In Your Heart

by Micalea Smeltzer

  “There’s always next time.” Hayes winked, his arm bumping into mine as he drew closer to me.

  “Yeah—” I started to say, but the word quickly turned into a scream when someone cannonballed into the pool right behind me, drenching my upper body which had remained dry up until this point. I turned, ready to go off on the ignorant asshole, when Ezra surfaced beside me. “Ezra?” I asked. “What the hell are you doing?”

  He shook his head, sending water droplets flying. “I was hot, so I’m cooling off.”

  I was tempted to shove him under water. I glared at him, my tongue working behind my closed mouth as I tried to form words. “You’re ridiculous,” I finally settled on. With an apologetic smile thrown in Hayes’ direction, I said, “Excuse me.”

  I swam to the steps and climbed out of the pool. I rang out my hair, heading for the side of the house. I needed a moment to collect myself before I hit my best friend. His odd behavior the past few days, coupled with his obvious attempt to disrupt my conversation with Hayes, was more than enough to piss me off. And let’s face it, with all the shit thrown my way lately I was already a little testy.

  I’d barely rounded the house when a warm hand caught my elbow. Tiny little pinpricks zinged down my spine and I knew before I turned around who would be standing there.

  “Let me go.” I jerked my arm from his grasp and he did.

  I glared at Ezra, letting him see the anger simmering in my eyes.

  His bronzed chest glimmered in the sunlight from the reflection of the water droplets and his flowered board shorts hung dangerously low on his hips, enhancing the V shaped muscle that disappeared beneath along with the trail of dark hair.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I snapped at him, my tone venomous as I crossed my arms over my chest. “Because from where I’m standing you’re acting like a five year old.”

  He looked away from me, a muscle in his jaw ticking. He turned back, lowering his face into his hands. He let out a small groan. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing,” he admitted.

  “You cannot tell me that you want nothing more than friendship from me and then get into a pissing contest. This isn’t high school. This is my life.” I stared him down, daring him to dispute me. “I’ve been through a lot in the last few years, especially the last few weeks, and I don’t need to be worried about my best friend hating me for trying to rebuild my life.”

  “I know,” he hung his head in shame, “I’m sorry.”

  “I’ll call my brother tomorrow and see if I can crash on his couch. I’ll be out of your way,” I vowed. I felt like living with him was only serving to bother him more. The close quarters were wearing thin for both of us because they only served to intensify the attraction between us.

  “No,” he said adamantly, shaking his head, “that’s not necessary. I’ll get my shit together. I promise.”

  I stared at him, calculating the sincerity in his words. Finally, I nodded. “Okay, I believe you.” Anytime Ezra had made me a promise in the past he’d always kept it.

  He swallowed thickly and took a deep breath. His lips lifted in a slow smile of relief. “Let’s pretend the last few days didn’t happen.”

  “I can do that.” I smiled and his shoulders relaxed.

  He rubbed his hands together and pointed over his shoulder. “I guess we should get back over there.”

  I nodded and followed him. We’d no more than rounded the house until we bumped into Hayes. He gave us each a sheepish smile and rubbed the back of his head.

  “I thought I should come check on you in case you guys were trying to claw each other’s eyes out or something.” He shrugged, letting his hand drop.

  I lifted my hands and wiggled my fingers. “No claws. See?” I joked, hoping to ease the tension.

  It seemed to help as both of the guys relaxed.

  “I’m going to go see Emma.” I nodded towards the cabanas. Before either of them could reply I ran off. I hoped if I left them alone for a bit that it would help ease the awkwardness between them that was my fault.

  I found Emma and Maddox in one of the various cabanas along with Remy and Mathias.

  Remy and Mathias shared one of the lounge chairs with her sitting in front of him. Mathias rubbed her shoulders and she relaxed against him.

  Maddox and Emma occupied two of the other chairs, quietly talking together. They looked up when I entered and I grabbed one of the regular chairs and pulled it over to Emma’s side.

