Break Me

by Amanda Heath

  We live in a small community of rich as fudge people. Meadows is right outside of Dallas, Texas. I watch the skyline of the buildings pass by the window on our way to school. You’d think since we live so close I would go to Dallas all the time, but I hate huge cities. They make me crazy and give me anxiety.

  I don’t need any more of that.

  Though being out here there are so many people, it’s easy to get lost. Or hide. Trey’s parents do okay but he didn’t attend my school. He didn’t hang out with the people I go to school with. They didn’t know about him when he passed because I didn’t want them to know about him. He’s my secret in a world full of secrets. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to let him go. He was the best part of my life for so long. There is nothing to replace him.

  “You look like shit, Wes.” Bentley speaks low. He always speaks low. Does he do that for me? As if he speaks too loud I might fall apart. There are things about my brother I will never understand. He should be out partying with his friends and hooking up with girls. Instead he sits at home with me almost every day he doesn’t have football practice. But even after those he still comes home and sits with me.

  The tears start falling after that. What am I doing to my brother? What am I doing to all the people around me? Why can’t I be normal?

  “Pull over!” I scream, tears falling fast and soaking my skirt.

  Bentley gently eases out of traffic and pulls over to the side of the road. I jump out when the engine is off and fall to my knees.

  “Wesley…” Bentley whispers. His voice hurts me. Everything hurts right now. I feel like I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m dying. Maybe I will. Maybe I’ll die and be with Trey. Anything is better than this.

  Anything…

  “It’s a late goodbye, such a late goodbye. And we keep driving into the night. It’s a late goodbye, such a late goodbye…” comes out of Bentley’s car speakers. "Late Goodbye” by Poets of the Fall. I immediately calm down.

  This song was on Max Payne 2, the video game, not the movie. Trey loved that game and he played this song over and over again. I can almost feel him here with me. I stand up and turn back to the car.

  “Thank you,” I whisper to Bentley once I’m seated in the car.

  “You don’t need to thank me, Wes.” He doesn’t say any more and drives the rest of the way to school.

  ***

  I knew this morning everything would be different today. I think that’s why I refused to get out of bed. I didn’t want to face the changes I could feel coming. I hate change. I wish change wasn’t even a word and nothing ever changed. But if it wasn’t change, it would still be something else.

  Anyway, the first thing to change was Paisley Vaughn. This girl is a legend at our school and no one had ever even met her before. Apparently after her dad died in some tragic car accident, he left Paisley everything and she wasn’t even born yet. Her mother didn’t like that too much and took off with her. They were both missing for sixteen years. It was a huge thing over the weekend when her maternal Grandmother showed up with Paisley in tow. Along with Paisley’s two year old sister, BeeBee. The mother overdosed and the grandmother got called in to take care of the girls.

  Enter Channing Southerland, the school’s most curious dude. All the girls want in his pants but he doesn’t even touch them. I thought he was gay until Annabella mentioned he hooked up with this slut named Jasmine. Now I don’t like name-calling but she really is a slut. She’d sleep with anyone, whether they were taken or not. But that’s not the point here. Channing’s mother was besties with Paisley’s and there have been rumors for years that there is an arranged marriage between the two. I doubt this is true considering it’s illegal, but hey, you never know with rich people.

  Now I’m staring at a gorgeous redhead that doesn’t seem to notice the rest of us exist. She literally hasn’t made eye contact with anyone. I mean if I was new at a school I would be looking for friends or watching to see all the people staring at me. This girl has no clue. She lives in her own world.

  Which brings me to my next point. Pierce has an older sister, Ashley, and older being six years older. Ashley and Channing have the same dad. That guy was a real piece of work. Anyway, Channing wants nothing to do with Ashley and this of course hurts Ash, so Pierce hates Channing. No one hurts Pierce’s sister and lives to tell the tale. Well, unless you’re Channing because that guy is still walking around.

