by Lily Rose
Hawke wrapped his arm around my waist then guided me up the bed until my head rested on a pillow. He still hadn’t kissed me yet, and I was anxiously waiting for it. This had disaster written all over it, but I would deal with the regret in the morning.
He lay beside me. He turned on his side then yanked me into him. My leg was pulled over his hip, and his arm hooked around my waist possessively. Our faces were pressed close together, but no kiss followed.
Touching his body like this felt so good… Just feelings his skin against mine gave me more satisfaction than being with anyone else.
Hawke took a deep breath like he felt it too, like he desperately wanted me but was satisfied with this at the same time. The intimacy and vulnerability was taxing to both of us. There was nowhere to hide. Our hearts and souls were laid bare, nothing obstructing them from reaching each other.
The anticipation before a kiss was sometimes better than the kiss itself, and feeling our bodies tangled together. But I loved how in tune we were. It was just him and I and nothing else.
He pulled me closer to him, and we became a single being. His face was close enough for a kiss but he never leaned in. His eyes were wide open and he stared at me, not looking at my naked body. He just stared into me, seeing my soul. Only he could recognize it because it was identical to his own.
And when I stared into his eyes, I saw his too.
19
Breakfast
Hawke
I was up early because it was impossible for me to sleep in. No matter how late I was up, I was still awake by eight the following morning. Francesca was the opposite of me. She could sleep forever if no one disturbed her.
I went for a morning jog, and when I got back, I made breakfast. I cooked French toast, eggs, and bacon. But it sat out for nearly an hour because she hadn’t woken up yet so I ate without her.
At noon, she finally woke up.
She came into the living room with messy hair and smeared make up. She wore one of my t-shirts, and her beautiful body was covered. She squinted as she ran her fingers through her hair. “What time is it?”
“12:30.”
She cringed. “The day is already gone.”
“Hungry?”
She rubbed her flat stomach. “I skipped a meal today. I’m starving.”
I reheated the food then set it on the table.
She plopped down, still a little hung over. “This looks good.”
“Thanks.”
“Aren’t you going to eat?”
“I already did.”
“Oh…” Her face fell in embarrassment. She picked up her fork and kept her gaze averted as she ate.
I sat beside her at the table and watched her.
“When did you wake up?”
“Eight”
“What have you been doing?”
“I went for a jog then did some work from my laptop.”
“Geez…you’re making me feel lazy.”
“You are lazy.” I gave her a teasing look before I touched her foot with mine under the table.
She kept eating until her plate was wiped clean. “That was good. Thank you.”
“I don’t mind cooking for a beautiful woman.”
She stilled at that comment, and I wasn’t sure why. Then she took the plate to the sink where she rinsed it before placing it in the dishwasher. “Do you mind if I use your shower?”
“Of course not.”
She walked into the bathroom then locked the door behind her.
Knowing she was in the shower made me think of her naked body. Her skin was flawless like it’d never been exposed to the elements. It was smooth, and feeling my body pressed against it was naturally soothing. While I was insanely attracted to her, all I’d wanted was to feel that connection between us. It wasn’t about sex. It was about feeling at home. She grounded me, gave me a world where I could feel safe. I’d lived without it for so long, and now I couldn’t handle it anymore.
I needed it.
When she came out of the shower, her hair was still a little damp, but her face was clean. She changed in the bedroom then came out wearing the cocktail dress she wore the night before. Her legs were simply stunning. “Well, thanks for breakfast…” She grabbed her clutch then turned to the door.
She thought she was leaving?
I left the table then came to her side. “I was going to watch a Katharine Hepburn movie. Want to join me?” Francesca liked watching old movies. I was indifferent to them, but I thought it was cute she enjoyed them so much.
She gripped her clutch like she was uncomfortable. Regret was written all over her face. She wished she hadn’t stayed here the night before, hadn’t lain naked with me in that bed. Nothing happened, but in actuality, a lot did. Now, she was backpedaling, knowing our relationship was becoming too much for her. She needed to keep her distance, and she knew she wasn’t succeeding at that. “I really should get going. I have laundry to do…”
“I can go over there.” I had her cornered.
“I need to do some bookkeeping too—for the shop.”
This time, I gripped her hips and positioned her in front of me. “Francesca, stay with me.” I didn’t want her to slip through my fingers. Every time she questioned what she was doing, I had to erase her doubt. I wouldn’t be another mistake. She could trust me.
When my hands were on her, she struggled to resist me. The defeat was in her eyes. She didn’t want to be anywhere else but here—with me. “I can’t stay too long.”
I smiled because I knew that wasn’t true either. She’d spend the night again.
We curled up together on the couch, with her lying on top of my chest. The blanket covered both of us, and while the world continued on around us, we sat frozen in time.