  Her blonde curly hair was piled on top of her head in a messy bun and she was wearing a cute pale blue floral bikini set. The top came down farther on her midriff, reminding me of a corset.

  “We saw what happened.” She said immediately, refusing to let me skirt over the events of a few minutes ago.

  I sighed, propping my feet up on her lounger. She made no move to push them away.

  I sat back, weighing my words. “You know Hayes asked me on a date,” I started, “and Ezra has been weird since then. This was the culmination of that. I think everything’s settled now, though.” I shrugged.

  “Settled?” She repeated and Maddox leaned forward to peer at me around her.

  He lifted his black Ray Bans to the top of his head. “I’ve never seen Ezra act like this before and I’ve known him since we were little.”

  Emma turned to look at him and then back at me. “We’ve noticed things…”

  “Oh my God,” I groaned dramatically, “here we go again. Ezra and I don’t like each other like that. Stop trying to make something out of nothing. It’s annoying.”

  “I think you guys would make a cute couple.” Remy piped in behind me and I heard Mathias chuckle.

  I ignored those two, remaining focused on Emma and Maddox.

  Emma looked at me pityingly. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”

  I glared out at the pool and away from my friend. When I looked back at her I let out a sigh. “It is what it is.”

  I jumped when Mathias yelled behind me, “Collin, stop that!”

  I looked over to see a kid of about six or seven running after people, squirting them with a water gun. I’d never met him before and I was confused as to why Mathias would be calling him out.

  I swiveled around in my chair to look at the brooding lead singer. His lips were pursed in a snarl as he pointed a finger in warning at the boy.

  “Who’s Collin?” I asked.

  Mathias hands fell to Remy’s exposed baby bump. She was dressed in a white bikini with a crocheted black tank top that covered her top half. A floppy hat was perched on her head and when she turned to look at me it smacked Mathias in the face. He laughed and reached up to remove it, smoothing down her ruffled blonde hair with a stroke of his fingers. I never thought I’d see the day where Mathias was a loving and doting husband. It was weird, but a good weird.

  “He’s my little brother,” Mathias replied, returning to massaging Remy’s shoulders. “I signed up with the Big Brothers Big Sisters program a while back and they assigned Collin as my Little Brother,” he explained. “His mom had to work today, so I offered to watch him so that she didn’t have to pay a babysitter.”

  “That’s…nice of you.” I mumbled, shocked that those words had left my lips.

  He smiled, ducking his head. “I can be nice when I want to be.”

  Remy reached back, rubbing his thigh. “Go get in the pool with him. He’s restless.”

  Mathias sighed. “But what if—”

  “If I need something I can get it myself.” Before he could protest she leaned back with her head on his shoulder and covered his mouth with her hand. “Or ask Emma to get it for me.”

  “Fine,” he agreed, albeit reluctantly.

  He slipped out from behind her and ran after the little boy that was currently using his squirt gun to water the grass since he’d been scolded.

  I turned back to Maddox and Emma and adjusted my chair so that I was sitting more angled and not blocking Remy.

  “How are the we
dding plans?” I asked them.

  Emma hadn’t peeped one word about her upcoming wedding since my engagement fell apart. I knew she thought it would make me sad hearing about her dream wedding when mine wasn’t happening, but I was truly okay with everything. I wished everyone would stop treating me like glass. I wasn’t going to break.

  Emma was slow to smile. “Good.”

  “Good? That’s all I get? You’re getting married in September, I know you have more details than that.”

  She frowned, her nose crinkling. “Are you sure you want to hear about this?”

  “Yes!” I threw my hands up, sighing in exasperation. “I’m your best friend, so yes, I want to know about your wedding and I want to help if you want me to! I’m okay,” I emphasized the word, “so stop treating me like I’m not.”

  She looked at Maddox and back at me. “Okay,” she replied. “I’ll stop.” A smile broke out across her face as she launched into details on the wedding. I listened and inserted comments here and there, getting excited. She deserved this and so did Maddox. I was honestly kind of surprised they’d waited this long to get married. I knew it was Emma’s doings though. Maddox would’ve married her as soon as she graduated high school. I had no doubts on that.

