In Your Heart

by Micalea Smeltzer

  I couldn’t hide my grin. I loved being desired by him and pushing him past his breaking point. I wanted him to lose control.

  I turned and headed for the door, purposely putting a little more sway in my hips than usual.

  I heard him let out a string of curses behind me and I smiled like the cat that ate the canary.

  I could feel things changing between us and I was scared as to where it was headed, but for tonight all I wanted was to feel his hands on my skin.

  Music poured out of the speakers so loud that I wanted to cover my ears, but then I’d just look like an idiot. I couldn’t believe that as a teenager I’d liked this sort of thing. While my teen years technically hadn’t been that long ago, it felt like a lifetime. I’d changed and matured so much in the last few years. Okay…matured, not so much.

  Inside the club was far nicer than the ones I’d snuck into when I was in high school.

  The ceiling had these unique triangle dropdowns that glowed with different colors and the floor was shiny and clean—not covered in a layer of sticky grossness like most were.

  The bar was lined with every drink imaginable and backlit in varying colors like the triangle tiles on the ceiling.

  “Boys,” I patted Ezra on the shoulder, “why don’t you go grab a table and some drinks.”

  Ezra eyed me, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. “And what are you ladies going to do?”

  I grabbed Emma and Arden’s hands. “Dance of course.”

  Before either of them could protest, like I knew they would, I dragged them onto the dance floor.

  It was a fast paced song that immediately had my heart racing.

  “I can’t dance,” Emma whined.

  “I shouldn’t dance,” Arden interjected. “At least not like this. I’m a mom.” She glared at the people around us with disdain in her amber colored eyes.

  “First off, you can dance.” I pointed a finger at Emma. “Secondly,” I narrowed my eyes on Arden, “just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you lose all sex appeal. Own it, girl.”

  When neither of them moved I started to dance. I reached out and grabbed Emma’s hips, getting her to sway in time to the music. Once she had it I set my sights on Arden, but I was pleasantly surprised to see that she was already loosening up. She was clearly still nervous, and rather awkward, but I knew in a matter of minutes she’d let the rest of her reservations go.

  Since both girls seemed to be fine on their own now I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the moment.

  All that existed was me, the music, and how it made me feel.

  I swayed my hips, lifting my hair off of my shoulders when my skin began to dampen with sweat. There were a lot of people packed in here and the air was stifling, but it was all a part of the experience.

  Three songs later I finally opened my eyes and saw that Emma and Arden had disappeared.

  I searched the crowded dance floor for them and came up empty.

  Feeling irritated I started towards the tables.

  I finally found them sitting at a large booth with the guys.

  I stuck my hands on my hips and gave them both the most withering glare I could muster. “You bitches ditched me.”

  Emma giggled. “We were thirsty.” She pointed to her drink.

  I shook my head. “What are you even drinking?” I asked, sliding into the booth beside Arden.

  Emma lifted her brightly colored drink. “I have no idea, but it’s delicious. We got you one too.” She pointed at a drink in the center of the table.

  I took it and cringed. It was too sweet for me, but it packed quite the punch. For someone like Emma, who didn’t drink much, she’d be wasted in thirty minutes…maybe less.

  “Are you drinking?” I asked Arden.

  She shook her head. “No.”

  I couldn’t blame her. She had a kid and dealing with a hangover and a three-year-old in the morning would be killer.

  “Hey, hey, hey,” Hayes chanted, lifting his drink in the air. “We should toast.”

  “To what?” Ezra asked.

  Hayes’ lips twisted in thought. “To the Willow Creek family and all the adventures that are headed our way.”

  “Hell yeah I’ll toast to that.” Maddox lifted his drink—which I’d bet was diet Pepsi, since he was tonight’s DD, and tapped it against Hayes’, before we all followed suit.

  I downed my drink, and upon seeing the empty cup Ezra signaled someone over to our table.

