Writing a Killer Thriller

by Jodie Renner

  Similarly, in Shutter Island, written by Dennis Lehane, US Marshal Teddy Daniels turns out to be...

  In Gone, Baby, Gone, by Dennis Lehane, Amanda is actually...

  In The Prestige, written by Christopher Priest, it turns out Borden has a...

  In Mystic River, by Dennis Lehane, the killer isn’t Dave Boyle, but rather...

  Other famous surprise, ingenious twists at the ends of movies include the final revelations in The Cabin in the Woods, The Sting, The Departed, American Psycho, Arlington Road, Memento, Fight Club, and the most mind-boggling and memorable final twist of all, the ending of Sixth Sense, which left viewers walking out of the movie with mouths hanging open, shaking their heads.

  Don’t get too crazy, though. Your twists should be surprising, even shocking, but in retrospect, they need to be justifiable and believable, given the preceding events, foreshadowing, etc. Readers need to be able to say, “Yes, that could happen.”

  Resources:

  James Scott Bell, Conflict & Suspense

  Lynn Franklin, “Literary Theft: Taking Techniques from the Classics,” The Journalist’s Craft: A Guide to Writing Better Stories, ed. by Dennis Jackson and John Sweeney

  Jessica Page Morrell, Between the Lines

  Jessica Page Morrell, Thanks, But This Isn’t For Us

  Back to TOC

  Chapter 17

  STORY CLIMAX, RESOLUTION, AND ENDING

  Knock ’em dead with a kick-ass climax

  Near the end of your book, you’ll need to stage the major crisis, battle or confrontation of your novel, the one you’ve been building up to all along. This is the story climax, where typically, the hero is stretched to the limit. At his darkest moment, he almost loses, almost dies, but manages at the last possible moment to save himself and others and defeat evil. He does this by reaching deep inside himself and drawing out every last ounce of strength, courage, and resourcefulness he never knew he had.

  This story climax is the pivotal scene with the highest stakes and most challenging difficulty of your whole novel. It’s the scene you’ve been leading up to from the start. Finally, the hero manages to overcome the toughest obstacle, and the main story problem is resolved one way or another. Be sure that this critical no-holds-barred scene is the pinnacle of nail-biting conflict and suspense of your novel. If the greatest tension occurs earlier, then the ending of the story will feel anticlimactic and the readers will feel disappointed.

  And try to include a twist at the end, too, to surprise and delight your readers. Conjure up something they didn’t see coming but that can be justified by the details of the story, a turn of events that in retrospect seems plausible and makes sense, even though it didn’t occur to them before.

  Your readers have been living vicariously through your heroine, following her and worrying about her, right up through the final big climactic confrontation or battle, where she almost lost everything but managed to triumph over evil and adversity at the last possible moment. Now give them the payoff they’re hoping for.

  You are having her triumph, aren’t you? Readers want to experience that huge sigh of relief when evil is defeated and justice prevails – at least for a while.

  Create a memorable, satisfying ending

  Now that you’ve written an engaging tale full of twists and turns, with lots of tension, conflict, suspense and intrigue, be sure to ice the cake with an ending that will leave readers satisfied and give them a sense of closure – and will make them want to read another story by you.

  Don’t forget that readers read fiction to identify with the characters and live their exciting adventures vicariously, suffering their ordeals with them, worrying about them, dreading that they’ll fail, hoping and praying they’ll succeed. As a reward for the time and emotions they’ve invested, readers want the emotional satisfaction of having the characters’ problems resolved. They expect and want that huge feeling of relief when all the dramatic tension and suspense built up through the story is finally released.

  So don’t try to be clever or artsy and write in a tragic ending for your hero or heroine – unless you want readers to throw the book across the room in disgust.

  That’s not to say that every little bump in the road has to be smoothed out, but do resolve the main conflict and story dilemma positively for the protagonist. To be realistic, go ahead and show smaller defeats or losses along the way or near the end.

