Broken Dreams (Delos Series Book 4)

by Lindsay McKenna

  “And he wrote you up for insubordination.”

  “Yes, sir, he did.”

  “And you were willing to still stand up for my daughter, Sergeant? Knowing that he would?”

  “Yes, sir,” he replied, holding the general’s stare. “Alexa needed me, needed to feel safe. I wasn’t about to walk away from her, even if it meant I’d take the fall.”

  Rubbing his jaw, Robert sized up the Marine. “My older daughter, Tal Culver, spoke highly of you. I talked to her before we left to come over here.”

  “I know Captain Culver well, sir. For five years now. We were in different sniper units here at Bagram, but everyone respects her. She’s a good leader and has tried a number of times to get me into her unit, but my CO refused to allow the transfer to go through.”

  Robert placed his hands on the table. “Because you were good, that’s why, Sergeant.”

  Gage shrugged. “I take pride in whatever my responsibilities are, sir. My father was a Marine Corps sniper. He earned a Silver Star in Iraq. I always want to make him proud of me.”

  “Well, son, he should be. Thank you from my wife and me, as well from our son and other daughter, for being there for Alexa.” He held out his hand toward Gage.

  Shocked, Gage shook it, disbelieving that a general could suddenly become emotional, that hard mask melting off his face. Instead, he saw a father who was tortured and suffering over his daughter’s pain.

  His own voice was none too steady, either. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat, sir.”

  “Okay, I need you to be honest with me, Sergeant.” Robert leaned forward. “Dr. Griffin says my daughter is highly unstable emotionally. She said that Alexa relies heavily on you, that you’re like an anchor to her right now.”

  “Well,” Gage protested, “until her family arrived, sir. I was only doing what I could until Matt, or you, came here to be with Alexa.”

  “Tal was right,” Robert growled, sitting back in the chair, giving him a stripping look. “You’re damned humble and won’t admit your part in anything.”

  Gage grinned a little. “I’m a team player, sir. I figure whatever I do will be seen and acknowledged, or not. That doesn’t matter to me. What does matter is how I feel about myself taking on a mission or, in this case, shielding Alexa until her family could arrive so she could go home and be with you.”

  “You’ve known her three days?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Tell me how you met.”

  Gage didn’t know what to think of the general or where this line of questioning was going. He briefly told him, skirting around the fact that he was falling in love with her. And he wasn’t even sure it was reciprocated. Too much had happened too fast, and right now, Alexa’s whole world had been shattered. Gage did not expect her to know where their relationship was or where he wished it might go. He wouldn’t put that burden on her. The focus had to remain on her, not what might be, or what he wished might be.

  When he finished, he could feel the general thinking. It was in his narrowed eyes, the way he looked. It was more a feeling or a sense than anything obvious on the man’s face.

  “Right now, my daughter is still asleep, Hunter. My wife is with Alexa. When she wakes up, we’ll be able to find out a little more about her condition. Further, the flight surgeon is going to interview her. I’m going to wait to see what she says because she’s a psychiatrist. Dr. Griffin doesn’t think Alexa will be cleared for flight duty again, at least, not soon.”

  “I agree with that, sir, but I’m not a shrink.”

  His mouth pulled into a faint smile. “None of us are, but Alexa is our child and we know her well. You have a connection with her that is personal and very important to her, as I think it is to you?”

  “Yes, sir, Alexa means the world to me.” That was all Gage was going to give her father. To say more would only be messy, because he hadn’t ever spoken of his heart, his feelings for Alexa, to anyone, even to her.

  “All right,” Culver said in a rumble. “You need to go back to your CO with the papers that Lieutenant Huson will have waiting for you out at the front office. Take them back to him, Gage. You’re cleared of all charges.”

  “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. I know you had a lot to do with this.”

  “Alexa needs you.”

  Gage took in a deep breath, his hands clasped on the table. “I want to be there for her, sir. For as long as she wants me to.”