  Without me even getting a chance to open my mouth, Ezra ordered me a new drink—something completely different than the one I’d had. I’d bet money Emma had ordered the first drink for me, and of course Ezra had noticed that I detested it. But hey, it was doing its job of getting me buzzed, so it was still a winner in my book.

  “Thanks,” I mouthed to him, where he sat across from me.

  He waved his hand in dismissal.

  Emma finished her drink and bumped Ezra to move so that she and Maddox could slide out of the booth.

  “Outta my way!” She cried. “I want to dance with my man!”

  Maddox snorted, fighting a grin. “I think someone’s buzzed already.”

  “Absolutely not.” She pouted, standing with her hands on her hips.

  Maddox leaned down and took her lips between his, kissing her long and deep. She melted into his touch and then they disappeared onto the dance floor.

  Beside me Arden let out a dreamy sigh. “Is it just me or are they the cutest couple ever?”

  “They are,” I agreed.

  “I’ve seen cuter,” Hayes piped in.

  Arden and I swung our gaze in his direction. “Like who?” I questioned, as a fresh drink was set down for me.

  “One time I saw these two puppies that were clearly in love. Their little tongues kept hanging out and their tails were wagging. It was the epitome of cuteness.” He grinned easily, stretching his arm out along the back of the booth.

  “Aww, that sounds precious,” Arden cried, clasping her hands together.

  At the same time, I said, “You’re so full of shit.”

  Arden narrowed her eyes on me. “That was an adorable story.”

  “And you’re drunk.”

  She wrinkled her nose in confusion. “I’m not even drinking.”

  “Exactly.”

  I finished my drink and stood. “See you losers later. I’m going to get my dance on.”

  Before anyone could protest I stepped back and allowed my body to be carried away by the crowd.

  The room was pulsing with energy and you couldn’t help but respond to it.

  I let the music flow through my veins as I swung my hips to the beat of the song. My arms swayed above my head and I truly let myself go for the first time on this trip.

  I closed my eyes and the glowing lights glittered behind my eyelids.

  One song blended into many and my body grew damp with sweat as my heart beat like a drum.

  A smile touched my lips when I felt arms wind around me from behind.

  I’d recognize the feel of that body anywhere.

  “Do you have any idea how long I’ve been watching you?” He growled lowly in my ear, his teeth grazing my lobe. “You’re so fucking sexy it was killing me that I could only look and not touch. It was like having my favorite candy dangled in front of me and saying one bite would kill me.”

  “And yet,” I panted, leaning my back against his front as I opened my eyes, “you’re here touching me.”

  “I decided it was worth the risk.”

  “They might see us,” I warned.

  I waited for him to say he didn’t care, that he wanted me and it didn’t matter anymore—that this arrangement was futile and he wanted me forever, as his future and not just his temporary pleasure.

  But he didn’t say that.

  Instead he whispered, “Then we’ll just have to make sure they don’t see us.”

  I squished my eyes closed once more, silently reminding myself that I was being silly. He
was sticking to our agreement and I couldn’t fault him for that. But my heart was breaking a little more every day and the sex—as amazing as it was—wasn’t enough to keep me whole. I couldn’t keep doing this to myself, and I vowed in that moment that once we got home I’d find my own place. This needed to end before I broke completely, but for now I would let myself enjoy the feel of his body wrapped around mine for just a little bit longer. Selfish? Maybe so. But if I was going to be forced to go the rest of my life without him then I wanted to make the most of every second we had left.

  “Sadie.” He prompted when I’d been silent too long.

  “Just dance with me.”

  He obliged.

  I never knew Ezra was such a good dancer, but the way he moved his body against mine should’ve been a crime. It was one of the most erotic things I’d ever experienced, and he wasn’t even being sexual about it. Not at all, actually. He felt the music and it pulsed through him and into me. It was like the beat of the song made us one.

  His hands roamed down my hips to my thighs, and back up again. His fingers edged underneath the bottom of my dress and I hissed between my teeth as my core clenched. But he didn’t move his hands up any further. He kept them right where they were, every once in a while his fingers would lightly stroke my skin and I would clench again.