  So my advice is to show how the hero barely manages to achieve his goal in the climax, then release all the reader’s built-up tension with a satisfying, positive resolution of the hero’s biggest problems. Save any innocent people who were threatened – or at least the ones closest to the hero, the people he cares about the most.

  Or, if your hero doesn’t achieve his main goal, maybe it turns out that wasn’t the best goal for him, and the one he does achieve is a much higher goal, resulting in greater satisfaction and showing the growth he’s gone through in the course of the story. He still goes through a positive character arc, which leaves him happier, wiser and more confident at the end.

  You don’t need to resolve every little story question – go ahead and leave a few hanging if you like. But for maximum reader satisfaction, tie up the major loose threads of the story. And a little romance in there wouldn’t hurt!

  Think back to all the movie and story endings you loved the most. They probably had a surprise “omigod!” twist near the end for an added jolt, followed by a quick “whew!” sense of relief, then an “ahhhh” moment of satisfaction.

  Finally, try to leave the reader with some resonance, some intangible feeling of connecting to greater issues, to universal values. Something lasting to think about after they’ve closed the book.

  Back to TOC

  PART VII

  REVISE FOR SUCCESS

  Chapter 18

  REVISING FOR POWER

  STYLE AND PACING FOR TENSION AND INTRIGUE

  When you’re revising your story, there are lots of little tricks to enhance the suspenseful moments for maximum reader engagement and enjoyment. Consider using these techniques at moments of high tension, when your character is racing or fighting for her life.

  At stressful times:

  ~ Don’t wax eloquent.

  Minimize explanations, descriptions, lengthy thought processes, internal dialogue.

  ~ Declutter and write tight.

  Use shorter, to-the-point sentences. Don’t clutter up your sentences with blah, unneeded words or repetitions. Make every word count.

  Before:

  Stan’s mouth was dry and his eyes felt like they were full of sand. There was a nagging pain shooting from his eyes to the back of his head. A strong light hanging from the ceiling was shining in his face, and it must have been what had finally brought him around.

  After:

  Dry mouth. Gritty eyes. Nagging pain shooting from his eye sockets to the back of his head. An industrial lamp above blinded him.

  ~ Zoom in.

  Bring the camera in close and pay attention to little details that are critical to the character’s survival, such as objects that could help her escape, etc.

  ~ Show character reactions.

  Bring the character and situation to life by showing us their thoughts, feelings, inner reactions, and physical sensations. Here’s an example, well-disguised from my editing.

  Setup:

  A man suspects his wife is cheating on him and discovers she’s not only having an affair, but she’s also plotting to have him killed.

  Before:

  Craig opened Janine’s purse that evening before they went out. He told himself he needed a pen. He found a note from a guy named Roy reminding her of their rendezvous tomorrow at a motel on the outskirts of town.

  The following day he came home and found her phone untended. He scanned through it and lost whatever hope he’d held. It was all so very much worse.

  Jodie’s comment: Maybe a mention of how he felt when he read the note, like shocked, bewilder
ed, hurt. Or disbelief, followed by bewilderment, then anger…?

  Then add more detail to the incident the next day, when he finds her phone. Build up the moment more for enhanced intrigue and tension.

  After:

  Craig paced around the kitchen. Janine was acting strangely, avoiding him. What the hell is going on? He saw her purse on the table and decided to have a look through it while she was getting ready upstairs. Maybe he’d find some answers. He rifled through it quickly and pulled out her wallet. Inside with the bills was a folded piece of paper.

  Suppressing a moment of guilt at snooping, he opened it. It was a note from a guy named Roy reminding her of their rendezvous tomorrow at a motel on the outskirts of town. The asshole even made some suggestions of what he was going to do to her and how she was going to love it.

  Disbelief turned to bewilderment, then anger. What had he done to deserve this? Unable to deal with it all, he decided to try to find out more before confronting her.

  The following day, when he got home from work, he heard the shower running. He quickly headed for their bedroom and checked through her purse again. He found her cell phone and opened it, scanning the text messages. He found one from Roy. As he read it, he lost whatever hope he’d held.