  This is where my family and relationships with friends gets strange. Channing and Pierce are the same age. I’m also the same age. So this rift has been going on for as long as I can remember. I got stuck with Pierce and Annabella because going off on my own wasn’t an option. Pierce and Annabella have been through so much, it was actually never a hardship for me. I love them both, always have. Channing got his own friends and we have always been separate from them.

  My point being, I’m supposed to hate Channing and all his friends because of Ashley, but I don’t. I could care less. Which means I ignore them just to keep Pierce happy. But that’s also why it’s a big deal that Paisley’s here. We all witnessed an argument between the two at lunch. That turned weird though because they were up in each others faces. When I say that, I mean there wasn’t an inch of space between them. Plus you could feel the heat and sexual tension coming off of them..

  I don’t blame Paisley though because Channing is super hot. If I wasn’t emotionally screwed up or related to Ashley, I’d do him.

  The big deal here is that now there is someone else I have to ignore and watch my cousin and best friend be mean to. I try not to get involved but sometimes they drag me into it. I’m hoping they don’t drag me into messing with her. She made friends with Rachel Sanders. Who happens to be Channing’s ex and Royal Sanders’s twin sister. Royal and Channing have been best friends since birth I think. Now rumor is that Royal’s not too happy with Rachel dating, so the Channing thing, well I think him being Royal’s best friend that didn’t really matter. Besides it was for three weeks a long time ago.

  “Earth to Wesley!” Annabella snaps her fingers in my face and I jerk back in my desk. I really need to start paying better attention. My entire life is about to pass before my eyes. I swear yesterday was the first day of senior year, but that was four weeks ago.

  “What?” I snap at her. Before Trey died I would never have snapped at anyone. But sometimes I can’t stop myself now.

  “Redhead at ten o’clock,” she mutters before turning around in her seat.

  I look up and watch Paisley Vaughn enter my Spanish class. Great more change!

  Before I can even think of speaking up, everyone we sit with is glaring at her. I pretend to, half-heartedly. After losing Trey I just don’t feel like putting up with high school bullshit, so I pretend. She has to sit next to Pierce, which makes me want to groan. This could not get any worse!

  Though little Miss Vaughn surprises me when she just glares right back.

  “This one’s got fight. I like her,” comes Annabella’s raspy voice from in front of me. Her hair is long and a beautiful shade of honey. Not blonde, not brown. The in-between stage. Her eyes, believe it or not, match her hair, as well as her eyebrows. Her nose is perfectly straight with a button on the end. There’s a freckle right above her lip and it almost disappears when she smiles. Which she is doing right now. Her lips are full and red and her cheeks help her face become heart shaped. “Annabella Gage. That guy next to you,” she turns from Paisley and looks to Pierce, “is Courtney Pierce. He hates Channing and Channing hates him, so he’s going to stop glaring at you because I have it on good authority you hate Channing.” I don’t know if I’ve said this, by Pierce goes by his last name. I would too if my mother gave me a woman’s name.

  She rolls her eyes and looks at Pierce. “I don’t hate what I don’t know. Just back off me, because I have nothing to do with him.” She glares harder at him before opening her book and flipping through the pages.

  Then Pierce and Annabella start having a conversatio
n around her. “You’re really getting on my nerves lately, Ella,” Pierce mutters.

  She laughs and it’s a deep rasp. She really needs to stop smoking. “Like I care. It’s senior year, you and Channing need to get over yourselves. Besides, he’s going to have his hands full with this one.” Then Annabella pokes her with a nail file. Paisley is lucky she didn’t get stabbed.

  I guess Paisley thinks Annabella is being nice, but I know it’s her way of fishing for information. “Why do these dumbasses hate each other? I couldn’t get a straight answer out of Rachel.” Everyone but Annabella gasps when Paisley calls the boys dumbasses. Even me, but mostly because I didn’t see it coming.

  “Pierce’s older sister is also sister to Channing. They have the same dad.” Apparently it’s “tell all our family drama” day. “Anyway, everyone knows Channing hates his dad, even though the guy is dead. But I might hate my dad too if he didn’t give a shit about me. Channing refuses to have anything to do with his sister. Ashley, being the sweetest person ever, got her feelings hurt over it. And you don’t hurt the Pierce brothers’ sister.”

