In Your Heart

by Micalea Smeltzer

  That left Ezra, Hayes, and me as the odd ones out.

  Good times.

  I sat sandwiched between the guys, eating my pizza in small dainty bites compared to the way they gobbled it.

  Ezra stretched out his long legs and picked a piece of pepperoni off his pizza. He handed it to me and I gobbled it up greedily. I loved pepperoni.

  “Thanks.” I bumped his shoulder with mine.

  “So, how have you been?” Hayes asked. “I haven’t seen you since…” He scrunched up his nose, thinking. “New Year’s? Whoa, has it really been that long?” He muttered the last part in disbelief.

  I turned to the band’s guitar player.

  Josh Hayes was a good-looking guy, with angular cheekbones and sandy dirty blond hair that he kept swept away from his face. He was put together in a way that looked effortless, but you knew it actually took him quite some time to achieve it.

  “Yeah, that long.” I took a sip of orange soda.

  He shook his head in disbelief. “What have you been up to?”

  “Catching my fiancé fucking someone else.”

  Hayes shook his head. “Uh, yeah, Ezra told me.” He awkwardly scratched the back of his head and glanced over at Ezra, as if he was worried he wasn’t supposed to admit to knowing this bit of information.

  “I’m pretty sure the whole town knows,” I mumbled, spinning the white soda bottle cap between my fingers.

  “I’m sure it’s not the whole town.” He cracked a grin. “I bet those old ladies that Maddox knits with don’t know.”

  “Hey!” Maddox glared, pointing a finger at Hayes. “Those ladies are my friends, don’t diss them.”

  Hayes raised his hands in surrender, laughing under his breath.

  “They’re sweet old ladies,” Maddox continued, “who not only teach me how to knit all the things, but they also bake me pie. Do you have pie, Hayes? I think not!”

  We all busted out laughing, even Maddox.

  I wiped tears away from eyes and said, “If you had a super power you’d be The Knitter.”

  “And I’d knit my little minion creatures.” He grinned.

  “Oh God,” Hayes laughed, “do you realize if our fans heard half the shit we talk about they’d realize what a bunch of nerds we are.”

  “Speak for yourselves.” Mathias glared, huffing under his breath.

  “Dude,” Hayes waved a hand in Mathias’ direction, “you wear fucking suspenders and look at those glasses you have on. You’re a nerd too.”

  Mathias frowned and whispered something in Remy’s ear. She said something back and he kissed her, a smile tugging up his lips. In all the time I’d known the guys I’d never, not once, used the word happy to describe Mathias, but he definitely was now.

  “So,” Hayes turned his attention back to me, “now that you’re single we should go out.” He grinned, waggling his brows.

  Ezra stiffened beside me, but said nothing.

  “Uh…” I started. I had no idea what to say.

  “Come on,” he said, when I took too long to speak, “I don’t bite and I hear I’m a lot of fun.”

  I laughed at that. “I don’t know.”

  “Give a guy a chance, Sadie,” he pleaded, grinning at me, “don’t bruise my ego. It’s a gentle, easily hurt, thing. It’s just dinner.”

  “Fine,” I agreed. I wasn’t ready to date, but I figured one night out with Hayes could be fun. He was a nice guy.

  Ezra stood up and threw away his pizza crust, mumbling that he was going to the bathroom.

  “Did I piss him off?” Hayes asked. “If y’all have something going on I don’t mean to butt in.”

  “No, nothing’s going on,” I said quickly.

  Hayes seemed appeased by my words and smiled broadly. “Good. I’ll call you.”

  Across from where we sat Emma’s gaze seared me to the spot. She was mad.

  I turned to look at her and mouthed, “What?”

  She didn’t respond and instead continued to glare.

  Ezra returned to the room, not making eye contact with anyone. “I have a few things I need to do.” Finally his gaze dropped to me. I couldn’t read anything in his brown eyes. They were flat. Emotionless. “I’ll drop you off at your car.”

  “Uh…yeah, okay.” I stood up, putting the slice of pizza back in the box that I hadn’t finished yet.

  Hayes stood up too, looking between Ezra and me. “I can take you to your car,” he said.

