What i Found In You

by Lillian Grey

  From my point of view, the vampire I had met with until now were very engaging and friendly, like a group of kids in college fraternities; they had their own way of doing things but after the initiation you were one of them. I had actually only met a very rare breed up until the gathering and battle. Even then, I thought the opposing force was just a small radical group. All I really knew was that I was perfectly safe no matter where I was in the world while I was with Lilith. I told that to myself over and over, but it began to feel more and more like a lie. Maybe because Alik would shield me from as much as possible, while Lilith however, wanted me to experience all senses of fear and danger to their fullest, not to scare me, but teach me about vampire.

  This Italian coven was rough and wild, like one of those biker gangs you see in the areas of town your mom warned you against. Still, Lilith calmly walked through the small village, where vampire lived among humans, with me close behind. I could pick out the vampires from the humans easily and I was astonished that there were so many vampires. I can’t explain the emotions that I felt at that time.

  “Don’t worry dear, you are perfectly safe,” Lilith reassured me, taking my hand for a moment; her cool touch steadied me. We came to an elaborate house and Lilith knocked on the door. “Vanessa, stay behind me to my right, okay?” she whispered. I let my action be my response and I moved to where she asked. The door opened and it was pitch black. We took four steps inside and the door slammed behind us and the lights flashed once, then twice. In the moments of flashes, I saw that vampire surrounded us. On the third flash, the light caught and I could fully see just how many surrounded us. There was a visible hierarchy in place in how they stood and dressed. At a table, which was only big enough for two, there sat a handsome vampire in a flat black suit; his fingers were entangled as if he was praying. To his right was a young girl in a white dress and slightly behind him to the left was an old man with a cane in a gray suit.

  “Pleases, sit down. It is an honor for the great Lilith to come in person. We have all gathered for the return of our master. Would you happen to know where he is? We are beginning to get worried.”

  “I killed Enzo yesterday,” Lilith replied, sitting down at the table with him. The air in the room tensed visibly.

  “May I ask why you killed our beloved master?”

  “He betrayed me, sided with a rebel group that wished me destroyed. I’m only here to see where you stand. If you wish revenge, I will not stop you. However, if it comes to that, you know that you will all be destroyed.” When she said the last part of that, there was a chill I could see go through the vampire all along the walls.

  “Enzo was our ‘beloved’ master by blood and the fear of him we all shared, we would have doubtlessly followed him into battle if he had told us of his plans, but only as he was our ‘beloved’ master. We do not share his views, of course we are forever loyal to you only, Lilith,” the handsome vampire said smoothly.

  “Filth,” hissed the old man in a raspy voice, and Lilith slowly turned to look at him.

  “Do you wish to add something?” she inclined.

  “You three think you can control the entire vampire world; you are nothing but filth. We are a force of twenty strong against you and a mere human you allow the honor to stand in your shadow. You walk in here and threaten us, thinking you can get away from this,” he finished by hurling his cane at Lilith. At the same time, three vampire leapt from the walls. Lilith kicked her chair back, dodging the cane that whizzed by my left ear, only an inch away. She then spun the chair around on one leg, the three vampire dropped to the ground in a flourish and Lilith’s chair stopped spinning, facing the way it was originally. She slowly stood and walked over to the old man who tried to back away, but was now held by two of his own.

  “We do not believe we control the vampire world, we merely wish to keep the veil in place and retain a certain level of respect from the young, to keep you on the right path” she said, looking into his eyes. She then turned and sat back down in her chair. “Kill him.” She waved and he was reduced to pieces in seconds, and he was gone in another, along with the bodies of the others.

  “I am greatly sorry for that. If I knew…”

  “Nico, I do not blame you for his actions in the slightest. You have proven to be worthy of this coven. Is it the consensus of your fellows that I name you leader?” The vampire around the room chimed “Nico”. She smiled. “Very good,” she said, standing, and this time, Nico followed suit and they walked toward the door.

  “Thank you for the visit, Lilith,” Nico said, and he kissed her on each cheek and closed the door softly.

  “Come on, dear,” she said to me, looking at her hair, which had a bit of red in it. “Damn it, I have blood in my hair again.” And she held the few strands in direct sunlight so it sizzled away leaving her hair clean.

  “What was that about?” I asked after we were a short distance from the house.

  “Over the years, even the best of societies grow weak; there were ends that must be removed. That army that Jack had created left traces that have to be removed,” she said with a smile and we walked on in silence back to a car, which I’m sure Lilith only got for my sake.

  Lilith talked and talked about all sorts of things that she had seen and done and I was fascinated. For the next two weeks, Lilith and I flew to different areas of Europe and for the most part, it was just sightseeing and having fun. Only three other times did we come in contact with large groups of vampire. Each time it ended the same: Lilith was thanked and we walked away. There were no more fights though. It wasn’t until the flight back to New York that she finally brought up why she had brought me along with her.

