Inherited Light_A Small-Town, California Romance Filled with Dogs, Deception, and Finding True Love Despite Our Imperfections

by Katie Mettner

  I shook one foot as it crossed over my knee. “I’m happy to hear she’s doing better. She needs the music to help deal with the pain and anger she feels sometimes. I can remember waking up to the piano and falling asleep to the saxophone most nights. She craves whatever it does for her soul.”

  "I suppose Catalina is the same way. She uses her art to escape her real life,” he said aiming for cagey, but he’s too easy to see through.

  I leaned forward and wiped some sawdust from my dungarees. "Maybe, though I’m not sure she’s trying to escape her life. I guess her art gallery does the same thing Cinn’s band does. It's a natural progression."

  He pursed his lips and wiggled them around a few times. “Right, well, okay then. Good talk.”

  I choked back a laugh. “You’re terrible at this, Foster. Why didn’t my sister come to me and ask her own questions?”

  He rolled his eyes to the top of his head. “I told her this wasn’t going to work.”

  This time I let the laugh escape. “Cinn forgets I already know what you’re feeling when you show up at the door. Since we have all the nonsense out of the way, what does she actually want to know?”

  “Honestly?” he asked and I nodded. “I don’t know. How’s that for frankness?”

  “I appreciate the honesty, Foster, but why did she send you if she doesn’t know?”

  “I think she’s worried about you, but isn’t sure why. The job here is wrapping up,” he explained.

  “I have a few small jobs lined up for the next few weeks, but I know I need to make a decision about the business. With the investigation and having to stay with Cat, I’ve put it on the backburner.”

  “She’s also worried about that.”

  “The business or me staying with Cat?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

  “The staying with Cat part. She thinks you’re going to end up hurt.”

  “Well, she can think whatever she wants, but I’m not five anymore.”

  He picked Poopsie up and brushed some sawdust from her fur. “Which I also told her, but you’re her little brother and being with someone like Cat is a difficult row to hoe.”

  I stood before I realized I had and shook with anger. “A difficult row to hoe? Did you just say that to me about the woman I love?”

  His eyebrows went up, but he didn’t say anything. I laced my hands through my hair, pacing the floor in anger. “Is it so hard to believe I could fall in love with her? She’s beautiful, talented, and so damn electric every time I touch her. All of you need to stop with the wheelchair crap and start accepting that Cat’s here to stay.”

  He frowned. “Wheelchair crap? I don’t know what you mean.”

  I whirled around and held my hands out. “It seems the fact she’s in a wheelchair makes everyone lose their mind. She can’t walk, whoopee. She uses a wheelchair, whoopee. I can’t draw a stick figure and she can draw intricate images with a pencil while waiting for lunch to finish. I’m not sure why it’s any different than you falling in love with my sister. She has her own issues and while they may not be something you can see on the outside, she’s still medically fragile.”

  “I do recall one conversation we had where you threatened to make my life a living hell if I hurt your sister.”

  I threw my arms out. “What’s your point? I already knew you loved her, I could feel it every time you entered a room where she was. I’m her brother and I’m always going to have her best interests at heart.”

  He tucked Poopsie under his arm and patted my back on the way by. “Forget we ever had this conversation. The salon is fantastic and I can’t wait to get the keys from you in a few days.” He strode to the door and yanked it open, disappearing into the afternoon sun.

  I kicked the toolbox he had been sitting on with my boot. It tinged from my steel toe colliding with it, but it didn’t budge. What’s happening here? I asked myself. Why do I feel like I’m the only sane one in a world of crazy people? I sat on the chair and held my head in my hands. So many things have happened in such a short time, I struggled to find slots to put everyone else’s feelings, so I could sort my own.

  There was a cold nose on my hand and I opened an eye to see Brutus standing in front of me. Cinn followed him through the door.

  I held up my hand. “I can’t do this, Cinn. I’m sorry, but I’m overwhelmed right now.”