  Paisley thinks for a second before rolling her eyes. I can tell she is getting really bored. I don’t blame her; I’m getting bored too. If only this class was educational. Mr. Foster is a horrible teacher if you haven’t noticed. It’s okay though, I’m passing with flying colors. “So you’re telling me you were about to make my life a living hell because Channing doesn’t want to have a sister? How is that my fault? Are you that dense?”

  “Look, little girl, you don’t know anything about it. So shut up,” Pierce growls at her.

  Annabella goes to open her mouth but Paisley stops her by raising her hand. “For one thing, don’t call me little girl. I’m not little and where I come from, no one protects you but you. I’m strong enough to bring you to your knees. Don’t push me or you’ll regret it.”

  “Did you just threaten me?” Pierce mumbles, raising his eyebrows slightly.

  “No, I made you a promise. I’m saying I don’t give a crap what you think about Channing. I don’t give a crap what y’all think about each other.” She points her finger at him. “I’m saying don’t bring me into it. It’s not any of my business and you’re not going to hurt me to get to him, because he hates me just as much as you hate him.”

  With that she turns back around and ignores them. I’m very impressed myself. It’s about time someone stood up to Pierce. Maybe change isn’t bad after all.

  Chapter Three

  The second change came after my last class. Which is my least favorite class all day. Some idiot put Pierce, Annabella and I in a room with Channing and his entire league of friends. And now Paisley. Needless to say, I put my headphones on and pretend I’m not there.

  “Ms. Bridges!” My AP World History teacher, Mr. Richards hollers from the door of his classroom. Unfortunately, it’s right across from my locker.

  The one thing I take seriously is history. All my other classes I do well in, I mean come on I’m a tiny genius but history has always been my favorite. I guess you can call me sentimental because facts about the history of the world excite me. I also like knowing how we got here. I get it from my father but, unlike my dad, I plan on doing something with it. My dad took his intelligence and used it for bad things. But I’ll get to that later. Right now, I’m about to have a conversation to change the course of my life.

  I take a deep breath and turn around. “Yes, Mr. Richards?” The man is in his forties but he takes care of himself. I’m pretty sure he is gay, but that kind of thing doesn’t matter to me. His hair is just starting to grey at his temples and he looks very dashing. His grey suit is clean and fits him perfectly. His grey eyes are warm and welcoming, which is a huge thing for me. A lot of the teachers in this school are just here for the big paycheck. You can tell Mr. Richards cares. I need more people to care in my life.

  “Can I talk to you for a moment?” he asks with a bright smile. I’m sure Bentley is outside waiting for me, so I nod and follow him into his classroom.

  “Let me text my little brother real quick.” I take my phone out of my bag and type out the message before hitting send and putting the phone back up.

  Mr. Richards sits down at his desk and points to one of the seats in the front row. I shuffle over and plant my butt. I’m starting to think I’m in trouble but I’m not sure why.

  He weaves his fingers together in front of his face and sighs. “You’re not in trouble Ms. Bridges, but I don’t think you’re going to like what I have to say.”

  My palms get sweaty, as I grow more nervous. Oh god, I failed a test and I’m not going to be able to graduate. I shake my head, because that is ridiculous since I haven’t ever failed a test. And I don’t think I could ever fail a test in History. That would be a failure at life.

  “I asked you in here because one of my students needs tutoring. The Headmistress has agreed, if you agree, that you’ll be paid for your time. And you’ll receive extra credit.” He stops and looks at me with pointed eyes. I have a feeling I’m not going to like who I have to tutor.

  “All that sounds good. So what’s the problem?” I ask him before wiping my palms on my skirt.

  “That’s what I’m worried about. I may only be a teacher but I still pay attention. I know about your group of friends and his group of friends. I’m worried that you’ll say no because of it and he really needs the help. He’ll lose his place on the swim team if he doesn’t pass my class.” Dread starts to fill my stomach. He’s about to tell me I have to tutor Channing Southerland. I just know it.