  “Vanessa, you know that I see you as family already, don’t you?” Lilith asked, looking out of the private jet’s window.

  “Yes I do.”

  “I’m glad I was able to make that clear, but there is one more thing that I wish you to understand and I’m not sure if I have done a good job at conveying that these past few weeks.”

  “Why is that?”

  “I haven't taught in a while. but why do you think i pulled you so far away from Alik?”

  “Well not to be mean, but it felt like you just wanted to seriously scare me at times and still show me that what you do isn’t all bad.”

  “That was a big part of it, but it wasn’t that I enjoyed scaring you, I wanted you to see how vampire really see you when they are unbiased. Did you get a glimpse of how they saw you?"

  "I couldn't help but look around at all times, naturally I felt tense all the time even when all focus was on you."

  "My real point was, I know you love Alik, but he is vampire. I am not sure of your feelings for me, but whatever they may be, I am vampire. We are natural predators, you and I, and me saying this may sound like a contradiction when you look back on the past few months, but until you make the choice to become one of us, you cannot relax around us, this includes Alik. Also, I wanted to show you what our family means. Alik touched on it when he first brought you to me a few months ago. He said it as to be mean, but he talked about me having only created two vampire, now three with Alison when the hundreds that Ayara and Ario have created populated the world with our kind.”

  “Yes.”

  “Would you like to know why that is?”

  “If you will tell me.”

  "Aaliyah did not create me to spread her army across the planet. Ario and Ayara were created for that purpose specifically. Aaliyah first found me amid a circle of my followers in Egypt as I drove a knife into a young girls’ stomach, spilling her blood onto the altar for my goddess. I was the high priestess for a cult of moon worshipers; we all praised a nameless goddess. Her power and presence were too great to be held by any name we or any other could give her. Sacrifices and and offerings were a daily course of life for me as my goddess wished me to soak her alters with the blood of all who didn’t believe in her greatness, or so I thought. Aaliyah would frequent my rituals and I began to notice he
r more and more. I would see her watching at my rituals, a woman so beautiful she rivaled the elegance of the moon itself, but I thought nothing of her until she came out from her hiding place one night. I was about to drive the blade of a knife into the chest of an old man who scoffed at our goddess when she held my hand. She looked out at all who knelt before me and plunged her fist into the womans chest, pulling out his heart still beating. I watched as she bit into it, the same smoke you saw her pull from Jack swirled around her and she held his soul out for us to see. I proclaimed her to be my goddess and she smiled at me and raised me from where I knelt and kissed me before the others, passing blood from the old woman and herself into me. Aaliyah's blood was a euphoria I could never hope to describe fully and I fell back in a moan, my senses all tingling except for my hearing, in which I heard her command that we be left alone. That night, Aaliyah subjected me to a number of tortures and pleasures that I won’t go into detail on, but when I awoke the next day, I wasn't human."

  "Were you the first she created," I asked.

  "For a very long time it was only us. Gods and Godesses do not see time as we do. When I had been around for hundreds of years they had existed for millennia. When you heard the story of Aaliyah's creation, you might have thought of her transformation in the span of a few days or a couple of weeks. It was actually over the course of a few hundred years." I gave her a look of shock. "Yes, time is very different for her, especially where she lived at the time. When I tell that story to others, I do not note that small detail. Still, my time with Aaliyah probably made me who I am today. When we first met, I’m sorry if I scared you or touched you in a way you might have not been comfortable with, I know I apologized once, but I think I should do so again. I will confess that I wanted you so badly that day, to be closer than a lover could ever be. There was something about you that was irresistible. Even now I want you. Alik's playfulness to stop me was more serious than you might have caught onto."

  "I don’t understand, what do you mean you wanted me?" I tried not to show that I wanted to move away.

  "I wanted you to be mine, I wanted to change you then and there and make you mine so Alik would have no say over whatever I asked of you in the future. You would have been my tool to control him."

  "Why would you even need me to do that?"

  "Because I want to remove him from his role within the vampire. We are matriarchal thanks to Ayara and myself; most coven leaders are female. Alik doesn’t need to place himself in the danger he does. If I ordered you to take him away from the vampire, he would follow you because he loves you limitlessly. If I order him to go away, he would stay closer to the interest of vampire, thinking danger was close to me. If I were to have one failing in death, it would be that I love my children too much to do anything that would hurt them, and forcing Alik away in such a manner would hurt him more than any other order I could give him."

  "June told me about the night Alik told you what he did for me, she said you threatened to kill him."

