In Your Heart

by Micalea Smeltzer

  When my makeup was done I grabbed my strappy pale pink heels and put them on. Not to sound egotistical, but I knew those heels made my butt look amazing and my legs impossibly long. Even if Ezra and I were trying to avoid each other right now, so that we didn’t get caught, it didn’t mean I couldn’t try my best to drive him mad.

  We headed downstairs to meet the guys. They were all hanging around the TV, but looked up when we approached.

  Ezra looked at me like a starving man seeing food for the first time, and I’d be lying if I didn’t say it made me feel good.

  I knew the others were speaking, but I couldn’t hear a word they said.

  For the moment, all that existed was Ezra and I.

  His hands rubbed against his jeans and he bit his bottom lip. I wanted desperately for him to take me in his arms and kiss me, but that was impossible.

  “You look beautiful,” he said.

  They were innocent words. Words he’d spoken to me many times in the past through our friendship. But somehow, right now, they felt different. The others didn’t notice though, so maybe the difference was merely a figment of my imagination. Something I conjured up in an effort to make his feelings as strong as mine. I had to keep reminding myself that while I wanted more with him, he didn’t want the same. Friends. We had to remain friends.

  The others moved around us, heading to the door, and I snapped back to reality.

  I hastily turned away from him, breaking the spell he’d cast over me. For the moment at least.

  “Is Hayes not coming with us?” I asked, noticing that he’d disappeared.

  Emma turned to give me a puzzled look. “Did you not hear him when he said he wanted to stay with Arden so she wasn’t here alone?”

  “Uh, must’ve missed it,” I muttered.

  “Are you okay?” She asked, genuine concern coloring her tone.

  “Yeah, yeah,” I rushed to assure her, “I think the sun is just getting to me.” I laughed it off and then my body went ramrod straight when I felt the commanding presence of Ezra behind me. My whole body reacted to his proximity. It was entirely unfair. My only saving grace was that I was starting to believe that he wasn’t as immune to me as he seemed.

  “Should we go?” Ezra prompted.

  “Oh, yeah.” Emma seemed to realize that Maddox, Mathias, and Remy were already outside waiting.

  We all managed to pile into one SUV, so that the other was left in case Hayes and Arden needed it. When we got home, or if I got a chance to catch her alone, I’d have to ask Arden what was going on with the two of them.

  Great, now I was going to act like Emma.

  Scratch that, I wasn’t asking Arden anything.

  I would not be the annoying, nosy friend like Emma. God, I loved the girl, but she was getting on my last nerve. She kept bringing up ‘killing spiders’ in small talk and then eyeing Ezra and me for a reaction. She’d yet to get one. We were masters of disguise. Okay, so not really, but neither one of us wanted to deal with the drama-fest of our friends finding out we had a friends-with-benefits relationship. They’d be mad, tell us we were stupid, and that we should stop immediately. While stopping would probably be the best thing to do the thought of it scared me more than anything else ever had and filled me with a pain far worse and than the crippling betrayal I’d felt when I caught Braden cheating on me. God, that seemed like a lifetime ago.

  “We’re here,” Ezra said, bumping my elbow and jarring me from my thoughts.

  I looked up to see that we were outside a shack looking building. It had bamboo sides and what looked like a straw roof. A neon sign decorated the front. It was pretty non-descript and I wondered how anyone ever found this place since there were no other establishments nearby.

  We filed out of the vehicle and into the building.

  It was pretty busy, which shocked me. I figured it would be empty.

  A hostess greeted us and led us to a table, setting the menus down.

  We were seated near the stage, where karaoke was well underway. The poor girl up there now was butchering a Mariah Carey song. I was pretty sure my ears started to bleed.

  “Ow.” Ezra winced.

  At least I wasn’t the only one that thought the girl was horrible.

  When she finally finished the song I sent up a prayer that she wouldn’t sing again.

  She didn’t.

  I eyed the menu and ended up ordering a cheeseburger and salad. It seemed safe enough, and I could trick myself into thinking I was being healthy.