Instead of watching the movie, I watched her. My hand fisted her hair while the other remained hooked around her waist. The small of her back was so prominent. It was one of the things I was most attracted to. I used to kiss that area while she lay on her stomach, and the touch would drive her wild. I still remembered all the little things she loved…like I could ever forget.
The movie just ended when her phone started to ring.
I wanted to turn it off.
Francesca glanced at the screen. “It’s Marie.”
My hand was still in her hair, anchoring her to me.
She answered it. “Hey, how are you feeling?” She listened to her response on the other line. “That bad, huh? I can’t say I’m surprised. You got a little crazy there.” She listened again. “Sure, I’ll swing by and bring you something.”
Dang it, Marie.
Francesca disconnected then sat up. “Marie wants me to bring her some soup.”
“Axel is busy?”
“He says he doesn’t want to leave her.”
Wuss.
“It’s just as well,” she said as she stood up. “I should get going anyway.” She pulled her heels on. The same regret came into her eyes when she realized she spent the entire afternoon with me. She wanted to be close to me, but she also wanted to move on from me.
“Want me to walk you home?”
“I can handle it.” She grabbed her clutch and fluffed her now dry hair. “I’ll see you later.” She avoided eye contact and headed for the door.
I grabbed her by the elbow before she could leave. I turned her toward me, keeping my hand on her. “I’ll see you later.”
A slight expression of surprise moved into her eyes. She clearly expected me to ask her to stay. As much as I wanted to hold her down and never allow her to leave, I knew that wouldn’t get me anywhere—not with her.
Cassandra texted me. What are you doing tonight?
I met Cassandra a few weeks ago at a bar. We hooked up, and since she was surprisingly good in bed, I invited her over a few more times. It surprised me how many women were okay with a purely physical relationship.
I didn’t respond because Axel immediately texted me afterward. Lunch?
I eyed the clock
and realized it was noon. When I was working, the time flew by. Where?
Firebrick?
It was an Italian place just a block over from my office. K.
I hadn’t spoken to Axel since I dropped Marie off. He didn’t know what was going on between Francesca and me or that I was getting close to regaining her trust.
I walked into the restaurant and took a seat at the table. “Hey, how’s it going?” I grabbed the menu and browsed.
“Marie is back on her feet. Took her a while though.”
“I said what’s new with you.”
“She is me, idiot. And I thought she had alcohol poisoning for a second.”
“She’s fine now?” I asked, genuinely concerned.
“Yeah, I took care of her.”
His phone rang and he answered it. “Hey, baby. What’s up?”
Of course, it was Marie. I kept looking through the selections since I had nothing else to do. I would probably get a salad. It’s what I usually got.
“You want to join us?” he asked. “We’re at Firebrick.”
The only time it was just he and I was when we were playing basketball and that was because Marie didn’t play basketball.
“Yeah,” he said into the phone. “Bring Francesca too.”
That caught my attention.
“Alright, see you soon. Love you.”
I tried not to roll my eyes.
“Bye.” He hung up and set the phone on the table. “My fiancée is coming.”
“So I heard.”
“She’s bringing Francesca.”
“I heard that too.”
“Any progress with her?”
It was tense when I talked about other women, but it was particularly awkward when I talked about his sister. “A little. She slept over last night.”
Axel’s eyes widened slightly but he didn’t look angry. “Yeah?” He didn’t ask for the details.
“We just slept together, nothing else.” I didn’t want Axel to get the wrong idea.
“And you just slept?”
Well, we were buck-naked but the details were irrelevant. “Yeah.”
“Then why was she there?”
I shrugged. “Haven’t you ever just slept with Marie? You know, cuddled?”
“Yeah, but I’m marrying her. I assumed that a couple getting back together would be hot and bothered for each other.”
We are. We definitely are. “She and I are different. We just like to be together sometimes.”
“So, is there a reconciliation on the horizon?”
“Yes, but I don’t think it’s going to happen overnight. I don’t mind being patient. I know I really hurt her.”
Axel didn’t agree with me, which was a first. And he wasn’t so protective of her either. Maybe he was beginning to realize that she was an independent woman and capable of taking care of herself.
Marie and Francesca walked into the restaurant and headed to our table. Francesca wore a leather jacket over her t-shirt, trying to cover up the flour on her clothes. Her hair was in a loose bun. I liked it when she pulled her hair back. She had a beautiful face with nice cheekbones. Our eyes locked when she approached, and a silent conversation happened between us.
“Hey, baby.” Axel immediately jumped out of his chair and kissed Marie. “You’re looking really hot in that dress.”
“Thanks.” Like always, color tinted her cheeks.
I noticed Axel complimented her left and right, but his words didn’t seem empty.
Francesca came to my side of the table and watched me with hesitation.
I stood up but didn’t touch her. “Hi.”
“Hi.”
Our greetings were still awkward, even after everything that happened over the past few months. “Managed to get away from work for a little bit?”
“Yeah, I was starving.”
I pulled out the chair for her without thinking twice about it.
