What a Boy Needs

by Nyrae Dawn

Page 4

  Author: Nyrae Dawn

  I don't hug her back.

  "Jaden! Why in the world would you talk to him like that? You know how he gets," she whispers as she sits next to me.

  "Is it true?"

  Her silence tells me it is. A million questions bear down on me. How? Who? Why? But I don't ask any of them.

  "I called Courtney. I didn't tell her everything that's going on, but she said you're welcome to stay with Sebastian until you guys leave. "

  This makes my head whip around to face her. "You're kicking me out?" It's not like I want to go home anyway, but how can she do this? After everything, how can she choose him? How can she stay with a man who treats her, and her son, like garbage?

  Her voice is even softer when she speaks again. "I don't think it would be a good idea to put you guys in the same house again. You're leaving in a couple weeks anyway. . . "

  And then, I have no idea where the words come from. I'm angry and hurt, but I also don't want to be alone. I don't want to leave her with him. "Come with me. I don't have to go to New York. We can go anywhere. "

  She cocks her head, tears pooling in her eyes, and I know damn well she'd rather be there with him than anywhere with me.

  The list of people who feel that way is piling up.

  "Jaden. . . I love him. You're grown up. You have your life, and he's mine. I know it doesn't make sense, but he loves me, too. The things he said last night were only spoken out of anger. Things will be easier now. . . for both you and me. I want that for you. "

  She means things will be easier for her. She wants that for her. Her life with him will be better when I'm not around.

  "What if he hurts you?" My voice actually cracks and it pisses me off.

  "He won't. "

  Because the reminder of the one time he didn't have control over her will be gone?

  "I don't know who I am without him, Jaden. "

  This is so far from funny, but I can't stop myself from laughing. "Maybe it's time you find out. "

  My words hit me. I'm not who I thought I was, either. I'm not Mike Sinclair's son; I'm just the bastard kid he hates. I haven't been Pris's best friend since last summer. Sebastian and Aspen don't need me following them around anymore either.

  What do I know about myself? I'm the mooch, the loser, the guy who broke Pris's heart, the one she doesn't want to be there for her.

  Yeah, totally not a prize winner. Not like I ever thought I was.

  "I need you to do one thing for me, Mom. One thing and I'm gone. "

  ***

  I lie to Mom and tell her Sebastian is on his way to pick me up from the station, which actually, could be true if she called Courtney. She hugs me, cries, playing the caring Mom routine pretty well. It can't be true, though. If she did care, she definitely wouldn't be choosing that asshole over me.

  I plop back down into the ugly, brown chair. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I swear it can't be more than thirty seconds after she walks out that my eyes dart toward the door of the waiting room. Pris is standing about ten feet away from me. She's wearing a pair of pajama bottoms and a hoodie, although it's too hot to be wearing it. Her hair is tied back in a messy ponytail. Courtney must have told Sebastian what happened. He probably called Pris and she rolled right out of bed to come here.

  I'm going to kill him.

  With no other option, I push to my feet and walk over to her. "Hey. . . " The awkwardness between us is so screwed up. It's not supposed to be this way with my friends. It's the one thing I've always been able to count on.

  "Hey. . . I got your hat. You dropped it when. . . "

  Yeah. . . When. I still can't think about Craig without wanting to lose it. "Thanks. " I take it from her.

  "Bastian called to tell me you were here. We were all going to come get you, but I told him I wanted to do it alone. " There's a question in her voice, wondering if it's okay that she's here. And it is. I didn't realize it until this second, but I'm glad it's her.

  "Cool. Thanks. "

  Her eyes travel to my casted hand, to my face, and yeah, I know I'm screwed up. I look around, knowing how everyone else in this place sees me: wrinkled clothes from wearing them for two days, piercings, the whole nine. They're probably wondering what the hell the District Attorney's daughter is doing here with me. Shit. And he'll see the case, too. How bad does that suck?

  "I can give you a ride to Sebastian's. "

  Yeah. . . yeah, I definitely need out of here. I want her out of here. Seconds ago I was glad it was her and now I feel guilty. Picking me up at the police station? Classy, right?

  "Priscilla. Can you come here for a minute?"

  Both our eyes snap to the side to see her dad standing there all suited up like he always is. He looks at my bruised face and busted up hand totally different than Pris just did.

  Yeah, I want to tell him. I know I'm a mess and she deserves better. That's the whole reason things are so screwed up between us. He says something to her in Spanish and she gives me a sad smile before saying she'll be right back.

  "I'll wait outside. " I don't look at them as I walk out so I can't see the disappointment on his face.

  "You shouldn't have come," I tell her five minutes later as we're sitting in her car.

  I know immediately by the way she tenses that I said the wrong thing. I'm almost grateful for it, because that's us. I say something stupid and she yells at me. It's the way we work and I like it, but instead of laying in on me like she's supposed to, her voice is soft when she says, "I was worried about you. Last night, I know you went after Craig for me and I don't know what happened at home, but. . . I don't know. I just wanted to be sure you're okay. "

  Now it's me who tenses. "I'm fine. "

  "You're stubborn," she counters. Her voice is getting a little louder and I can tell she's getting frustrated.

