Writing a Killer Thriller

by Jodie Renner

  And remember to sprinkle in the foreshadowing like a strong spice – not too much and not too little. If you give too many hints, you’ll erode your suspense. If you don’t give enough, readers might feel a bit cheated or manipulated when something unexpected happens, especially if it’s a huge twist or surprise.

  And again, the operative word is subtle. Don’t hit readers over the head with it. Not all your readers will pick up on these little hints, and that’s okay. It makes the ones who do feel all the more clever.

  Remember that to be effective, foreshadowing needs to be subtle, like a whisper, not a shout.

  According to Jessica Morrell, “foreshadowing serves a powerful purpose: It makes the important moments in fiction more potent because of the anticipation that came before.”

  Resources:

  Lynn Franklin, “Literary Theft: Taking Techniques From the Classics.” The Journalist’s Craft: A Guide to Writing Better Stories, ed. by Dennis Jackson and John Sweeney. Allworth, 2002

  Jessica Morrell, Between the Lines

  Back to TOC

  Chapter 15

  DELAY, TEASE, AND STRETCH OUT THE MOMENT

  WITHHOLDING INFORMATION, DELAYS, INTERRUPTIONS

  Withholding information

  A great way to build suspense and create anticipation is by teasing the reader with fragments of critical information and then delaying the big reveal – the payoff. Think of a slow, tantalizing striptease, where one item of clothing comes off at a time, with lots of flirting and playful manipulation to build up anticipation. Use the technique of delayed gratification by revealing critical details bit by bit, layer by layer. Getting glimpses of information and having to wait for more revealing details creates intrigue, curiosity, worry, and suspense. This compels the reader to become emotionally engaged and invested in the story, so they have to keep turning the pages.

  As Jessica Morrell says, “There is no surer way to kill suspense than to answer every question before the reader wonders about it. Don’t explain everything or answer every question up front or set things up too thoroughly, because this destroys suspense.”

  So don’t reveal everything right away. Spread out your character’s backstory and drop clues and innuendos as you go along about their dysfunctional family or shameful secrets, to keep the readers wondering, What’s really going on here? What’s going to happen next? What happened to her in the past? What’s that all about?

  Secrets and subterfuge

  Either we, the readers, know something the hero doesn’t, or he’s working certain things out in his head and has crucial info he’s revealing to us little by little – the clever author’s way of keeping us on our toes, anxious and questioning, eager to keep reading to find out more.

  Distractions and interruptions

  Within scenes, heighten anticipation by using distractions and interruptions to delay long-awaited news, expected events or outcomes, resolutions of problems or conflicts, feared confrontations, etc.

  Prolonging outcomes to delay the payoff

  Even when writing a tense, critical scene, you can use little techniques to stretch out the moment for maximum effect. But don’t annoy the readers by inserting useless trivia or anything off-topic or that doesn’t suit the mood of the scene.

  GO INTO SLOW-MOTION AND EXPAND THE MOMENT

  ~ At critical moments, stretch out the tension and suspense.

  Years ago, I read this line by Hallie Ephron in isolation somewhere: “Write slow scenes fast and fast scenes slow.” At the time, I really didn’t get what she meant, but later I understood. Skip past slow, boring scenes by summarizing them or even leaving them out. But at a tense, intriguing moment, when you’ve got the reader on the edge of her seat and biting her nails, prolong the suspense and agony by slowing things down and stretching out the scene. Milk the moment for all it’s worth. Or add an interruption and delay the resolution to a later scene.

  As James Scott Bell says, “The more intense the tension, the longer you can draw it out.”

  So exploit and highlight suspenseful moments by slowing down time, drawing out the tension, and delaying the final revelation.

  ~ To stretch out the tension, show the critical details of your hero’s struggles.

  In a tense, life-or-death scene, increase the reader’s apprehension and worry by showing every detail of your heroine’s battle to survive, including her feelings – fear, panic, urgency, determination.