  I close my eyes and rub my temples. There is no possible way I can say no. The money would be nice and I’d never say no to extra credit. “I just want to say that my cousin and best friend both have problems with Channing Southerland. I do not. But since they are my friends, I pretend to go along with it. I actually could care less about it all.”

  Mr. Richards sighs in relief and gets up from his desk. I remain seated because I have a feeling this isn’t over yet. “That is very nice to hear Ms. Bridges but I’m sorry if you were misled. The student I need you to tutor is Royal Sanders.”

  My mouth drops open as he opens the door and Royal walks in. While I’m surprised, relief floods my body. I’ve been sitting here freaking out about how I’m going to have to listen to Channing talk, because his voice is weird. Now I don’t have to worry about that. When I say weird, I mean it has this affect on my body. I’m not turned on but I still feel the need to squeeze my thighs together. See, weird!

  Royal Sanders is by far the most gorgeous boy at my school. He has to be near six and half feet with warm brown eyes and a face straight out of the Regency era. When I see him I always think of a Duke or an Earl. Did I mention that’s my favorite time in history? I think I’ve read every Regency romance book ever written. I can’t get enough of them.

  Royal’s nose is long and straight and his cheekbones are high. His lips are full but not too full. Perfectly shaped brows frame his eyes and his brown hair falls into them. He usually has a snobbish look on his face but I can see the laugh lines around his mouth so I know he’s not normally like that. I always want to picture him in a popped up collar and knee high boots. If he had lived back then, he would have been a Royal Duke. I laugh to myself at the thought and grab the attention of said Royal Duke. Okay I just laughed out loud.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not laughing about anything that’s going on right now.” My cheeks flush and I duck my head. I haven’t been this embarrassed in a really long time.

  I feel Royal’s eyes on me. Laughter shines in his eyes and my face gets hotter. “So you don’t have a problem helping me out?” He raises one of his eyebrows and I want to laugh again. He would make a great Duke.

  “Not at all,” I say, getting up out of my seat. I cross over to him and realize I come up to his pecs. I can see them formed through his tight black polo. I gulp because a flare of a different kind of heat fills up my face. “We haven’t ever been properly intro
duced.” I hold out my hand for him to shake. “Wesley Bridges.”

  This is where I about die. Royal takes my hand and lifts it up to his mouth where he places a chaste kiss on the back of my hand. “Lovely to meet you, Wesley. Royal Sanders.” He stares into my eyes and, for the first time in the past six months, I don’t feel sad. I feel a little bit of hope.

  I quickly pull my hand away and step back. I don’t want to be sad but I also don’t want to let go of my sadness. If I do, then I’ll forget about Trey.

  Mr. Richards clears his throat and I blink before looking up at him. “Now that that is settled you two should get out of here.” He smiles warmly and opens the door for us. I hoist my backpack on my shoulder and head out the door. I can feel Royal following behind me as I walk out of school.

  Before I open the front doors I turn around and face him. I look at the ground as I speak to him. “I just have to know if you’re going to mess with me because I’m Pierce’s cousin? I understand there is bad blood between him and Channing but I have nothing to do with that.”

  Royal sticks his finger under my chin and lifts my face. “I don’t have a problem with you, Wesley. I seriously need help in World History. If I fail History I’ll get kicked off the swim team and my dad won’t pay for Juilliard.”

  My eyes widen. Juilliard? “You’re going to Juilliard? That’s really impressive.” I shift my feet before looking back down at the ground.

  He chuckles and I like the sound. It’s deep and soothing. “Yeah, like Harvard isn’t impressive.” I look up at him with wide eyes again. “My dad was talking about it a few months ago. I think he knows your mom. Something about the hospital he works at getting sued.”

  I nod like this makes sense. No one but my family knows I got contacted by Harvard. I’ve had straight A’s since I was in kindergarten and I got a 34 on the ACT’s. Plus I was on the debate team, a cheerleader, softball player, and I’ve tutored before. Harvard was really looking at me. Then they found out what my father does.