  “So, are you guys going to sing?” I asked, eyeing Maddox and Mathias. Mathias was the lead singer of the band, but Maddox could sing too. Ezra, however, sounded like a dying cow when he sang. I knew this because I dared him to sing one time.

  “Nah,” Mathias shook his head, draping his arm over the back of Remy’s chair, “I don’t want the attention.”

  Remy automatically leaned into his body and smiled up at him. “And what makes you think anybody would be paying any attention to you?”

  He cracked a half-smile. “Have you seen my face? And this voice? It’s the sound of an angel. The combination is an attention grabber and a panty dropper.”

  She rolled her eyes at him and reached down like she was going to feel beneath her dress. “Really? Because my panties are still on.”

  He brushed his lips against her chin and growled, “Not for long.” He kissed her then, and not an innocent kiss either. It was the kind that made you feel dirty for looking too long.

  “Dude, stop,” Maddox groaned, covering his eyes. “I’m too young to see this.”

  Mathias punched Maddox in the arm, all without breaking his kiss with Remy. That took some major skill.

  Finally he pulled away and Remy was left breathless. Somehow her lipstick was still perfectly in place and none lingered on Mathias’ lips.

  Now that Remy was available to talk, I said, “So, ladies, does that mean we’re going to sing?”

  “Absolutely,” Emma chimed.

  Remy grimaced. “And this is when I wish I could drink. I hate the thought of doing this stone cold sober, but for you guys I will. The Willow Creek ladies have to stick together.” She held out her fist for a bump. Emma and I quickly obliged.

  I liked that. The Willow Creek ladies. But I couldn’t help feeling like I wasn’t really a part of that term. After all, Remy was married to Mathias and Emma would soon be married to Maddox. I was nothing but the friend, the outsider. I existed on the fringes, but not a part of the actual family. I knew if I voiced that aloud everybody at the table would tell me I was crazy, even Mathias, but it was how I felt.

  Our food came and we all chatted while we ate.

  We continued to talk after the food had been cleared away. It was nice for all of us to hang out and it reminded me of what things had been like before I started dating Braden. Remy hadn’t been a part of our group then, and Mathias had kept to himself, but we all clicked.

  “Alright, ladies,” Mathias slid his chair back and crossed his hands behind his head, “it’s now or never. Quit stalling.”

  Remy glared at him. “We’re not stalling, we were having a conversation.”

  He reached over and rubbed her shoulder. “It’s getting late. We need to head back soon. The baby—”

  “Okay, okay,” she agreed, and her face crinkled with worry, “you’re right. One song and then we’re out of here. Sound good?” She turned her attention to Emma and me.

  “Yep.” Emma stood quickly, nearly knocking her chair over. Luckily Maddox caught it before it fell. “Oops.” A blush stained her cheeks.

  “Have fun,” Maddox told us, sliding Emma’s now vacant chair into the table.

  We went over and put our names on the list and picked a song. We were next, which didn’t give us long for the nerves to set in. I knew I didn’t have the best voice in the world, but I wasn’t horrible. Emma was amazing though. Her vocals were featured on several of Willow Creek’s songs and she even had a duet with Maddox.

 
The guy on stage finished his song and we were handed microphones.

  “Ready?” Emma asked.

  “Of course,” I answered.

  Remy took a deep breath, her face slipping into a mask of confidence. “I got this.”

  We all laughed and then stepped up on stage.

  Maddox, Mathias, and Ezra began to clap for us before the song even began and Maddox threw in a loud whistle for extra effect.

  The music began to play and the lyrics to Fifth Harmony’s "Worth It" appeared on the screen.

  Emma started singing the first part. Maddox hollered and pumped his fist in the air.

  I came in next, feeling bold and daring I started to move my hips to the song. I shimmied and tried to be as sexy as possible.

  If Ezra’s darkened gaze, and the way he carefully covered his lap with closed palms, was any indication then I was doing a pretty good job.

  Remy took the next part and she wasn’t bad at all. Although, it wasn’t that difficult to sound better than the girl who butchered Mariah Carey.