  I knew he was only trying to be helpful, but I really wanted to kick him in the shin right now.

  Ezra smiled weakly. “Great, Hayes can take you then.” He clapped his hands together and somehow it felt like a gesture that he was washing his hands of me.

  Before I could respond Ezra turned sharply on his heel and stalked out of the house.

  I was left there wondering what I had done to piss him off.

  “I’m really sorry,” Hayes apologized yet again, “I didn’t mean to make things awkward for you. You said there was nothing going on with you guys, and he said he had somewhere he had to go. I was trying to be helpful,” he rambled.

  “I know,” I assured him. “I don’t know what’s going on with Ezra.”

  While Ezra might’ve been one of my closest friends, there were still times where I felt like I didn’t know him at all. Today, being one of those days. Sometimes he retreated into himself and there was no prying his thoughts past his lips.

  Hayes parked his truck beside my car and turned the volume down on the radio. “So,” he started, “it’s still okay if I call you?”

  “Yeah, that’s fine.” I laughed lightly, reaching for the door.

  “You don’t feel weird about it, right? I mean, I know you just broke up with Braden, so I don’t want you to feel pressured.”

  His sincerity was endearing.

  “Just dinner?” I confirmed.

  “Only dinner,” he nodded, “and then we go from there.”

  “I’m okay with that.” I gave him a small smile.

  He nodded. “I’ll see you soon.”

  “Bye.”

  I slipped out of the vehicle and into my store. I was feeling better and determined to put a dent into finishing up my paperwork and doing inventory.

  Hours passed and when I finally left it was after six in the evening.

  Once again, the whole day had managed to go by without me realizing it.

  Ezra wasn’t at his house when I got there.

  He wasn’t there when I made dinner either.

  He still wasn’t home when I went to bed.

  And I couldn’t help feeling that his absence was my fault.

  I SAT AT the kitchen island, eating a bowl of cereal, and flipping through a magazine when Ezra walked into his house.

  I glanced over at him, noting that he was wearing different clothes.

  I quickly looked back at the magazine, refusing to let him know that I’d been waiting anxiously for him to return. I’d worried something bad had happened to him, but after three unanswered texts I’d stopped bugging him—knowing that if he’d been hurt Maddox and Emma wouldn’t have kept me out of the loop.

  “Did you have a good night?” I asked.

  He stepped into the kitchen, dropping his keys and wallet on the countertop. “Not in the way you’re implying.”

  “I wasn’t implying anything.” I shoveled a mouthful of Cheerios into my mouth.

  He propped his elbows on the counter and stared down at me with those intense dark eyes. “Yes, you were.”

  I shrugged. “You were gone all night. What you did isn’t any of my business.”

  And it wasn’t.

  I didn’t care either.

  That was a lie. I did care, even though I shouldn’t.

  My feelings seemed to be swirling in a whirlpool and I couldn’t make sense of them. I’d always liked Ezra and there’d been attraction mixed into that, but I’d never planned to act on it. This jealousy I felt at the possibility that he spent the night with a wo
man was ridiculous. I’d not only just ended my engagement, but I’d also agreed to go on a date with Hayes, so I shouldn’t have been thinking of Ezra in that way at all.

  I was also wondering if I’d agreed to go on a date with Hayes too soon after breaking up with Braden. But when was the right time to move on? Did I have to live my life on some invisible timeline that was respectable to what people found appropriate? I didn’t want to spend the next six months, or year, sniveling over the end of my engagement to a man I now realized never even owned my heart. I wanted to move on and live my life the way I chose.

  “Sadie, did you hear me?”

  “Huh? What?” I snapped my head up, my gaze colliding with his.

  “I stayed at my parent’s house.” He turned and grabbed a mug before pouring himself a cup of coffee. He leaned against the counter once more, arching his brow as he waited for a response from me.

  “Did you not come home because of me?” I asked, swirling my spoon through the milk. Suddenly, I wasn’t very hungry anymore. “This is your house, Ezra, and I don’t want to keep you from it.”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose. “That had nothing to do with you and everything to do with me,” he sighed.

