First Loves: A Collection of Three YA Novels

by Jolene Perry

  “I guess so.” Sarah stands up. “I’ll see you guys later!” She waves and jogs across the yard. I watch her go. Her movements are as bouncy and childlike as they were three years ago—when she’s around me, anyway.

  “Well, thank you, Sky, for a really nice day.” Mom stands up.

  “Thank you.” Sky watches Mom walk back into the house.

  She turns to me. “So, you probably about had a heart attack when you walked back here, didn’t you?” A smile spreads across her face.

  “A little,” I admit.

  She leans up and kisses me. Her mouth is open and it’s like we’ve been kissing all afternoon and still can’t get enough.

  The emotion from her hits me hard and fast. I pull her to me until we’re pressed together on the bench, her body resting between my legs. “Wow,” I breathe out.

  Her nose touches my cheek. “Your mom is awesome. We hung out today.”

  I take her lips with mine again. “Is that okay?” I wonder if that’s okay with me. I mean, it’s okay, but what did they do? What did they talk about?

  “Don’t worry, we didn’t swap Jameson stories or anything.” Her lips brush against mine again. “Or, not a ton.”

  Right now, I don’t care. I try to kiss her again, but she pulls away.

  “Sorry, Jay. I need to get out of here.” She starts to stand up.

  “But I just got home,” I protest.

  “I have a lot of homework to catch up on, and I missed class today.” She frowns in apology. “But I slept great again last night. Thank you.”

  Right, the dreams. I feel now that I really, actually did something. “One of these days, you’ll crash here, or I’ll crash there, and we’ll actually get to enjoy each other the next morning.”

  “I’d like that.” Her frown spreads into a smile. “I need to call my mom, too. It’s been too long. Last night was the whole group, on conference with me. Mom and I didn’t get to talk.”

  “Why?” I want to know more.

  “Because the phones out there are satellite only. Someone only monitors them some of the time.”

  “You’re kidding me.” Are there still places like that in the U.S.?

  “I’m not kidding.” She laughs. “One of my aunts is the secretary at the school. That’s where the main phone is. Some people have satellite phones now, like oversized cell phones, you know?”

  “Wow. I want to know more.” Sky practically grew up in a different world than me.

  “About phones?” Her eyebrows rise up.

  “No. About where you grew up. About what happened to you yesterday. How I can help.” How does she function in a place like Vegas when she grew up somewhere with no phones?

  “Maybe another time.”

  I’m suddenly confused. “Well, when you were up there, I called you.”

  “I was in Ketchikan. It’s bigger. The cell phones work there.” She shrugs.

  “Oh.” But I still feel like I’m getting half-answers instead of a whole story.

  “I really should go.” Her apologetic frowny face is back.

  “Okay.” And as much as I don’t want to, I let her go.

  EIGHTEEN

  My last race of the meet. We’re lined up, fingers by toes, on the platform, waiting for the whistle. I love this moment, the anticipation, every muscle in my body preparing for launch.

  The whistle blows. I shoot into the water. It’s a good start. I know it. Some of the guys can pay attention to the swimmers around them. I can’t. If the guy is directly on my right or my left, and close to me, I might catch him in my vision. It doesn’t matter. I just swim. My arms pull, my legs kick, and I’m moving fast. Spin, turn, and back. Push, pull, push, pull. Spin, turn and back. This is it, last one. I touch the end and pull my head out of the water.

  I’ve won. My time is called. I made a new record for the 200 Freestyle. I punch the water a few times in victory and climb out. Sarah meets me like she has since we started swimming three years ago, and I pull her into a hug.

  “Nice job, Jamesy!” She grins, squeals, and half jogs back to her bag of stuff and the girls’ team. I scan the audience. Sky’s easy to find, she’s been here since the beginning. We wave. And then I see Dad, who brought someone with him. A woman. I’m sick.

  I get slapped on the back by my teammates, by my coach, but I’m numb. I throw on my long shorts, a school T-shirt, and grab my bag. Where’s Sky? I try to ignore the throbbing in my head, the anger rolling through me. My flip-flops hit the side of the pool and I scan for Sky’s face.