  "Alik understands me better than June. It is partly my fault she watches Araya for me so closely. Ario and Ayara were listening to what happened after they left. It was a ploy to save face in the midst of all of this. Still this story brings up a very good point, in that Alik injured me that night. Not on purpose of course but in the moment we put on our show for Araya and Ario, the fact we are vampire ruled to our core by our instincts. It was natural for him to fight for his existence when he was the only thing keeping you alive that night. Considering it was the first time Alik had done anything so reckless in his existence as vampire it was all very delicate." Lilith rubbed the bridge of her nose as if she was tired, the most human thing I have ever seen her do. "Loyalty is rare where vampire are concerned. June, Alison, Alik, and yourself are the four I trust to show any form of weakness around. And I think it's catching up to me. You have no idea how comforting it is to talk with you like this," she smiled.

  “Has Alik told you that he would change me himself?”

  “Does that mean you will be joining us soon?"

  "I'm not sure just yet."

  "I see." There was disappointment hidden in that reply. "Well, has he told you he hates me despite understanding why I am who I am?” She was looking for information now.

  “He has done things that he would have never wanted to do and seen things he would not have wanted to see. He warned me that a life around you wasn’t a life I would want,” I said looking down, but she moved next to me and lifted my head, smiling. "Never has he said he hates you, he loves you for all you have done for him." A single red tinged tear spilled from her eye.

  “Then when you do become one of us, do you now understand that there may come a time where I would have to ask something of you that you may not wish to do if you do not take Alik far from wherever I am?”

  “I understand, but I don’t think I could do that to Alik. It would be easier for us to fight for our lives by your side than to ever leave you.” I tried to keep the confidence in my voice.

  She smiled. “Alik has never been so protective of anyone around me; it warmed my cold heart to see him with you. Even June has taken to you more than you could know. For a human, no offense, you have an odd effect on the vampire around you.” Her smile brightened.

  "This might sound like something a child would say, but when I become a vampire, I want to be like you."

  "Even with all my defects?"

  “I’ve seen you walk into a room and instantly take command, listen to how much you care for your children, and face one to fifteen odds and come out after the fight covered in blood and your biggest worry was that you got some blood in your hair. I think if I could be half of who you are, I would be doing pretty good.” She hugged me for a long time and I hugged her back.

  I spent the rest of my winter vacation with Alik and Sam until I had to go back to school and my blan human life reinstated itself. Alik seemed happier that I was now at school and away from all the vampire turmoil, but he had been oddly distant with me. Even when he was near, there wasn’t that same feeling between us. One night, it became too much for me to handle as we were walking the campus by moonlight.

  "Okay, what the hell is it, Alik? I’m tired of your foul mood," I said, stopping him.

  "What mood?"

  "This distance you put between us. It’s driving me insane. You don’t hold me like you used to and you don‘t look at me the same either. What is it? Do you not love me anymore?" He turned to me and for a long moment, the distance was replaced with pain.

  "Don’t ever think that. How could you even consider that?" he said a little hurt.

  "Then what is it? You’re not giving me many options here," I started raising my voice.

  "Don’t you just hate when that happens?" he said back at me and I remembered what I put him through with Phil. I wouldn't forgive myself for that, but he didn't have to remind me of it.

  “This isn’t the same as that, so stop with the bullshit.”

  “This is the same, you just don’t understand. I could have lost you then, just as easily as I could have that night in Africa. How could I have been so fucking stupid to take you there in the first place?” He pulled free of me and started to pace in the snow.

  "Not possible; you were there protecting me."

  "It’s not even about me protecting you that night. Vanessa, this isn’t normal. We are not normal. It drives me crazy to think that one day it will all be too much and that you will want out. It is fear of what I am; the fear of you saying you couldn't love a monster, that you never wanted to see me again.”

  “DO NOT stand here and question my love for you. I don’t care what you are, or whatever stupid foul mood you’re in. I will not forgive you for doing that.”

  “I’m sorry, that came out wrong, but how can you love a monster?”

  “I love you, so deal with it. Not even death will change that.”

  “You were very close to meeting my friend that night.”

  “You were wat
ching over me; I was perfectly safe,” I tried to soothe him.

  “No, I was not. When Aaliyah spoke to me, I forgot everything. June, my mother, and even you; all of it was gone. All I saw was Jack and my fury; I didn’t even remember why I was angry. That anger grew with every drop of vampire blood I took. Then, the feeling as Jack’s soul left his body, and when I crushed it in my hand… it was intoxicating.” He closed his eyes and squeezed his fist together as if remembering the sensation caused him some sort of internal struggle. “So much more so than the strongest of alcohol to an alcoholic or the virgin blood to a starving vampire. There were sixteen vampire that fought with us that night, and there were twenty-eight that lay bleeding on the ground just barely alive after I destroyed Jack. That’s forty four souls; forty four more times that I could have enjoyed that pleasure again and again and again. For a moment, before you touched me, I thought to make you the first. My mother or anyone there could not have stopped me. The self-control that it took for me to stand there while you raised your hand to my cheek was more than I thought I could handle. I wanted to more than kill you, Vanessa. How can you look at me the same now that you know I wanted to kill you?"