  “Is this because I told Hayes I’d go out with him?” I asked, lowering my head and staring down at the cereal like it was the most interesting thing I’d ever seen.

  “Yes. No. I don’t know.” He mumbled, running a hand nervously through his hair. “Things are complicated.” His jaw snapped together and he glared at the nearby window.

  “How so?” I prompted.

  “You’re my best fucking friend.” He slammed his palms down on the countertop. “It can’t be more than that. I told you I wouldn’t lose you, and I meant that.” He dumped out his coffee in the sink and muttered, “I’m going to shower,” before heading upstairs.

  I sat dumbfounded, not knowing what to do or say.

  So, I did nothing.

  Several days passed, and Ezra kept his distance from me.

  Boys could be so incredibly frustrating, and they thought girls were complicated creatures.

  Hayes called and texted me some, but we’d yet to go on an actual date. Although, we’d made plans to go out for dinner next Friday, so it was still happening.

  Now, it was the Fourth of July and everybody was headed to a party at the Wentworth’s. The Wentworth’s were a wealthy family in town, and Hayes happened to be related to them.

  I rode with Ezra, but the entire car ride was filled with awkward silence.

  I didn’t know how to fix this, mostly because I didn’t know what I’d done wrong in the first place.

  He’d made it clear that he didn’t want a relationship with me beyond friendship, and frankly I didn’t feel that I was ready for more with anyone. I already regretted saying yes to a date with Hayes, but I hated to let him down now. Besides, one date wouldn’t hurt anything.

  We arrived at the mansion and I took a deep breath. Things had changed a lot since the last time I was here. Then, I’d been engaged and blissfully ignorant.

  Ezra got out of his car and I was forced to follow, more awkward silence descending upon us.

  Normally, it was a comfortable silence between us, now it felt like he was building an invisible wall between us to block me out.

  I followed him to the backyard. Although, calling it a yard seemed an injustice. The space was expansive with a beautiful pool and the greenest grass I’d ever seen. There were several cabanas set up so that you could escape the boiling hot July sun and servers walked around with trays of food and drinks.

  A gust of wind blew by and my skirt billowed around my legs.

  “Hey, you guys are here!” Hayes waved from a nearby cabana. He stood up and grabbed two beers from a cooler before jogging over to join us. He only wore a pair of navy board shorts slung low on his lean hips. His chest and arms were sculpted and on the start of one arm was a half-sleeve tattoo. Dark sunglasses covered his eyes, but nothing could hide his blinding smile. I felt bad that his smile did nothing to me, but it wasn’t…I refused to finish the thought.

  Hayes held out a beer to Ezra and then me, the caps already popped.

  “Thanks,” I said, taking it. It wasn’t my favorite beer, but it was the thought that counted, right? Although, the way Ezra glared at the drink in my hand I knew he believed differently.

  “I’m okay,” Ezra replied, waving away the beer, “maybe later.”

  Hayes shrugged, unfazed by Ezra’s dismissal.

  “I’m going to see Maddox.” Ezra pointed and strode off, leaving me alone with his band’s guitar player.

  I forced a smile for Hayes and tried to give him my attention, but my gaze kept drifting in the direction of Ezra.

  “How have you been?” He asked, lifting his beer to his lips.

  “Uh…good,” I replied, shielding my eyes from the sun. “Busy with the store.”

  “’Course,” he nodded. “Fuck,” he rubbed his forehead, “it’s blazing hot out here. I’m getting back in the pool. You want to?” He tossed a thumb over his shoulder at the crystal blue water.

  “Sure.” I shrugged, not knowing what else to say.

  I’d worn my bikini underneath my skirt and tank top so I followed Hayes to the cabana he’d commandeered and stripped them off. My bikini top was bright orange, flowing down in a triangle cut. The bottoms were orange and blue zig zags that tied at the sides.

  Hayes’ cousin, Trace, occupied one of the lounge chairs with his baby son sitting in his lap. The baby—who was probably old enough to walk now—was dressed in a pair of pale blue plaid swim trunks with oversized red sunglasses perched on his tiny nose. The baby blew bubbles, spit dripping down his lips and onto his chubby stomach. Trace chuckled and kissed the baby’s cheek before looking up at me.