  She knelt and put her arms around me, resting her head near mine. “I should have come and asked my own questions, but I was afraid.”

  “You should have,” I answered. “It put both Foster and me in a weird place.”

  “I thought you might talk to him more willingly than me about your relationship with Cat,” she said, letting go and sitting on the toolbox where her husband had sat only minutes before.

  “I’m tired, Cinn. Can we talk another day?”

  She shook her head no. “Normally I would say yes, but not on this particular day.”

  “What makes this day any different?” I asked, giving Brutus some attention.

  “I had lunch with Catalina and she told me what happened last week.”

  “You should probably narrow it down for me,” I said sarcastically.

  “The night you told her you love her.”

  “Ahhh. Yup, I did,” I answered noncommittally.

  “And she didn’t react well.”

  I shrugged. “Not as I had hoped, but hey, if it’s how she feels.”

  “It’s not how she feels and you damn well know it. I don’t need to tell you how anyone feels and it’s a ridiculous notion to think I do.”

  “Why are you here then? Let me guess, you’re as concerned about the wheelchair as everyone else?”

  She let out a sound I couldn’t describe if I tried. “Foster told me you said the same thing to him. Why do you think we care about the wheelchair?”

  “Because I can’t figure out why else anyone would have a problem with me getting involved with her. Older or not, she’s a successful woman who is highly respected in the community.”

  “You have to consider it from the angle of the people who are worried about it,” she said, “but for the record I’m not worried about it. Dad, he’s worried about it, because he’s raised a woman with an illness which has affected every single aspect of her life. Mamá, she’s worried because she wants you to have a normal life away from the way you were raised. Your childhood revolved around one person, and she wants you to experience life before you set your sights on something you can’t predict. Foster, he’s not at all concerned about the wheelchair. In fact, he has no concerns whatsoever since he’s been in your shoes. You might want to keep him on your side, he’s already defended you more times than necessary in the last few weeks.”

  I tipped my head in acknowledgement of her words. “Only you and Tabby are left,” I said. “How do you feel?”

  “You already know how I feel.”

  I shook my head. “I wish I could say I did, but your own health has confused your aura to the point it just feels like static to me.”

  “Your gift is still working then. I feel like my life is static right now,” she answered.

  I leaned forward onto my thighs. “Because you’re not moving anywhere?”

  “Exactly,” she agreed. “Foster and I can’t move on with our life until I’ve healed, again. It’s frustrating.”

  “And you’re trying to prevent me from feeling the same frustration?” She nodded and I sighed. “Cinn, I will never feel the same frustration you do because I’m not the one with the health condition. Even though I don’t experience it firsthand, I can feel how frustrated Cat gets, even when she denies it.”

  “She told me she asked you to move in. What did you decide?” she asked, petting Brutus.

  I shrugged. “I haven’t. I’m trying to decide if it’s a test to see if I truly love her or not.”

  “Because if you don’t agree to move in then you’re not committed to the relationship?” she asked.

  “The thought crossed my
mind.”

  She twisted her hands around on her lap. “Have you been, ah, intimate?” she asked rather choppy.

  I ran my hand over my face. “Cinn, I’m not the kind of guy who talks about my sex life like it’s a conquest.”

  “I know you aren’t, and I’m not asking for details. I’m asking because as a woman with a chronic health condition, I know how it feels to wonder if everything hinges on one experience.”

  My eyes bore into hers and what I saw was honesty. “We’ve shared her bed, but not in an intimate way,” I answered finally.

  “Then her asking you to move in is absolutely a test,” she said immediately.

  I cocked my head to the left. “I don’t understand. You mean since we haven’t made love she’s trying to figure out what level I’m ready to commit to?”

  She held her hands out. “She told me as much. She said you want to wait until you’re married. Can I ask why?”

  “I already told her why.”

  “She explained to me what you said. I’m asking you why you think refusing to make love before you’re married will convince her you’re committed.”