  Not only was she cheating on him, but it was all so very much worse.

  ~ Show all critical action scenes in real time.

  Never have one character tell another about a critical scene after the fact – back up and show it as it was happening earlier, with action, reactions, and dialogue, or go into a flashback that shows the scene unfolding in real time.

  But summarize less important scenes in a sentence or two, if at all. And skip over transition periods, where characters going from one location to another, etc., unless you use that time for them to regroup and plan their next move. You can show the transition by an introductory phrase at the beginning of the next scene, like “Later that day,” or “The next morning.”

  ~ Leave out all irrelevant, distracting descriptive details.

  Many newbie authors who haven’t had the opportunity to work with a good editor will often clutter up fast-paced, run-for-your life scenes with nonessential description and meandering, convoluted sentences, which can really bog things down and deflate most of the tension. It’s best to use short, tight sentences at tense moments and make every word count. And be sure to show your character’s feelings and reactions, especially their tension and sense of urgency.

  When your life or that of a loved one is on the line, there’s no time or inclination for idle sightseeing. Notice how all the nonessential detail and almost carefree admiring of the idyllic surroundings slows down the pace and deflates the tension in the example below. The scene is in Boston.

  Jonathan raced up Arlington Street, hoping to make it to Boston Commons before they caught up with him. Maybe he could get lost in the Sunday crowd of families out enjoying the gorgeous spring day. Glancing back, he saw the men were gaining on him. Fortunately he was in much better shape, and not hampered as they were by suits and dress shoes.

  He ran the light on Boyleston and darted through an opening in the beautiful wrought-iron fence surrounding the park. The cherry trees with their profuse pink blossoms were stunning. As he ran down the path to the pond, he glanced to his left at the colorful tulips near the statue of George Washington on his horse. Ahead of him, the swan boats were out on the pond, and families with small children were strolling along the pathways.

  Jonathan ran to a crowd of Japanese tourists and started strolling along with them, on the far side. Keeping up with the tourists, he peered around them to see the goons hurrying toward him....

  It would have been more effective to place Jonathan in an entirely different, more ominous or dangerous setting, and only highlight details that help or hinder his plight, focusing on his stress and attempts to get away, rather than positive aspects of his environment that aren’t critical to his survival.

  ~ Pay attention to word choices and phrasing.

  At times of regret, fear, danger, or stress, avoid using words with pleasant or relaxed connotations. Choose words that increase the tension rather than deflating it. Here’s another well-disguised example from my editing:

  Setup: This bad guy is being hunted and he knows it – it’s payback time for all the horrible things he’s done.

  Before:

  He buttoned his grey coat tightly, adjusted his hat snug on his head and walked out of the subway station and into the cold, to saunter back to his small apartment. It was yet another day whiling away his time around New York with no specific purpose other than contemplate the insecure future ahead of him.

  Jodie’s comments: The word “snug” conjures up feelings of comfort, which doesn’t fit the tone you’re going for here. And “saunter” seems too relaxed – both for the cold and his situation. Not to mention that tension is what drives fiction. Don’t let your characters relax! Maybe have him hurry? Or “trudge”? And I’d have him worrying about his bleak future instead of whiling away his time. Also, replace “contemplate” with a word that shows his worry better.

  After:

  He buttoned his grey coat tight, pulled up his collar, adjusted his hat, and emerged from the subway station into the cold. He hurried along, head down, fighting the wind, back to his tiny apartment. Yet another day in New York with nothing but his bleak future weighing heavily on his mind.

  Notice how the heavy mood is captured better with the revised, more ominous, negative imagery and wording.

  At the revision stage, go back and use some or all of the above techniques to add apprehension, conflict and suspense to your story.

  Back to TOC

  Chapter 19

  STRUCTURAL TIPS FOR AMPING UP TENSION AND INTRIGUE

  Take a step back and look at the design and arrangement of your scenes and chapters to see if they maximize suspense and tension.

  ~ Vary the length of your chapters and scenes.