  For significant, tension-filled scenes, readers want to be riveted by every little critical detail, so show your threatened, desperate character panicking, frantically searching for solutions, weighing one against the other, making a critical decision, and acting, then reacting. Show her inner feelings and emotional and physical reactions during this process.

  Here are some before-and-examples, disguised, from my editing of thrillers:

  Setup: Cheryl and her husband have been held captive on a ship, and he’s been thrown overboard, with his hands and feet still tied. The Coast Guard has just arrived. This is a desperate situation for Cheryl and her husband, which is at first resolved way too quickly, missing a perfect opportunity for bringing their anguish to life and adding stress and tension and suspense.

  Before:

  “Don’t worry about me—get my husband!” Cheryl screamed at the captain of the Coast Guard. “They threw him in the water!”

  “Focus the light on the water aft of the stern,” the captain ordered.

  The search light found him immediately. He was struggling but his face was still above the surface.

  “Go get him,” the captain ordered.

  After:

  “Don’t worry about me—get my husband!” Cheryl screamed at the captain of the Coast Guard. “They threw him in the water and his hands and feet are tied!”

  “Focus the light on the water aft of the stern,” the captain ordered.

  The light searched the water for precious moments, without seeing him. Cheryl’s heart was in her throat. Where is he? At last, they heard splashing and gasping, then a desperate cry.

  “Over there!” Cheryl shouted, pointing. They swung the light toward the sound and finally found Kyle. He was struggling and sputtering, his face barely above the surface.

  “Go get him,” the captain ordered.

  Setup: Two people are being held captive in a basement, their hands and feet tied to the chairs.

  Before:

  “Can you get your hands free? I’m having no luck untying these knots.”

  “Shhh. They might hear us.”

  They stopped talking and went back to trying to untie the ropes.

  After five minutes, Jenny whispered, “I’m free.”

  That was just too easy. Jenny got herself untied in only five minutes, without a great deal of effort, so the scene is lacking in delicious tension and suspense.

  After:

  “Can you get your hands free? I’m having no luck untying these knots.”

  “Shhh. They might hear us.”

  They stopped talking and went back to trying to untie the ropes.

  Knowing their captors could return at any moment, Jenny concentrated on the task with renewed effort. After what seemed like an eternity, with several fingernails broken, she managed to loosen the knot around her wrists. “Finally! My hands are free. Now I can work on the ties around my ankles.”

  How the experts do it:

  Take a lesson from Robert Crais, one of my favorite authors. In The Sentry, he slows down time and shows every little detail, to emphasize the importance of stealth and not being heard.

  Instead of saying, “He jumped over the fence and used the key to open the back door,” he shows us our hero Joe Pike’s every move, to heighten the tension:

  He stepped into the shadows near the gate, then lifted himself over and dropped silently into the courtyard. He paused to listen, then felt for the key.

  He used a full minute to ease the key into the lock, another minute to turn the knob, and two full minu
tes to open the door. The entry was dark, fielding only a dim glow that escaped from above. Pike strained to catch sounds from the house, but heard nothing. Only then did he close the door.

  For really critical scenes, where your protagonist is fighting for his life or struggling to defeat a formidable adversary, stretch out the tension even more. Look for places in your story where you move too quickly from stimulus to response, from the action of the antagonist to the protagonist’s reactions, and miss an opportunity to draw out the tension and add to your readers’ emotional engagement. Slow down time and show us the inner workings of your hero’s mind, as he or she first reacts inwardly to the threat and then works out possible ways to solve the problem or gain the upper hand, then makes a decision and acts.