  *

  Dilara had eased out of Alexa’s room, surprised, she saw her husband striding down the hallway toward her. She hurried to meet him, sliding her hand around his arm and leading him to the nearby visitors’ lounge. He had been gone nearly three hours.

  “Is Alexa awake?” Robert asked as Dilara sat down on a green plastic couch. He sat down nearby, taking off his hat.

  “Yes, we had a good talk. She just went back to sleep. She’s exhausted, Robert.”

  “Tell me everything,” he urged.

  “Dr. Griffin wasn’t kidding when she said Alexa was rocky emotionally.” Dilara rubbed her brow. “This has devastated her,” she said, her voice wobbling. “It took everything I had not to break down and cry in front of her.”

  Reaching out, Robert rubbed her shoulder gently. “This is going to be hard on everyone, pet. I’m sorry . . .”

  She sniffed and fought back her tears. “I told her you were helping Gage, and you should have seen her face. She broke down and started crying. All I could do was hold her. Later, Alexa told me what Gage did in that cave, how he’d saved all the women . . . and her . . .” Her voice strengthened. “He’s a real hero in this, Robert. You need to know that.”

  “When I talked to him, he completely downplayed his part in the mission. He gave the credit to the SEALs he was working with.”

  Dilara stared and then shook her head. “Tal said he was humble by nature.”

  “Sure is,” Robert agreed, “but a fine young man.”

  “Alexa asked for him. I mean, she wants to see you, of course, but I could see the desperation in her eyes, I heard it in her voice. He’s her world, Robert, right now.”

  “I think Hunter has fallen in love with her, but he’s not admitting it. He says it’s only been a few days. He’s got his head screwed on straight. It’s too soon to say anything to anyone, even Alexa.”

  Shaking her head, Dilara whispered, “It doesn’t take much to see the care she has for him in her eyes, Robert. There’s something very strong and special between them. It might not be love yet, but something good between them has taken root. But I didn’t press it with her. Now is not the right time.”

  Robert lifted her hands from her lap, enclosing them with his own. “What we have to do right now, is to get that flight surgeon to speak to Alexa. Listen, you must be hungry. Let’s go to the officers’ club here on base, eat, and settle in at the distinguished visitors’ quarters here on base. Alexa will probably sleep until we return. And then we’ll both go in and visit with her.”

  “She’d love that, darling. I know she’s so grateful that you’re going to help Gage.”

  Robert rose and held out his hand to his stressed wife. “Come on,” he urged her quietly, “let’s go eat. We’ll leave word at the nurse’s desk where we’ll be in case they need to get hold of us.”

  *

  Alexa felt as if someone had bottle-brushed her from the inside out. She’d been on a high of sorts this morning when she’d finally gotten to see her parents again. She’d slept throughout the night and awakened at 0600. Just knowing her family was nearby was such a boost for her. Matt had already dropped by and he’d buoyed her. She hadn’t seen Gage yet and missed him terribly. At 0800, Major Donahue had arrived. Now it was 1000. She had just finished her interview with her and told her that Gage was at his HQ right now. He’d be over to see her sometime later.

  This morning, she felt more stable. Alexa worried about the other women, wondering how they were doing. She felt guilty because her parents had been able to fly in to be with
her and comfort her and their families had not.

  Her world was now very different, and she had found herself nervous and over reactive when a male orderly came in with her breakfast at 0700. She’d immediately gone on the defensive. Alexa tried to tell herself he wasn’t a threat, but he was a man and a stranger. Hating that she couldn’t control her emotions and the anxiety that was constantly savaging her, she breathed a heavy sigh of relief when he left her room.

  But her heart ached for Gage. She missed him. He filled a special place within her, on every level. Her parents, who loved her so much, filled other areas of her life. Between them, she felt far more solid than she did yesterday. Today she was coming out of the shock and trauma, realizing that she really had been saved, that this wasn’t some dream of hers. It was real.