  We took turns singing verses and even the other two joined in with the sexy dancing. I was shocked when Emma started swaying her hips, and running her hands through her hair sexily, but the fact of the matter was loving Maddox had made her more comfortable in her own skin.

  The song ended and the room erupted into cheers—mostly from the guys, but whatever, it still counted.

  We bowed and my hair brushed the stage floor.

  We hopped off the stage and joined the guys. They’d already paid the bill so we headed outside to the car.

  As we were about to exit the building I was jerked roughly into a darkened hallway by Ezra.

  Before I could make a sound his lips crashed down on mine.

  He pulled away within seconds, but I was still left breathless.

  He grabbed my hand and put it over the hard-on straining against the zipper of his jeans. “Do you feel that?” He asked unnecessarily, but I nodded anyway. “That’s what you do to me. I’m hard for you all the fucking time and it’s killing me.” He pressed his forehead against mine. “You’re killing me…but I can’t walk away. I don’t want to.”

  With one last tender kiss to my forehead he tore away and I was left alone, but the ghost of his lips and words still lingered.

  I BLINKED MY EYES.

  One time.

  Two.

  The sight before me was still there.

  “What the hell are you guys doing?” I asked.

  Maddox looked up at me from where he sat on the floor beside Emma. “We’re having a hedgehog race.”

  “I need some coffee,” I mumbled, striding into the kitchen. Surely once I had coffee all of this would make more sense.

  When I returned to the living room they were still on the floor with dividers set up and each one held their pet hedgehog.

  “We need to set some rules,” Maddox declared, lifting the hedgehog up to perch on his shoulder.

  Emma sighed. “What kind of rules is a hedgehog going to understand?”

  “Shh,” he scolded her, reaching up to cover Sonic’s ears, “he’ll hear you.”

  Emma shook her head. “I say we just let them go and whichever one gets to the end first is the winner. Stop trying to make things complicated.”

  I sat down on the couch, drawing my legs underneath me and sipped at my coffee as I watched them bicker.

  “Fine.” Maddox relented, and scooped Sonic off his shoulder.

  “What’s going on?” Ezra asked as he yawned. His hair stuck up wildly around his head, making him adorably rumpled, and to torture me even more he was shirtless and wearing only a pair of loose gym shorts that left my ovaries panting. Yes, panting.

  “They’re having a hedgehog race,” I answered.

  He shook his head. “I need coffee.”

  I raised the cup to my lips to hide my smile. I’d said the same thing.

  Ezra returned and sat down beside me. The couch dipped with his added weight and I drifted towards him.

  “How’d you sleep?” He asked, making small talk.

  “Awful,” I supplied.

  “And why was that?”

  I shrugged, pretending not to know. “I got cold.”

  He smiled. “Hmm, we’ll have to get you some extra blankets.”

  “Yes, hopefully that will suffice.”

  Below us, Maddox began to count. “One, two, three.”

  They let the hedgehogs go.

  Aquilla, Emma’s hedgehog, laid down and refused to move.

  Sonic veered off to his right, knocking down the makeshift divider they’d made from cardboard.

  “I don’t think they like this game,” Emma whispered conspiratorially.

  “Sonic is clearly the winner, though.” Maddox argued.

  “He didn’t do it right!” She countered.

  “At least he moved,” Maddox reasoned.

  She shook her head. “Fine, whatever, Sonic wins.”

  “Thanks for seeing things my way.” Maddox grinned and leaned over to kiss her cheek.

  She tried to feign that she was mad, but it didn’t last for long. Soon she was leaning into his touch and giggled when he kissed her neck.

  I wanted that so bad, that sweet carefree kind of love, but the problem was I wanted it with someone that didn’t want me forever. I was nothing but a temporary pleasure and I hated that I’d reduced myself to that, but when you wanted something as bad as I wanted Ezra you’d do things you never thought you were willing to do. Maybe, I’d hoped that he would change his mind once we were together that way, but despite the things he said we were still nothing but a dirty little lie. Hiding from our friends, and even ourselves.