  Her arms come around me from the side and catch me off guard.

  “Congrats, Jay. That was awesome!” She plants a kiss on my cheek and tightens her arms around me.

  “Thanks, let’s get out of here, okay?” I keep walking, moving toward my car. Maybe if we keep moving, they won’t be able to catch up. Because how am I supposed to talk to him?

  “What’s the matter?” She takes my hand and has to run a few steps to keep up.

  “My dad’s here.” I can’t unclench my jaw to make my words sound right.

  “That’s a good thing, right?”

  “Not when he brings his girlfriend, it isn’t!” I don’t mean to yell, it just comes out.

  Sky cringes and moves away.

  Shit.

  I stop and look at her. I have to find a way to calm down so we can talk. My hand runs over my head, like it’ll somehow relax me. “It surprised me, that’s all. And I’m mad because I’ve had to watch Mom be so sad.”

  Her chin puckers her face into a frown. “I’m so sorry.”

  I take a real breath for the first time since seeing Dad. I have no words so I wrap my arms around her on the edge of the parking lot and wish I never have to let her go. Her arms pull against me hard, and she buries her face in my chest. I can feel my frustration dissolving.

  “Hey, Jameson!” Dad’s voice sounds all happy and normal. Like nothing’s wrong or different. It’s not what I need from him. His voice should sound groveling, pathetic.

  I don’t look. My hand slides around Sky’s waist as I start walking toward my car.

  “Jameson!” Dad calls.

  “Don’t!” I spin around and yell. I let go of Sky and drop my bag to the pavement. “Don’t pretend like everything’s okay because it sure as hell isn’t okay!”

  Dad raises his hands up between us like a peace offering. “Son, I don’t understand.”

  The woman who was sitting next to him is standing a few paces back, staring.

  “You can’t bring her here! Ever! What part of you thought it would be okay?” My whole body is tense, every muscle, every thought, every breath.

  “I just—”

  “No more bullshit excuses! Mom’s working like eighty hours a week to try to cover everything! I’m cleaning up the mess you left behind. I don’t care what kind of ridiculous trade-out deal you two made on who comes to which meet, but I don’t want you here!” I jerk my bag up off the ground and head to my car.

  Sky’s already there, standing at the passenger’s side door, staring at the pavement.

  Great, now Dad’s screwed this up, too. I fumble with the key in the lock, mad that my car’s too old to have a key fob.

  “Jameson.” Dad’s voice is quiet. He’s still a car length away. “I’m sorry.”

  I rest my hands on the top of the car and lean my head between my arms. It hurts as I force air into my lungs for a deep breath. I stand up again to look at him. “I’m not into it, Dad. Not right now.”

  He nods a few times as he turns and walks away.

  Shit. This sucks. I look up to see Sky walking away. What the hell? Does he have to ruin everything?

  I start toward Sky when I hear Eric behind me.

  “He was practically naked!” Eric’s voice carries to my car. Most people haven’t left the meet yet. The parking lot is still empty.

  “He’s been my friend forever!” Sarah protests.

  Eric’s walking to his car and Sarah’s running
after him. Great, they’re fighting about me. This is perfect. I’m standing in the parking lot, next to my car, Sky walking away on one side, Sarah’s yelling about me on the other side.

  “You shouldn’t be that way with another guy!” His voice is harsh. I spin around to watch.

  “It’s not any way! Its just Jameson!” There’s a tinge of desperation to her voice.

  And it shouldn’t bother me that she said it that way, but it does. We were best friends before all of this. I shouldn’t be “just” anybody to her.

  “I don’t give a shit!” He turns to face her.

  I turn away and chase Sky. Me getting in the middle of what Sarah has going on won’t help anything. Also, seeing my dad is another reminder that I definitely don’t want to turn into him.

  “Sky!” I realize as I jog in my flip-flops that I waited too long to chase her. “Wait!” And then part of me wonders if Sarah’s watching me chase Sky. This is ridiculous. I catch up to her on the sidewalk and reach out to touch her shoulder.