  Halfway through our wedding talk Maddox left, joining his twin, Hayes, and Ezra in the pool.

  Remy ditched us too, saying that she was starving.

  Emma finished gushing about her wedding plans, her cheeks flushed a pleasant pink color.

  “So,” she started, reaching over to grab a drink off the table, “you’re really okay?”

  “Not one-hundred percent,” I answered honestly, “but I’m getting better.” I draped my arms over my bent knees. “I realize now that my life was headed in the wrong direction. Braden and I would’ve ended up divorced within a year, I’m sure of it.” I sighed, looking off in the distance. “It sucks feeling like I’m back at the starting line while all of you are moving on to the next step. Everything happens for a reason, right?”

  She nodded, setting her now empty glass aside. “It does.” She stood up, stretching her arms above her head. “I’m getting in the pool, before I die and all they can find of my body is a puddle of sweat.”

  I laughed at her and pushed up from the chair. “Good idea.”

  Sweat clung to my arms and the back of my neck. I’d lived here my whole life and I still wasn’t used to the summer humidity.

  We joined the guys in the pool. They played with Collin, all of them now the proud owners of squirt guns. When Emma and I stepped into the pool all of them turned their water guns on us and squirted us in the face. Even in their twenties they all still acted like a bunch of little boys.

  Emma yelped holding her hands up in defense. “Maddox! I’m going to kill you!”

  “Hey!” Trace yelled and I turned to see that he and his wife were in the pool now, their son sitting in a tiny float. “Don’t get my kid wet.”

  “Sorry,” the guys chimed, lowering the guns.

  “Where’s Remy?” Mathias asked, his voice sounding panicked as he swam for the stairs.

  “Stop getting your panties in a bunch,” Remy’s voice boomed as she neared us, “I’m fine. I wanted something to eat.” She held a plate piled high with food in her hand. She stuffed a grape in her mouth. “You worry too much.”

  Mathias sighed, his shoulders sagging in relief. “You can’t scare me like that.” He swam over the edge of the pool and I noticed he’d gotten a new tattoo. I’d missed it before since Remy was sitting in front of him. Above his heart was one word: Hope.

  I swallowed thickly, knowing the significance behind the tattoo.

  “Aw, poor you. Would you like me to put a tracking monitor on my ankle so you know where I am all the time? I can be your prisoner. Maybe,” her voice lowered, “if you don’t irritate me too much, I’ll even let you use your handcuffs on me.”

  Maddox cleared his throat and muttered, “Well, this got awkward really fast.”

  Remy gasped and the plate tumbled out of her hands, falling to the ground. I knew her reaction had nothing to do with what Maddox said.

  In a lightning fast move Mathias leapt out of the pool and over to his wife. “What’s wrong?” He asked, fear sticking to his words. He looked her over, searching for what had caused her distress.

  She grasped his wrist and brought his hand to her stomach. “The baby. I felt it.” Her mouth parted in wonder and tears pooled in her eyes. “It’s kicking. Do you feel it?” She asked, looking up at Mathias with wide, love-filled eyes.

  He held his hand to her stomach and gasped when he felt it too. “Wow,” he murmured, looking at her lovingly. “That’s amazing.”

  “I never thought I’d see the day,” Maddox whispered.

  When I turned to look at him he was smiling at Mathias and Remy with a look of awe. I think we’d all worried that Mathias would remain angry and brooding for the rest of his life—and he still was those things occasionally—but you couldn’t deny the fact that for once he was actually happy. Seeing someone that had once been so miserable find a light in their life was a truly beautiful thing.

  “What are you guys looking at?”

  We all turned around to see a pretty redhead standing on the other side of the pool, her hand clasped tightly in the hold of the guy beside her. The guy was wearing a fedora—yes, a fedora—with his sandy colored hair peeking out of the bottom. They were both dressed in swimsuits, but the girl had a bag slung over her shoulder like she’d only just arrived at the party.