  For example, in Worth Dying For, Lee Child expands time and uses pages to describe Jack Reacher’s assessment of and confrontation with an adversary in a parking lot, which only takes seconds of real time. One sentence alone goes on for more than a page! And when Reacher lands the punch, we see the damage it’s causing in detail inside and outside the opponent’s body:

  Two hundred and fifty pounds of moving mass, a huge fist, a huge impact, the zipper of the guy’s coat driving backward into his breastbone, his breastbone driving backward into his chest cavity, the natural elasticity of his ribcage letting it yield whole inches, the resulting violent compression driving the air from his lungs, the hydrostatic shock driving blood back into his heart, his head snapping forward like a crash test dummy, his shoulders driving backward, his weight coming up off the ground, his head whipping backward again and hitting a plate-glass window behind him with a dull boom like a kettle drum, his arms and legs and torso all going down like a rag doll, his body falling, sprawling, the hard polycarbonate click and clatter of something black skittering away on the ground, Reacher tracking it all the way in the corner of his eye, not a wallet, not a phone, not knife, but a Glock 17 semiautomatic pistol,...”

  And it goes on like that. Child could have said, “Reacher landed a solid punch in the guy’s breastbone, sending him flying backward.” But instead he sucks us right into the graphic repercussions of the punch, almost into the opponent’s body.

  Find a moment of anxiety, fear, or terror in your novel and show your character’s inner feelings and reactions in minute detail, to extend out the tension and build up the suspense. Perhaps she’s captured, and the assailants will return any minute. Show her searching around her for anything that could help her get away or fight back. Here’s where you show every detail of her surroundings, as some of the items she spots could help her escape or defend herself. But which ones? And how? Can she combine them somehow? Show the desperate workings of her mind and she searches her environment for anything that could help her escape. Build up the tension.

  But don’t do this stretching out of the tension too often, or it would start to lose its effectiveness. And most scenes don’t warrant this kind of detail. Pick the most critical, high-voltage scenes to use this technique.

  Resources:

  James Scott Bell, Conflict & Suspense

  Jessica Page Morrell, Between the Lines

  and Jodie’s critical reading and editing of fiction

  Back to TOC

  Chapter 16

  TWISTS, SURPRISES, EPIPHANIES, & REVELATIONS

  What’s the difference between an epiphany and a revelation?

  Both concern important new insights and both usually change the course of the story. In an epiphany, a character has a sudden understanding or “Ah-ha!” moment, caused by connecting two seemingly unrelated details. Their epiphany usually causes a dramatic change in their attitude or thinking, significantly affecting their decisions and future. Revelations, on the other hand, can refer to changes in circumstances, or new information revealed somehow, and can involve anyone or anything in the novel. Both epiphanies and revelations cause the story to veer off in a new direction.

  EPIPHANIES

  An epiphany is when a character, usually the protagonist, has a light-bulb moment of realization, which often changes everything for them. Put one of these sudden intuitive moments of enlightenment in the middle of your story to shake things up. This moment of understanding greatly enhances your character’s growth and story arc and can also be the turning point your plot hinges on.

  As Jessica Morrell says, “Epiphanies deepen characters, provide the high notes in the plot, trigger events, and cause, worsen, or resolve conflict.” For maximum dramatic effect and reader satisfaction, be sure your protagonist’s epiphany is earned through her inner struggles and searching, not by a stroke of luck or information given to her by someone else.

  Epiphanies are normally positioned at “plot points” in the story. This is where the direction of the story changes significantly and moves in a new direction. A moment of epiphany grabs the reader’s attention in a satisfying way, bringing us closer to the character and more involved in the story, as we all become “enlightened” at the same time.

  Some examples of epiphanies or “eureka moments” in movies:

  In Independence Day, a scientist’s father tells him to dress more warmly so he doesn’t catch a cold, which gives him the idea to disrupt the aliens’ force fields by uploading a virus into the mother ship’s computers in a reference to The War of the Worlds.

  In Inside Man, a chance comment a rookie cop makes to Denzel Washington’s character allows him to figure out exactly how the hostage takers were able to stay ten steps ahead of the police.