  In general, thrillers suit shorter chapters, so forget the warm-up and cool-down and start each chapter late and end it early, with lots of cliffhangers and jump cuts. High-tension scenes and chapters should be even shorter, to mirror the urgency and leave the reader on edge. More leisurely scenes and chapters are often longer.

  ~ Use cliffhangers.

  For fast pacing and more tension and intrigue, end most scenes and chapters with some kind of surprising twist, intriguing story question, challenge, setback or threat. Ending a chapter with a startling revelation or leaving a conflict hanging and delaying its resolution until another chapter piques the reader’s curiosity and keeps her eagerly or anxiously turning the pages.

  How the experts do it:

  Here’s the ending of Chapter 2 of the riveting thriller The Blade, by Joe Moore and Lynn Sholes, which I had the pleasure of editing in 2012:

  Setup: The protagonist, Maxine Decker, is hiding in the basement from an unknown home invader. She hears his big boots clomping on the floor, then he opens the basement door:

  The second step creaked and then the third, slow and easy. A dark leather hiking boot settled on the step level with my face. The next step down, I grabbed his boot laces and he flew forward, head first. With a grunt, he hit the dirt floor hard. I ran out from under the stairs and before he could move, I had my knee planted firmly in his back at the base of his neck and the butt end of my Maglite pressed into his skull.

  “Move and you’re dead.” I stabbed the Maglite against his head for emphasis, hoping it felt like the real thing.

  “Maxine, sweetheart, is that any way to greet your long-lost love?”

  And here’s an intriguing chapter ending that raises a lot of questions in Dennis Lehane’s heart-pounding thriller Shutter Island:

  “What?” Teddy said.

  Cawley shrugged. “I’m just confused.”

  “Confused by what?”

  “You, Marshal. Is this some weird joke of yours?”

  “What joke?” Teddy said.
“I just want to know if he’s here.”

  “Who?” Cawley said, a hint of exasperation in his voice.

  “Chuck.”

  “Chuck?” Cawley said slowly.

  “My partner,” Teddy said. “Chuck.”

  Cawley came off the wall, the cigarette dangling from his fingers. “You don’t have a partner, Marshal. You came here alone.”

  And I just had to share this great surprise twist at the end of a chapter in Don’t Look Twice, by Andrew Gross:

  Setup: Our hero, Ty Hauck, who’s been threatened repeatedly, is being followed one night by a guy in a dark parka with a cap pulled over his face. Hauck creeps behind a row of cars to get the jump on his pursuer.

  Hauck wrapped a hand around his neck and jerked him backward, at the same time kicked out the guy’s legs. The guy rolled onto the pavement with a grunt. Hauck dug a knee sharply into his back.

  “You wanted me, you got me, mister!” Hauck wrestled the man’s arms behind him.

  The guy let out a groan.

  Huack eased off his knee and spun him around. He pressed the barrel of his Sig into the man’s face and a cell phone the guy had been carrying fell out of his hand.

  “Now what do you want, asshole?”

  He was staring into the face of his brother.

  ~ Employ scene cuts or jump cuts.

  Create a series of short, unresolved incidents that occur in rapid succession. Stop at a tantalizing moment and jump to a different scene, often at a different time and place, with different characters – perhaps picking up from a scene you cut short earlier. Jump-cutting is a more extreme version of skipping ahead. This is used a lot in movies. You jump straight from one scene to another, with no transitioning at all in between.

  Switch chapters or scenes quickly back and forth between your protagonist and antagonist(s), or from one dicey, uncertain situation to another. Don’t resolve the conflict/problem before you switch to the next one.

  Lynn Sholes and Joe Moore call this “bait and switch” and use it very skillfully to keep us breathlessly turning the pages. In their recent thriller The Blade, they jump back and forth for a while from the present in the U.S. to eighteen months earlier in Austria, with riveting scenes back to back on both continents. Then we’re whisked off to nail-biting scenes in Cuba, including a shocking twist I never saw coming. Then the story takes us to more edge-of-your seat jump-cut scenes centered around Las Vegas. The technique is extremely effective in making the story difficult to put down.