What a Boy Needs

by Nyrae Dawn

Page 5

  Author: Nyrae Dawn

  I make my way over to Sebastian, Aspen, and their parents. Automatically my eyes scan for Pris, but she's not around.

  "First of all!" Sebastian's Mom, Courtney, grabs me and pulls me into a tight hug. "Good job and I'm proud of you. "

  "Thanks," I mumble into her hair as I return the hug.

  She pulls away. "And second, I'll tell you just like I told him, what in the world were you boys thinking?"

  Sebastian jumps in, "That we're sexy and we know it!"

  We both start dancing. Aspen grabs ahold of him while Courtney and her husband Roger laugh. In between giggles she says, "I. . . don't. . . support. . . Oh, hell, it was pretty funny. You should have seen the look on your principal's face!"

  It takes a good minute for all of us to stop laughing. Once we do, Courtney and Roger tell us goodbye and head for the packed lot.

  "Where's Pris?" I ask. "Are we supposed to meet her at the party or something?" Her parents are throwing her a huge party for her graduation. They actually offered to send her and Aspen somewhere, but Pris didn't want to go.

  Aspen's eyes dart to Sebastian, who answers, "Nah, we're not going. I guess they wanted some family thing or whatever. We'll meet up with her later. "

  The ground suddenly becomes really interesting to them both. I'm about to ask what's up when it hits me. "They didn't want me there. " It's not even a question because I know. I'm sure it would be pretty embarrassing for the DA to have the kid who was just at the police station all busted up, in his house and hanging out with his daughter.

  As I walk away, I toss over my shoulder, "You guys go. I'll be cool. " It's not like Pris's parents were ever really like Bastian's or Aspen's, but I'm pretty sure they never would have told Pris they didn't want me in their house before "the incident. "

  "Jay, wait up. They're assholes. They've always been too good for us. " Sebastian comes after me.

  "No. " I turn to face him. "Not for us. For me. You guys are free to go, remember? I'm the only one they don't want around Pris. " Which I'm pretty sure isn't anything new. I mean, yeah, they've always been civil to me, but I'm sure if Pris and I had gotten together, they would have blown their lids.

  What is wrong with me? Why the hell does everyone have something against me?

  "So go, have fun. We'll hang after or whatever. " When I start to walk away again, Sebastian grabs my arm.

  "Jay. . . Stop. "

  I don't know what it is about the way he says it, but I listen. I let out a deep breath.

  "We're not going anywhere without you. You're my BFF. " He cracks a smile and I can't help but do the same. Last summer I teased him about Aspen being his BFF and now he uses the saying all the time.

  Even though I don't feel it, I try to return his lightness. "Whatever. Just don't expect me to paint your nails. "

  "You guys are so weird," Aspen pipes in, but then she leans her head on my shoulder. "We love you. "

  This is definitely becoming too much for me. "Shh, Bastian's not supposed to know about us, remember?" But all I can think about is they are going somewhere without me, they just don't know it yet.

  ***

  When we pull up at Sebastian's house, Pris is sitting in her car. She definitely shouldn't be here right now. She's climbing out of her car, when I jump out of the Explorer. "What are you doing here?" I have a feeling, I know.

  Pris shrugs. "The party wasn't really my thing. I made an appearance and left. "

  I groan. It sucks when my best friends feel like they have to babysit me. "Pris—"

  She holds up her hand. "I didn't want to be there, okay? End of story. I don't want to fight with you about it, Jaden. "

  "Whatever. "

  We head into the house. Courtney and Roger are out so we pop some pizzas in the oven. Once they're done we head upstairs to Sebastian's room. It goes without saying none of us are in the mood to go out tonight—graduation or not.

  The whole time we eat, my freaking gut is aching because I feel for the first time like I need to say something. Like I owe it to them. All this stuff seemed to pile on me at once and now I'm about to make an announcement. Like, relationship-altering stuff that I don't want to say, but now more than ever, know I have to.

  "Dude, I seriously can't wait until we leave next week. I'm so ready to be out of this town. This road trip is going to be epic," Sebastian takes a bite of his pizza.

  "What is with you and the word epic? Last summer was supposed to be epic, too. " Aspen pushes him, but he grabs her and pulls her to his lap.

  "Last summer was epic. You fell in love with me. "

  I try not to gag. On reflex, I look at Pris. Quickly, she turns away. The ache in my stomach multiplies. Why does everything always have to be so hard?

  "Speaking of New York, I need to talk to you guys about that. "

  Three sets of eyes land on me and I wish I could take the words back. I bite my lip, pulling slightly on the ring there.

  "Don't tell me you're going to say what I think you're going to say. " Sebastian sits up straighter and Aspen moves off his lap.

  I should have known he'd know. They probably all do. "I don't have all my shit figured out like you guys do. I'm not enrolled in school. I don't know what I want to do. It's not like I can tag along and mooch off you guys. "

  "Well, no shit. You'd get a job, just like the rest of us. " Sebastian's voice is tight.

  "Yeah. . . You're not the type to lie around. We all know that, Jay. You'd never try to mooch off anyone. Plus, you like electronics. You're always messing around with stuff. . . " Aspen tosses her opinion in.