  I touched my temple. “It’s not rocket science, Cinn. If we aren’t intimate until after we’ve signed on the dotted line, it shows her I’m in it for the long haul.”

  She laughed openly then, almost uncontrollably. “You’re sorely misguided here, Lorenzo.”

  I sighed. “You don’t agree? You’re encouraging premarital sex?”

  She rolled her eyes as if I might be the dumbest man in the world. “Like you haven’t already had premarital sex, Lorenzo. Give me a break.” She waved her hand as if to start fresh. “First of all, signing a marriage certificate means nothing when it comes to long term commitment, look at Josh. Second, I don’t agree with withholding intimacy, instead of exploring it together before your marriage. Exploring it now allows her time to build her confidence in how serious you are about being with her, as well as calm her fears about the logistics of a long term sexual relationship with a man.”

  I squirmed in my chair. “Can I just say I’m super uncomfortable right now?” I asked.

  “Sure, you can say anything you want. I certainly am. I’ve been where she’s at, Lorenzo,” she said holding her hand toward the door. “I’ve wondered how he would feel making love to a woman with a tube in her abdomen, scars crisscrossing her belly, and her ribs sticking out. There’s something intensely fearful for a woman who isn’t physically perfect the way magazines and TV shows portray women. While your intentions are honest and pure, you’re causing her more anxiety.”

  I threw up my arms in frustration. “But I’m trying to ease her anxiety,” I countered.

  She held up her hand. “I know, but she doesn’t see it as lessening her anxiety. For her it feels like you’re hedging away from seeing all those parts of her which aren’t perfect. She knows you don’t understand she has needs and situations far more distinct than an able-bodied woman does in the bedroom. She can’t use her lower body, she can’t get herself in certain positions, and she can’t figure out why or how she would satisfy someone as virile as you. She’s thirty and you’re twenty-four.”

  I tried not to smirk. “All the more reason why she should have all the confidence in the world. I could be out with any woman my own age, but she’s the one who captivates me.”

  A smile finally tipped her lips up. “Then tell her how you feel. I’m not trying to push you into doing something you aren’t ready to do, brother. I’m trying to explain to you while you see abstinence as a way to prove your devotion, she sees it as a way to prolong the inevitable.”

  “Inevitable what?” I asked perplexed. “Marriage?”

  “No, your inevitable disappearance from her life.”

  Chapter Twenty

  I parked the truck in front of the store and climbed out, rubbing my hands on my pants. I left Cat at the shelter with Foster and Cinn, claiming I needed a few more odds and ends before I could finish the salon, but it was a fib. After Cinn and I talked, all I needed was a few minutes to understand how Cat was feeling. When I bought the condoms a few weeks ago, I had it right. Showing her how I feel, making her feel loved and sexy at the same time, would do far more for her confidence than holding out for a wedding night which would only be the cause to ruin her wedding day. I hadn’t taken anxiety of the unknown into consideration, though I was prepared for growing pains in our relationship. I sure as hell didn’t want her to miss one ounce of joy on the day I marry her because she’s worried about the night to come.

  I locked the truck and sucked in a deep breath. My trip to the neighboring city of Maplewood had taken longer than I wanted it to, but I wouldn’t find what I needed in Little Ivywood. I wiped my hand on my pants again and grasped the door handle to She Likes It Sexy. I steeled my jaw as I strode in, determined to be cool. Never having a need to frequent an establishment such as this, it was hard to keep my cheeks from staining from embarrassment as I passed aisles of vibrators and other various sex toys I didn’t even recognize. I made my way to the glass case where a woman stood tying price tags onto fancy bongs. Hey, it’s California, what can I say?

  I stopped in front of her and she glanced up. “Can I help you?” she asked.

  I aimed for cool and confident, but it sounded sorely lacking when I spoke. “I, um, well, I’m in need of some pillows to help with positioning. My girlfriend is paralyzed and I want to make it more comfortable.”