  “Sadie, right?” He asked.

  “Yeah,” I nodded.

  I hadn’t seen Trace Wentworth since the disaster last New Year’s. He had been absent from the ballroom when Ezra and Braden got into a fight, but he’d caught Braden and me in a hallway on his way back from putting his son to bed. Braden had been shouting at me, making everything out to be my fault, and I’d stood there, mute, as I took his verbal assault. Trace interrupted, cutting Braden down with quick, sharp words. Braden didn’t yell at me again that night—he still bitched though.

  “How have you been?” He asked. “Where’s…?” He paused, waiting for me to fill in the blanks.

  “Sleeping with someone else,” I replied, not batting an eye. I didn’t even care anymore.

  Trace winced. “Sorry?”

  “You said that like a question.” My lips quirked into a half smile as I folded my skirt and top to tuck into my bag.

  “Well,” he paused, seeming to search for the right words, “he didn’t seem very nice, which wouldn’t be much of a loss in my book.” He shrugged.

  The baby made a noise and Trace started playing peek-a-boo with him.

  “Yeah, I’m glad it’s over.” It was the first time I’d said the words aloud and I felt a stirring in my gut at the truth in them. I was better off without Braden. Bigger and better things were headed my way, and when the time was right I would fall in love again, for real this time.

  Trace rubbed his finger against his son’s lips so that the baby made a whirring noise. Turning to look at me, he said, “I’m happy to hear that.”

  “Are you ready?” Hayes asked. He’d slipped off somewhere and I hadn’t even noticed he was gone.

  “Yeah.”

  I put the untouched beer back in the cooler and followed him to the pool. I’d put on sunscreen before I left the house, so I wasn’t worried about getting burnt.

  It was a humid day and sweat already clung to my neck as I stepped into the cool water. It felt amazing against my heated skin.

  Hayes chose to forgo the steps leading into the pool, and instead padded over to the diving board. Before he stepped up on it he rubbed his hands together and blew into them. He poin
ted in my direction and grinned. “Cheer for me!”

  “I’ve got my Pom Poms at the ready.” I shook my fists in a mock cheer.

  He chuckled and stepped up onto the board. It wobbled with his weight.

  He bounced several times before soaring into the air, doing a somersault, and diving into the water.

  When he surfaced he swished his wet hair away from his eyes while I cheered. That had been impressive. I’d been expecting a belly flop.

  He swam over to me and a dimple pierced his cheek when he smiled. “Some party, huh?” He asked, looking around.

  “They go all out,” I commented, taking in all of the decorations and guests. I didn’t know how they knew so many people. “Are your parent’s here?” I asked.

  I knew Hayes was related to the Wentworth’s, Trace being his cousin, but I’d never actually met his parents.

  “Nah,” he said, pushing his wet hair away from his blue eyes.

  “You’re kind of a lone wolf, aren’t you?”

  He chuckled. “I am, but they’re on vacation in Hawaii. I sent them there for their anniversary.”

  “That was sweet of you,” I commented, swimming over to the side of the pool and resting my arms on the concrete side. I kicked my legs out behind me as Hayes joined me, mimicking my position.

  “I figure I owe them.” He smiled. “They put up with all of my teenage angst and paid for my guitar lessons.”

  “I guess those definitely paid off.”

  “They did.” He smiled, squinting against the sunlight. He stretched his palms out on the concrete and I noted the callouses on his hands. Ezra had similar ones. They came from all of the hours of playing the string instruments.

  I’d asked Ezra if they hurt once and he said it looked worse than it felt.

  “How was your tour?” I asked.

  “Fun,” he grinned.

  I chose not to comment. I’d heard stories of what Hayes did on tour and most of them involved him getting naked with groupies.

  “I wish I could’ve gone to a show.” I’d been planning to attend their concert in D.C. at the Verizon Center, and maybe two others in Virginia, during their Coming Home tour, but after the blow up at New Year’s I’d decided it was best not to go. I’d seen them in concert plenty of times, though, and the excited rush I felt never diminished.