  In the original Stargate movie, after two weeks of poring over a cartouche, Daniel Jackson finally figures out that the symbols aren’t hieroglyphs but star constellations when he sees a picture of Orion on a guard’s newspaper and recognizes the shape as one of the symbols.

  In A Few Good Men, Tom Cruise briefly halts a brainstorming session with the rest of the defense team to look for his lucky baseball bat, which Demi Moore has innocently placed in the closet. Staring into the closet prompts a eureka moment that reveals an important fact about the case – the murder victim’s clothes were hanging in his closet, and if he had really been due to transfer to another post the next morning – as his CO has claimed – his things would have been packed, and his closet empty.

  In Men in Black, the main characters have been racking their brains trying to figure out where the “Galaxy” is. Their only hint is that they were told by a dying alien that it’s “on Orion’s Belt.” When Agent J sees his dog barking at a cat on the street, he realizes the alien meant bell, not belt – the cat’s name is Orion, and the “Galaxy” is a trinket the size of a marble that is on the cat’s collar where a bell would be.

  In The Man Who Knew Too Much, Ben McKenna follows the lead of spy Louis Bernard’s dying words, “Ambrose Chappell,” to search for the kidnappers of Ben’s son. Ben visits a taxidermy shop owned by a man named Ambrose Chappell, only to learn that Mr. Chappell has no association with the criminals. As Ben’s wife, Jo, waits anxiously for him to return to their hotel room, one of her friends, Val, asks her the name of the person Ben’s searching for. Val mistakenly calls him “Church,” so after Jo corrects him with the word, “Chappell,” she pauses, then exclaims, “It’s not a man, it’s a place! It’s Ambrose Chapel!” Jo’s friends help her find the address of the chapel in the phone directory, then she leaves to search there.

  REVELATIONS

  A revelation is when something the protagonist and the readers really want to know is finally revealed, found, or discovered. It can be a physical object like a letter or key, or a piece of information, like the code to unlock a safe or a door, the license plate of a car, a telephone number, or an address. It can be a critical secret from the past revealed, the identity of the murderer, the location of a cave, hidden room, or hideout, or the discovery of any other crucial piece of information. This pivotal discovery gives the story and the readers a jolt of adrenaline, as we want to find out what will happen now as a result of this new, critical information.

&nbs
p; Figure out some objects or secrets that will be crucial to the unraveling of your plot, and withhold that information as long as you can, while hinting at them from time to time by showing your characters seeking those answers. Be sure to build up to the revelation to make the readers really want that information and continue reading eagerly to discover the secret or other critical knowledge or facts. This builds suspense and tension.

  TWISTS, REVERSALS, REVELATIONS, AND SURPRISES

  At every turn of events, at every character decision, think of the outcome or decision that readers are expecting, then brainstorm for unexpected alternate outcomes. To keep readers off-balance and maintain tension and suspense, try to often choose a result or decision that’s unexpected.

  The unexpected unsettles readers and makes them anxious, and anxiety and curiosity keep them turning the pages.

  Lead the readers in one direction, then suddenly veer off course. The hero suffers an unexpected defeat or setback, which leads to a new dramatic outcome. But twists don’t usually work if the result is positive. A twist is like throwing a wrench in the works – it should add complications and increase the tension.

  Try to put a big twist in the middle of your story and another big one at the end – the bigger, the better.

  For examples of some excellent twists and revelations that left audiences reeling, have another look at some of these great movies:

  In that old classic movie, Citizen Kane (1941), “Rosebud” turns out to be...

  In the classic, ultra-creepy thriller, Psycho (1960), it turns out the old woman is actually....

  In The Planet of the Apes (1968), the planet turns out to be...

  Star Wars, Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back, we’re blown away by this revelation: “Luke, I am your ....”

  In The Usual Suspects, a 1995 neo-noir film written by Christopher McQuarrie, the meek, mild, crippled Kevin Spacey character, “Verbal” Kint, turns out to actually be....