  She set the bong down on the counter and walked out from behind the counter. “Sure, we get requests for the disabled a lot, actually. We’ve started carrying a kit if you want to call it such.” She walked toward a corner and motioned to the pillows lining the wall. “Since no two disabilities are alike, we allow you to choose what will work best for your situation. Over here,” she said, pointing at two sheets on the wall, “are lists. This one gives you suggested uses for each pillow and the other gives you the kit pricing depending on what pillows you buy. Each kit comes with the pillows, any direct stimulation device of your choice, lube, and a bottle of toy cleaner.”

  I could feel my cheeks heating as she explained. I hated to have to ask the next question, but I didn’t know the answer to any of these things. “I’m a little out of my element here if you hadn’t noticed,” I said and she laughed like an old woman who smoked too many cigarettes. Not a kind picture considering she wasn’t much older than I am.

  “Oh, honey, you’re about as green around the gills as any I’ve had in here,” she said chuckling.

  “Great, well, I’m a little confused with the whole direct stimulation bit. It seems like that should be part of my job.”

  She shrugged. “Paralysis is a tricky thing, from what I’m told. Women need different stimulation than men. If you aren’t sure about her level of sensation I always say it’s better to have it and not need it than not have it and need it. Choose a smaller vibrator you can use on your finger, or anywhere else you may like to put it,” she said waving her brows around. “At least you’re prepared and if all she needs are the pillows, you aren’t out anything because we cut you a deal on the whole kit. We figure it’s hard enough to be disabled and have to navigate around every obstacle in life from a wheelchair, sex shouldn’t be another obstacle. Sex should be an escape, and there are ways to experience it the same way everyone else does.”

  I nodded, trying to keep my cheeks from blushing any harder. “I couldn’t agree more. If you’ll give me a minute, I’ll check out the pillows and decide what will work.”

  “Absolutely. Use the sheets on the wall to help in your decision making. We had a team of disabled people put together the lists, so we know they’re accurate as described. Take your time and don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s awesome when a guy comes in and wants to be proactive in making sure their partner is as satisfied as they are. She’s a lucky girl,” she said smiling.

  “Thanks for all your help,” I said as she headed back to the counter.

  I gazed at the
choices in front of me and inched my way to the wall to check the kit suggestions. Once I had an idea of what I needed, I worked my way across the floor, reading the descriptions on each wedge and pillow. Some of the pillows had diagrams while others left it to your imagination.

  I focused on Cat’s face and then her body. As my need to be with her grew, I grabbed the pillows we would need. If I had anything to say about it, by tomorrow, she would know I would be by her side forever.

  I peeked at Cat as I put the truck into park. She stared out the window, but I could tell she hadn't relaxed any since we left the shelter. I had no sooner returned with the kit from Maplewood when Noah called me. He asked me to drive Cat down to the station regarding the Xavier investigation.

  I put my hand on her shoulder. "I'm sure it's just a formality, Cat. You spent time with him and maybe you have insight or knowledge of someone who may have held a grudge."

  She shook her head. "I don't. I would remember."

  "Sometimes we don't recall some tiny detail hiding in the recesses of our mind until we're asked the right question. Take a deep breath and relax. You've done nothing wrong."

  She nodded as if she needed to convince herself as well as me. I lifted her chair from the back of the truck and opened her door, scooping her out and into the chair until she was settled. She waited while I locked the truck so I could hold the doors.

  The counter facing us had to be at least five feet high, which wasn't a problem if you weren't in a wheelchair. I took her hand and addressed the charge officer, "I have Catalina Chávez here to see Noah Jonas."

  "He's waiting," he said, motioning me down the hall. "You know where to find him."

  "See, no problem," I said, letting go of her hand so she could push the chair herself.

  “Or maybe I’m wheeling toward my incarceration,” she mumbled.

  I rubbed her shoulder as we made our way down the hall until Noah stepped out in front of us, effectively stopping her chair.