She eyed it before she sat down.
I pulled in my chair and sat beside her, aware of how close we were. I wanted to grab her hand and hold it on my thigh but I managed not to. This weird relationship, being friends and almost lovers, was confusing. Sometimes, I thought it was okay if I gave her public affection, but when I read her mood, I knew it wasn’t.
After Axel and Marie finished their smooch-fest, they sat down.
“Want to split something?” Axel asked.
This guy couldn’t be more whipped.
“Sure,” Marie said. “How about the spaghetti?”
“Perfect,” he answered. Then he asked her about her day.
Francesca and I were pretty much ignored.
I cleared my throat. “How are things?”
“Good,” she said. “You?”
I just saw her the other day and there wasn’t anything new to discuss. “Good. All work and no play.”
“You’re at lunch. It looks like you have some leeway.”
“Only because my boss is a decent guy.” I smiled at my own joke.
“I don’t know…he seems like a real jerk to me.”
“But a hot one, right?”
“He’s okay,” she said with a shrug.
I playfully brushed her leg with mine under the table. “You’re full of it.”
“He’s named after a bird,” she said. “How cool could he be?”
I tried not to laugh. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”
“Or what?” she challenged.
I wanted to grab her face and kiss her hard on the mouth. The need gripped me by the throat and squeezed. When she sassed me back like that, it turned me on. She was so sexy and adorable at the same time. “Or the next time you sleep over we won’t actually sleep.”
Her teasing nature immediately disappeared. A look of desire replaced it, and when she realized her feelings were on display, she sipped her water to hide it.
The waiter came to our table, and our eye contact was broken by his presence. When it was my turn to order, I looked at the menu as I made my selection. My phone vibrated on the table with a text message but I didn’t look at it. “I’ll take the seafood pasta.”
“Very good, sir.” He took our menus before he walked away.
Once he was gone, I glanced at my phone. To my horror, it was Cassandra.
I want see you again. XOXO. And to top it off, there was a scandalous picture of her. I immediately locked the screen in the hope that Francesca didn’t see it.
But she did.
I could tell by the sudden coldness emanating from her. She wouldn’t make eye contact with me, and she purposely looked out the window, keeping her shoulders slightly turned away from me.
Crap.
I wanted to fix it then and there, but I couldn’t with Marie and Axel sitting across from us. I couldn’t afford any setbacks right now, not when Francesca was so fragile. It was one thing for Cassandra to ask me to hook up, but why did she have to send a picture? She had nothing on Francesca, but of course, Francesca would feel threatened by a beautiful woman who had the confidence to take a picture like that.
I was screwed.
At the end of lunch, we said goodbye on the sidewalk.
“Baby, I’ll walk you to the office.” Axel put his arm around her waist.
“I can make it on my own,” Marie said.
“Come on,” Axel said. “You’re going to be my wife soon. I don’t mind.”
Yes, just walk away.
“I’ll see you guys later.” Francesca made a quick wave before she darted down the sidewalk, clearly trying to get away from me.
I didn’t bother saying goodbye to them when I followed after her. “Francesca.”
She quickened her pace.
I wasn’t going to chase her down. That wasn’t my style.
She didn’t look back, but she stopped at a cross walk because she needed to get across the street. She pressed the button, and when the light didn’t change, she pressed it again anxiously.
I stopped by her side. “It’s no
t what you think.”
She pressed the button again like that would make me go away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’m not sleeping with her anymore.”
“She’s gorgeous. Maybe you should start again.”
I gritted my teeth and managed not to growl. Francesca was never the jealous type, and I loved that about her. “How could you possibly be threatened by her? I’m in love with you, but she’ll always be some chick that I won’t remember.”
Francesca tapped her foot as she waited for the light to change.
“I’m sorry that she texted me but that was out of my control.”
The light finally turned green and she immediately took off.
I matched her pace. When we reached the opposite side, I grabbed her by the arm and pulled her out of the way of the crowd. “It happened over a month ago. End of story.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and watched the people walk by.
“Aren’t you going to say something?”
She slowly turned to me, the anger in her eyes. “I am going to say something. You’re wrong.”
“I’m wrong?” About what?
“I have every right to be threatened by her. Because while I was curled up in a ball in my bed every single day after you left, you were spending your nights with nobodies just like her. You say you love me, but you leave. You never leave those girls. Anytime they come back for another round, you’re available. So, yes. I should be threatened by a gorgeous supermodel that sends racy photos to you.” Her eyes welled up with tears and her voice cracked with emotion.
I felt like a jerk.
“You know what? I stand by what I said before. This is never going to work. Maybe I need to get over what happened and stop living in the past, but that’s not so simple to accomplish. Not once did you call or check on me. You just disappeared. My mom was taken from me, and then my dad abandoned me. Then you did the same thing. I’m not going through that again, Hawke. We’re done—for good.”
Why did she have to text me?