  I wound my arms behind me and around his neck. He burrowed his head against mine, nipping at the spot where my neck met my shoulders, and then smoothed the spot with a slow flick of his tongue before pressing his lips to the spot.

  I let out a long moan.

  Jesus Christ, the way the man could affect me was entirely unfair. He knew how to stroke and play all the right strings on my body.

  “Sadie.” The way he breathed my name made me shiver.

  “Please,” I begged. I didn’t even know what I was begging him for.

  To say my name again.

  To touch me.

  To love me.

  I felt his fingers flex against my thighs, the pressure increasing as he pulled me more fully against him.

  I rolled my hips and smiled in satisfaction when he hissed between his teeth.

  “Fuck, Sadie.”

  “Yes,” I purred, “fuck Sadie, please.”

  I didn’t care that we were in the middle of a dance floor surrounded by people. I needed him to touch me in all the ways I needed to be felt.

  “We can’t.” He breathed, sounding like those two words pained him.

  “Ezra,” I panted his name and I felt him growl in approval at the sound, “I need you. Here. The bathroom. The wall. The fucking car. I don’t care. Take me, I’m yours.”

  His fingers tightened against my skin even more and I wouldn’t be surprised if I found bruises in the morning, but I didn’t mind. I wanted him to brand me physically the way he was already branded on my heart and soul.

  I turned around so that we were now facing each other and let him see the desperate want in my eyes.

  “Sadie, you’ve been drinking…” He trailed off.

  My palms landed on his hard chest and slid up around his neck, where I curled my fingers into the silky strands of his hair. Despite our conversation we both kept moving to the beat of the song.

  “You know two drinks will hardly get me drunk,” I argued.

  “Fucking hell.” He muttered, and kissed me right there on the dance floor.

  For the moment, at least, he didn’t seem concerned about getting caught.

  He nipped my bottom lip and I moaned into his mouth.

  He tasted like cool lemonade on a warm summer’s day.

  “Touch me,” I begged, “I need you to touch me.”

  I needed to get my fill of him before I was forced to say goodbye, but something told me I’d never feel satisfied.

  His hands roamed up my sides, the pads of his thumbs grazing the undersides of my breasts concealed by my dress.

  “More,” I pleaded.

  “Fuck being good,” he growled, taking my hand and pulling me through the crowd. He barreled past people, making sure they didn’t ram into me.

  I didn’t look around to see if our friends saw. My head was too clouded with lust to care.

  He found a hallway and dragged me down it.

  I had no idea where we were going, but Ezra seemed to be navigating the space with no problem.

  He reached out and pushed a door open and we stepped into a back alley. It was littered with trash and there was a dumpster nearby.

  He led me away from the mess and before I could blink he had my back pinned to the brick wall and his lips devoured mine. His kiss was nothing like the one inside. This was rough, and tinged with desperation, like he too felt that time was running out for us and wanted to make the most of it.

  I started pulling at his shirt, but he grabbed my hands and pinned them above my head.

  “No.” He glared at me.

  “But—” I protested.

  “No,” he said again, “I want you. God, believe me I do,” he ground his hips into mine so that I could feel how much, “but not here. This, right now, is about your pleasure. Not mine.”

  I opened my mouth to argue that his pleasure was mine, but he silenced me with a breath-stealing kiss.

  He broke the kiss when my brain grew foggy from lack of oxygen and his lips trailed down my neck and over my collarbone before he sunk to his knees in front of me.

  He glanced up at me and his dark eyes were hooded with lust.

  “Do you trust me?” He asked.

  “I think I proved that today,” I panted.

  He let out a husky chuckle. “That you did.”

  His hands skimmed up my calves and thighs, disappearing beneath the dress. He grabbed the sides of my underwear and pulled it down roughly until it stopped at my ankles.

  “Step out of them,” he commanded.

  I did as he asked and watched as he stuffed my underwear into his pocket.