  Her face is full of fear, sadness and pain.

  “I’m so sorry.” I want to wash the depth of emotion from her face, from her eyes. I want her smiling.

  She’s silent.

  “Tell me what to do. I don’t know what to do.” I need something from her, anything, because I don’t know exactly what I did wrong, and I don’t know how to fix it.

  “I’ve seen enough anger to last four lifetimes.” Her voice is smooth and calm. “I thought I’d just walk home. We can meet up later on.”

  “Please, don’t.” Are all girls this sensitive? I wasn’t yelling at her.

  We stare at one another. Cars pass on the roadway. I’m still breathing hard, and Sky’s face is still contorted into something I hate seeing on her.

  “But can’t you understand why I’m angry?” It seems so obvious to me, so logical.

  “There’s always things to be angry about, it’s how we react that counts.” She shakes her head.

  “But—” I don’t know how else to be angry.

  “It just made me want to be alone for a while.”

  The last thing I want right now is to be alone. Is it selfish to want her around when she doesn’t want to be around me? I stare at the ground and let the weight settle into my chest.

  “You have more of a temper than I would have guessed.” A small smile tugs at the corners of her mouth.

  Relief flows through me. “Kind of a shitty way to meet my dad, huh?” I’m relaxing, slowly. But only because I feel the need to right now so I don’t freak out again.

  “I don’t think we actually met.” She’s almost smiling.

  We’re both trying too hard. I don’t like it.

  “Will you come with me?” I reach my hand out and Sky slowly takes it. “I’m sorry. He surprised me, that’s all.”

  “Have you and your dad talked much since he left?”

  She’s not going to like this. “I guess… I’ve yelled at him twice.”

  “And that’s it?”

  “That’s it.” I stare at the pavement around our feet.

  “I’m sorry.” She wraps her two hands around my arm and we start back toward the car. This is not how my record-breaking swim day should go.

  “I have some ground to make up with you.” I glance her direction. It’s both a question and a statement. Even though I don’t completely understand. I do know that I scared her or something.

  Her eyes are focused ahead, not on me.

  “For losing my cool like that. It sort of took away what should have been a fun day between us.”

  “I understand. Well, I don’t understand, understand. But I sort of understand.” Her eyes won’t meet mine.

  “That makes no sense,” I say. I mean, if we’re being all honest.

  She laughs. We’re okay.

  “Why don’t we get something to eat and you can tell me more about where you grew up. I promise to do my best to keep my hands off of you.” I watch her face for some kind of reaction.

  “And why would you promise something like that?” She smirks and lets her eyes float my way. “When it’s so obviously out of your control?”

  “Right at this moment?” I brush the back of my hand on her bare shoulder. “When I can see so much brown skin?” I slide my arm around her waist. “I have absolutely no idea.”

  - - -

  Dad and I can’t be in a position where all I do is yell when we see one another. Without talking to Mom or Sky or anyone, I take the bus. I ride the bus up and down the streets behind the strip. The hotel workers who don’t make much money get on and off in their hotel polo shirts, or hotel T-shirts, or housekeeping uniforms. I let Pearl Jam blast in my ears to the jerky rhythms of the bus moving up the street.

  My visit can’t be put off forever, so I climb off when the bus stops and start the walk to the Paris Hotel. I wonder how it goes when Mom’s working at the same time as him. I wonder if they see one another. Who’s this girl Dad thinks he’s in love with? Does she work there, too? I can’t think of where else he’d meet her.

  A sick feeling settles in my stomach as I think about seeing my dad with another woman. That would probably shatter my plan of coming to talk without freaking out or yelling.

  The hotel comes up sooner than I want. I know I could walk past it, and continue down the strip. But it seems stupid, now that I’m here.

  Dad’s working in the front part of the casino today and catches my eye right away. He’s in a suit, like always. Dealers wear uniforms. The boss wears a suit. I remember when Dad traded in his uniform for a few suits. It was a big deal. I was ten.