  “Are you okay?” Ezra asked, his fingers lightly grazing my thigh before jerking away as if he’d forgotten we were in the presence of our friends.

  “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

  More lies.

  Lies.

  Lies.

  Lies.

  So many little lies, that I didn’t even know what the truth was anymore.

  He looked at me like he didn’t believe me, but I stood up and left for the kitchen before he could say anything else.

  I started pulling out the cartons of eggs, cheese, and spinach, to make omelets for everyone.

  I heard footsteps entering the kitchen and my body tensed. “I said I was okay!” I snapped.

  “Whoa! What did I do?”

  I jerked. That wasn’t Ezra.

  I turned around quickly, nearly rolling my ankle in the process, and found Hayes entering the kitchen.

  “I thought you were someone else,” I confessed.

  “Obviously,” he muttered, musing his sandy colored hair. He passed me and opened the refrigerator so that he could grab the orange juice. “I’m assuming you thought I was Ezra.” He said the words slowly, like he was dropping a bomb and waiting to see what I would do when it blew up.

  His tanned, muscled, back was to me as he poured the juice

  I still hadn’t spoken when he turned around and eyed me over the rim of the glass. “You gonna answer me?”

  “I wasn’t planning on it.”

  “No answer, is an answer.” He smiled gleefully and took a sip of the orange juice. “What did he do?”

  I narrowed my eyes. I didn’t want to have this conversation with anybody, but definitely not with Hayes. He’d been so sweet to me and I’d thrown away any possibility with him because I was so hung up on my best friend.

  “Ah,” Hayes snapped his fingers together, a dimple appearing in his cheek when he smiled, “it’s what he didn’t do, isn’t it?”

  “He’s just being a guy,” I finally replied, “besides, friend’s fight.”

  Although, this wasn’t really a fight since I was mad at myself, and my stupid, illogical, feelings.

  “Uh-huh,” Hayes nodded, “friends. Sure.”

  “I don’t know what you’re implying.” I played stupid as I got back to work making breakfast. Maybe i
f I ignored him long enough he’d go away.

  He didn’t.

  Instead, he made himself comfortable by leaning against the counter right in my personal space. If he was trying to intimidate me into spilling the beans it wasn’t going to happen. I grew up with a brother, sister, and two nosy parents whom I all loved dearly, but it taught me to keep my mouth shut on things better left unsaid.

  “So, Arden,” he started, and I breathed a sigh of relief over the subject change, “what’s her story?”

  “Why do you want to know?” I asked. I wasn’t just going to hand out free information. The boy had to work for it.

  He shrugged his lean shoulders and tried to appear nonchalant. “She seems cool.”

  “Are you interested?” I continued to pester him. Yeah, I knew I was doing to him exactly what I hadn’t wanted him to do to me, but he brought this subject up so he should’ve known it was coming.

  “Maybe.” He set his glass down and propped his elbows on the counter. “Obviously there’s not a guy in the picture…” He trailed off, wanting me to fill in the blanks.

  “Her husband left her shortly after she got pregnant.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I silenced him with a glare. “That’s all I know. She’s my friend, but I haven’t wanted to pry. I can tell it’s a sore subject for her. I don’t think he was a very nice guy.”

  His lips pursed in contemplation and he grew quiet.

  Minutes passed and finally I stopped what I was doing and looked up at him. “She’s a nice girl and she has a kid. Don’t try to pursue something with her if you’re not serious about it.”

  Hayes cracked a smile and leaned forward. “Yeah, I know. I wouldn’t fuck her and bail. I’m done with being like that. Empty, meaningless, sex isn’t worth it to me anymore. I want someone to share my life with, not just my bed. And Arden…I really, really like her.”

  I couldn’t believe how honest and open Hayes was being with me. I was used to the fun, joking Hayes, not one that carried on such serious conversations. I liked that I was getting to see a different side of him.

  “Don’t hurt her,” I warned him. “She’s a good person and she doesn’t deserve to have her heart broken.”

  “Hey,” he held up his hands in surrender, “don’t give me the third degree before I even fuck it up. Have some faith, Westbrook.”