  What would Major Donahue put in her report? Right now, flying an A-10 felt like it was part of a dream from another place and time. It didn’t feel real to Alexa. How could that be? She loved to fly. She loved doing what she did.

  She had been saving the lives of men and women every time she sat in that cockpit. But now her career seemed empty, lifeless, as if it belonged to another person, which scared Alexa. It was as if the General had stripped her of part of her soul, taken something precious and ripped it out of her. Hatred welled up in her, raw and powerful. She had killed the sonofabitch, and it gave her satisfaction like she’d never known before. He would never hurt another woman the way he had hurt her.

  *

  “What are your decisions, Major?” Robert Culver asked the flight surgeon. He and Dilara sat in front of her desk at the A-10 squadron’s HQ. It was late afternoon and he could hear the takeoffs and landings at the fixed-wing terminal nearby.

  Jill Donahue sat in her desert-colored flight suit at her desk. “I’m not recommending that Alexa go back to flying, General Culver. Instead, what I’m recommending is that she be grounded for three months and seek appropriate therapy for what she’s experienced. Your daughter’s head, her emotions, to put it into common civilian terminology, have been shattered by this trauma.” She opened her long, spare hands. “And rightfully so. She’s only reacting like any normal human being would to this kind of situation.”

  “I see,” Robert said. “And after three months?”

  “I’ll have another interview with her, sir. Nothing is promised here. If she isn’t ready, that’s how I’ll call it.”

  Dilara moved in her chair, frowning. “Major, have you treated women who have been abused like this before?”

  “Yes, ma’am, I have. I spent three years in college working at a women’s shelter near the campus. I’m familiar with abuse to women and children, as well as rape survivors.”

  “That’s good to know,” Robert said quietly, nodding. “Maybe you can help us out here, Major. Under the circumstances, what do you really recommend for Alexa, knowing what you know now?”

  Jill sat back, her face softening. “I asked Alexa what she’d like to do. She was ardent of wanting to go to the family cabin in the Great Smoky Mountains near Washington, D.C. It was a place where she took her leave when she could. The way this trauma has affected your daughter, in my professional opinion, I’d say she needs time alone to sort out what’s happened to her. If I could authorize her to decommission, go home, and do exactly that—spend time alone in that cabin in the woods—I’d do it. But that’s beyond my purview, as you well know, General Culver. All I can do is ground Alexa, give her a day job here at ops, and ensure she gets the therapy and counseling she needs.”

  “But if Alexa turned in her commission, Major?”

  Jill smiled a little. “Then, of course, she could go home and go to her favorite cabin. Sometimes, people do better being alone. They aren’t distracted. They have the time to think, to feel through their trauma. Sometimes a family can suffocate the survivor. They want to help her, they feel helpless, so they give her too much attention, and she feels pulled, like a puppet on strings. A survivor will prioritize pleasing others over what she needs personally to heal from the experience.”

  Dilara grimaced. “We’d suffocate her, Robert. And my family . . . they want to fly in to see her, but we told them no, that she wasn’t up to company yet.”

  “Yes,” Jill added, “this is what I’m talking about. Captain Culver needs space and alone time. We all know what’s best for us to heal. Most of us don’t listen to ourselves or trust ourselves to do just that. I feel strongly that your daughter truly knows what will help her get back on an even keel with herself. I think a couple of months of quiet cabin time, and a slow integration back into your lives, would be very healing for her.”

  “Does that mean we don’t see her or talk to her on the phone?” Dilara asked, worried.

  “Of course not. The first month, I’d send her emails and let her know that you love her and that if she needs anything, you’re there. Keep it light. No pressure. Don’t ask anything of her. Let her offer it, instead. The second month, ask if you can drop in for a visit for a couple of hours. Don’t overstay. Let Alexa define the visit if she wants it at all. Everyone heals at a different rate, Mrs. Culver. No psychiatrist can sit here and predict how long that will take because every person is unique.”