  Funny how it's the opposite of how I feel. . . of what Dad—I mean, Mike—thinks.

  Pris doesn't say a word, and honestly, might make me a douche, but I don't have the balls to look at her.

  "I just. . . " Don't know who I am. . . Where I belong. . . "It's not right, ya know? Everything is all screwed up right now—"

  "More reason for you to get out of here!" Sebastian's eyes are wide, jaw clenched.

  "I'm not staying here. I'm going to Texas. My mom's brother lives there. He's always been cool to me. "

  Pris pushes to her feet and runs out the door, leaving the rest of us sitting there with wide eyes. I immediately feel like shit. Without a thought, I'm going after her. She runs down the stairs, probably faster than I've ever seen her move.

  After she rips it open, the door slams against the wall.

  "Pris!"

  She ignores me and keeps going. I don't catch up to her until she's trying to open the door to her car. Not knowing what else to do, I box her in, one arm on each side of her, my hands flat against car. "I'm sorry. " I have no idea what I'm apologizing for, but I need to say it. Actually, I do know. I'm sorry about it all: last summer, every month since then, and that I'm not who she deserves.

  She doesn't turn around to face me, but her shoulders start to shake and I know she's crying.

  "I'm sorry. . . ," I tell her again, wishing I was man enough to tell her why.

  That's when she whips around. Her eyes are swollen and red and I'm about to apologize again when she puts both hands on my chest and shoves. I stumble backward and she's going a million miles an hour, speaking in Spanish even though I have no clue what she's saying. She always talks in Spanish when she's mad or she's insulting someone. Right now, I know it's both.

  "What are you sorry for, Jaden, huh? Why don't you tell me?" Her eyes are filled with fire. I don't know anyone who burns this brightly.

  "I'm just sorry. " I shrug. Say it, Jay. Open your mouth and talk to her.

  "That's what I thought, Jaden. Whatever. Bail on us. Go to Texas. Do whatever you want. "

  I don't want to go to Texas. I want to go with them. Keep the plan. Hang out. Go to school. Be with her. Say it. "It's for the best. "

  "You should have told me. "

  "I just did. "

 
; She rolls her eyes. "You're right. I don't know what I was thinking. Why would I be different to you than anyone else?"

  Pris's eyes start to water again and I flash back to the party on her birthday weekend last summer. I was hitting on a girl—I don't even remember her name. And we started kissing. Pris had been talking to the idiots they met at the pool hall, which made sense. She should have been with them and not me, but for some reason I pulled away. Pris wasn't with the guys anymore and I left to find her. She was sitting out back, her shoulders shaking like they just were and somehow I knew she was crying over me.

  A real man would have gone to her. Wiped her tears. But I'd been too scared because I knew I couldn't be what she needed.

  The second I turned to walk away, I knew she saw me, so I manned-up and headed for her. "What's up, Pris? Did someone mess with you?"

  Yeah. . . me.

  Quickly she'd wiped her eyes. Closer. . . I kept getting closer. . . . And closer. . . I don't know if it was the alcohol or what, but that was the moment everything started to get screwed up. We'd played it off, for a while after that, but I knew everything would be screwed up.

  And I left her out there. I went inside and went to bed, ignoring the party downstairs.

  I hated Craig for hurting her. I'd hate anyone for hurting her, which is just another reason to hate myself.

  "I want to go with you—you guys, I mean. I want to go with you guys. "

  She stills, but then says, "Don't do me any favors. "

  I shake my head. "I'm not. I want to go. I need to go. . . " It's true. I need this trip with them. This last time to just be us. The way we were before everything got so messed up. "You know what? Forget Texas. We've planned this trip forever. Let's just do it. Let's go and have fun and like Bastian's dumbass says, it'll be epic. "

  "And then?" Her eyes are all soft and vulnerable. I don't know why she's asking because I can tell she knows.

  The words want to stick in my mouth, but I find a way to push them out. "And then you'll go to NYU and you'll rock it, just like you do everything else. " I take a deep breath. "And I'll be in Texas. "

  Chapter Five

  The next couple weeks. . . well, they pretty much suck. Pris isn't around much. Sebastian keeps saying it's because her parents want to do all this stuff with her before she goes to New York, but I'm not that dumb. That might be part of it, but I know she's avoiding me. Not that I can blame her.

  I haven't talked to Mom since graduation.

  Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about that, but whatever. It's not like I can change anything.

  Apparently the DA isn't moving forward with charges, either. Like it really matters.

  Finally it's the day after Pris's eighteenth birthday. The day we're leaving.

  Sebastian's lame ass has been freaking out like he's hopped up on caffeine for two days straight. Last night, Courtney and Roger took us out for a goodbye dinner. Aspen's been with her parents and Pris with hers. And like I said, for me? Nothing.

  It's five in the morning and Sebastian and I are sitting in his room. The girls are supposed to be here soon. I can't stop myself from wondering if Pris's parents know I'm going with them. They know Sebastian is, of course. They definitely made sure it would only be Aspen and Pris staying in the apartment they're renting. Oh, another thing for me to feel like shit about. How's Bastian supposed to afford a place without me?

  "Can you believe we're finally doing this?" he asks, sitting on the edge of his bed. His leg is bouncing and he actually looks a little nervous.