  He looked up at me again and licked his lips in anticipation. “Hold on.”

  “Huh?”

  I let out a small squeal of fright when he grabbed my legs and placed them on his shoulders. He pushed the bottom of my dress out of his way and looked at me one more time. “Ride my face like you mean it, sweetheart.”

  And then his mouth was on me and I lost all trace of coherent thought.

  Pleasure hummed in my veins and my limbs grew weak. He seemed to sense this and grabbed my ass to hold me steady.

  “Ezra.” I panted his name over and over again in the darkened alleyway.

  I leaned my head back against the wall, looking at all the stars that shimmered above us. They were the only witness to the sublime pleasure Ezra was giving me. The stars saw everything. Oh, the secrets they could tell.

  I felt my body begin to tighten and my legs shook. “I’m going to come,” I warned, my back arching against the wall. “Oh God,” I moaned. “Ezra!” I cried out his name loud enough that people nearby probably heard.

  His tongue swiped against me one last time and he lowered my legs to the ground. He kept ahold of me as he stood, and brushed the dirt and gravel off of his pants with his free hand.

  “Fuck you taste amazing,” he growled, turning me on all over again. He swiped his thumb over his bottom lip and sucked it into his mouth. Damn him. My body was coiled tight with the need to sink myself down onto him, but I knew he wouldn’t allow that.

  I leaned up and kissed him, the taste of me lingering on his lips. “I think that’s the hottest thing anyone has ever done to me.”

  “Go down on you in an alley?” He questioned, raising one dark brow.

  “When you put it that way it sounds gross, but it was…incredible.” I grabbed onto his shirt, my body leaning heavily against his. He wrapped an arm around me and started leading me towards the door we’d come through.

  “I’m glad you thought so…it was equally as pleasurable for me.”

  “But you didn’t get off,” I whispered, like it was some sort of secret.

>   He grinned down at me. “Giving pleasure can be as good as receiving, and that,” he nodded behind us at the alley, “was fucking amazing.”

  I bit my lip, wishing desperately that we were anywhere but here right now so that I could make love to him the way I wanted.

  Whoa, no.

  Not make love.

  We didn’t do that.

  We fucked.

  Because we were friends with benefits.

  And that was it.

  Ezra held my hand through the darkened hallway, but once we reached the main room he let go.

  We found the table and all our friends, who looked grumpy and irritable.

  “Where have you been?” Emma asked, her eyes were filled with worry, but her words were laced with anger. “We’ve been looking for you guys for forever.”

  “We were dancing,” Ezra replied. I didn’t know how he appeared so at ease after what we did. My body was still shaking with after shocks.

  “We checked the dance floor five times,” she argued.

  “Must have missed us.” Ezra shrugged indifferently. “Are you guys ready to go?”

  “Dude, what the fuck is on your jeans?” Maddox sputtered, eyeing all the dirt and gravel still stuck to Ezra’s jeans.

  Ezra looked down and shrugged again. “Huh? That’s curious.”

  “Curious,” Emma shook her head, “y’all think we’re so dumb.” She muttered something to herself and then glared at us both. “Why don’t you both do us all a favor and admit you’re madly in love and fucking like rabbits behind our backs? Okay?”

  Before either of us could protest she was out of the booth and hurrying towards the exit.

  Maddox smiled apologetically and hurried after her.

  Ezra let out a hefty sigh and mused his hair. “Well, I guess that’s our cue to leave.”

  Hayes and Arden slid from the booth and we all headed towards the exit.

  The ride home was completely silent and I knew Emma was beyond irritated. I hated having my best friend mad at me, especially when I knew it was my fault because I wasn’t being honest with her. But I couldn’t tell her, not yet at least. She’d get her hopes up that things would work out with Ezra and I, and we’d ride off into the sunset on the back of a white horse.

  Or worse…

  She’d tell me I was crazy and that I’d ruined everything. That by doing this I was not only going to break my own heart, but lose Ezra in the process.