  I stand off to the side, knowing he can’t leave until his replacement gets here. They need eyes all the time. I glance toward a leg of the Eiffel Tower coming through the roof of the hotel and into the area they wish looks like a courtyard. It’s smoke and mirrors just like everything else here. I stare at the two-story high ceiling painted like the sky.

  Dad surprises me when he comes into my line of sight.

  “Wanna come join me for lunch?” I ask.

  “Sure.”

  We walk together in silence to one of the small cafés on the indoor cobblestone sidewalk. Dad orders himself a sandwich. I’m not hungry. Being around my dad shouldn’t feel this weird. He’s Dad.

  Is there anything for us to say? We sit across from one another and I realize that it’s going to be up to me.

  “We shouldn’t be yelling.” I stuff my hands deeper in my pockets. “I shouldn’t be yelling. It doesn’t really change anything, right?”

  Dad lets out a sigh. He’s at least as clueless as I am, maybe more. “I don’t know how you’re taking all of this, but—”

  “How the hell am I supposed to take it, Dad?” I keep my voice smooth and even. “You walked out. You left Mom, but you also left me.”

  “I didn’t want to.”

  “Then you wouldn’t have.” I shake my head.

  “Your Mom didn’t want me there.”

  “Because you were…” But I really don’t need to finish.

  “I would have slept in the guestroom or—”

  “Or what? Because you can’t be seeing two women. Mom deserves better from you. You have to know this.” I stare at him hard. Will anything get through? And why do I feel like I’m taking care of Dad now, too?

  Dad nods. “I love your mother.”

  “Have you told her that?” Am I seriously going to be the one to give my parents the honesty lecture?

  “I guess not. I mean, not in a while, and it’s not like anything would change.” He picks up a few chips from his plate and slides them in his mouth.

  “Whatever. Just because you don’t live there doesn’t mean you can’t answer your phone.” I stand up. “I gotta go.” If I stick around, I’m bound to lose my cool again. Right now I can go back to Sky and tell her we talked, and I didn’t yell. That’ll be good.

  “Drop in, Jay. Anytime.” Dad picks up his sandwich.

  I turn and wish to
disappear into the crowd. He’s eating, like this is all normal.

  Does it say something?

  Does it not say something?

  Am I reading too much into everything?

  Will I go crazy with all these questions floating around in my head?

  Possibly.

  NINETEEN

  I don’t make a habit of going to Sky’s grandparents’ house. They’re very quiet, thin, tall people who put me on edge. The problem is we were going to get together an hour ago. We’re meeting up with some friends of mine at the water park. Her phone cuts straight to voicemail, and her car’s in the driveway. It seems like the only thing to do is drop in.

  I fiddle and flip my keys on the short walk to her house. This shouldn’t make me nervous, just walking over to pick her up. But it does. The porch is hot, the sun really hits this spot hard, and I stand here, waiting for… I don’t know what I’m waiting for. Finally, I raise my hand up and just knock already.

  Her Nana opens the door. “Hi.” Her voice is quiet and her thin lips press together.

  I wonder if she disapproves, or if that’s just how she always looks. “I’m looking for Sky.” Though she already has to know why I’m here.

  “Come on up.”

  I follow her up the stairs.

  “It might not be that simple.” I hear a man’s voice. “I’m not as familiar with what Alaska allows the clans or corporations to do in situations like this.”

  “It just seems like…” Sky’s voice is smooth and quiet, but also sounds confused. “It just seems that if all the paperwork is in order, and both parties agree, that they shouldn’t have a say.”

  “Give me a few days to look into it.” The same man’s voice.

  I’m at the top of the stairs now. Something big is going on. My heart responds by thumping loudly, making it hard to hear.

  “I’m going up as soon as school’s out,” Sky explains.

  She’s leaving?

  “So, what about—” she stops talking as I enter the dining room.

  Sky’s sitting at the table with Tony, the guy from AIA who likes her, and what must be his dad. Tony’s dad is Tony, but older and a little broader. Same face, same deep skin and dark hair.