  “So,” Robert said, “what you’re saying is to stand back and let her call the shots on what she needs?”

  Jill nodded. “Yes. The less pressure you put on her and the less you question her about her experiences in that cave, the quicker she’ll heal. And someday, when the time’s right, she’ll tell you what happened. Right now she’s ashamed, humiliated, and guilt-ridden. This is a typical rape survivor reaction.”

  “But,” Dilara said, stumbling over her words, “she wasn’t raped.”

  Jill shook her head. “Mrs. Culver, I realize that different states in the U.S. define rape, and the types of rape, differently. In my book, with my three years working at a rape crisis counseling center, your daughter was raped. It might have been with a man’s fingers, but the outcome, her reaction to it, is the same as if the man had put his penis into her vagina and anus instead. She was violated. It was against her will. She’d been drugged twice before that doctor could fully examine her because she was fighting back and trying to defend herself. When you’re given a drug that renders your body unable to respond, but your mind is as clear as a bell, it’s rape of the worst kind, because you remember everything. The drug didn’t render her unconscious; those bastards specifically chose a drug like that because they wanted her to remember. They wanted to show her that men had control over her at all times, that they owned her body, and that they could do anything they wanted to her. In my opinion, that’s rape, pure and simple. But I’m not here to argue the legality of it. My job is to see how it affected her and how deeply. And how it’s going to affect her flight status.”

  Dilara winced at the doctor’s bluntness, but she absorbed it without speaking. She pressed her hand against her lips, barely able to look over at her husband, who was suffering equally from the flight surgeon’s unvarnished statements.

  “Under the circumstances,” Robert said gruffly, emotions coloring his words, “we need to ask our daughter what she wants to do.”

  Jill nodded, giving them a sympathetic look. “Yes, that would be my best suggestion. Your daughter had her control violently taken from her. You’re giving her control back by asking her what she wants to do. That will help her heal. It will help her figure out her life, since this happened to her.”

  “What about Sergeant Gage Hunter? My daughter needs him.”

  Jill sighed. “In a way, Alexa is lucky to have had him in her life before this happened. Whatever their relationship, it was healthy and growing. Both, I suspect, were falling in love with one another when this trauma occurred. Sergeant Hunter has stepped up to the plate to help her. He’s very unique, General, in that his feelings for Alexa transcend what was done to her. That’s highly unusual, and I can tell you that most boyfriends, after their girlfriend is violated, will run the other wa
y, unable to cope with her trauma.”

  “But he hasn’t run,” Dilara said, hope in her voice.

  “No, he’s run toward her, not away from her. That’s why I feel strongly that whatever their connection, it’s solid. And it’s healthy, because he is able to be in her company, and she allows him to touch and hold her. He represents everything good about men to her. I don’t believe he’s honestly aware of all of this in psychiatric terms, but that doesn’t matter.”

  Robert turned to Dilara. “I believe they care for one another. Three days doesn’t create love. That happens over time.”

  “Alexa never mentioned it to us,” Dilara said, nodding slowly. “But in my heart”—she pressed her hand to her chest—“I feel Alexa is deeply drawn to him. She might not be fully aware of all her feelings toward Gage yet because it’s far too soon, but she relies on him.”

  “Well,” Robert cautioned, “she’s relying on us, too. We’re her family.”

  Jill smiled faintly. “In a way, Alexa is lucky. She has a man in her life who clearly cares for her, is loyal, and will stand by her. He already faced down that doctor in the ER and protected Alexa from him. That should tell you a lot. Whether those two have proclaimed their feelings to one another yet doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that Alexa trusts this man. Two men violated and injured her. Yet, she can see Sergeant Hunter in a healthy way, which gives me great hope that she will work through this if he’s at her side. I know their relationship is young, but it could well develop over the coming months. They can email one another and Skype, and he is someone she will talk to openly, because she trusts him.”