  “Avery!” Olivia, Trace’s wife, chimed. “I was afraid you weren’t going to make it.”

  The woman named Avery straightened her pale blue bikini top that had white stars. I noticed that her bottoms had red and white stripes. It was the perfect bikini for the holiday. “Yeah, we spent more time at Luca’s parent’s house than we meant to.” She shrugged. “Where should I put my stuff?”

  “Our cabana’s fine.” Olivia pointed.

  “Thanks.” Avery set off in that direction and the guy, I assumed he was Luca, followed her like a puppy.

  The next interruption came in the form of Trace’s younger brother, Trent. He let out a war cry and bound towards the pool, executing a perfect cannonball, and drenching all of us in the process. It was a good thing we were already wet.

  Trent surfaced, grinning.

  Dean began to cry, not pleased that his face got wet. Trace pulled Dean out of his float and into his arms as he glared at his little brother. “Look what you did. Now my kid’s going to be terrified of the water.”

  “Oh, shut up,” Trent kicked his feet swimming away, “a little water won’t hurt him.”

  Trace continued to glare at his brother, but chose not to argue, and instead bounced the baby in the hopes of cheering him up.

  Ezra swam over to me, his curls plastered to his forehead. He cracked a small smile and treaded water. “Enjoying the party.”

  I smiled back. “It’s nice to be with my friends.”

  “I’m still your favorite, right?” He joked, winking.

  I mock gasped. “I don’t pick favorites.”

  He chuckled and lowered his lips, blowing bubbles in the water before speaking. “But if you did I would be number one?”

  “Maybe.” I splashed him.

  He splashed me back and soon it was an all out war.

  “You guys are children!” Maddox called, he and Emma now at the other end of the pool to avoid our splash fight.

  “Coming from you that means nothing!” Ezra laughed, shoving a wall of water at me.

  I didn’t turn away in time and some of it went up my nose. I coughed and sputtered.

  Ezra immediately ceased his attack. “Are you okay?” He asked.

  I nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  Before I knew what was happening he had my back pinned against the pool wall with his arms on either side of me. He stared down at me, his dark eyes intense. I watched as a droplet of water fell from one of h
is curls and onto his nose, before rolling down his lips.

  My heart thudded in my chest at his proximity and my muscles locked up. When he got this close I never knew what to do. My body had always reacted to Ezra, I just denied what I felt. I tried to pretend it didn’t exist, because it was easier that way. He was right, we couldn’t ruin our friendship even if I did daydream about the way his lips would feel against mine. Even when I was with Braden I’d still felt this intense connection to Ezra. I guessed maybe Braden had been right to be so jealous.

  “So, we’re good?” He asked.

  “Huh?” My brows knit in confusion. I’d been too busy staring at his lips to process his words.

  “Are we good?” He repeated. “After our talk earlier…we’re still good, right?”

  “Oh,” I shook my head, “yeah.”

  His smile was blinding, shedding light on all the darkest parts of myself. Ezra, in many ways, was the best parts of me. There was something about him that was so pure and good that you couldn’t help but be affected by that if you were around him for long. I swore he had one of the kindest and pure souls that ever existed. There weren’t many people like him and I was lucky enough to call him my best friend.

  “I want you to know that I really am sorry for acting like such an asshole the past few days. It was wrong of me.” He took a deep breath. “I’m going to be a better friend to you.” He reached up, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

  My eyes closed and the skin on my cheek tingled where his fingers had brushed against it.

  I swallowed past the lump in my throat. I hated that I was so affected by him—that I wanted him in a way that he refused to want me. I knew it was still too soon to want a relationship—and I didn’t—but I hated that he refused to even entertain the idea of an us one day. My feelings were obviously stronger for him than his were for me. I’d been denying my feelings for so long, trying desperately to ignore them, but from the moment Ezra dove in the lake after me during my Thank-God-That-Asshole-Is-Out-Of-Your-Life party they’d become impossible to ignore. At least the night I got drunk he admitted to being attracted to me. If it weren’t for that I’d still be convinced that my feelings were entirely one-sided.