eyelashes, I pretended to be upset. “I’m sorry I let you down.”

  “You should be,” she scolded before laughing loudly. “Will you see him before you leave? Do you need a ride to the airport?”

  I couldn’t stop the smile that spread across my face, and Robin’s eyes widened.

  “Oh my gosh! He’s taking you, isn’t he?” When I nodded, she said, “Then I’ll want another full report. Don’t think just because you’re going back to California that you don’t have to keep me up-to-date. I expect e-mails.”

  “You got it,” I promised.

  Actually, I was excited at the idea of e-mailing Robin about Cal. I knew that she’d make me laugh and encourage me to be brave when it came to him, not that I would need it. Normally I wouldn’t be all gung-ho about a guy like this, but my usual attitude had all but left the building when I sat down at Cal’s table the other night.

  My phone buzzed with several notifications in quick succession, and I pulled it from my pocket. When I saw the dark blue smiley face, I couldn’t get the text app open fast enough.

  Dream Lips: When can I come get you?

  Dream Lips: Now? How about now?

  Dream Lips: Are you done yet? Jules!

  My insides warmed as I smiled.

  “Is that from him?” Robin asked. “You should see your face right now.”

  I didn’t need to see my face; of course I looked crazy. There was no way I couldn’t, considering how I felt.

  My heart raced, beating in double-time as I composed a response to his message.

  Jules: I’m ready anytime. Say the word.

  Dream Lips: Word.

  I stashed my phone in my pocket and pulled Robin into a hug. “I’m going to go hang with him until I leave. It was so nice meeting you, Robin. You’re hilarious.”

  “It was nice meeting you too, sweetie. Don’t forget that I need to live vicariously through you. If you don’t send me e-mails, I’ll harass the living shit out of you and call your boss,” she threatened.

  Laughing, I shook my head. Robin from Boston was crazy.

  Moving a little quicker than usual, I headed to the front desk and handed the concierge my ticket. As she disappeared to get my things, I tapped on the counter, impatient to get going.

  As I was rolling my luggage toward some empty chairs, Cal appeared at my side and took my suitcase off my hands.

  “You’re already here?” I looked at him with surprise.

  He cocked his head to the side, his hazel eyes filled with mischief. “Nope.”

  Smartass.

  “I have your sweatshirt from last night,” I said, hoping like hell he didn’t want it back.

  Yes, I had become that girl, the type who wanted to keep a piece of clothing because it smelled like him. If I was never going to see Cal again, the least he could do was give me a damn souvenir.

  “Keep it.” He didn’t even hesitate. “You know you want to,” he added, seemingly unable to resist being a smartass tonight.

  I sent a sideways look in his direction. “You’re sassy tonight.”

  “And you like it,” he shot back.

  Stopping short, I stared at him. When he realized he’d lost me, he turned and looked back at me with a smug smile.

  I shrugged. “I do sorta like it.”

  “And you wanted to keep the sweatshirt. Admit it,” he said as he reached for my hand.

  Threading my fingers through his, I lied, “I wasn’t going to give it back to you anyway,” and Cal barked out a quick laugh.

  “I might miss this a little,” he said as he dropped a kiss on top of my hand. “Our banter.”

  A little? Hell, I was going to miss this a lot.

  “Me too. But just a little.” I lied again, holding back my real feelings. Protecting myself, I shoved them deep inside for the moment and refused to let them escape. Because if I let them out, I couldn’t take them back.

  “I know I’m a little early,” he said, “but I thought I could take you to my favorite diner before you left.”

  “You have a favorite diner? They still have diners in Boston?”

  What a charming notion. We didn’t really have diners in LA, not in the traditional sense like the ones you saw on TV.

  “We have a few diners here. Why is that so hard to believe?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I don’t picture you as a diner sort of guy.”

  He frowned at me, actually scoffing. “I’m from New Jersey. Of course I’m a diner guy. And I’ll have you know that this particular diner serves the best burgers in all of Boston. Not to mention that it has the best waitresses who remind you to eat when you’ve spent hours in a chair studying for exams.”

  I squeezed his hand. “All right, Cal Donovan, take me to your diner and feed me your favorite diner food.”

  “You got it, lady.”

  • • •

  The diner was exactly how I’d pictured it, intimate and well-worn. Checkered cloths covered the tables, and swivel bar stools lined the front of a long counter.

  Cal led us toward two empty seats, and when I started spinning on mine as soon as I sat down, he laughed.

  “Jules.”

  “Cal?” I said, spinning around one more time. “Okay, I’ll stop.”

  “Don’t stop on my account. Or the guy sitting next to you.” He pointed at the burly man sitting on my other side.

  “Sorry,” I said to my new neighbor, feeling silly.

  The man leaned toward me and said in a confidential tone, “I used to spin in them too as a kid. I get it.”

  I was wearing a victory smile as Cal handed me a menu, but I pushed it away. “Huh-uh.”

  “You’re not hungry?” He pouted at me in disappointment.

  I grinned back at him. “Oh no, I’m hungry. But you said it’s your favorite place, so I want you to order for me.”

  This was a new one for me; I’d never allowed a guy to order a meal for me before. Chalk this up to another fi
rst in my weekend of firsts.

  “That I can do.” He winked at me and then greeted our waitress when she approached.

  Cal ended up ordering identical meals for us, their famous Boston burger with homemade pickles and fries. I had no idea why the burger was so mouthwateringly delicious, but it was. It might have been the seasoning or maybe it was the bun, but whatever it was, it was one of the best burgers I’d ever eaten. The homemade pickles and fries were top-notch too.

  After pushing back my plate, I rubbed my stomach, feeling overly stuffed. “That was so good.”

  “I told you. But save some room,” he warned.

  I patted my belly. “There’s no more room. It’s full.”

  “But you can’t leave without having a slice of their Boston cream pie.”

  Scrunching up my face in an attempt to pout, I said, “Cal, I’m stuffed. Like a turkey on Thanksgiving day.”

  “Then I’ll only order one piece and we can share it. You have to try it. You won’t be sorry.” He raised his eyebrows, knowing that I would give in.

  “Fine,” I huffed. “What’s in it?”

  He gave me an incredulous look. “What? You’ve never had Boston cream pie before?”

  “I haven’t. I’ve seen it, of course, but I’ve never actually tried it.”

  Cal shook his head at me and clucked his tongue. “Jules, I don’t know how you’ve lived such a sheltered life all these years. Let me introduce you to the best thing to ever hit your taste buds.”

  The waitress brought over a piece of what looked like cream-filled sponge cake covered with a layer of chocolate drizzle.

  “Ladies first,” Cal said, pushing the plate in front of me.

  Eager to please, I grabbed my fork and took a bite. Holy hell. It was unbelievable, so moist and light with just the right amount of sweetness.

  “Jules?”

  I heard Cal say my name, but he sounded far away. When he spoke again, I threw my hand up between us to stop him.

  “Don’t talk to me. I’m busy.” When he laughed and tried to stick his fork into the cake, I said, “I will hurt you,” poising my fork over his hand.