  I want to hold onto this moment because it almost feels like it used to. I don't want to focus on what happened this morning or last night or last summer. I just want this moment. "And sexy. . . Funny. . . Oh, and let's not forget I'm a good kisser. "

  The sides of her plump lips curve up a little. Pris shakes her head and mumbles, "Stupido. "

  It's then I realize I'm smiling too.

  We're quiet the rest of the ride to Sebastian's house. Pris doesn't kill the engine.

  "Thanks for coming to get me or whatever. "

  Finally she turns to look at me. Her eyes are dark, such a dark brown you can hardly see her pupils. "Always. You know that, Jay. "

  And I do. No matter what, I know she'll be there.

  "Are you okay?" Last night finds its way into my head again. "Because of. . . Craig. "

  She reaches out like she's going to touch me, but then pulls her hand back. I've touched her a million times. Hugged her, had my arm around her, wrestled with her, but for some reason, I can't remember the last time it happened.

  "You didn't have to fight him, Jay. It wasn't that big a deal. I was just hurt and embarrassed. It's not as if I really liked him that much anyway. "

  Then why were you with him? Why did you waste your time on him? "He's a loser. You're better off without him. You deserve someone way better than—yeah, I'm just. . . " I just have no clue what I'm saying. "Anyway, Sebastian's probably peeking out the blinds like an old lady right now. I better get in there. "

  I push open the door, but her words stall me from getting out. "If you won't talk to me, talk to him, okay? You don't have to be so strong all the time, Jaden. "

  Strong? No, not at all. I wink at her. "Girls dig strong guys. "

  I get out of the car and close the door behind me, not man enough to look back at her.

  The second I hit the porch stairs, Sebastian is standing in the doorway.

  "I hear I'm supposed to be staying with you to keep you under control for a while? Apparently, I'm your last resort. " I hold out my fist, willing him to just bump i
t with his. To play my game and not ask any questions I don't want to answer right now.

  But he doesn't.

  Sebastian wraps an arm around my neck and pulls me inside. "Welcome home, man. "

  Chapter Four

  The last couple weeks before school gets out go so slow, I seriously consider the idea someone learned how to alter time just to screw with me.

  Sebastian keeps trying to get me to talk to him about what went down at home that night, but I just don't do the talking thing. I don't get how it's supposed to help. It's not going to change anything. Mike will still be a prick who hates me for Mom's screw up, and I'll still be the son she never wanted who she let take the brunt of whatever happened between them.

  No matter how many times I say it, those are the facts. Why put it out there so I can give them another reason to feel sorry for me? That's one thing I can't stand the thought of. Not when it comes to Sebastian, Pris, and Aspen.

  Finally graduation day is here and Sebastian's leg is jumping up and down while the principal gives a year-long speech when all we want to do is throw our caps in the air and be done with it. Actually, that's not true. Sebastian's nervous and I'm nervous because, well. . . it's not like we can graduate without going out in style, right?

  We've always known we wanted to do something big. Only we didn't know what it was until recently. At our school, you pick who you walk with and whatever order you get in for rehearsal, you're in for the ceremony.

  I'm both on edge and excited as they get closer and closer to calling our names. Luckily, we have friends in high places, (okay, maybe I mean people willing to be bought off) who agreed to help us.

  Finally it's time for our row to stand up and walk to the stage. I give Sebastian a smile as we're waiting for our names.

  "Sebastian Hawkins," the principal calls. "Jaden Sinclair. "

  As soon as my name clears his lips, the song, "I'm Sexy and I Know it" starts blasting through the speakers. The huge overhead screen on the stage flashes with the words, "Sebastian and Jaden Rock". The teachers scramble to figure out what's going on. But that's nothing compared to how the crowd starts roaring with laugher as we dance across the stage to our theme song.

  Principal South comes after us, but we dance out of his reach.

  We both do the pelvic thrust like in the video and the laughter grows.

  Sebastian has a huge smile on his face. It only lasts about twenty seconds, but the moment is epic. For the first time in I don't even remember how long, I'm happy.

  ***

  "Jaden!" Mom calls as I start to walk away from her. She didn't even mention anything about our graduation stunt. She hugged me, told me she loved me (yeah, right) and said everything was good for what I'd asked her to do for me.

  "Yeah?" I turn back around to face her. It's so strange looking at her now. My whole life feels like a lie. Like I don't know who I am. Did I ever know? I'm not sure.

  She holds out a paper. "Last summer, when things started to get worse with your father—"

  "He's nothing to me. " I grab the paper out of her hand.

  "You're right. . . of course, but when things started to get worse, it's because he found out I had that. " She points to the paper in my hand. "I thought you might want it someday. "

  Her brown eyes dart down. I should have known. How could I not have known? Neither she or Mike have blue eyes like I do.

  For some reason I can't make myself look to see what's on the paper. Can't bring myself to say thanks, because I'm not even sure what I have to thank her for. "Bye, Mom," is all I say before I walk away. I hate walking away from her, but she did that first, right? Still, it makes me feel like a piece of shit.